I did not go to the juvenile detention center this time around. This was not a case of school bullying, but a straight-out kidnapping and sexual assault, not to mention that I had to save Detective Haas from getting shot by his own gun which the crippled criminal somehow took off his hand in the skirmish. Detective Haas, in turn, was in for a very hard time as the first police to arrive at the scene, which resulted in the death of two suspects. And he shot down one of them too.
We were all hospitalized though. My injury wasn't serious. I had just heavy bruises and some cracks in the jaw. Shu was in bad shape with internal bleeding in his abdomen but was treated quickly enough to prevent it from becoming something more permanently problematic.
Sayna was the one who suffered the most. Considering what we all had to go through, that said all about what kind of terror and injury she had to endure. By the time police and ambulances arrived, she was unconscious, and her face was so swollen I would not have recognized her if I didn't know it was her.
We were all put in a private room at a police-guarded hospital for our recovery, and none of us were allowed to see each other. I thought it was for the best. Especially for Sayna.
"How are you feeling, Boh?"
It was the first time I saw Detective Haas after the incident, as he and I were interrogated separately.
"Hey, Detective. How are your men?"
"Recovering"
"Have you talked to Shu and Sayna yet?"
"Not yet. But I know Shu is recovering and should be able to get discharged sometime next week. If he wants to leave the hospital that is"
"What if he doesn't want to leave the hospital?"
"We will keep him at the mental ward for rehab for as long as he needs it to feel safe to go out again"
"What? Isn't it like where you keep crazy people?"
"Yes and no. They also have a section where they help the patients with recent PTSD to stay and recover"
"I see. So it's up to Shu.."
"Right"
"How about Sayna?"
"A female officer has been seeing her, but we did not get any testimony out of her yet. We are not going to force it. The situation is a bit complicated because the only eyewitness is you. Basically, the only people that testified so far are the criminals and you. We have no reason to believe those guys are telling the truth, but we cannot rely solely on your testimony either"
"For fuck's sake…"
"So, you are ready to be discharged this afternoon I have heard, and you did say that you wanted to leave and go back home. Are you sure about that?"
"This place drives me nuts. I can't wait to go home"
"I see"
The detective looked like he was going to say something, maybe a word of caution or some unsolicited life advice, but he thought better of it and stopped himself.
"Do you think…. Shu wants to see me…?"
"That I do not know. I will talk to him. You want me to deliver any message?"
"Yeah… please tell him now I see the error of my ways…"
"I will do that"
After the detective left the room, the nurse came in and said that the doctor will come to see me one last time, and if everything was okay I can leave.
It was only when I got home I felt the devastation. I have never done this in my life, but I literally broke down to the ground and wailed while curling up my body like a fetus. I thought I had put everything behind me, but I was getting all the flashbacks as I entered back home. The flashbacks were not only that of the horror, but they were mixed with various images of Shu around the house. Shu sitting on the sofa watching TV, Shu at the dining table talking with his mouth full, Shu putting his jacket on to leave for school, Shu coming out of his room in the morning rubbing his eyes saying good morning.
This was way too much for me to handle. I was a broken man, and I didn't know if I could ever recover from this. Then to think that I am the one who suffered the least out of all three, it broke my heart all over again.
I looked back at the time I rang the doorbell at Sayna's house for the first time. If I hadn't convinced her to come to school, this would never have happened. I remembered Sayna and me sitting at the library reading books, with me getting agitated and annoyed that she wasn't saying anything. And the spot where we stood and I held Sayna as she was crying, remembering the bad moments of her life that were still haunting her, and what did I say then, what the FUCK did I say then…
Every single piece of my muscle was tensing up and shaking with fear. My mind was traveling back to that night. No matter how hard I shook my head the images of Sayna did not disappear. Sayna getting raped, Sayna being spread open in the most humiliating way, Sayna getting her head pounded by the madman… and aw god… Sayna riding me on the chair.
I felt like a fuse blew in my head and the lights were coming off in my mind. As everything turned into darkness, I heard the voice in my head.
"You are the worst thing that happened in my life"
FUUUUUUUUCK!
I shot up from the ground screaming at the top of my lungs. I was drenched in sweat. My face was covered in snot and tears. I was panting like a dog under a blazing summer sun.
My hands were trembling. I tried to grab one hand with another, but that didn't do anything when both hands were shaking like hell.
I need something…
I then crawled to my bedroom, pulled and threw down a drawer from my desk. All the junk inside was spilled on the floor. There I found an open pack of cigarettes that I used to smoke. I haven't smoked for almost a year now. But fuck it. I don't know how this was supposed to help me but I couldn't think of anything else. I put one in my mouth and took a deep drag, and coughed like it was the first time I'd ever smoked.
Fuck this.
Then it dawned on me that Shu would get very unhappy if he came home and smelt cigarette smoke in our house. Fuck, I can't do this. I put the burning cigarette out on my left forearm. That hurt like fuck but it brought me back to my senses.
Shu.
I gotta see Shu again.