MIA
Sitting on the railing on the rooftop, while our legs our in between the safety fence, I look at Lienna. How can someone be so understanding? How can someone be so calm? so angelic? just so.....perfect? I know if it was me in her place, I wouldn't have been able to forgive me even in 3 years and it took her just 3 days to understand me and forgive me. In fact, she is the one who made me understand myself. Its thanks to her I am not feeling as much burden as I was before. These 3 days were even worse than the 2 years after her death. I feel the need to explain my side though I know it won't make much difference as she already has no ill feelings against me, I want to tell her everything. Why did I decide to be a singer? And why chose her songs? I know she wants to know the answers deep down but she isn't asking me to not make me feel shameful or regretful. But she deserves to know and once she does know, she will know why I did it, and then she will understand all my pain because after all, she was my heart sister. I hope we return to how we were, but I know how fucking messed up everything is right now and if it wasn't for Lienna right now, maybe it would have been even more messed up and complicated.
"Lienna let me explain everything to you from my point of view. Please. I know you don't want me to tell you but I will feel way better after letting it all out." I say looking at her who is looking ahead of us, gazing at the city that is looking ethereal from up here drowned in the lights. Hearing me she just nods still looking at the front as I sigh and also look at the front.
"7 years ago, when Sam left, my heart was hurting for you too. Every day when you had that expressionless face and every night when you cried behind closed doors, I knew everything and it hurt me damn a lot because I couldn't do anything to lessen your pain. I did understand Sam's point of view for going to America because he was doing it for a better future for you both but I also understood you. All you had was him and you weren't in the state to understand anything at that time. So, I told you to focus on yourself and audition after graduating. And I was glad when you understood everything and did as I told you to. But that day when I got to know that the company had caught fire, my heart came to my throat, and I rushed there. But they wouldn't let anyone in and I prayed so much for you to be fine but then....they said no one survived. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't but after a few days when they still couldn't find you and when they started renovating the totally burnt building, I realized I need to accept the reality. I spent a year in guilt, the guilt of telling you to go audition to that company. But when I finally got out of my depression with Mom's help, she advised me something. She said I won't ever feel better until I do what you wanted to. So, I decided to be a singer and make your words reach Sam. All that you wanted to say to him. I sang your songs for you. I left London too and came to America. I kept my identity hidden because I didn't want to take credit for anything. It was all yours, all I was doing was what you wanted. And I didn't deserve the credit for anything. My goal was to make you successful, to make your song unforgettable and when I finally did it, I finally felt at ease. But Sam was also a part of it, it was because of him that it was possible. I didn't want to collaborate with him at first, I wanted to stay away as much as possible, but fate didn't let me. My producer forced me to, my manager begged me to and so I agreed. I tried to keep as much distance as I could from him because I blamed him for your death at first. But I realized later how he still loves you to the moon and back. I saw it in his eyes. And I realized I was blaming him to feel less guilty myself, it wasn't his fault at all. And so, I lessened my rude behavior with him. And the song that we collaborated on was written by you and Sam back when you were together and madly in love. The song is still in the top 10 songs. That makes me the happiest, but Sam thought that I am you. And as much as I wanted to run away from there and not tell him anything, I knew the truth couldn't be hidden for long, hence I told him everything which now I know was a lie. A lie because of which he suffered so much, because of which you are suffering so much.
Lienna, I had no idea you were alive. Hell, I would have died for you if I could. When I saw you at the party? My first emotion was relief and not shock, it was happiness and not sadness. I wanted to go give you a bear hug and cry all night telling you how I thought I had lost you forever and how I have been going through shit but then reality hit me, it was a fucking messed up situation where we were re-united. It broke me to see you and Sam break down like that. I couldn't do anything; I couldn't say anything. I was speechless. I swear I had never thought I would f-fall for Sam, and that too, this h-hard. I am so sorry...it was all my fault. If only I would have waited, if only I wouldn't have let my feelings get the best of me, it would all be ok."
I say barely controlling my sobs and I fail miserably after hearing Lienna.
"I love you, Mia." My body starts to shake due to uncontrollable sobs escaping my lips and Lienna gets up and back hugs me keeping her chin on the top of my head and her arms around my shoulders. I feel her tears falling too as I cry more and take my hands to hers and hold them tightly. She is not a human at all, she is an angel straight from heaven. How can she love me after knowing I still love Sam so much? How can she still forgive me after knowing I was dating the one, she loves more than herself? And now the only thing I can do for her is to not come in Sam and her way. They both deserve each other. I can't be a selfish bitch and let my love for him get over me. I love Lienna more than me, just as much as I love Sam and I know Lienna loves him more than me. I know they both need each other and no matter how much it hurts me, all I can do for her to lessen her pain is to forget Sam and never cross paths with him again. I don't know if I will be able to move on from him, maybe it will take time, years but I will eventually. I will have to and even if I don't, I deserve that. Lienna and Sam are made for each other. Destiny has given them another chance. My feelings don't matter shit. I love them both enough to keep their happiness over me and it's not even something I should be proud of. I know damn well; Lienna loves Sam more than me and he loves her more than any other man on this planet Earth could ever love her. 7 years of distance couldn't do anything to lessen their love for each other. What else do they need to do to prove their love? I will make sure that their destiny which has brought them to one another again, will keep them together forever. I love you both. I love you, Lienna. I love you Sam, I really do.
"I love you more."
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