Lotte woke up to the sound of crashing and yelling. It took her a moment to realize where she was. The moonlight outlined where she was supposed to be. Lotte reached beside her and felt blanket, Fitz was gone. Putting two and two together, Lotte ran downstairs. From what she could see everyone was miraculously still sleeping. Without waking anyone, Lotte ran outside. Although it was difficult to make out, Lotte could see Fitz's silhouette. He had his head resting against a tree trunk. Fitz slammed his fist into the wood as he fell to his knees. Yelling about something Lotte couldn't understand.
"Fitz!" Lotte yelled as she ran to him. "What happened?"
"Fuck!" Fitz shouted with each punch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
Lotte knew Fitz wasn't swearing at her. When Lotte reached him she skidded on her knees to stop. She grabbed onto Fitz's hand to attempt to stop him from punching a tree.
"What happened? Why are you bleeding?"
Fitz's arm fell as his angry yells turned into sobs, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I promise—I didn't do it."
Lotte would have asked Fitz what the hell he was going on about if she wasn't so focused on the cuts across Fitz's body. Each one was only an inch away from the last. Her delicate fingers traced over his neck and down to his chest, following his ribs.
"Oh shit."
"It wasn't me," Fitz continued to sob. "I would never hurt you."
"Trigger!" Lotte shouted again, louder this time," Trigger!"
Fitz grabbed Lotte by her wrist, cutting her off from whatever she was going to yell next. "Let me see, what did he do to you?"
Lotte tried to pull back but Fitz tightened his grip. He rolled up Lotte's sleeves, tracing his fingers over her arms.
"I don't understand," Lotte stammered. "What didn't you do? What happened? Why are you bleeding everywhere?"
After finding no cuts along Lotte's arms, Fitz reached for her shoulders and then her legs.
"Fitz, what are you doing?" Lotte pulled herself back when Fitz's hand quickly went past her knee. "Stop!"
She felt someone gently grab her by the shoulder and pull her back, standing between her and Fitz. "Lotte, go inside."
It was Trigger, he sounded angry almost. Lotte stood up but didn't move. Trigger grabbed Fitz by the collar of his torn shirt. He raised his fist, ready to strike until Lotte shouted at him to stop. The sound of Fitz's sobs were growing louder as he crumbled to his knees.
"Oh my god," Trigger gasped in horror as he looked down at Fitz. He looked like a zebra with red stripes. The blood had soaked through his clothes and dripped down onto his pants. "Why are you bleeding? Why is he bleeding?"
"I don't know," Lotte stammered. "I heard yelling and when he came outside he was like this. And pounding his fist into a tree."
Trigger bent down to Fitz's level, who was on his hands and knees in the dirt. "Fitz, what happened?"
Fitz did not reply but instead, let out a loud yell of anger; causing Lotte to jump as she covered her mouth with her hand. "Should we sedate him?"
"No," Trigger said, not sure of his answer. "Just—just give him a minute."
The two stood there as Fitz continued to scream until his lungs gave out. Fitz hadn't settled any of his anger, but his body couldn't keep up.
"I can't," Fitz said, his voice now hoarse from all the yelling. "I can't protect her. I couldn't protect her."
"Lotte?" Trigger asked, then realized it was a dumb question. "Lotte's ok. She's right here and she's fine. I think you freaked her out a bit but she's—"
"No," Fitz cut Trigger off. "Black Jack, he did to her what he did to me. And he made her think I did it. I hurt her."
Trigger looked at Lotte for confirmation. Lotte stood there, motionless while staring at Fitz. Through the shock of it, all Lotte hadn't processed what Fitz had said.
"What did Fitz do?" Trigger turned back to face Lotte.
"He didn't do—" Lotte started but cut herself off. She knelt beside Trigger, pushing him out of the way so she was direct across from Fitz. "Black Jack didn't do anything. He never hurt me and he certainly didn't make me think it was you. What I said back in the forest, was completely different. Whatever Black Jack said was a lie! I know you didn't hurt me, Fitz. And I know that with every fibre of my being."
Everything almost seemed complete still. Fitz had stopped screaming and crying. Tigger and Lotte stayed still, not knowing what to expect next. Fitz almost looked like he had relaxed as he let out a small sigh of relief. The high of his adrenaline was quickly coming to a stop. The stinging from the cuts felt much more surreal.
"Let's get you inside," Trigger said, sensing Fitz's discomfort. He put one of Fitz's arms over his shoulder and the two slowly rose to a standing position.
Lotte stepped out of the way, allowing the two boys more room. As they got closer to the door Lotte felt her back hit the tree trunk. Her hands clasped over her mouth in a failing attempt to pull herself together.
"Are you ok?" Trigger asked as he ran back over once he had put Fitz inside. He knew it was a dumb question. But he didn't know how to say it any other way. Lotte shook her head, not taking her hands away from her mouth. Fearing that if she did she would crumble.
"He'll be ok," Trigger said, attempting to reassure her. "I promise you he's going to be fine. I'll talk to him and get him cleaned up. I'm sure he didn't mean any of this."
"I know," Lotte mumbled. "I just never thought one person could be in so much pain."
"What he thought had happened to you…I don't think Fitz could live with himself. He just needs a minute to calm down. Do you need anything ?"
Lotte shook her head, "I'm fine. Just take care of him, please."
Tigger nodded, "I will. Stay out here for as long as you need. I'll come to check on you as soon as I can."
Lotte nodded. Trigger had almost turned around before he stepped forward and hugged Lotte. He didn't know how useful it would be, but it was the only thing he knew how to do at the moment. Lotte clinging to him as if she was standing on the edge of a cliff. She only let Trigger go because she knew she had to.
Once Trigger and Fitz went inside, Lotte felt her legs give out. The sobs she had controlled up until this point had now broken free. Lotte desperately gripped the dirt for some stability. She knew there was no holding her emotions back anymore. The only choice she had was to sit there until she couldn't cry anymore.
After about fifteen minutes Lotte whipped the remaining tears from her eyes. She took a deep breath to compose herself before standing up. Lotte had cried most of her emotions out and shoved the remaining down where they were unreachable. The cold was becoming unbearable in nothing but a dress. When Lotte walked inside the fire had been re-lit. Trigger had Fitz laying down in front of it for better lighting. Around them to Lotte's surprise were a bunch of sleeping children.
"Hey," Trigger whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "I was just about to come out and see you."
"How's he doing?" Lotte asked in the same volume. She knelt on the blanket that Fitz was laying on. His was wrapped in white bandages that reached his collarbone. She reached for Fitz's hand, stroking his palm softly with her thumb.
"Lotte," Fitz mumbled in a drunken slur. Butchering most of her name. His eyes gave a weak attempt to flutter open but they mostly just rolled back in his head.
"He seems drowsy," Lotte said. "Did you drug him?"
"No," Trigger said, almost sighing. He placed a bandage around Fitz's neck, causing Fitz to wince. Fitz's wounds looked clean but still very much raw. "I think his body just gave out on itself. I know it's not ideal, but right now it's about all we can ask for."
Lotte didn't nod, but she understood. In the light of the fire, she could see injuries she couldn't see in the dark. Fitz's nose looked broken, and the side of his head was a purple colour.
"I don't think I've ever seen him this bad before," Trigger said. "It's usually one or the other, but not both. His nose looks broken too." Trigger's rambling wasn't helping Lotte to keep herself together. He only seemed to notice when Lotte's leg began to bounce rapidly. "Sorry, I'll stop talking. Can you see if there's anything cold in the stuff Fitz brought? I want to ice his nose before putting it back."
Lotte stood up before Trigger had even finished his sentence. She wanted to be able to comfort Fitz as he would her. But the longer she stared the more injuries she found. With every injury the more she fell apart. The garbage bag of food was exactly where Fitz had left it. He had thrown it against the side of the house when arrived. Before taking out most of his anger on a tree.
The bag weighed probably as much as Lotte did. She attempted to lift it off the ground but quickly realized that wasn't an option. Lotte kicked the bag, getting out the rest of her anger and she cursed. If Lotte thought she had any sort of chance at all she would be storming over to Black Jack's ship. She wasn't completely sure what she was going to do if she got there but she was sure it would be painful. Far more painful than what Black Jack had done to Fitz. But going over and doing something stupid wasn't going to help anyone. If Black Jack did let her go, she would be in worse shape than Fitz. Black Jack would have to be in one hell of a good mood in the first place. She still didn't know what Fitz had thought happened. What did Black Jack do to Fitz that was so terrible to cause him to react like this? Fitz was the toughest person Lotte knew. Both mentally and physically. For him to be so broken by this…the whole concept was just unthinkable. However, Lotte had lots of time to think about that later. She grabbed the bag a second time and hauled it through the dirt, leaving a trail behind. By the time she reached the door, her arms refused to pull any longer. Lotte untied the bag, reaching her hands in as she fumbled around for something cold. After a minute or two of searching, she pulled out a bag of fish on ice. In no way was it ideal but it would do. After putting as much distance between her and the fishes as possible she walked back to Trigger, who gave her a foul expression.
"Oh that is horrid," Trigger said, covering his nose.
"It's the coldest thing in there."
"Take the fish off," said Trigger. "Use the ice from the bottom."
Lotte slid the fish off like scraping leftovers from the plate onto the floor. Trigger placed the last bandage around Fitz's neck and stood up to grab a thin towel and wooden spoon from the kitchen. They wrapped the ice in a thin rag. Trigger put the rag into Lotte's hand and placed her hands over Fitz's nose.
"Mmm," Fitz mumbled, unsure if he liked the cold or hated it.
"Hold that for ten minutes," said Trigger as he stood up. Lotte watched him as he walked over to the garbage bag and slowly began to put things onto the counter.
Lotte's hands went numb after the first five minutes but she refused to adjust them in any sort of way. Even though her hands were now probably just as cold as the ice. She tried not to think about the dead fish laying beside her. Out of the corner of their eye, she saw Fitz's hand stretch out. His arm weakly reached up and graced Lotte's face with his fingers.
"Hey Fitz," Lotte whispered. Fitz opened his eyes wider this time, but he still seemed far away. The whites of Fitz's right eye were stained with blood. Where it was supposed to be white was a dark red. Lotte didn't even realize the tear she let fall. It dripped onto Fitz's fingers and down his arm.
"Don't cry," Fitz hushed her, whipping the other tears with his thumb. He wanted to sit up to comfort her, to hug her. He knew his body wouldn't allow it. "I'm ok."
"No," Lotte had to keep herself from yelling. "No, you're not ok. And you're a fucking idiot for going alone. You should have woken me up."
Fitz went to let out a low chuckle but was quickly cut off. Lotte removed the ice from his nose, almost throwing it to the floor. She pressed her forehead to his, being careful not to touch his nose. Her fingers grabbed onto a few strands of hair for stability. "Don't you dare ever do it again? Don't you ever fucking dare, Fitz!"
Lotte kept her eyes tight shut to keep any more tears from falling. Fitz raised his bloody knuckles to the back of Lotte's neck and held it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Lotte didn't want to hear any more apologizing. The image of Fitz on his knees sobbing was still strong in her mind.
"Promise me."
"What?"
"Promise me," Lotte said. Still holding back the power of her voice. "Promise me you won't do it again."
Fitz swallowed hard. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep it. But it was what she needed to hear. "I promise."
As much as Trigger wanted to keep his head in a cupboard pretending he was busy, it was time to put Fitz's nose back in place. He cleared his throat as he approached the couple, announcing his presence.
"You ready?" He asked, kneeling next to Lotte.
Fitz nodded reluctantly, "let's just get it over with."
"You should stand back," Trigger turned to Lotte. "I don't want to have to do this more than once tonight." Lotte nodded and took two steps back as she stood up. Trigger adjusted his position so he was right over Fitz's nose, "we should get a punch card for these. Get the sixth one free."
"What are you talking about?" Fitz's voice was muffled by the wooden spoon. "I get all of them—OW FUCK!" Without warning, Trigger moved Fitz's nose with a loud crunch. Fitz swung his fist out of reflex, barely missing Trigger's face before cupping his nose. The sound of his yelling woke up most of the other boys, but they all turned and went back to sleep. As if this was a regular occasion. It probably was. "A one, two, three would have been nice."
Trigger shrugged, "I figured it would be better a surprise. That way you can't anticipate the pain."
Fitz grumbled and put the cold rag back against his nose. His chest heaved heavily as the high of the pain dived down. Much slower than he would have liked.
"I'm going to bed," said Trigger. "Lotte, tell Fitz that if he breaks anything else, he's fixing it."
"I can hear you," Fitz mumbled through the cloth.
"Yeah well, maybe she can get it through your thick skull," Trigger slapped Fitz upside the head. "Goodnight, dumbass."
Fitz didn't have the strength to insult him back. He knew he deserved whatever Trigger had to say to him.
Lotte sat back down, trying to unthaw her frozen hands. The two stayed silent until Trigger's loud snores echoed in the room.
"You should go to bed," Fitz said. "It's late."
"I haven't finished being upset with you."
Fitz knew that if he told Lotte that he started the fight, Lotte might break his nose. Lotte didn't have anything left to say. Nothing that would be worth the exhaustion. For right now she just wanted to sit and be angry.
"Lotte I never meant to," Fitz started. Breaking Lotte's peace. "I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm not trying to make excuses, I just wasn't thinking clearly. I won't ever do it again."
"You're forgiven," Lotte said, quicker than Fitz had expected. "You were having a breakdown, I get it. I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You might want to clarify that with Trigger though before he tries to deck you again."
"He should have the first time. I needed some sense smacked into me. Maybe I still do."
"What are you, a masochist?"
Fitz gave a low chuckle, "Maybe."
Lotte couldn't tell if Fitz was joking or not. In the end, it didn't matter. She still thought he was stupid.
"What did you think Black did to me?" Lotte asked hesitantly. "What did he do to you?"
Lotte expected some smart-ass answer, but not silence. Fitz's breathing stopped sharply once Lotte had finished the question. When Lotte looked over his eyes shut.
"I'm sorry," Lotte immediately wished she could take the question back. An overwhelming sense of guilt flooded her. "I didn't realize—"
"It's fine," Fitz cut her off. He took a deep breath to steady himself. The conversation he hoped he never would have to have was now here. It came much faster than he expected. Fitz didn't want anyone to see him as vulnerable. Especially Lotte. Most of all Lotte. How would he be able to do anything if she thought he was weak? "There's a reason I stayed on the ship so long. I wasn't kidnapped to be sold to looters like everyone else. I was Black Jack's bitch, his toy." Fitz felt his stomach turn and he said the word 'toy.' He placed his hand over his mouth, trying to keep the contents of his stomach where they belonged.
Lotte wasn't sure what Fitz meant by that, but she was too scared to ask him to elaborate. "When I heard Black Jack brought a girl to the island, I could only assume he was planning a similar scheme." Lotte opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She shifted awkwardly in her spot, trying to think of anything else.
"I'm sorry."
The words felt strange in Fitz's ears. He knew she was only saying it out of instinct. But Lotte apologizing felt like she had done something wrong and that she hadn't. He wanted to grab Lotte by her shoulders and tell her to never apologize to him for anything. But it wouldn't make sense.
Lotte stood up, dusting off her dress, "I'm going to bed. Are you coming up?"
The question surprised Fitz. If he was standing Fitz probably would have taken a step back. "Do you want me to?"
Yes.
"I want you to do what you want to do. The floor just doesn't seem that comfortable. Once the fire goes out you'll be cold. And it's your bed."
"Maybe in a bit," said Fitz. He had a lot to think about right now and he wanted to do it alone. "Don't wait for me."
"Ok, goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Lotte gave Fitz a nod before she went upstairs. She bit her lip as she tried to extinguish the thought of Fitz sleeping beside her. They had done it a few times before. But after not seeing each other for days, it felt weird. She lay down in bed but did not close her eyes right away. Lotte cursed out her heart for beating so fast from her imagination. What if she had one of her dreams again? What if Fitz found out? Did she sleep talk? Lotte cringed at the thought of Fitz waking up to Lotte moaning his name in her sleep. It made her want to tape her mouth shut for the remainder of the night.
Lotte climbed into the blankets, pulling them over her head. If she was lucky it would muffle any sounds she would make.
Fitz came up a couple of minutes later when he had shoved all his dark thoughts six feet under. He knocked on the room first as if for some reason Lotte wasn't decent. She let out a weak but audible moan. She had kicked off all the blankets, despite burying herself earlier. Fitz walked to the end of the bed and picked up the pile of blankets and pulled it up to Lotte's chin. She let out a string of words that weren't English. Or any form of language. All Fitz knew was that his name was at the end of it. Fitz reached up to Lotte's face and ran his fingers through her hair.
"Are you awake?"
"Depends, who's asking?"
Fitz chuckled, "I am." He twisted Lotte's hair around his finger. "You're really beautiful." He wouldn't have said it if Lotte would remember it the next morning. "You just can't know that I think that."
"Lay down," Lotte said, rolling over so Fitz could have room. Fitz lay down on the edge of the bed. Before he had the chance to lay down Lotte had already curled up to his chest. "Has anyone told you that you're insanely hot?"
Fitz let out a loud laugh. It made his sides and everything else hurt. But it wasn't enough to suppress it. "You're so tired right now Lotte. You're practically drunk."
"That doesn't change the fact that you're hot."
"Go to bed, angel," Fitz put his arm around Lotte; putting the rest of her hair behind her ear. "If you still think I'm insanely hot, you can tell me in the morning."
"You're not going to leave, right?" Lotte mumbled into Fitz's shoulder. Her hand reached up to Fitz's chest, resting her hand on the bandages. It stung Fit'z chest but he didn't dare ask her to move. He didn't dare move. Afraid that one wrong twitch might drive her away from him. The feeling of Lotte so close to him was like a drug. A drug he would never be willing to kick. It could kill him and he would be ok with it.
"Do you want me to be here when you wake up?" Lotte nodded. "Then I won't move until then."
Lotte stretched weakly before putting her face in the crook of Fitz's neck. Her breath tickled his skin as her chest fell into a slow and steady pattern. Fitz's fingers traced her back, drawing random patterns.
"Black Jack will never have you," Fitz whispered into Lotte's sleeping ear. "Not well I'm or anyone else here is around."