"That... You must figure out yourself."
"What? Why can't you tell me?"
"Look, the past that you know does not exist anymore. It never happened."
"And that's why I am very confused, see? Tell me what is going on.. how you came back to life and why is the past so different from what I know and existed. I need your help.."
"My lips are sealed, Tazanna. I'm so sorry. As much as I wanted to help, they might punish me."
"These people sure love the suspense, no? Are they gods?"
"Apparently, they are." I lick my lips. "They are the ones that brought me back here, Tazanna. It's because you desperately wanted to know how I left this world. I heard you, and so did they. But in return, I will not tell a single soul how I died.."
"So then how? How can I ever give your death some justice if it's going to be this way?"
"I'll be here in every step of the way, love. I can promise you that."
...is what he said but, his words kept running in my mind. Why couldn't he tell me who killed him? Why did the gods have to change the past? How am I suppose to solve this mysterious case without any suspects or clues?
"Ouch.." I whimper, not even realizing that I have been biting on my nails. My ring finger is bleeding, with a sigh, I went back down to my office. Work is not going to get done if I keep thinking this, better stay focused than anything.
The clock strikes twelve and I am still at work. Felix must be waiting for me back home but I don't wanna see him just for today. My brain is doing too much thinking that it is killing me now, I had to take some medicine for headaches. An hour later, I decided to go home. Just as I made my way down the building, there I saw Felix standing beside his car, walking to and fro as he nervously plays with his keys.
"What are you doing here?" His head turned to the side, a breath of relief escaped his lips and ran towards me to give me a hug.
"I was worried!" he screams. "You were supposed to get home by 9 today! I was wondering what happened.. I wanna wait at home but my anxiety told me to just come here.."
I pull myself away. "It is not like I'm dead, Felix. Why were you so worried? I can protect myself."
"Yeah yeah, I know you can.. I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you are safe I guess.."
I peck him on the cheek. "I am safe." Thankfully, that made him smile. He wraps an arm around my waist and guided me inside of his car. I made myself comfortable and asked him, "How was work today, Felix? Anything good or bad happened?"
He shrugs. "It is going good, so far. Piper is doing an excellent job being the COO, despite of how big of a pain in the butt she was then. More proud than happy, to be honest." That puts a smile on my face. Piper really was a rebel years back, I had witnessed that, but I also saw how much Felix loves his sister. I envied her a lot for having such a reliable big brother, I am an only child.
The ride to our home was not long, we've arrived faster than expected. Felix parked his car and I hurried inside, my stomach is growling and begging for solids. A sandwich greeted me, I unwrap it only for my fiancé to snatch it away and hold up a finger in front of my face. He scolded, "This is not dinner."
"I'm starving, Felix." He turns to the right, quickly reheating the food that I assume he made earlier. The smell is making me drool, it is my favorite — spicy beef stew. I can't remember when was the last time I tasted this, my mouth is watering..
Felix gets the table ready as I sit down and then put my hair into a ponytail. He glances at me with a teasing smile, must feel good to have somebody overly excited to taste your cooking, huh? He pulls the apron to his head and sits across from me. "Enjoy, Taz. It's been a long day I know."
"I'm a hundred percent sure I'll enjoy every bite!" The exhaustion left my whole system, it tastes the same as before! Now I believe that this man with me right now, is not at all different from the Felix that I know and loved for fourteen years. I almost finished the whole pot but stopped when I caught his eye, has he been watching me? The back of my hand wipes off my mouth as I start to feel embarrassed. God, I missed eating this so much that I completely forgot about him. "You can eat the rest.."
"I've already eaten, baby, but thank you. How do you feel?"
I relaxed on my seat, really thought that he hasn't eaten any yet.. I would feel really bad if that were the case. He cooked this but couldn't even have a taste. I would feel really awful. "Much much better... Thank you for making me real good food tonight."
"You haven't been eating properly, am I right?" My eyes grow big. "Although mother has been delivering you food when she has time, who knows if you were eating them?"
"Of course I ate them! I can never lie to mother, you know that!"
Felix messes up my hair before placing the dirty plates in the sink. Putting the apron back on, he started washing them. My eyes are starting to tear up from just seeing his back. All of this is still unbelievable, but I can't deny the fact that I am happy he is here with me again. For four years, I felt empty and miserable inside.. now that he's here, those feelings are gone. If the Gods that sent him back to me will allow it, I do not want to lose him ever again. Please don't take him away this time.
I did not notice that I was hugging him. My head is rested against his hard back as a drop of tear wets his sweater. I heard him chuckle. "I'm washing the dishes, sweetheart. You'll get soap on you if you keep hugging me.."
"I don't care," My arms pull him closer. "I just want to feel you, Felix. I have longed for you, for four years." There was silence. But I liked that more. I like this — the feel of his warmth passing on to me, his small movements, his slow breathing. Everything. "I love you so much, Felix." I could feel him freeze. Clearly, he was not expecting that. He hasn't changed. This happened very often before, he will get flustered each time I tell him I love him. It makes me happy and relieved at the same time. This man is truly my Felix.
"I love you way more, Tazanna." he whispers. Another tear has flown down my cheek. I want to cherish this moment with him. I want to be with him as much as I can. Who knows when his last day on earth will be? They might take him away again.
I know that there are even more important things I should focus on, think about and figure out.. but only today, let me be happy with him.