Even though he was in prison, Uncle Mickey had aged very well. He definitely ate well as he had packed on a lot of muscle. His sharp features made him look more stern than he actually was especially now that his eyes brows seemed more angular. His style hadn't changed at all either: all black, riding boots and his motorcycle vest with proudly showing off his patches.
As he stared at Ashton, his expression was extremely dark and cold. Every few seconds he would smile crookedly as if he were trying to ease the obvious tension in the air. But the unique thing about Uncle Mickey was that, when he smiled and showed his missing teeth, he looked like he was about to take action and naturally started to exude a predatory air. For anyone who hasn't been around that type of atmosphere, it's terrifying the first few times.
Even Ashton's usual calm demeanor was slipping fast.
"What do you think, Uncle Mickey?" I prodded. After all, I assembled the tattoo gun Ashton bought me and gave Mickey time to intimidate him. "No manual needed."
"Slow, but you're pretty good. And your sketchbook is quite good, you get that from me you know, that natural talent," he bragged. "I'm glad you didn't stop drawing while I was away."
"We're not related by blood though," I pointed out. "How could it be from you?"
"I said you got it from me, kid, that's how it is," he waved me off and continued to stare Ashton down. "The kid looks scary, why's he acting like he's never seen a bad guy before?"
"Because he hasn't. He's a sheltered good boy," I told him. "And he isn't scary, just cute."
"He's still a man-"
"He's a suit." I tried my best to curb his enthusiasm as he sized up Ashton. I almost forgot that his favorite hobby was teasing people until they were visibly uncomfortable. He'd do anything to get under someone's skin and start a fight just because Uncle Mickey liked chaos.
"I guess so, he even called me sir," Uncle Mickey laughed. "If the Goodfella sang his praises, who am I to object? Stop worrying, I promised your dad I'd behave as long as I was here."
Ugh, I can't believe my dad used to be called something so cringey. Nothing about him reminded me of a gangster at all. He's just a regular lame overprotective dad. "Don't play with him too much, I do want him to stick around."
"Well, I don't trust him at all. You're very fond of new shinny things since you were a kid, Dan. So I'm suspecting he bought you that expensive looking ring to lure you into his submission. I can't accept that." Uncle Mickey crossed his arms and frowned.
"Well, I guess it's reasonable for you to not trust me. After all, my goal is to have him all to myself," Ashton surprisingly answered in a calm state. He's the first to be able to shock my uncle by staying calm and outrageous. "I put the ring on him so everyone would know my intentions with him. I bought it for him even before we got together, and we've already had a bunch of serious talks about the future."
My uncle scowled at Ashton and leaned forward a bit to scrutinize him intensely. "You're a rich kid, aren't you? With everything you have, you're not tempted to betray my nephew?"
"I don't need any of it if it'll cost me my love. I just want to protect him and make his dreams come true. When I take over the company, I'll make sure that no one can hurt him, as I'm doing now. And I'm going to gift him with as many new shiny things as he wants to own," Ashton kept his head up but I could tell that he was about to crack under my Uncles menacing glare.
"If I find out you hurt him, I'll kill you," Uncle Mickey said and turned his natural mean mug in my direction. "Don't cause any trouble now that you have a bodyguard. Unlike me, you can actually be something great."
"You are great, Uncle Mickey. I inherited everything from you after all," I said. "I honestly didn't think you'd accept it so quickly."
"Did you think I was a bigot?"
"Yes."
"You little....Such a fucking brat, stupid kid. You may look like your dad but that personality is all your mother, you brat," he held up a paper with a purple drawing and showed me a simple flower perfect for me to build off of as a beginner. "Identify it."
"Traditional style rose," I said.
"What are you waiting for? Who's your canvas?" He snapped. Ashton immediately slammed his arm down in front of me and waited patiently. I wiped off Ashton forearm with a disinfectant wipe while admiring how he kept his arm smooth before placing the stencil on him and putting on my gloves.
"You sure you're ok with this?" I asked.
"Anything for you," Ashton looked serious as he patiently waited for me to begin. "Just go ahead, you can do it!"
I nodded and started the machine to get to work. Over the course of 45 minutes my uncle instructed me when to adjust the angle for cleaner lines, clean the wound when it started to bleed, and when to apply the line work technique more. The end result was a nice thick lined rose tattoo that seemed to look really good.
"This is really good for your first time, looks like that YouTube thing does come in handy," Uncle Mickey admired my work as I cleaned the excess ink off of Ashton and applied some Aquaphor. "Don't put Vaseline on it kid, it'll absorb the color. And don't pick at it, don't use scented soaps on in it for at least four to seven days."
"Thanks for this, I really should be practicing on pigskin or something," I looked at the art I had put on Ashton and couldn't help but feel proud of myself. The process was so intense and creative that I couldn't help but love it.
"It's all good, I like it," Ashton admired what I had done for himself. He was honestly the best support anyone could ask for. Not many people would trust someone who's never held a tattoo gun before to put a permanent picture on them, yet he was automatically willing. It was this kindness he showed that made me constantly want him around. "I don't know much about tattoos, but I like it a lot."
"He looks like he's useless but he's actually a stand up guy, helping you like this," Uncle Mickey sighed. "What got you into tattooing all of a sudden? Weren't you going to be Picasso or something."
"I realized that there was nothing I wanted to do, so Ashton is helping me find a way to resolve that. He actually got me the tattoo stuff." I smiled. "I did find something I liked right away thanks to him."
"I see why your dad had a hard time accepting him. I want to hate him, but you can't hate a good guy."
"Why do you want to hate him?"
"You know how boys are in high school, your dad and I were in and out of women all through it. Who knows if this guy is just another fucking animal. You're to young to be fucking anyway, who knows where he's been."
"Nowhere, Ashton isn't a man whore like you guys were."
"Whores get paid, we were sluts. How do you know he won't fuck around on you?"
"Because we fuck enough to satisfy each other," I blurted out without thinking. Uncle Mickey burst out into hysterical laughter at the horrified look Ashton had on his face. I kept my eyes on his flustered face until he closed his eyes and swallowed. I felt my dick twitch when he licked his plump red lips.
I want to taste those lips.
"You shouldn't say that in front of family," he muttered.
"See, he's cute," I smiled at him. Maybe I had the same tendencies to tease people just like Uncle Mickey did.
"As long as you're happy, Dan. It's just hard to watch you grow up like this. It feels like just yesterday I was taking you to the club and playing chicken with the knives. The knife never touched your finger and you were one of the best," Mickey groaned. "Speaking of, where's that other brat who used to cling to you? What was his name? The Italian kid."
"Vincenzo?" Ashton asked.
"Ugh, that brat irked the shit out of me. All he did was cry and stick to you. Did he turn out to be a parasite like I told you?" I had completely forgotten that Mickey had warned me about Vincenzo every time he saw me with him. He had hated Vincenzo with a passion for some reason, but because I felt bad for Vincenzo, I had stupidly ignored his warnings. If I would've listened to him, maybe life would've turned out differently for me.
"Yeah, he did somewhat," I said. "But he's getting therapy for it now, so there's nothing to worry about."
"Therapy? The problem is that kids parents! His dad is a bitch boy and his mother is no better! You know I almost put those fuckers on my list because I felt like he was taking advantage of you! He just wanted an excuse not to watch his kid," Mickey shook his head. "His dad even tried to fight me when that stupid brat told him we played chicken."
"What's chicken?" Ashton asked.
"It's a game. Placing the palm of your hand down on a table with fingers apart, and, using a knife, or another sharp object, you try to stab back and forth between your fingers, trying not to hit your fingers," I explained.
"That sounds dangerous."
"It's just a game," I brushed off the criticism as if I didn't know that it was indeed a dangerous game. Three people I had competed against in this game had stabbed their finger with one even cutting their pinky off halfway. Still, even if there was blood, everyone cheered for me winning, so I never really thought about the dangers. "What did you play as a kid?"
"Cowboys and Indians. Hog tying. Rodeo....or I was just farming. That's it really," Ashton said.
"Let me leave you two lovebirds alone, I'll bring you a fake skin to practice on tomorrow, kid," Uncle Mickey said looking at his watch. He must be late for one of his big deals but is trying not to alarm me in any way. Little did he know that I already knew everything he did, even behind bars.
"Ok," I got up to walk Uncle Mickey to the door but Ashton stopped me and walked him to the door himself. When he walked back into the living room he looked a bit serious. "You alright?"
"I see where you learned to tease people now," Ashton sighed. "That felt brutal, you don't know how shot my nerves are right now."
"I'll help you recover then," I said. Ashton walked me backwards until the back of my knees hit the couch and I sat down. Looking at him, I held my face up for a kiss. He leaned down and slid his wet tongue from my cheek into my mouth and my hands went into his hair, holding him there while our mouths moved together. His taste was unparalleled and I didn't want to stop kissing him. I felt Ashton's hands pushing against my shoulder, laying me back on the couch, his smooth skin laying on top of me and he held my face in his.
"You're going to be the best tattoo artist ever. I'll make sure of it, baby," he said between small kisses.
At first, I didn't respond. My eyes were just wide in disbelief, I was so shocked that he believed in me so much. Ashton. My best friend and my boyfriend was kissing me because he loves me. And, I liked it. At that point, I began kissing him back. He dropped his hands and grabbed my hair with both his hands and pushed his body closer against mine. Moaning into his mouth, I searched for his tongue with my own. My entire body was alive. I felt like I was burning from the inside out. Never in my life had I felt such a strong pull from one person, not even Vincenzo.
Reaching for his hips, I pulled him to me so that our groins were touching. He whimpered as soon as our jean covered erections touched. Hearing him vocalize his need only encouraged me and I ground my erection against his. His hands left my hair and traveled down my back to grasp my ass firmly causing another embarrassing moan to escape from my throat. We finally had to break apart after a few minutes to catch our breaths.
"I love you," I heard myself whisper to him. Saying it felt absolutely right and natural to me. I could picture him in my life forever, I could picture us moving in together, I could picture us having kids together, I could imagine us growing old together. Like couldn't describe the intense feelings I have for Ashton that grew everyday. "Yeah, I love you Ashton."
Ashton covered his mouth and looked for what to say but it seemed like he was absolutely speechless while he stared back at me. "I love you so much," he breathed against my lips, just before he kissed me fiercely.
"I love you too," I could feel droplets hitting my face one after the other. I opened my eyes and saw Ashton trying his hardest to keep his tears back in his eyes. "Ashton, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," his voice cracked. "I'm just really happy that I'm with you right now. You don't know how impatient I've been to hear that....and I thought I'd react cooler than this but I can't stop the tears. And I couldn't stop being awkward just now with your uncle..."
"You're the coolest person I know, Ash," I hugged him too me and let him cry onto my shoulder while he told me exactly how happy he felt. "I love your awkwardness. You always looked so troubled when it comes to me. When something happens, you're always there to support me or protect me. I take you so seriously that I forget that you get anxious and nervous as well, but I love that side of you too. I want to see you relax and smile too. Even if you don't though, I'll still love you."
The tears seemed to come from Ashton a bit harder but he still kept his smile up. It was actually super adorable! "Man, I want to hold you down and have my way with you, but I can't stop crying...this is so lame. But I'm really happy."
Ashton leaned in for a kiss and flipped us over so I was now laying on top of him. I wiped his tears from his face and snuggled closer to him.
A perfect fit.
"My other goal is to get fat, double chin and all. Will you still love me then?" I joked imagining the absurd way I would look at 300 pounds.
"Of course, there will just be more of you to love," Ashton said to my surprise. Instinctually I wanted to call him an idiot but he would just drown out my words with nonsense anyway.
We fell asleep on the couch at some point while we were talking about nonsense. When I woke up, I was still laying on top of Ashton but I was now covered by a blanket. My dad probably saw us and got a blanket from my room for us.
It was nice to see Ashton so defenseless like now. He looked extremely sloppy as he slept. His mouth was wide open, he was drooling and he had a light cute snore where he would let out a piggish oink every couple seconds.
"Ashton, we should get up and get ready for school now," I said while shaking him as gently as I could. In response he wrapped his arms around me and slowly sat up. "We have class today, Ashton."
"Morning, Lovebug," he gave me a kiss on my forehead and rubbed his eyes.
"Lovebug?" I asked.
"I'm in love with you, and I dreamed that you were a beautiful bug, so you're my Lovebug," Ashton groaned and stretched his back. Ashton told me to start to eat breakfast and quickly ran to his car to get his spare uniform before joining my dad and I at the table.
When we arrived at school, we were greeted by Sam as usual. There were no upsets at all. By the middle of the school day I was asked to stay stuck to Sam because Ashton had to practice for a tournament that was soon coming. He said he didn't actually need the practice, but he just wanted to tone his muscles up a bit so he had to go.
Regardless, It was probably for the best, because I didn't know how Ashton would react to the scene unfolding in front of me right at this moment.
Martin Dolittle stood in front of Sam and I looking like an entirely new person. He had shaved his head and his usual angry scowl that he always walked around with was gone. He was deliberately blocking our path but not menacingly, still I couldn't help but feel myself freeze up at his presence. This guy put me in the hospital multiple times, so why was he appearing in front of me now?
"Um, Hello," he said. "You look healthy."
"Hi?" I managed to say keeping myself behind Sam just in case he was here to finish what he started. I hadn't seen him in about a month and a week, but I never thought he would keep whatever grudge he had with me. Martin seemed to notice my apprehension and took a small step back.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he lowered his head.
"Ok," I grabbed a handful of Sam's shirt just in case.
"Look, nothing I'm going to say is going to change what already happened, but I'm sorry about everything I did. Nobody told me to apologize, I just feel like I should do that anyway. Please just hear me out for a little bit," Martin begged. He even lowered his head to me in submission. "I promise it won't take long, but I'll understand if you don't want to hear it too."
I looked at Sam to try and see if he knew what was up, but he looked just as shocked and confused. He just nudged me like he couldn't believe what was happening. "Um, ok." I said. "I'll hear it."
"I'm not a very smart person, and I always did stupid things on impulse without thinking about the consequences I might face. My dad blames it on my mother for drinking while she was pregnant and my mother blames it on my dad for hitting her while she was pregnant. Still, they both came to the consensus that I was born an idiot, so they both gave up on me very early on in life," Martin explained. "No one was ever nice to me until I had met you and Vincenzo. My only trouble was I didn't know how to be nice myself. I was going to learn to put in the effort to be nice....until Vincenzo told me that you had been calling me dumb and looked down on me."
"I never said that!" I defended.
"I know that now....but back then, since Vincenzo was your best friend and neighbor, how could I not believe him when he said that? Especially after he framed it in a way that sounded exactly like you. I began to think you didn't like me at all. Everyday Vincenzo kept telling me about things you had said about what I did that day. I kept hearing new things about how you called me stupid and was criticizing my every move just like my parents. That day in the classroom, back in middle school, he had told me just how stupid you thought I was, which triggered me. So, since you were smarter than me and it was impossible to beat you in academics, I beat you physically, like the idiot I thought you made me feel like." Martin looked pained as he was trying to get through everything he was saying. "I felt awful, but I didn't apologize, even though I wanted too, because I had been convinced that I had done the right thing by Vincenzo. The conflict in my head just made me more frustrated. In my mind Vincenzo had my back and was my most loyal friend, like a brother that I had idolized, so if he thought I was right, then I was right. Then Vincenzo changed his attitude towards you suddenly and told me never to touch you again. I was confused, but I kept my word not to put hands on you again, until he told me that he had definitely been tricked by you again. You had gotten him and I in trouble just because you thought we were stupid. The more you tried to distance yourself, the more he made it look like you were looking down on us, and I couldn't handle it. He kept telling me you said the things he knew put me in a bad place mentally. So I attacked you again."
"I was never that kind of person though," I said.
"After I had attacked you in the bathroom, Vincenzo came to talk to me. There wasn't much talking though and I was confused as to why he wanted to fight me. After we had that fight in front of all the teachers, he told me that he had lied about everything he said. In that moment, everything my parents had called me sounded correct. I didn't think for myself, I didn't talk to you even though you were my friend first, I was too impulsive and too dumb to find out the truth for myself. I was stupid for believing that someone like Vincenzo thought of me as anything other than a pawn instead of a brother like i thought of him, especially after watching the process of him turning on you firsthand. I believed in his stupid lies, even the ones that sounded fake, because I really was just that stupid and desperate to fit in. Fuck, I was even stupid enough to believe him when he said we were best friends and I was the only one he was loyal to," Martin continued. "I'm not sure why he lied like that, or what exactly his goal was in lying to me for all that time.....but regardless I still did what I did all of my own accord. I spearheaded most of the verbal abuse and even got people to call you that horrible name. I'm the only one I can blame for my actions towards you."
"Why did you believe him?"
"Because I liked the feeling of having a close friend that takes my side."
"Even if i did say all that, why would it bother you so much?" I asked.
"I can only assume that he somehow found out I like you," Martin said.
Sam slapped my arm in surprise. "Nonsense, stop playing around! This isn't a joke!" I smiled awkwardly but Martin looked very serious so I dropped the smile. Shit, he wasn't joking!
"I'm not, I really mean it. I've had a crush on you since we first met, and I suspect that was the reason Vincenzo started to manipulate me. But, I like you. A lot," Martin said. "To hear the person I liked thought of me as a piece of shit....hurt. And I was too stupid to handle my emotions in a better way. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I was just collateral damage because I acted like a jackass."
"Why did you like me?" I asked. Thinking back Martin was only nice to me for about a week after I had brought him over to meet Vincenzo. Then one day, Martin changed his entire demeanor.
"You were nice to me. You were the only one who didn't judge me on the first glance.....and you still look really cute, even when you're sick," he muttered.
"Thank you. I mean, I already like someone, and we've been going out," I told him as softly as I could. I knew that I wasn't the only person who Vincenzo had messed with mentally, but I never would've guessed he played the same mind games with Martin.
"It's Ashton, right?" Martin asked. "I could tell he had a crush on you."
"Yeah, I mean we hadn't hidden anything. I seriously had no idea that you even felt that way," I said.
"It doesn't matter. I still like you even though I know about you dating him. Just thinking back now, I wish I hadn't listened, then whenever I saw you having a hard time, maybe I could've been the one to help you smile. Then I would be the one that was able to like you publicly," Martin sighed. "I want you know, I didn't confess to make things hard on you, I don't even need an answer as I don't expect you to give it a second thought, I just wanted to explain myself to you somehow. I'm also going to behavioral therapy to learn to control my impulses and get less triggered by people."
"Well, I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings, but thank you for telling me." I just felt really sad for Martin right now as much as I didn't want to. "And thanks for apologizing."
"Why are you being so genuine? After everything I did to you, you're still trying to spare my feelings and be nice about it, you're just making me fall for you more, you know," Martin chuckled but I could tell he was just about on the verge of a breakdown. "I'd honestly feel better if you called me an asshole or something. At least curse at me a few times or tell me to fuck off and die. Why are you trying to be nice to me?"
"I-I didn't mean-"
"Fine, I won't pester you any longer. But, do you mind if I ask you for a hug?" Martin asked.
"J-just this once-" before I could say more Martin had pulled me into a very tight hug that seemed full of longing.
"Slow your heart down, I'll get the wrong idea."
"Sh-shut up, you're just as bad-"
"I know that. I'm really sorry that I'm taking advantage of the moment," his voice cracked. Just then I realized that Martin was crying. Every tear that kept falling on my neck made me realize that he really meant his apology and he was truly in pain. That Martin was just as much Vincenzo's victim as I was. It made me want to cry as well.
I was really sorry to him as well, because I knew exactly how he felt. I knew how his world view was probably falling apart and how confused he might be. I knew how it was to feel like the biggest idiot in the world after being made to feel the most special by Vincenzo. I knew how mentally tortured this guy must be knowing everything that happened didn't have to happen at all. I knew the pain of knowing someone you trusted played with your mind and emotions just because they could. The pain of knowing that everything someone you thought of as a brother told you was a lie.
Martin suddenly turned me around and pushed me towards Sam. "Go to class, please don't look back at me, and don't apologize either, because I don't want to hear it. Watch out for Vincenzo, everything he says is a lie or manipulative. Understand?"
"Yes. Can I tell you something before I go?"
"What is it?"
"You aren't as stupid as you think you are. I've seen what you can accomplish when you try, so I hope you can think better of yourself too. And I forgive you for everything."
It was silent for a few seconds before I heard him mumble in a low voice. "Goodbye."
Fuck this hurts. Sam pushed me to walk forward and started to lead me down the hallway in silence. No matter what, Martin's tortured face bothered me to no end. Everyone had things in their past that they weren't proud of. But for Vincenzo to do all that to someone...it was too much.
I didn't realize my vision blurring until Sam had stopped me in my tracks. "Why are you about to start crying now?" He asked.
"It's....it's all so sad. I feel really bad for him," I let the tears flow out. Thank god the halls were mostly empty. "I kept thinking that I was the only one getting the worst of Vincenzo, but to hear that he was manipulated into being a certain way....and it was because of me....I can't help but feel awful about his situation. And it just feels worse because he was genuinely sorry about everything he did. I can't believe that he really found me to tell me that."
"Dan-"
"How could Vincenzo do that to someone so vulnerable?! I don't get it! Weren't they friends?" I felt nothing but disgust right now. If Martin was anything like I was, he must be a shell of his former self and in extreme emotional distress. "Did you hear how he talks about himself as well, Sam? Not too long ago that was me. How could I not feel bad about that?"
"When Vincenzo apologized and cried, you didn't feel this bad," Sam pointed out.
"Vincenzo's apology wasn't genuine and Martin's was," I said firmly. "I can't help but feel bad for someone who went through the same things I did, because I know how bad it feels to be treated like that. I know what's it's like to realize that your only friend has never been your friend and just manipulates you. And I know how it feels to feel that fucking stupid and played after all that. It's so awful that it feels like you're dying, it gets hard to ever trust anyone again, you even start to give up on yourself and you fall into despair. But now I have Ashton to help me....what if-"
"Hey, hey," Sam shook my shoulders to snap me out of my rant. "He said he's going to therapy for it. It must be far along enough to be at the making amends stage of it. He's got some support obviously, because he seriously came all the way from across town just to apologize to you. He may have been sad, but he's working on it."
"I can't help but feel bad for him, Sam. I can't help it!" I thought back to how I felt when I was none the wiser, thinking things were getting back to normal, just to find out that I was being used. How much time Ashton had to spend helping me piece myself back together because I was under Vincenzo's spell just as much as Martin was. "This is so wrong....it's so horrible..."
"Do you even care that he put you in the hospital?" Sam asked me.
Compared to how many times Vincenzo had sent me to the hospital, Martin had done significantly less damage to me. The bruises Martin put on me had all faded long ago and i did hate him for it, but it was nothing compared to the damage Vincenzo had done.
"It's not the same. Every wound from Martin was superficial and went away quickly. He took full responsibility and respected the boundary set. Vincenzo's wounds were all psychological. They made me physically ill. He put me in the hospital from almost killing me a lot more than Martin has, and that was all over a misunderstanding," I shook uncontrollably. "It doesn't matter if Martin took responsibility for his actions, because none of it would've even happened if it weren't for Vincenzo. It all started with him. That fucking demon."
"But-"
"I'm not blaming everything Martin did on Vincenzo, Sam. I'm not that naive. The differences in the two are clear as day now though, that's why I can't fully hate Martin for what he did. No matter what you say, Vincenzo is indirectly responsible for this happening. Martin is just as much a victim of Vincenzo as anyone else, there's no mistaking that," I hated that my heart felt like it was breaking for Martin, especially since Sam and I had just left him there crying, but I couldn't help but empathize. I couldn't help but wonder how he's taking care of himself and how he goes through everyday life.
The familiar hateful feeling that I hadn't felt for a long time had started to creep up again. That same disgusting feeling I felt every time I found out something new about Vincenzo.
He had to be stopped.
"Yo!" I heard a voice call out from behind me. Ashton must be done with practice or something. "Why aren't you two in class? I left early because you guys wouldn't respond to my texts and....what the fuck happened?!"
I quickly tried to wipe my tears but Ashton rushed forward to wipe them himself with his shirt. "We....just saw Martin."
"Did he hit you?" Ashton snapped.
Sam spoke up before Ashton could completely go off the rails and him everything that had just happened a few minutes ago. "That's what happened. Now Dan feels really bad for him because he knows what it's like to be in his shoes. I couldn't stop him from crying about it."
Ashton ruffled my hair and pulled me into a comforting hug so I could cry out my feelings. "It's only normal to be saddened by it, because nothing can be changed. It's not on you to help, but I bet just hearing him out was the perfect way to help him take a step in the right direction."
"Why didn't I feel bad for Vincenzo then? It's so weird because I know why he turned out like he did!"
"Because unlike Vincenzo, Martin gave you a real apology and respected you when you rejected him. What you may be feeling is superficial guilt," Ashton explained. "Let me tell you that even if Vincenzo manipulated Martin into doing those things because Martin had a crush on you, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Vincenzo asserting his ownership over you. You did nothing wrong here, Lovebug."
"Then why do I feel bad?"
"Because you're a good person. You feel bad for the less fortunate, even if they wronged you first. That's how beautiful of person you are, and that's why it's so easy to fall in love with you," Ashton assured me. "Shit, after hearing Martin's backstory even I feel bad for him. If it bothers you, I'll see what I can do about it."
"He's already helping himself. Isn't it better to leave it alone?" Sam chimed in.
"I agree, but if Dan-"
"No! I don't want to interfere! I just feel very bad for him. I just don't...."
"Understand that Martin changed schools to get away from his trauma. I think he only came here to warn you about Vincenzo since he still has a crush on you and apologize in person. He wasn't expecting anything from you, that's why he didn't push it. He even said he just wanted to explain himself, Dan," Sam patted my back.
I did feel kind of guilty...probably. If it wasn't for me, Martin would've never had to have suffered like that and maybe could've made some genuine friends.
"Stop whatever you're thinking," Ashton lifted my chin forcing me to look him in the eye. "His situation isn't your fault so stop entertaining thoughts like that. Martin only came here to man up to his mistakes. All of this is just the after effects of leaving abusive situations, it's always multilayered to guilt you back to the abusers side. In other words, Martin doesn't change the fact that Vincenzo was the root of the problem. You're helping Martin by helping Vincenzo get counseling. You've done more than enough to fix everything for everyone."
I suddenly felt really naive because I was so stuck on the bad side of things again like before. It was like I was losing to shock of painful reality. I keep thinking about all the difficulties, but now everything is being blown away by the help Ashton is providing. Everything is gone. My uncertainty, my anxiety, my stupidity, my contradictions, my calculations. It's not even that I actually feel guilty, because I don't. I just I don't have as much self confidence as I thought I had.
Was I just that used to living in a constant state of anxiety?
"Ok," I calmed myself down a bit feeling as though I had just overcome something big. "I feel better now. I was just panicking. I need to learn how to relax."
"As long as you're clear now. Be happy, your bully apologized to you, some people never get that." Sam said. "We might as well skip the rest of class, it's already fifteen minutes in. We won't be let in."
"Actually if I just say I was at the nurse, I'll be excused," I corrected him. "And Ashton has a sports pass so he'll be excused as well."
"So you're going to leave me here in the dust? I expect it from Ashton but I thought we were closer than that, Dan!" Sam looked flabbergasted.
"Let's go get an early lunch then," Ashton suggested.
"I know just the place!" Sam said.
While Sam and Ashton started to debate on where to eat, I started to reflect inward. There's a part of me that can't get rid of the fear and anxiety that comes with the thought of Vincenzo. I'm so used to being kept on my toes and never being able to relax for a second as relaxing usually meant that something bad was about to happen to me.
Just how long will this peace last? Why was I the only one questioning when things will get worse now that everything seems good.
My only assurance was that Vincenzo was going to therapy. But what if it didn't fucking work on him? If it didn't work...just how would he try to kill me for my choices this time. I'm healthier so I might survive but I don't want to go back!
I was panicking and panicking hard! My palms became cold and sweaty and I couldn't think of anything but the possible way he might come after me! I began to feel as though I couldn't get enough air and felt like I might be uncoordinated in my steps as I felt the nausea start to come up.
"Dan, you're looking a bit gray there," Sam commented. "Are you sure you're ok?"
I felt my knees buckle under the pressure that suddenly dropped down on me, and started violently dry heaving. "Danny!" I felt Ashton's hands hold me firmly yet gently, as he tried to get me to focus on him. "Breathe, Lovebug. Breathe. Follow after me," he whispered to me as calmly as he could.
My eyes were wide, and tears streamed down my face, as I tried my hardest to match Ashton's breathing. I didn't even realize that i had collapsed to the floor of the hallway until now. My throat felt constricted, as my rapid gasps slowly regulated with Ashton's calm breathing.
In...
Out...
In...
Out...
"Danny, keep it up.....keep breathing with Ashton, ok," I heard Sam whisper gently to me. "You're going to be okay. Focus on Ashton breathing."
I took a deep, shuddering breath, my chest aching a bit, and then slowly exhaled. I somehow was finally matching Ashton's breathing somewhat feeling a bit calmer. Sam sat by me, next to Ashton, and held out a bottle of water.
"Here, Danny. Slow sips, kay?" Ashton said. I gripped the bottle in my hands and took a slow sip as instructed, letting the cool liquid sooth my surprisingly parched throat. Ashton slowly scooped me up and the three of us continued to Ashton's car. "You're here with me and your friend, Dan."
"I'm scared...of what he'll do....even though....I know he's getting help," I said as Ashton lay me down in his backseat. "I don't know what happened, but it all hit me at once."
"Maybe you got triggered by seeing Martin again," Ashton said taking off his blazer to cover me up. I hugged the item close taking in his musky scent.
"It was what he told me." I couldn't wrap my head around any of it. It really looked as if those two were the best of friends, how could all of that had been faked for so long? Just how did Vincenzo get that good at manipulation and just how far has he gone with it? It made sense why people I had never conversed with started bothering me, because he had manipulated them all. Everything, even those shitty apologies I received from him we're all fake.
I had no idea who that person was or what he was going to do next. It was unsettling as hell.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to let anybody hurt you, do you understand?" Ashton assured me. "Remember that you're covered on all sides. Let's go eat, yeah?"
I think I needed some therapy too after that dreadful feeling I felt. Distracting myself from the fear wasn't working as well as I had hoped. Although, Ashton had me covered, I still couldn't help but be scared due to Vincenzo's ability to be unpredictable. My emotions are making me illogical, because I know exactly how safe I am.
My paranoia was probably going to be around for a while longer, just when I thought I was over it.
"Yeah, you guys pick whatever, I don't care what it is," I sighed knowing that in a few minutes, I'd be sitting in an expensive place eating a meal that costed more than where I live. Maybe some good food was exactly what I needed to clear my mind.
"It takes time to heal, Lovebug. What happened was perfectly normal you know. Not as bad as before is it?" Ashton pointed out.
That's right! I didn't even feel the need to use my inhaler this time around. In fact, this one was relatively short compared to the ones I've had in the past that had lasted for hours. Shit maybe, I'm not giving myself enough credit here.
At least Ashton knew what to say to make me not feel so embarrassed at what had just happened.