LIENNA
Take a deep breath, Lien. This situation right now is giving me heart palpitations. Sam notices as he grabs my hand in his softly and passes me an assuring smile. Somehow, I manage to reciprocate it and give him a nod. Getting off the car, we both head to the mansion. Conor must be home by now. I see the slightly widening eyes of all the guards as they see me coming with Sam. But that's not the reason they are shocked, they are appalled seeing my hands in his firm grip. I gulp feeling nervous already, but Sam's thumb strokes my hand he is holding as I feel the nervousness reducing. Finally, walking through the massive garden and yard as now we are standing before the giant modern wooden gate. I exhale and nod as Sam rings the bell.
"Miss Lienna you are fina--" Karen's voice is cut off when she notices it's not just me.
"Oh.....I am so sorry. Come in please." She says and gets away to let us pass but then I see her eyes getting stuck on somewhere: our intertwined hands. I gulp when I feel her confused and judging eyes. I don't want people to think bad about me, bad about Sam. As we enter, I try to pull my hand from his grip, but he tightens and gives me the side eye of 'Don't even think about it'. I sigh and just let it be. But when we reach Conor's room, I snatch my hands away from his forcefully as he looks at me appalled. I give him my pleading eyes begging him to understand me like he always has. And he does reluctantly. Knocking four times, I enter his room after hearing a 'come in'. I can never go into his room without asking for permission. He hates it the most. Once I did, and he yelled at me a lot that day. He made up for it, but that hurt me. I know we should knock before entering a person's room but that day it was hailing, and I am scared of loud noises. I always used to dash into Sam's room, and I was never prohibited from coming there at any time of the day. Heck, I even had his spare apartment key. But Conor has never trusted me with anything like that. In fact, he prefers our maids to have it, like the key to his room, or his office room, or basement. I never thought much about it, but it did bother me.
"Conor?"
"I am here hope!" His voice comes from the balcony, and it pings my heart when he calls me 'hope'. He loves my middle name Hope and I am here to crush his fucking hope. But I was never here to give him hope. I never even did. I feel bad but....don't I deserve it? Don't I also deserve to think about myself first?
"Oh, Sum! You are here too?!" His excited voice makes my heart fill up with guilt, but I try to remind myself, I deserve happiness.
"Hey. How are you doing?" Conor smiles and hugs Sam ignoring me who is right beside him. Well, he is Sam's best friend before, right?
"I am great! How are you? And how come you both are here together?" He asks with a soft curious smile.
"Uh well, we have something important to talk about with you." Sam says.
"Oh, is it?" Conor replies while sitting down as I and Sam stand awkwardly.
"Conor...." I whisper as his eyes finally meet mine.
"Yes, Hun? You got time for your finance hm?" I try to fake a smile, but I can't.
"Come, sit beside me..." He says as I can already sense Sam's body tense. I glance at Sam nervously who is standing beside me but is looking straight at nowhere.
"N-no... I-I..."
"Oh, come on babe." He says grabbing my arm and pulling me to him. But before I can even land beside him or....on him, I feel a tight firm grip on my other wrist as it's pulling me back.
"Wh-what...?" Conor asks perplexed. But as his grip loosens, Sam quickly pulls me to him and intertwining my hand with his' makes me stand right beside him. Conor looks at him with a baffled expression.
"Sam what...?" He stands up feeling something different about this situation.
"What's going on? Why did you grab her?" Conor is still calm and so is Sam. But it seems it's the eerie calm before the storm. His gaze goes to Sam's hand holding mine as his expression changes from confused to stoic. I gulp. It's the same expression as that day before he yelled at me and I am still scared to witness that again. It's like a stoic expression with a storm inside. But when I realize Sam's presence around me, I immediately relax. It's not that I am a scaredy cat. Or that Conor is an abuser. He is a very calm person but when he is angry, he yells, loudly, and that triggers my trauma. My memories of the fire and all that yells and screeches of people being burnt. I close my eyes feeling pain just by remembering all of it. Sam has never yelled at me. It's not that we had a relationship with no ups and downs in the past but Sam was mature and he did better than to yell at me. He would simply leave for a while, he would never ask me to leave, he would make sure I am safe in the house and then he would leave to calm himself. I would prepare my apologies and he would his'. And we would be back to being us. But that day when Conor yelled at me, my already triggered self got more triggered and I fainted. It happened about 6 months ago and he has never yelled at me again, well cuz I have also not broken any of his rules. Like, leaving the house without his permission, coming home late than 11:00 pm, going into his room without his permission, or even talking to him without asking him and especially not questioning him anything about his business. He is not a bad person, but he is not the right one for me, and neither am I for him and I have realized it.
"Conor, Lienna and I have a past, a past that we can never forget, the past we can never let go of and the past for which we both are still alive. And that past is that we love each other, deeply, immensely, and only."
I am brought back from my trance by hearing Sam's calm yet authoritative voice. I widen my eyes and look at Conor who stands with his lips parted and with a blank expression. But then, a wide smile breaks out on his face as he claps his hand and looks at me with spite in his eyes. It scares me.
"So you.....you fucked with me the whole time? Kept me in a fucking lie for a whole year?! Why? Because I loved you? Saved you? HUH? WHY THE FUCK YOU LIED TO ME?? YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE MOST IS SOMEONE STABBING BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK!"
I flinch but I know I deserve this as I stand with my head low, ready for all the insults. But my head shoots up when I hear Sam speaking through his gritted teeth.
"Don't fucking insult her Conor. Don't yell at her!" Conor laughs mockingly as I shudder to see him like this and move behind Sam a little more.
"You were my best friend. I fucking trusted you and this is what you do?! Fuck around with my soon-to-be wife?!" It leaves me shocked as his poisonous words ring in my ear.
"I told you, we could never let go, and we never will. Because we have loved each other ever since. I am thankful that you saved her but don't destroy her after saving her. You know she was forced to be your so-called soon-to-be wife. Conor, me and Lien have more than just a past. It's the past that makes our present and our future. Without this past, we don't exist. I know it's hard for you to take in but please understand."
"UNDERSTAND?! WHAT? THAT YOU BOTH WERE FUCKING LYING TO ME THE WHOLE MONTH? SO, HE WAS THE REASON YOU WERE CRYING?! BECAUSE YOU MET YOUR SO-CALLED FUCKING PAST LOVER HUH?! YOU FUCKING CHEATER! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SAVED YOU! YOU DESERVE TO DIE! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET A CHEAP FUKING SLUT LIKE YOU LIVE! You are a fucking whore who cheated on her fucking husband with his own best friend."
His voice turns low at the end but every word was clearly heard by me. Each word, each word, each word. I go blank. I never expected this. Yes, I expected hurtful words, I expected insults, I expected him to be hurt, but he doesn't seem hurt, he seems someone else. Someone I don't know at all. Someone who never really loved me. 'You are not my husband' I want to say but it's like words are stuck in my throat. Before he can say more, or I can figure out how to react to all of this, I sense Sam moving but before I can even understand anything, I see Sam punching Conor with all his might as my eyes widen and my lips part in shock.
"STOP FUCKING INSULTING HER OR I WILL BURY YOU! I TOLD YOU TO LISTEN! WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING LISTEN WITH YOUR COOL MIND HUH?! I KNOW YOU ARE ANGRY. AND I KNOW YOU ARE GONNA REGRET SAYING ALL THIS SHIT IN THE MORNING BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. HURTING THAN HEALING! BUT I AM NOT ACCEPTING THIS SHIT OF YOURS WITH HER! MARK MY WORDS! I WILL NOT BEAR IT!"
Sam leaves his collar and stands up straight then turns to me as his raged red eyes soften seeing me but before he can come any close to me, I see Conor standing up behind him and about to punch him as I yell.
"SAM! BEHIND YOU!"
....