In the next couple of days I felt more normal than I had in the previous weeks. Over the weekend we spent most of our time holed up in the library and when I wasn't there I was spending every spare minute with Declan.
We'd been training so hard, mentally and physically, that I was extremely tired at night and that had luckily kept the nightmares away which meant that I was always so well rested and relaxed. That's why I couldn't understand why we hadn't come up with a good plan of escape.
I knew we had to come up with something soon, because even Andrei and Ilya were starting to get suspicious and I knew if they suspected something was up then the other four had to have been suspecting as well. They couldn't really prove that we weren't working on a project and the only way they'd figure it out is if they were to go and enquire from our teachers, which I knew they wouldn't do because whenever we were together it seemed like Andrei and Ilya were taking the reins and I knew they trusted me – misguidedly but still.
Unfortunately breaking out wasn't the biggest problem I was facing, I also wasn't getting anywhere with Declan on the mental training front. I was struggling so much that Declan had cut our session short last night, telling me that I should just rather get some sleep which was extremely weird.
The weirdness didn't stop coming when I was in the gym before Declan on Wednesday morning. I'd been sparring with the practice dummies, which was no fun at all, for almost half an hour before he leisurely strolled in like nothing was wrong.
"Where have you been?"
I asked breathlessly, throwing my hands up in the air. I was beyond pissed, because it was Declan who had suggested we start doing the extra training in the first place. I wasn't going to lie, I did love the training. With Declan nothing was off limits, he didn't make me do suicide sprints for hours or shied away from physical contact just because I was a girl and the best part was that he believed the sooner you started training with silver stakes the better. While my father had started training James and I with silver stakes three years ago, the little training we received on our two month break wasn't really groundbreaking and I savored the time Declan spent with me, working on my staking techniques.
"Sorry Lils, you've kind of been killing me lately, I overslept."
He said sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. In that moment he looked no more than an eighteen year old admitting to being afraid of the dark. I laughed aloud and for just a second he looked absolutely mortified before he himself started laughing as well.
I'd been thinking about something truly bizarre while I'd been training alone and I wanted to run it past Declan, so I grabbed my water bottle and took a seat on one of the multiple stationary bikes to catch my breath.
"I've been thinking about something, you mentioned the day we met, for quite some time now and I wanted to run it past you."
I paused and looked at him, really looked at him, up close. He still looked extremely tired and he had his face turned to the sky, arms crossed across his chest, eyes closed. When I didn't continue he opened one and peered at me, encouraging me to continue.
"You talked about being able to enter someone's thoughts and altering them?"
I questioned unsure. For just a moment it looked like he stiffened at my words, but he relaxed again so quickly that I thought I'd imagined it.
"Yes, but Lils you're nowhere near close to doing that. I mean you're still struggling to get into people's minds that you haven't known your entire life. So don't worry about the advanced stuff, just get a handle on what we've been learning so far."
He was looking at me intently as he said this and I felt a little saddened by his words. He must have noticed, like he always seemed to notice every little thing about me.
"Look you've been doing great. You're learning a lot quicker than I expected and you'll get there eventually, but for now just don't worry about it okay."
He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before he started doing his warm-ups, but I was nowhere near done with the conversation.
I'd gladly table it for now though, but we still had to shower, dress and do our hour of meditation before it was even breakfast time so I knew I had plenty of time.
*** *** *** *** ***
"Oh, come on Declan, stop acting like you have no idea what I'm talking about."
I'd been trying to persuade Declan since this morning to go along with my brilliant plan, but he keeps giving me these disbelieving looks – like he had no idea what I was talking about after he's basically confirmed it in the gym.
"Jesus Christ Lilith I never said I had no idea, but what you're asking me to do seems a little cruel."
To say I was shocked at his outburst was an understatement and while I did agree that my plan had indeed been cruel, it was still solid and the only one we'd come up with that didn't seem like it would instantly fail. I didn't think he'd be stuck on the moral implications as much as he was and that stunned me slightly. Now more than ever we needed to act swiftly, we could only work on a non-existent project for so long before we're caught.
While I hadn't been on board with this silliness from the beginning, I had started to taste the freedom we could have – should we pull it off.
"Okay, rather than having them think they saw a physical strigoi, how about we make them think they saw something that could possibly be a strigoi? Would that appease your morality?"
Declan looked at me like I'd suddenly grown wings or horns and I threw my hands up in exasperation at his expression. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him, but the teenager in me won in the end.
"You are insufferable. Let's see how the other two react to this plan and I'll make my decision based on that, good?"
I smiled my widest and brightest smile up at him, not even realizing how close he had actually been standing until I needed to throw my head back to look into his eyes. Honestly, most days I hated being this short but it gave me so many advantages on the battlefield and I kind of liked the way everyone always underestimated me.
From my vantage point I could see the muscles in his strong jaw jump and this was one of those times I just ached to reach out and touch him, but I couldn't. I was so afraid that somehow a touch would have the same effect as his kiss had the other day and I was already craving that feeling, almost like one taste had me addicted. Maybe that was why I felt so strongly about drugs, because Declan might be the only drug I actually needed. Good God Lils, do you even hear yourself. This time I had to agree with that pesky little voice.
To me it was pure bliss, having the world instantly melt away and the noise in my head fade to complete and utter silence. It's what I imagined my heaven to feel like and I knew that wasn't fair to Micah. God, there was a time Micah would have been the main reason for me not doing it, but it seems like something was starting to shift.
I knew it and, by the way Declan watched me and subconsciously moved with me, I knew he could feel it too. It felt dangerous, yet safe at the same time – wild and calm, so contradicting and yet so familiar. I became a poet whenever I stared into liquid amber for too long, it's the only way I'm able to describe his eyes and even that seems insufficient.
I might actually have to have a conversation with Micah if this, whatever it is, keeps growing between Declan and I. It's dreadful and I personally don't even want to think about it, but ignoring it isn't going to make it go away – I'd learned that the hard way, besides I didn't want to lose either of them but I didn't particularly want to have to choose either.
Declan seemed to be waging an internal war as he looked down at me, but just as I saw some of that resolve crack the door to the library opened and pulled both of us back to reality. Thank God for small miracles right? Well my emotions didn't get that message as I glared at the door, only to realize it was Lexi and James followed by their guardians.
I was secretly glad that mine had come to trust me, misguided as that trust might be, it did afford me some leniency on their part – for which I had been extremely grateful. I had been alone in the library with Declan as result, well before my friends showed up that is – regardless I sent up a silent prayer thanking the universe for having a stronger resolve than both of us.
It would have been a mistake on both our parts, had anything happened and while things were complicated with Micah he didn't deserve that – hell he didn't deserve the fact that I was thinking more about Declan these days than I was about him.
My life was getting increasingly more intricate by the day and it's not like it wasn't complex to begin with, now though it was just bizarre. My relationship – if you could call it that – with Micah wasn't something I was actually seeking out, it kind of just happened, and it wasn't like we could announce it to the world. The age difference wouldn't allow it and neither would anyone with half a brain cell.
I took a moment to think about both Micah and Declan and the similarities was staggering. I now started to wonder if I didn't want them because they were seemingly unattainable, especially to a sixteen year old. They were both twenty two, both exceptional guardians and while they both had complete opposite personalities they were more the same than I cared to admit.
In conclusion I learned that I tend to fall in love with guys I either can't have or can't have a public relationship with until I'm eighteen, which even I had to admit – sucked. I had to be because I was a Belikov, I was walking exactly the same path as my parents after being warned multiple times and on multiple occasions that it wasn't going to be easy. Yeah right like you'd ever take the easy way out of anything.
Damn you, voice of reason.
Declan was sitting at a table with Lexi and James, voices low in whispers. Every now and then I would see both their eyes widen and then change into something I could only describe as wonder. I loved my friends, but they could be just a tad crazy sometimes… That's rich coming from you, who wanted to make people see strigoi.
I should remember to ask Declan about the voice, it's been driving me crazy the last couple of days – much more than usual. Maybe that meant that I was getting stronger mentally, or maybe I was just going crazy. Who really knows?
I tried drowning out the noise by focusing on what Declan was saying, but the only thing I caught was, "So you guys in?"
Which was met by enthusiastic and vigorous nodding. I was a little bummed that I wasn't in on the actual plan, but at least I had an idea as to what was about to happen. I'd just have to ask Declan to fill me in on the particulars later.
I knew it wasn't going to be the exact same plan I had, because Declan had pointed out a flaw in my plan which I hadn't even noticed. He'd been escorting me in between classes and brought up the fact that, for my plan to work, we had to tell James and Lexi about him and that was beside the question.
He'd said something that made my skin flush and heart flutter, "I'd do just about anything for you Lils, but my dad would literally kill me if I let something slip." He'd given my shoulder a squeeze as he said that and I almost melted. I didn't even know myself these days, with Micah there was immense attraction but I could contain myself and I took pride in that. With Declan it was different and I couldn't stop myself from becoming a blushing sixteen year old, which isn't the way I normally act.