I've never been to school so early in my life. I was the first one sitting in the empty classroom with everybody else yet to come. I did this so that I do not need to make an attention-drawing entrance. There was no redemption for me in the eyes of everyone but Shu. To them, I was a delinquent that got into a fight with seniors and injured them horribly, and it was an injustice how light punishment I received.
It was fine that way. The only way to solve this would be to tell what happened that day, but I'd rather be alone for the two and a half years of high school life than let out Shu's story.
The first student to come in after me were two girls. Probably good friends and walked to school together. As soon as they saw me they gasped and hesitated about coming into the classroom. I looked away out of the window to let them know that I didn't mean to have any interaction - don't worry. I won't do anything to you girls.
Then more and more students filled in the classroom. The air was very heavy and nobody was even whispering. Well. I'm bringing everyone down. Maybe I shouldn't have come to school after all.
All the while I kept my face turned towards the window so as not to look at anyone, but it was hard not to notice Kulu coming to his seat just two rows in front of me. I should have known better, but I turned to face him and almost said 'hi', but as soon as he had eye contact with me he turned around and just sat on his seat without acknowledging me.
I see. Even Kulu doesn't know what happened.
I guess the closer you are to someone, the harder it is to talk about an incident like this. None of it's your fault, and you should absolutely not be, but the sense of shame from such an incident is overwhelming.
As I turned around to look out of the window again, I heard the voice,
"Hey"
I knew it was Shu. Not so much that I recognized his voice, but it was that I couldn't think of anybody else who would speak to me.
I did not acknowledge him though. He better forget about it all too and just move on. Maybe I'll quit school and start some part-time jobs or something. Right on the first day, I knew this place was no longer for me.
"Hey, Boh.."
Hearing his voice brought back the memories and it fucking hurt me. I don't feel bad about what I did to those guys at all, but all this time I felt guilty that I haven't done anything sooner, and the scene I saw on that day was something I wish I could forget forever but just couldn't.
"Look at me, Boh"
Now Shu was standing in front of me while I was still looking away. Well, it's his seat after all.
"Look at me"
Well, what's the point? I will leave this place and never see him again anyway.
So I finally looked up at him as I was still in my seat.
"You have grown", these words came out of my mouth by themselves.
"I have been eating well"
Then Shu gave me a smile that had the warmth I haven't felt for so long.
"Good boy"
"Boh, I never got to say it before… but thank you"
Now all eyes were on us, and because everybody was so quiet I knew everyone could hear us.
"It's okay. I'm glad you look fine"
Shu didn't say anything and just put his small and warm hand on my shoulder for a second, and then turned to sit in his seat.