By the looks on my friends' faces they hadn't even had the tiniest suspicion that something was going on, none the less something so big. James had apologized as soon as Declan and I walked through the door earlier and I'd told him I'd have been much more upset had he not been honest.
James and Lexi both gave me sympathetic looks and fierce hugs, but I didn't really want their sympathy. I proceeded to tell them that this was one of the most amazing things that would probably ever happen to me and there was no way I'd ever see that as a curse.
"It makes sense why Declan is here then."
James mused and I instantly went rigid, but luckily James and Lexi's attention was on Declan so they hadn't noticed. Lexi looked confused and when James saw this he went on to explain. I braced myself for the explanation I thought was about to come and I had already been prepared to ask how long he had known, but that thought was shattered as soon as he spoke.
"See Declan here is quite the guru when it comes to breathing and meditation, I'd bet anything that dad sent him here in the hopes that all the mental crap he believes in could somehow help Lily."
"Hey it's not crap James, don't knock it until you try it."
Declan retorted and the two brothers busied themselves with a friendly scuffle and Lexi made her way over to me.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be there for you Lily, especially since you were there for me with all the magic training and stuff."
Lexi said softly sitting down next to me on the bed and rubbing my back. I might have been the youngest between the three of us, but I was also the most mature and I was always their shoulder to cry on. I never really needed theirs which was evident when I waited almost a year to tell Lexi about Micah and even then I was careful not to divulge my feelings towards him. Yes I did like him, but definitely not in the way I liked Declan. Had he not showed up I would have seriously thought that Micah was my one epic love and I'd probably have spent years trying to convince myself that it was real.
I liked when my friends confided in me and when they'd seek me out for advice or comfort, but I wasn't the type of person to show weakness so I didn't confide in them nearly as much as I should have. I had no doubt that they would have been able to help me through it, but if that had happened I wouldn't have met Declan. Despite the fact that I was crazy about the guy, he had also helped me immensely in the past few weeks and that helpfulness is what had drawn me to him in the first place. That and those eyes I couldn't seem to shake no matter how many times I try to make myself feel bad for what I had to do to Micah.
I'd told Lexi that I was going to have to end it with Micah and even though she liked me and Declan together she still had her reservations. That was until I started telling her about the differences in the way both of them made me feel and she was suddenly agreeing with me that I was making the right choice. I hadn't really ever talked boys with Lexi, but it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be and I suddenly couldn't wait for her to start confiding in me about Daniel. I wasn't going to push it, I'd take a page from her book and wait for her to come to me.
"It also doesn't hurt that he's so hot"
Lexi crooned and I stared at her wide-eyed. It didn't make me jealous that she thought that because all it meant was that she had eyes and wasn't afraid to be honest. We'd basically all grown up with honor, honesty, integrity and trust. It was deeply rooted in our personalities so it shouldn't actually come as a surprise that both Lexi and James lived by them.
"I mean don't get me wrong Micah is hot too, but Declan is just on another level."
Lexi added and that is when the guys started paying attention again and Declan's breathless scorching gaze found mine. It's like that gaze was seeing right through me and he smiled at my apparent discomfort. Lexi blushed, knowing they had heard her but she said nothing to retract her statement.
Declan and James closed the small space between us and rather than sit down they kept standing, their tall forms looming over us rather ominously. The sun was also starting to set which meant that it was now the perfect time for us to start our little experiment and though I was a little nervous it was the ultimate test of how far I'd come in two short weeks – well almost two weeks, I wasn't about to sell myself short.
"Okay so it might be better if you guys left, take a stroll around the cabin or something, it can get quite…"
Declan trailed off testing his next words before saying them, but eventually sighed and shook his head – more at himself than anyone else. James and Lexi stared at him in anticipation, but their eyes widened when he finally gave up.
"Intense."
He added giving both James and Lexi pointed looks, they didn't budge though and why would they have. They wanted to be able to say they'd witnessed it firsthand and no doubt brag about it all over campus one day. I had to give them points on their determination, but it didn't help with the nerves at all.
Declan hadn't been overreacting when he said it was intense, it definitely was, but I also didn't want to have my friends see me in such a vulnerable and obedient state – but I seemed to relax when Declan held out his hand to me. All traces of stress vanishing instantly.
"Lily?"
He questioned waiting for me to take his hand, but I hesitated and spared one last glance at James and Lexi before taking it and he pulled me up with an ease that made me feel weightless though it could very well have been his touch causing that effect.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Was the last thing Declan said to Lexi and James before he spun me around, his chest against my back and his hands on my hips keeping me steady.
We were just about to start the breathing exercises when James spoke and I literally groaned. It was difficult enough for me to have spectators during this, but at least that I could drown out. What was difficult for me to drown out though was the commentary.
"That hardly seems necessary."
James commented pointing to Declan's hands and Lexi actually blushed having just noticed it. She had wonder etched on her face when Declan chuckled lowly, the action sending vibrations through my spine making me shiver. He muttered something that sounded like an almost inaudible sorry before he spoke.
"It's the only way I know to protect her."
James looked confused at his statement and Declan sighed.
"This,"
He said looking down at his hands and pressing his fingers into my hips for emphasis
"Is the only thing keeping her from falling and cracking her skull open against the floor."
He added and relaxed his grip on my hips once more. James threw his hands in the air in surrender and beckoned for us to continue. He wasn't wrong, being as relaxed as I was supposed to be for this to work meant relaxing my body and mind. If I did it correctly there would be no resistance in my muscles and the likeliness of me falling over as result was huge. It's not like it hadn't happened before, it's how my guardians, James and Micah had found us after our first attempt.
Declan took a deep breath and focused his attention back on me and I did the same. We'd been practicing the breathing almost every night since he'd come to St. Vladimir's, but I never really could get used to his voice taking on that hypnotic tone that it frequently did while he guided me into deep relaxation.
I was drowning out everything but his voice and when I started lightly swaying I could have sworn I heard James say that they were going outside after all.
Every time we practiced this, it seemed to happen quicker and more intensely than the previous time and just as I was at my most relaxed I heard Declan speak. It was feint and far away, but I could hear him telling me to think about Micah. In that moment I realized that this couldn't have been very easy on him, but he was willing so I had no problem complying.
I did as I was told and concentrated on Micah, the way he used to make me feel, the way his eyes laughed when he smiled and the way he smelled like rain and incense. That last thought was exactly what I needed before I saw the vibrant blue colors swirling behind my eyelids. Declan realized this almost as soon as I saw them and he softly whispered for me to move closer and touch them. I didn't know what it looked like on the outside and I desperately wanted to, maybe one day I'll ask him to describe it to me or paint me a picture – I've heard he was quite the artist.
It was much different forcing yourself to do it rather than just aimlessly falling into it and I was met with some resistance. Declan softly persuaded me to push a little and I did.
I was sitting in a familiar room one I'd been in before, it was Micah's. He was sitting on one of the chairs off to the side of the room, five other people in his room – besides him. I could feel he was a little uncomfortable with all the eyes on him, but he didn't show it on his face. He was calm even though the rest of the people in his room with him were struggling to keep it together. I looked from my father's face to my mother's to my grandmother's to Uncle Adrian's and lastly Lord Christian Ozera's – Lexi's father. Uncle Adrian didn't seem fazed at all, but nothing really ever seemed to faze him much it's just like we'd come to know him. I couldn't really understand why Declan and James were so scared of him, he was a real sweetheart or rather he had always been sweet to both Lexi and me.
My dad was stalking up and down, throwing daggers at Micah with his eyes every so often. That look scared me, though I'd never been at the receiving end of one so intense, I could only guess what was going through his mind. Anger was an emotion that came easy to him, especially concerning family and he had no reason to mask his anger in the presence of others.
"You really expect us to believe that you have no idea where they went, after you so gallantly tried to defend them three weeks ago? Don't test my patience boy, I'm not buying that you weren't involved."
My father clenched his jaw, practically speaking through his teeth. To say he was angry might have been an understatement – seething might have been a more accurate description – but his show of authority didn't seem bother Micah and when he spoke there was a kind of calm to his voice.
"Maybe you should be speaking to Guardian Ivashkov instead of wasting your time with me, he's been following Lily around since he arrived at St. Vladimir's and I bet he'd have a much better idea of where they went. Or better yet, why don't you talk to their appointed guardians, God knows they never go anywhere without them. Or rather, Lexi and James never go anywhere without theirs, but apparently Lily had hers convinced that Ivashkov could keep her out of trouble so she hasn't had hers around much in the last week."
I couldn't believe Micah was throwing me, Declan and my guardians under the bus like this. No one, except maybe for Uncle Adrian, had noticed the venom in his words and my mind flashed back to the promise Declan had made me regarding Micah and how he would understand. I was starting to really doubt if we'd ever be on speaking terms again after this. It was a side of Micah I didn't recognize and wish I never had to witness myself, but he wasn't wrong he really had no idea what happened and I secretly wondered if that might be why he was angry.
"We would talk to Declan if we knew where he was, but it seems like he left with them."
My mother spoke sweetly, a complete contradiction to my father's earlier outburst. I was more scared of my mother when she adopted this air than I was of my father when he'd been speaking earlier. My mother was fiery and rough, this side of her scared me though it still didn't seem to bother Micah.
"Why am I not surprised?"
Micah retorted at my mothers' statement and I could hear Uncle Adrian take in a calming breath, Micah had heard this as well and his head shot up just in time to see my mother put her hand on Uncle Adrian's shoulder. It had always been so weird to me that they could still be friends after my mother had inadvertently shattered his heart after rekindling her relationship with my father. Apparently they had been in a relationship and my father being turned back into a damphir by Queen Vasilisa had complicated things as my mother had then still been in love with my father. All of it read more like a book that actual life events, in my opinion, but if I was getting these facts from their memories then I'd be foolish not to believe them. Theirs was the epic love I had thought I might have had with Micah, but then the universe gave me Declan and I started to question everything.
"What is that supposed to mean Guardian?"
My dad questioned and for the first time since I entered this memory, my father looked more confused than angry.
"Like I said earlier Sir, Ivashkov has been like Lily's shadow this last week. I wouldn't be surprised if he, in some way, assisted with their escape."
Micah didn't even flinch at Uncle Adrian's outrage and for the first time in my life I saw legitimate anger in his eyes. My mother did a good job of trying to keep him calm and after a few pointed looks, Uncle Adrian seemed to visibly relax.
"I don't particularly believe you don't know more than you're saying, but you've given us some new information worth looking into."
My grandmother said, being the only voice of reason other than my mother.
"If you remember anything else, no matter how small, please don't hesitate to seek any of us out. We'll be available 24/7 until we find them."
I was almost sure they were about to leave, but my father stopped them by holding up his hand. Something in Micah's face told him that he still had something to say. They waited patiently, everyone trusting my father's instincts blindly. I could feel that Micah was wrestling with whatever he was about to say and I hoped that if I concentrated hard enough he wouldn't mention anything about me and him, because that's the feeling I was starting to get from him.
It felt like he was legitimately scared of what he was about to say and his panic was primarily directed at my parents, but for some reason he feared Uncle Adrian's reaction more, which was a rather bizarre change of events. At first I had thought he was going to out us and the relationship we'd had and although I knew there wasn't going to be an us anymore I still wanted to keep it a secret. He seemed to be of the same opinion and by the feel of his emotions I could almost guarantee he had just come to the same conclusion, I couldn't understand why he would do that and potentially put his career in jeopardy. I wasn't so sure about that anymore, whatever he was about to say was raging inside him like a hurricane, throwing his emotions into turmoil.
I knew if it was about us, Uncle Adrian wouldn't bother him so much and I could feel anticipation growing inside me. Whatever he was about to say was going to be news to me too and I was selfishly happy that it might shift the attention from Declan and I.
"Talk to Andrei first, he has been getting quite friendly with Lilith… And spending a little too much time with James."
Upon hearing his son's name, Uncle Adrian completely lost it. He lunged at Micah, but he simply refused to meet Uncle Adrian's eyes. My mother was faster though and held him back with ease.
"Get him out of here!"
My father barked and my mother basically dragged him from the room. When the door closed, my father's attention went back to Micah.
"Guardian Galkin?"
My father questioned after the room settled and Micah nodded, seemingly unfazed by what had just happened.
"Yeah I'm not sure what his game is, but he hasn't been around Lily much these last few days. He's been spending most of his down time with James"
If I had physically been there I would have been speechless and had I heard it second hand I probably would have never believed it to be true.
"And you say the same is true for Lilith and Declan?"
Micah was mad that he had to explain again, but my father truly wanted to get his facts straight before consulting anyone on the matter.
"Well yes and no. Andrei had only been around James in his down time, Declan is always around Lily – they're never apart."
My grandmother and father shared a look that said they shouldn't be surprised and I felt a sharp stab where my heart was supposed to be. Okay so guys my own age weren't mature enough for me, it's because of the way my parents had raised me, but it still hurt that they would blindly believe it. By the look on my father's faces I knew that he noticed the venom dripping from Micah's tone whenever he mentioned Declan's name and for just a moment it seemed like he was going to call Micah out on his jealousy, but that didn't happen.
"I guess I don't know my daughter then."
I was breathing irregularly, panting raggedly, as I took in my surroundings. I don't remember pulling back, I had wanted to get a feel of Micah's emotions once his company left, but I realized that my own emotions must have completely undone the relaxation I needed to stay there and as result I actually kicked myself out of his head. I was sitting on the ground between Declan's outstretched legs and he was holding me, rocking me back and forth much like you would comfort a small child. Lexi and James were sitting on the bed, watching us with obvious concern and I was shocked at the display, emotions still heightened by what I had witnessed and felt. The sounds around me felt foreign to my own ears and it's only then I noticed that I was openly, shamelessly, sobbing.