"I'll literally kill him."
"Declan!"
I exclaimed, trying to get him to relax. Something I had been trying to do unsuccessfully for the past half an hour.
"No Lilith, what gives him the right? How can he be talking so much fucking nonsense without you there to defend yourself?"
Declan had a point, but I wasn't convinced that was the real reason he was so mad.
"You weren't there to defend yourself either."
I said softly and Declan stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at me and shook his head while closing the distance between us in two strides of his long legs. He hugged me fiercely, forcing most of the air out of my lungs before he cupped my face in his hands.
"I couldn't care less about that love, you have to know that."
The earnestness in his words made my heart melt and I breathed in the moment. I was still met by looks of sympathy, which was starting to make my skin crawl. I wasn't some damsel in distress in need of saving I was supposed to be the one doing the saving, although with the way I felt in that moment I wasn't completely sure I'd be able to save anyone.
I felt completely useless and I'm pretty sure I would have fallen apart had it not been for Declan and my friends. Declan has really been amazing through all of this and he'd held me until I stopped crying, and not once had he complained or given any indication that he'd rather be doing anything else.
After my sobs had turned to soft hiccups, Declan had convinced me to go to sleep or even at the least just take a nap. I had been way more tired than I was willing to admit, but my mind had been going a hundred miles a minute and I was tossing and turning for almost an hour. That is until Declan, followed by James and Lexi, sat down with me. Yes it had been a little cramped, but it worked at getting me to fall asleep.
Declan didn't want to push when I had finally woken up, but I knew they had been patient while I was sleeping and while I was still so raw and emotional I knew I had to tell them everything. Well except the part where my parents blindly believed Micah about me and Declan and I had purposefully omitted the accusations Micah had thrown at Andrei and James. There was enough fuel to this fire and I wasn't about to introduce some dynamite as well. I'd told them that there was no actual news on where or how they were searching for us and that I think they were knowingly keeping Micah out of the loop, just in case.
"It just feels like I never really knew him, you know? Like he'd just put up this façade around me and I was fooled into believing he was actually a good guy."
I refused to meet their eyes, I knew the emotion they would hold and I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from crying again at the intensity. Instead I focused on Declan's emotion, he was downright seething and I was glad I wasn't the only one who held onto anger.
"Oh honey, don't think about it that way. I don't think that you didn't know him, I just think he was really good at hiding the parts of him he didn't want you to see."
I was shocked to say the least, James was coming through with the real talk and I was starting to see him in a completely different light. It might have been thanks to the words that Micah had spoken, but I was suddenly wondering if there was any truth to his accusations. I didn't want to dwell on it though because I liked that, after all this time, there was still some things about my friends that could surprise me and this comment from James was certainly one of them.
"Thanks James, that was oddly comforting."
He put his hand over his heart in mock horror, like my comment had been an arrow and I had shot it straight through his heart. I laughed at his reaction which cause him to break down laughing as well. Declan watched out little exchange with amusement and I saw him almost laugh as well, Lexi just rolled her eyes at us and acted like she wanted nothing to do with the conversation but eventually gave in and joined in the laughter.
I knew Andrei was gay, he had this air surrounding him that I couldn't quite explain and though he hadn't come out and say it to my face, I was positive it was the truth. James carried a little of that as well and I couldn't believe it had taken me this long to notice. It would explain why he was never interested in any of the girls that so shamelessly threw themselves at him. James had used those same words earlier to describe his brother, but he was no slouch in getting female attention.
I had asked Declan if we could try the memory walk again as I had wanted to check on Andrei. I'd only told them that Micah had thrown Declan, me and my guardians under the bus and that's what had prompted Declan's earlier outburst. He advised me against it, saying that we should rest and recover before attempting it again. I wasn't too happy about it, but Declan had gone on to explain that while I was still learning I should take it easy and not over exert myself. He also mentioned that it was supposed to be fun and he wasn't about to throw me back in if I wasn't going to have fun and snoop for gossip. I laughed at this, only he would make light of the situation.
It sounded like he spoke from experience regarding the exertion and I knew there was a story there, but I didn't push as I knew he would tell me eventually and make a whole life lesson out of it, seems like Lexi was rubbing off on me after all – it only took sixteen years. I had fallen asleep again, while we were watching movies and eating junk food, and a nightmare was just about to take form when it completely disappeared and I slept peacefully until around 7pm.
When I woke up, I felt rested and I looked around me, a smile crept onto my face as I watched Declan, James and Lexi still sleeping peacefully. They had to be extremely tired and I didn't want to bother them by getting up and possibly jostling them so I stared up at the ceiling like I had so often done back in the dorms. A familiar feeling ceased me almost immediately as the shadows in the cabin grew longer and I found myself somewhere I had never been, with someone whom I'd never been.
I was standing in the much coveted guardian headquarters, a place I had previously only heard of and I felt weary and tired. I knew these weren't my feelings – although they could just as well have been – they were courtesy of… my grandmother!
"Guardian Hathaway, we have roadblocks set up on all major highways and have alerted all guardians within a three hundred mile radius from the school. A nationwide alert has also been issued to all major cities in the US."
My mother and father was standing with my grandmother and nodded along with what Guardian Castile was saying. It was obvious that I was correct in my assessment that they were knowingly keeping Micah out of it, they didn't really trust him. They didn't trust that he really didn't know anything about our escape, but if I had a handle on who the new Micah was I was positive that he'd eventually find a way to make them include him.
My father seemed to be thinking about something given the deep frown lines on his face. It tugged on my heart, they looked exhausted like they hadn't slept since we had left. At the end of the day – despite his harsh words – I was still his daughter and it made me feel really bad, but we were kind of trying to prove a point. The point being that they couldn't keep us apart no matter how hard they tried. Again, it's an extremely juvenile reason but we were still just sixteen year olds and if they treat us like kids they can't expect us to act like adults. I'd remember that when I saw my father again, but for now I'll just hang onto the scene playing out in front of me.
"You're thinking we should make it an international alert?"
My mother questioned, successfully reading my father's expression and he nodded in agreement.
"I don't want to make this a bigger issue than it is, but you know she could very well end up somewhere in Russia and if we don't have these alert out then we might never find them."
My father admitted and both my mother and grandmother nodded. Guardian Castile nodded as well and disappeared from the room. The atmosphere was thick and frantic, but my family was the picture of calm even though I knew it wasn't necessarily how they felt. They prided themselves in staying calm even when the problem had to do with me. Had I not known how much my parents loved me, I would have thought them to be heartless in that moment.
When everyone had cleared out of the room my mother sank into a chair and my father knelt in front of her taking her hands in his.
"We'll find her Roza, I promise we'll find her."
He said as he kissed both her hands and she managed a small smile as she looked back at him. My grandmother regarded them fondly, but her inward emotions were in turmoil. She was sad and scared, two emotions I hadn't even been sure she was capable of, but she wasn't about to show that to my parents as I could feel she didn't want them to worry any more than they already were.
"I think you guys should probably get some rest, the both of you are looking a little worse for wear."
My grandmother had always been really honest and even in the most stressful of circumstances that didn't change. My mother gave her a look of disbelief, like she wanted to chastise her for even considering they take a break.
"Rose, you are still my daughter and you won't be of any help should you pass out from exhaustion."
It looked like my father was going to agree, both of them worried for her worrying about me. The stress of the situation wasn't lost on me as I could feel every emotion, raw and real. My grandmother wasn't about to let my father force my mother into something he wasn't about to do himself and I smiled when she spoke again.
"Don't test me Dimitri I was talking to you too."
Bet on my grandmother to make the great Dimitri Belikov feel like a teenage boy. My father actually nodded and helped my mother on her feet as he too stood upright. The height difference between them had always been just slightly funny to me, though it seems that I will regress more to my grandmother's side – being exactly as tall as her five foot frame at sixteen, not that I thought I was going to grow any more but a girl could hope. My mother was five foot seven and my father was six foot seven. I'd always laughed at the difference, but I knew when I was standing next to my father I looked no more than thirteen years old. Guess that's going to be my life for the rest of my life.
I watched them leave through my grandmother's eyes and once she was sure they had gone, she sank into a chair much like my mother had.
"Oh Lilith, what have you done?"
The raw emotion she had allowed herself to feel when she knew she was completely alone was overwhelming and I was suddenly pushed out of her head, back in the cabin staring at the ceiling. Though I wasn't actually staring at the ceiling, I was met by two amber colored eyes that looked just slightly angry.
"Sorry."
I blurted out before I could even think about it.
"I swear it wasn't on purpose, it just happened, but at least I got some good info. Something all of you guys might be interested in knowing."
I added and Declan sighed. He motioned towards the rest of the bed and held his forefinger to his lips informing me that James and Lexi were still sleeping. I stared up at Declan who was propped up on his elbow and shirtless. My breath caught in my throat and I literally forgot how to breathe when I looked down and saw he was lying next to me in only his boxers. Not that I was dresses much better in a matching tank top and black shorts, a satin sleepwear set. Earlier when I had put it on in the bathroom I was a little self-conscious and remembered that I hadn't even packed my own clothes. I grabbed my blanket as Declan's eyes raked over my body and I noticed I must have kicked it off while I was sleeping.
He chuckled and it sounded deeper and chestier than I had ever heard, must have been on account of him having just woken up, but even if we had been fully dressed I'm sure that sound would have had the same effect on me. He took the Goosebumps breaking out on my arms as a sign that I was cold so he took the blanket from my hands and pulled it up over my arms, lightly brushing the skin of my stomach in the process.
Jesus this man was going to be the death of me and if that was the case I would most likely die with a smile on my face. He was turning me into a hopeless romantic and I wasn't exactly a fan, but I did see the fascination of the situation I was finding myself in. With Micah I had fought my feelings as much as I possibly could – with the pretense that it was no-one else's business but ours. With Declan though I wanted to show that emotion and be open about my feelings all the time no matter who was looking.
I groaned as I realized that Declan was turning me into a sixteen year old girl, or at least the closest version of a sixteen year old I could ever be. Declan seemed confused by my reaction and I chuckled lowly at his expression.