With shaking hands, Kincaid unlocked the door of the taxi that was to take him home.
What had he done? What had he done? His whole body trembled as he shut the door of the taxi.
One look at him and you could tell he had not gotten enough sleep. His eyes were puffy and the dark circles beneath them made him look as if he had not slept at all.
How could he sleep when he kept hearing her screams in his head the moment he shut his eyes.
What kind of a man was he? Taking advantage of a helpless girl. She had only wanted to help him but he forced himself on her.
He had treated her like she was a piece of meat.
A shudder went through his body and he leaned back against the seat of the taxi.
But he had not meant to do it. He had been drugged, so she touched him, he lost control of his faculties and all he could think about was his throbbing erection.
She had to be at least twenty.
He stared at the back of the taxi.
Could he still pick her out of a crowd? She had been so tiny.
He did not know how her soft hands had reached inside his shirt and touched him.
Even now he could recall the sensation of her hands on his skin.
But he was not going to think about that.
He had taken advantage of her.
He had violated her.
The worse part of it was the fact that he had ran away and left her unconscious on the street.
It was as if he had been trying to hurt her and had ended up hurting her even more.
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
What had he done?
Had he really been that drunk that he could not even remember?
Did he not realize that she was in shock when he left her?
And what kind of man was he? How could he take advantage of her?
All this time, he had been planning to return but all his thoughts were of her, her tiny mouth, the way her nipples tightened in his mouth, the way her tongue tangled with his.
Those were all the thoughts that had led him to do what he had done.
To rape her.
Now, it was too late.
The taxis stopped in front of Kincaid's house.
He struggled to get out of the taxi.
How would he face his grandparents. How was he going to tell them that he had raped a girl?
It would not be a lie but he was not ready to admit that he was a degenerate.
That he was falling into sin.
That he was not worthy of their love.
How would they react?
How was he going to keep them from disowning him?
No matter what, he could not tell his grandparents that he had raped a girl.
He would ask for forgiveness but he was not sure if he would be able to live with himself.
He would rather hide under the covers.
How had he ever fallen so far?
Was there still hope for him?
He stepped out of the taxi and took a deep breath.
He knew he couldn't stay in the taxi forever. He got into the house and rushed into his room, completely ignoring his grandparents who looked like they had seen a ghost.
* * * *
It was a warm summer night and a man who was celebrating his birthday had taken a huge hit from a joint he had been smoking. He wanted to buy some alcohol and cigarettes, but he wasn't sure where he was. He had been drinking for hours and it was now 3am. He was stumbling down the street and felt the need to urinate.
He found a dark alley and relieved himself. As he was zipping up his pants, he noticed a girl about 20 feet in front of him. She seemed to be waiting for someone.
He couldn't believe it when she turned around and headed straight towards him. The next thing he knew she was on top of him and he couldn't move. He tried to push her off, but she was too strong. She began to kiss him and then he felt her hand go down his pants and grab his penis.
He was paralyzed with fear.
This was a disaster.
He wanted to scream, but his mouth was too dry.
She whispered into his ear that she was too horny to wait anymore.
He was trembling with fear.
He tried to talk, to tell her that he didn't want her, that he didn't want any more.
But nothing came out.
His mouth was too dry.
When she pulled down his pants, he knew there was no turning back.
The man was so drunk that he couldn't fight her off or stop what she was doing, so he cried bitterly as the girl took off his pants, ripped off her own clothes, and mounted him.
The man started to cry out in pain as she shoved herself up and down on his penis.
His penis had become so hard that he could hardly move it.
He was crying and yelling at her to stop but the girl would have none of it.
All he could do was wait for it to be over.
All that he could do was cry and scream and wait for it to be over.
It seemed like an eternity passed before she came to her senses.
All he could do was wait and cry.
Finally, she stopped and took her jeans back on and ran off into the night.
Just like that, the man was left standing there. The man knew he had been raped and felt totally disgusted with himself.
But more than that, he felt completely empty inside.
Kincaid opened his eyes, taking in a lung full of air. It was a dream. He wasn't actually raped. He was just being reminded of his terrible act.
This was the kind of dream' he had been having for days on end.
He was shaking. He didn't mean to rape her. He was under the influence of the drug. He cried bitterly and sobbed for hours.
He knew he should look for her and apologize but how was he going to face her. He raped her and hurt her in the process. He was ashamed of himself. He was ashamed of what he had done.
He was standing up to take a drink of water when he slipped and fell. He was surprised that it didn't hurt, and he tried to stand back up. It was then that he realized that the bottles were all over the floor and that he was surrounded by them.
There were too many bottles of alcohol scattered on the ground.They were everywhere and he couldn't get away from them. He continued to try to stand up but the more he tried, the more bottles there were. He didn't know how many bottles there were, but he knew that there were too many for him to get away from.
He started to get up and leave when he heard the front door open and close. His heart sank as he heard her voice. "Hurry up! he has to be taken to the hospital." it was his grandma's voice.
Suddenly, the bottles were no longer a hindrance. he opened the door and rushed out. She was in a state of panic. "Kincaid, it's your grandpa. He's got a heart attack" she said crying.
He ran out the door and he could hear him struggling to breath. he got there in time to see the paramedics wheel him into the stretcher. he was not prepared for that at all. He was the only man he known as a father. he was devastated and scared.
"Now you care?" Kincaid heard his grandma say.
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that you are so selfish and heartless. You came back and locked yourself up in your room for a month. Who were you leaving the company for? We're old for crying out loud! better pray nothing happens to him."