Rick stopped infront of a huge gate and at first i thought it was a funny and dilinquent thing he was trying to do. But his face started to change, he looked like somebody else with a much serious facial gestures I've not seen before.
"Uh. What's going on? Where are we and whose house is this." I asked
"I don't know how to say it but yes, thats my house." he responded with no sign of shame on his face but a wicked smile that I wanted to cut into pieces inside a dragons belly.
"No shit. You wish." I laughed and looked at him again.
Suddenly, the silence grew louder while i stared at him like a lost puppy, as i grew wearier with a potential panic attack incoming for my soul. I already felt episodes of inner runts emerging from me, i was about to lose all control.
"It's a joke right?...you live in a 1bhk Rick" I continued fighting denial and truth at that point.
"Look Zara! I dont want you to panic, cry or break down. I'm not a criminal nor am I going to harm you. I'm just extremely rich and not actually a poor person, like that one i made you believe in. I'm just sorry okay." he responded and it looked like he switched into his whatever alternate two faced ego thing it was, so quickly.
"Wtf, how are you able to do that? To switch your character so quickly, you seem so cold and ignorant suddenly." I looked at him and he wasn't looking at me almost like he didn't feel entitled to my opinions right now.
"What's making you say this to me now?" I chuckled all my sarcasm out of my mouth like i haven't tasted what a dog's tongue would taste, because I'm not one.
"Oh so this is you finally approving my worthiness?" I could feel my face turning dark by now for how angry i felt inside.
"Maybe I'm fond of you and so here I am, in my true form, doing you the justice of my altruism. Admit it! this truth about me excites you in some way." he suddenly pretended to appear to me like a gentleman i dont even know.
"So you mean to say to me that this relationship was some trial shit show to you, until only you get to be the judge of this final coming, which i haven't even brought my mind close enough to, to explain to you how i feel about this situation. You don't know me at all all, Gosh! Do you?" I really wanted to smoke and i started to fidget with my eyes, i just wanted to be distracted by another visual. Even a fly would have done the work.
"So you have wives, maidens, mistressses? what kind of a 25 year old perpetrates in extreme mysogynism and pedophilia like that. I mean what kinda bs is that, Rick?" I knew i had to be self contained and not contaminated because if not it would give away alot of my weaknesses and i didn't want that because now he's a demon to me.
"I'll guess, you locked up women in this Palace of yours like a pathological pervert and now you wanna do the same to me?" I asked again because these silent moments started to make me feel uneasy and really scared.
"I err...won't lie to you. Some of it is true, whatever you said. I was married to someone but now we've grown out of love yet, she lives inside." He said with a rather guilty but condescending smile mostly because he knew he can do this.
"You think you're so righteous for showing me kindness, it's funny how pathetic you still look. You don't know how demoralising you are making me feel about what this is to me. You don't even know me, i mean who the hell are you anyway, more like A DISREPCTFUL STRANGER?" I wanted to go home. I did not want to be here, in some abandoned home with his maidens wives or mistresses.
"How are you going to leave now? I'm driving your car and im not gonna let you have it right now. I really want you to be my guest here." he said adamantly this time.
"No thankyou. Can't you see I'm not okay. My heart it really pains and you probably don't know how it feels." i said, taking deep breaths and he didn't seem slightly concerned because he was somebody else now.
"No Zara, Please, I insist..." he seemed persistent and more passively aggressive with his tone now.
"Look, you don't know who i am. I haven't told you who i really am. A secret about me and thanks to God, i dont have to beat myself up for keeping it a secret from you. Maybe now i should just feel like those girls from your social media, just not pretty enough for you." I attempted to divert the topic and sound more normal because now i didn't actually want him to know that I am trained with the capability to kill someone.
I felt unfit for this situation, and how stupid i felt in a situation so cliche and shallow even for myself. i was bound to exceed the limitations of my own element. I knew i was better than this.
"You're always so selfish and full of yourself, a poor but such a stupid and narcissistic girl. Things that just don't fit rightly into the picture of your defences that make up good reasoning for your self proclaimed self image. what did you think? you're not actually the prettiest woman I've been with, I'm surprised that you'd even consider yourself one, you're just bland and abrupt. You lack modesty in you.
He shrugged his shoulders in deep denial and self hatred and said.
"Yes you know, in fact you should appreciate the fact that I've made time for you. I mean look at me, I'm not somebody that would do that usually, If not for exceptional cases, like you. Consider yourself lucky." he drank the water from his bottle, started chewing the nuts that i put on the dashboard and continued.
"I don't know why but your reaction to this endeavor is starting to make me have second thoughts because it makes you look rather ugly, especially on the inside and especially for the most of how important ive always made you feel, and now, look at you, your character took a sudden flip switch on me. Only after I've revealed my identity to you, you've forgotten your own, considerably a modest one. Your reaction isn't so different from the others, so maybe you should just quit being so childish and instead handle it more maturely.
His eyes softened darkly as somewhere within he seeked validation and elimination of guilt.
"Can you do that? Stop crying because i still love you, regardless." he took a rather deep breath as though he finally made a good point, but to me, it still did not convince me enough to let my guards down.
"Wow you selfish a-hole. I mean, are you hearing yourself now? You have this audacity suddenly, to show me this much disrespect by not expressing even a fraction of shame for admitting that you've done all this before? to someone else? You've got some nerves Rick i have to say, as a human being, for doing this to me." I said in a rather soft tone but my eyes were still staring down at my feet and not looking into his because I did not trust him even to the atom of this reality.
"I can give you whatever you want, you just need to stop all this fuss and move on. Will you just stop acting so childish and handle this. I'll pay you everytime you shut up. Stop with the fuss. Now buckle up, I'm taking you into the bats cave." this was the moment i felt the sharingan of my soul bulge out of my sockets but i stayed triggered to my sanity.
He then honks the car and the guards inside his gate open the gate he nodded at them. This made me feel extremely out of place paranoid and fucking uncomfortable.
"I want no fucking thing from you nor do I want to play any part in this, like i said before, you don't understand what I'm feeling right now and i doubt that you ever will. I only suggest you don't mess with my love and currently, i want you to play no part in it." i said
"And btw, i just wanted to tell you that you look just like that SLENDER MAN from a game and now that image of you never seemed more clear to me, you're the ghost moster from my nightmare. I loved you, but now, i think i actually hate you." I've been broken and broken dramatically. it was something I've never felt before.
I said as i kicked his hands off the steering wheel and while he was distracted with that kinda amature pain. I jumped out of the car window and ran as fast as i could, i didn't look back even once.
"Zara, please waittttttttt. I don't like this image of myself. You don't understand there's more i wanna talk to you about, stop running away Zara. Theres nothing there but abandoned roads." when he said this i came back running, grabbed a rock and broke the window of my own car. I guess that should reassure my temperament.
"Don't think about following me i dont wanna be a part of you and your shit show." I put my middle fingers up and continued runnning as fast as i could.
All those things i went through with him started to replay in my head and i felt a certain pain in my chest, all i wanted to do was stop and cry but it was my crazy impulse that did not let me stop from running away like a lunatic.
How he said that my letters to him wasn't enough to prove my true intentions for him and it's only now i truly realize why someone like him would have felt that way about something so simple yet compassionate. Who even write letters anymore? He always shared a very scornful trait with his alternate personality and i was blind not to see it all along. When we were apart, i did make such cheesy efforts for him and now i feel stupid about it, because, when i was away he was in bed with another woman, loving and embracing her like he was the only important person in this world. I hated this feeling so so much. I wanted to kill myself in the process but instead i was driven by this road and the rush to expect whatever was to come my way.