Jade.
I stood in front of my vanity mirror, contemplating whether I should put my hair into cornrows or braids.
It was getting colder, and cold weather causes my curls to frizz up, and grow dry and coarse. So I had to put it in a protective style. But it was so late already. It was almost midnight, and I needed to be awake by six the next morning because of school.
For fucks sake!
Is this what kids who attend regular school go through? I was starting to understand it now, why kids in movies always seemed so murderous in the mornings while preparing for school.
Having to wake up so early to start getting ready for school was pure torture, and it didn't help that I was absolutely not a morning person.
I sighed and tied the strings of my satin bonnet securely at the back of my head, then walked away from the vanity to plop on the bed.
I decided to just keep putting my hair in a variety of buns until the weekend when I'd have time to get it done properly.
I pulled the covers up on my body and snuggled deeper into the bed, preparing to sleep, when a soft knock came from the door.
"Come in," I yawned, and the door opened softly. A moment later, Dad's head popped in before the rest of his body followed.
He hung at the doorstep awkwardly. "Did I wake you?"
I shook my head and sat up in bed. "No. It's okay, you can come in,"
He walked in, his steps light and tentative as he looked around the room with a fondness in his eyes that could only mean that this had been the same room I had when we lived here twelve years ago.
I had wanted to ask Mr. Edward about it, but it had slipped my mind in the midst of all the bustle of "outdoor" activities that was suddenly going on in my life.
"I asked the painters to paint it the same lavender shade it was in previously. You liked the color so much as a kid," Dad said with a small, sad smile as he took a seat on the bed beside me, and I stared at him in silence for a while, then mirrored his smile.
"I still do,"
He nodded, and the silence stretched on for a few minutes before he spoke again.
"You still don't remember anything from that time?" His voice suddenly sounded restrained, like he was trying so hard to not let a certain emotion slip through.
"Nope," I shook my head, eyeing him worriedly and wondering if something was wrong.
He'd come to apologize. I knew because that was how he'd always been.
Anytime something happened or we had an argument, and I resorted to keeping to myself and staying locked up in my room, he would seek me out, sometimes with a plate of strawberry tart or chocolate pudding—my favorite deserts.
And he would cajole me out of my shell of silence until things were fine between us again.
He hadn't done it in a while though, and the resentment between us had grown so heavy over the months, worsened by the sudden move to London and my enrollment into a school without my consent or knowledge.
Although, I knew Mom was mostly the brain behind all that. It was always her. Dad was the softer one in their relationship, and he mostly always just went with whatever Mom wanted. But I had still been mad at him because he could have at least tried to stop her, or inform me.
But I could feel all of my harbored resentment melting away the longer he sat there, with a deeply solemn look in his eyes.
I hadn't stopped to realize it, because I had been avoiding him and Mom, but he looked so terribly gaunt. His ever radiant dark skin had taken on a dryness that made all of his glow disappear.
His dark eyes were sunken, lined with pitiful dark circles, and they held so much despair that made my heart constrict painfully in my chest as I opened my mouth to ask if he was okay.
But he spoke first.
"Well, the good thing about that is that you don't remember the fire at least." He sighed heavily, then with another sigh, the despair was gone from his eyes and he was smiling as he swiftly changed the topic. "How's school been so far?"
"Terribly infuriating," I said instantly, momentarily forgetting to ask if he was doing okay. "It should be illegal having to wake up so early to go anywhere!"
I groaned, and Dad laughed before taking my hands in his. "High-school is treacherous, but you're even tougher, sweetheart. You've gotta show em who's boss!" He grinned, and I couldn't help the similar grin that took over my face as I burst into laughter.
'Show em who's boss' was a phrase Dad and I used to say when I was younger.
During swimming lessons, I would team up with him against Mom. Mom, being a former professional swimmer who had once competed in the olympics, would constantly smoke the both of us with her perfect butterfly strokes, until dad bought me a swim scooter—a playful swimming gadget that helps kids swim almost at 4km/h.
I soon started giving Mom a run for her money, but I still wasn't winning, until one summer afternoon during one of our swim races. Mom had been momentarily distracted, and I'd won with the additional help of my swim scooter by a lucky one second.
Dad had shouted, "Yes! Jade! Show em who's boss!" From where he was cheering by the poolside, and we'd been saying it ever since.
"It's been a while I heard that," I couldn't stop laughing, and Dad nodded in agreement, struggling to put a lid on his laughter too.
"We should all get together for a swim sometime soon," he suggested when we were both finally able to stop laughing, and I bobbed my head in an eager nod, jittery and excited at the thought of spending time together again as a family.
"This weekend?" I suggested, but Dad shook his head.
"That won't work. Jess and I are out of town for a meeting this weekend," my face fell. "But, upper weekend could work just fine! I'll clear both of our schedules. You just have to make sure you're available."
I nodded slowly, the smile reappearing on my face.
"Okay. Upper weekend sounds great!"
"Alright, I'll let you sleep now. Before Jess wakes up and starts screaming because she thinks I've been kidnapped," Dad grinned and I laughed as he stood up.
"Mom really is that dramatic,"
"Hmn hmn," Dad nodded as he headed for the door, but then stopped.
His grin had vanished, and his face fell into seriousness border-lining on the sadness and despair I'd seen in his eyes earlier.
"I'm sorry, Jade." He muttered softly, and my brows pulled into a frown.
"For what?"
"Everything." He walked back towards me, leaned down to wrap his arms around me as he placed a kiss on my head. Then he straightened after a while and headed for the door.
He turned around at the threshold, and I could have sworn his eyes were glittery with tears, but then he smiled.
"I love you, kiddo." And then he was gone.