Nurse Clara was ready for them when they arrived. The infirmary was empty aside from her. She was standing in front of her reception desk, wearing a serious expression and holding a wastebasket.
"Take this," she said, handing it to Matthew. "Do you want to lie down or sit?"
"Sit," Matthew mumbled, taking the basket without looking her in the eyes.
Nurse Clara beckoned him back behind the front reception area. "Here. Keep that close. I'll bring you something to drink." Matthew shuffled to the plastic chair she was pointing to, then sat sideways in it so he had his back to them.
"You knew we were coming," Alex guessed when Nurse Clara turned to him.
"Mrs. Faraday called. Your uncle told her what happened, so she told me... You two were friends. I'm so sorry."
"I didn't know him that well," Alex admitted, trying not to think about seeing Baptiste at the bottom of those steps. "He was Matthew's friend." More than his friend, right? AJ added.
"I see," Nurse Clara said, looking back at Matthew for a second. "Are you alright, Mr. Conrad?"
"Physically, yes."
"Would you like to stay? When Mrs. Faraday called, she said they were starting an official lockdown. So, if you want to leave, I'll have to radio for a security guard to escort you back."
"Would you mind? If I stayed?"
"Of course not. Stay as long as you like."
Alex placed himself in one of the waiting area chairs, where he waited. For what, he couldn't be sure. He just knew that he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go back to the dorm where the other kids who had seen Baptiste went. Didn't want to hear them gossiping. Didn't want to hear the others asking questions. Didn't want to keep being reminded of the red and the blonde and the guilt he felt over that temporary relief seeing Baptiste's body had given him.
So, he sat. And he waited. As Nurse Clara tried to keep Matthew hydrated. As she fed him some plain biscuits that made him throw up again. As Matthew kept shaking. Kept heaving. As he never cried. Not once did Matthew cry.
Alex watched as that little room got busier with other students. First that girl under the oak tree and her friends. They brought her in because she was having a panic attack. Then Charlotte Somers, for the same reason, was escorted in by the year seven English teacher. Then a year eleven boy named Calvin had gotten impatient waiting for food to be delivered from the dining hall. He burned himself trying to make something in his flat. Another boy came in with a sliced hand for the same reason. A bunch of kids came in to pick up medications that needed to be refilled.
Nurse Clara was the only one in the office that morning, so she fluttered around like a one-woman army. Alex felt a couple of times like he was in the way and should maybe go back to the dorm. But Matthew hadn't moved from his spot. Nurse Clara had taken his wastebasket and replaced it with a clean one, and even though he hadn't thrown up since he still looked like he might any second. He still hadn't cried, either.
After a few hours, as Alex tried to work up the courage to ask Matthew if he wanted him to stay, he was snapped out of his deliberations by a voice calling his name.
"Al!"
Alex turned his head toward the office's front door, to see the only person that called him that. Jack was rushing in, dressed in a uniform shirt that was half tucked into some sweatpants. Alex had never been more glad to see him, though as he got closer Alex realized he almost looked angry. He got out of his chair and stood just as Jack reached him and shot out his hands to grip Alex's shoulders.
"Where the hell have you been?" he said, shaking Alex lightly. His tone sounded like a parent scolding their child for wandering off at a supermarket. "I've been losing my mind for the past two hours! First Warren is banging on my door to get me to help stop people from leaving but won't tell me why. Then campus security shows up to tell us we can't leave and still won't say why. Then a bunch of kids who did leave come back and start saying someone died and that they heard you got sent here and I'm losing shit because no one can give me a straight fucking answer about what the hell is going on!"
Alex blinked slowly at his friend, taking in the sight of him as he remembered how terrified he had been that he lost him that morning. "I'm sorry," he managed to say, his voice strained by the threat of tears. Tears of joy over having confirmation that Jack was still safe. Tears of grief because that wasn't true for everyone anymore. "Sorry."
Jack's expression softened a bit, and he loosened his grip on Alex's shoulders. He looked like he was going to pull away completely, but then instead he pulled Alex in for a hug. A real one, with both his arms wrapped around Alex's back. Alex was pretty sure Jack had never hugged him like that before. It was full of earnestness and relief, and maybe something a little more. Alex froze for a second before placing his arms around Jack too.
"I was worried about you," Jack muttered into his shoulder.
"Sorry," Alex said, mostly because he didn't know what else to say. "I'm fine. Promise."
Jack didn't let go right away, and Alex wondered for a second how long it would take him to. But Alex noticed Matthew no longer had his back to the room. He was sitting the right way in his chair, staring directly at the two of them with a blank expression. Alex suddenly felt self-conscious and pulled away from the hug first.
"How did you get here?" Alex said as he took a step back. "You said security wasn't letting people leave."
"I noticed some kids getting permission to leave with escorts to refill prescriptions, so I convinced Hannah to do her little voice mimic trick and pretend to be Dr. Bayer on the phone. She told one of the security guards I needed to come get my meds and he bought it."
"You do need to pick up your medication, Mr. Farrow," Nurse Clara suddenly interjected. The two turned to see her standing there with a cup of juice in her hands. "I've been trying to get you to pick them up for a week."
"Really? So now I owe Palmer for nothing?"
Nurse Clara rolled her eyes. "I'll go get it, and then you can kindly get out. A bit busy today, in case you hadn't noticed."
Nurse Clara walked back behind the reception area and tried to hand the cup of juice to Matthew. He just shook his head and refused to grab it.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Nurse Clara said in a sarcastic tone, "did I say, 'Here sir, would you like a little cup of juice'? No? That's because it's not an offer. It's got supplement powder in it, to compensate for the fact that you can't keep anything down. Drink it."
Matthew glared up at Nurse Clara, who just unflinchingly glared back until he withered and took it. Once the cup was out of her hand, Nurse Clara squeezed Matthew's shoulder before walking away.
"Is he okay?" Jack asked as the two of them watched Matthew take a small sip of his juice.
Alex turned away and whispered a question in response. "You said kids at the dorm were saying someone died?"
"Yeah, but they started corralling us into our rooms before anyone could elaborate."
"It's true. The... their body was in the quad. By the steps of Timber Hall."
"You saw?"
"We did."
"Fuck." Jack glanced back at Matthew. "A student?"
"Yes... A scholarship student."
Jack tensed and whipped his head back to look at Alex with panic in his eyes. "Ellie?" Alex shook his head quickly, and relief flooded over Jack's face. It didn't last long. Someone was still dead, and with Alex's grim expression and Matthew's shaken state, it didn't take much for Jack to put the pieces together. "It was that French kid, wasn't it?"
"Baptiste," Alex breathed his name out as confirmation. It was the first time he had said it out loud since they found him.
"Fuck. I- I'm sorry, Al."
"I didn't know him that well. But..."
"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry." Jack looked over at Matthew again. "What... happened to him?"
"I don't know. It... He looked..." Alex let out a shaky breath, not confident he would be able to talk about it without breaking down. Just going back to the memory was enough to make his vision blur and his breath start to hitch. Jack put a hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed, just like Nurse Clara had done with Matthew.
"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to."
"T-thanks."
Nurse Clara came back with an orange bottle of pills and handed them to Jack. "Goodbye now, Mr. Farrow," she said as he put them in his pocket. "Hopefully next time it needs to be refilled it won't take the end of the world to get you in here."
"That's a bit dramatic," Jack commented as she walked away. But then he seemed to remember why they were all in there to start with. "Then again, maybe not. Ready to go, Al?"
Alex looked at Matthew again. He finished what was in the paper cup and crumpled it in his hand, but didn't throw it in the wastebasket at his feet. He just stared at it in his hand. Mangled. Broken.
"I don't think I should leave him," Alex said quietly. Jack looked like he was debating if he agreed with that when Matthew spoke up.
"Go," he said in a hoarse voice. If Alex hadn't been watching him the whole time, he would have assumed he'd been crying.
"Are... are you sure?" Alex said. "I can stay if you-"
"I don't want you here." Matthew was still looking at the crumpled cup. "So just go."
Alex tried to ignore the sting of those words as Jack put an arm around his shoulder. "Come on," he said gently. "You can stay over at mine."
Alex let Jack lead him out of the room. It still felt wrong to leave Matthew on his own, but if that's what he wanted then Alex couldn't argue. When they reached the entrance to the building, there was a security guard as well as a local police officer. The cop stayed by the building while the guard escorted them back to the dorm like a taxi service. None of them spoke along the way, but Alex tensed when he saw the south entrance to the quad from a distance. There was police tape blocking it off and a few more uniformed officers around. Alex felt himself start shaking as his vision became nothing but red and blonde again. Jack put an arm around his shoulder again and pulled him in for that one-armed hug Alex was a lot more used to. They stayed like that the rest of the way back as they took the long way around the quad.
When they reached the dorm there was someone by the entrance holding a clipboard. Once they were closer Alex recognized it was Alvaro. His usually stoic face was tinged with something else Alex couldn't quite name.
"Thank you, Ms. Sanchez," Alvaro said to the guard. "I'll take it from here." Alvaro flipped through the pages on his clipboard as the guard left. "Mr. Farrow, you went to the infirmary to get your medication, yes?"
"Yes, sir," Jack said, holding up his bottle like it was prize.
"Mr. Conrad, you were unaccounted for. Where were you this morning?"
"The infirmary, as well," Alex muttered. He looked bad enough that he probably seemed like he should still be there. "Matthew Montoya is there as well."
"Is he alright?"
"He was just feeling sick this morning. I walked him. Nurse Clara is looking after him right now."
"I see. I trust you left before the dorm was officially locked down?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. You are both to report to your rooms. If you have an emergency come speak to me, otherwise you are to stay in your rooms. No congregating in the lobby or hallways. The dining staff will be delivering meals at one o'clock. You can call to put in your orders by twelve."
"Hey, Mr. Alvaro," Jack said in an overly polite tone. "Would it be okay if Alex chilled at mine? It's been a rough morning."
"Are you two not in the same flat?"
"No," Alex said. "Matthew is my flatmate this year."
"I see. Unfortunately, if I let up on the rules for you two, I would have to do the same for everyone else."
"But-" Jack started to argue, but Alex cut him off.
"We understand, sir," he said. "Thank you."
"Like I said, if you need anything, I'm right here."
Alex nodded in thanks and herded Jack to the entrance. He could tell he was about to suggest they ignored the rules, so Alex stopped him before he could.
"Thank you for worrying about me, Jack," he said as they crossed the lobby. After the chaos he left, the quiet and empty state of the lobby was jolting. "But... I think I want to be alone right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Sorry, it's not because of you. I just..."
"I get it. But if you need anything-"
"You're here. I know. Thanks, Jack."
The two parted ways once Alex got off the elevator. He felt Jack's eyes on him as he walked down the hall and back into his own his flat. The quiet in there was even louder than it had been in the lobby. Alex kicked off his shoes and undid his tie, not realizing until it was off how tight it had been. Like he had been walking around in a chokehold.
Alex tossed the tie onto the sofa and walked over to the dining table. The train schedule was still there, with the four o'clock departure circled. Guess he wasn't making that anymore. Maybe Matthew was right, and he should have gone while he could. But then Matthew would have been alone when he saw Baptiste. And even though Matthew hadn't seemed especially thrilled to have him there, Alex was glad he stayed. He would have felt miserable if he left and found out what he let Matthew walk alone into.
Of course, now he was feeling miserable for a slew of other reasons. As if the memory of Baptiste's body and Matthew telling him to fuck off weren't enough, now the train schedule was reminding him of his unheard promise to his father. Of the ramblings that had spurred Alex to want to visit in the first place. Now that he knew Baptiste was dead, he was worried they had been more grounded in reality than he wanted to believe.
When Jack had asked what had happened, Alex wasn't sure if he would have been able to say even if he hadn't gotten sick from the memory. He didn't know the whole story, did he? He just saw the ending. Baptiste looked like he had been on a morning run. Just like he said he did every morning. How did a routine run end with him broken and bloody? That red was still wet like it had just happened. It looked like his body fell from a great height. From Timber Hall, maybe. Alex knew it was one of the few buildings that had roof access. Couples liked to use it for semi-private moments. Did he fall? Was he pushed?
Did he jump?
Alex's mouth tasted like metal at that thought. No. No, that couldn't be it. He couldn't believe Baptiste would kill himself.
You don't know him that well, AJ reminded him. You haven't even spoken to him since that day you saw him at Dr. Bayer's office. You don't know what is and isn't possible for him. You don't know anything.
"No," Alex insisted. "That can't be what happened."
He's dead! Alex steadied himself on the table as his father's voice suddenly shouted inside his head. He's dead and they'll do nothing!
Baptiste. Utkarsh had seen Baptiste's death, hadn't he? He knew what happened, and it terrified him. It made him worry about Alex and Jack and maybe a bunch of other kids' safety. Did that mean...
Did that mean Baptiste was murdered?
Really? AJ chimed back in. Do we have a killer among us?
"You say that so incredulously, but don't we know a fair number of people more than capable of it?"
Hm. I suppose you're right. Though dropping a wyvern off a building to kill them isn't the brightest idea. He could've flown to save himself.
"Maybe the fall didn't kill him," Alex said, looking over at the phone. "He tried to warn me. All week Dad tried to warn me. And I wrote him off as a crazy man. Just like everyone else."
To be fair, he didn't give you much to listen to until yesterday. But if you think you can get a sensible answer out of him, phones work two ways, remember?
Alex chewed on his bottom lip for a second before plucking the phone off the hook. He realized once he raised his hand to the number pad that he didn't know the extension for Dr. Simmons. So, he dialled the number for his mother's assistant. She picked up on the third ring.
"You've reached the personal office of Margaret Conrad," she said in a very professional and rehearsed tone. "Madame Conrad is currently away from her desk; how may I assist you?"
"Hi Leilah," Alex said. "It's me. Alex."
Leilah paused for a second before responding. "Mr. Conrad, what a surprise. Aren't you supposed to be in I mean, how can I help you? Your mother is at the London firm today if you're trying to reach her."
"No, um, I was wondering if you could do something for me."
"Of course. What do you need?"
"Do you... do you know how my father's doing today? If he's awake and... and if he's well enough that I could speak with him?"
"Your father? I... I haven't heard anything. Dr. Simmons isn't meant to keep me updated. I could check with her when she has a spare moment and call you back."
"That would be great. Thank you."
"Is that... Is that all you needed sir?"
Alex had a feeling she wanted to ask a lot more questions. Why was he asking about Utkarsh? Why was he calling at a time when he was supposed to be in class? Why was his voice shaking and tight like he was on the verge of crying?
Was he alright?
But she didn't ask any of those things. Because she was Margaret Conrad's assistant, not Alexander Conrad's mother.
"Yes," Alex said. He should probably tell her not to tell his mother that he had called. He couldn't exactly explain why, but he felt like it would be best if she didn't know he was asking about his father. But asking Leilah to keep a secret from Margaret wasn't a fair request. "Thank you, Leilah. I know you're busy."
"Any time, Mr. Conrad." There was a beat of silence, and Alex thought for a moment that she was going to ask one of those unspoken questions. He didn't realize how much he wanted her to until she didn't. "Have a good day, sir."
"Yeah," Alex said, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt. "Thanks. You too."
Alex continued to hold the phone up to his ear until he heard the line go dead, just in case she said something else. He let the slightly painful noise ring in his ear for a couple of seconds before putting it back on the hook.
Alex figured he shouldn't just wait by the phone for who knows how long. So, he picked up his school bag and tried to finish some assignments from his language tutors. He wondered if his mother would still have his lessons scheduled for the next day. He wondered if she already knew about what had happened. If Thomas had told her. If he had also mentioned Alex had seen the body. If she would even care about that.
Stop, AJ said. You know your mother too well to wonder something like that. Don't torture yourself hoping she'll magically learn how to be a good parent.
"Who knows," Alex muttered as he pulled out his Mandarin supplies. "Maybe she'll act out of character just to prove me wrong."
Yeah, reverse psychology is something that will work on Margaret Conrad.
"Alright, you can stop now."
As you wish, Mr. Conrad.
Alex spent the next hour failing at every goal he tried to set for himself. He would get two questions into his Mandarin work before the characters started to look like cyphers. He would try maths problems until he forgot his entire sevens table. He would tell himself not to look at the phone and glance over every other second. He would try to push the memory of the morning out of his mind, and suddenly his vision would be filled with nothing but red and blonde.
Alex finally got up from the dining table in a huff and shoved all his materials back into his bag. He wasn't quite tired enough to escape to some sleep, so he went to see if he had any non-caffeinated tea in his cupboard. He was about to turn on the stove for the kettle when he remembered Dr. Bayer's advice about him more frequently using his powers in casual ways. He placed his hands underneath the kettle and let them slowly heat up, standing still as the water started to simmer.
Well, this would come in handy if you ever went camping, AJ decided to chime in after a whole hour of silence. Not sure how useful it is otherwise. Makes it a bit hard to multitask, doesn't it?
"That's not the point," Alex reminded himself. "The more I use my powers on purpose, the less likely I am to use them by accident."
I know, I know. I'm stuck in therapy with you, remember?
"It's not therapy."
Uh-huh. Whatever you need to not feel embarrassed about going.
"I'm not embarrassed, I just-"
Alex's argument with himself was interrupted by the phone ringing. He had managed to forget he was waiting for that, so the sound caught him off guard. He dropped the kettle and it landed just shy of his big toe.
"Shit," Alex hissed, picking it up before it could tip over. He placed it on the counter and rushed over to the phone, barely remembering to cool his hands down before picking it up.
"Hello?" he said, expecting to hear Leilah's voice on the other end. His stomach turned when a different but still familiar one answered.
"Why are you making my assistant ask about your father?"
Alex's voice got stuck in his throat, but AJ was screaming at him. Hang up, he said frantically. Hang up right now. Hang up and unplug the phone and walk away.
"Well?" His mother insisted.
"I... I just wanted to make sure he's okay," Alex managed to get out. "Is he?"
"Why the sudden interest? I don't believe you've ever called to ask before. Unless this is a regular occurrence, you wasting my assistant's time with unimportant tasks."
"My father is not unimportant," AJ snapped. At least, Alex had thought it was AJ. He didn't realize he was the one who said it until he heard his mother's cold reply.
"Watch your tone, Alexander," she said.
You picked the wrong person to test out your backbone with, mate, AJ said.
"Sorry, Alex mumbled. He had never meant it less.
"So, again I ask, why the sudden interest in your father?"
"He... he called me."
"What?"
"Y-yesterday." And the day before that. And the day before that. "He sounded upset. He didn't respond when I tried to calm him down. He just rambled. I didn't understand what he was talking about, and Dr. Simmons found him and hung up the phone before I could figure any of it out."
"I see. So, you were the one he called."
"Can... can you tell me if he's alright now? Please?"
"He's sedated right now. So, to answer the question you asked Ms. Miller, no. You cannot speak with him."
"Oh... okay."
"In the future, please refrain from bothering Ms. Miller. If you need to be informed of anything, Dr. Simmons will call you."
Yeah, and what does she think you need to be informed of? His death?
"Alright," Alex said.
"Goodbye, Alexander."
"Wait!"
Alex's mother didn't respond, but the line didn't go dead, so he guessed she was still listening. Waiting for him to say whatever he had the nerve to say. What did he want to say? He hadn't known when he asked her to wait. He just knew he didn't want his mother to end the conversation there. He didn't want her to just insult his father, tell him to fuck off, and then hang up. He looked around the room, desperate for something that would inspire him to speak before his mother got tired of waiting. His eyes landed on the train schedule. On the circle around the four o'clock departure.
"I was wondering..." he started before he was sure if he should. "Well, I was planning on coming up the weekend and-"
"To the estate? Why?"
"To- to see dad."
"The school is on lockdown," Margaret said. "It will be all weekend."
Alex's throat tightened. So, she did know what happened. She knew and all she had thought to say was 'Don't bother my assistant'.
"Yeah, I thought it might be, but-"
"So, you can't leave campus. I don't believe Thomas is even letting you leave the dorms."
"Maybe you could..."
"Could what?"
"Make an... an exception."
"An exception."
"Yes."
"So you can come see your father."
"Yes. Please. He just... He sounded so scared. And worried. And I-I just want him to know that-"
"I just told you, Alexander, he's sedated. He will be for the foreseeable future. You won't be able to tell him anything, he wouldn't even know you're here."
"But maybe I could-"
"What could you do, Alexander?"
Alex's voice caught in his throat. He hated the way she said 'you'. How obvious it was with how she said that one word that she thought the answer to that question was nothing. He could do absolutely nothing. He hated how his gut reaction was to agree with her.
"I just," he said in a shaky voice, "want to be there for him."
"You'll see him during the holiday break."
"But that's-"
"My answer is no, Alexander," she said, her tone definitive. "Frankly, I'm offended you even planned on coming back without consulting me in the first place. You will stay at the school this weekend and cooperate with anything your uncle asks of you, just like the rest of the students. And if I find out you've come to the estate before December, there will be consequences. Is that understood?"
"But-"
"Is. That. Understood?"
Alex's hand shook. He wanted to scream 'no'. He wanted to pull on the receiver so hard that he ripped the whole device from the wall. He wanted to throw it across the room and watch it shatter. He wanted to let his hands catch fire and light a blaze big enough for his mother to see it from her stupid office in London. He wanted for the first time for his mother to not be fireproof like he was.
No, you don't, AJ said, and as he spoke Alex felt his rising anger halt and turn into something else. You don't want her dead; you just want her to care. And that's a lot harder, isn't it? Because there's not much you can do to get what you want.
"I understand," Alex said, a few tears spilling out as he did. His breathing was hitched at this point. His voice was audibly wet. There was no way Margaret Conrad didn't know her son was crying.
"Good. This incident is going to bring even more scrutiny to the school. Don't do anything to make us look like fools."
She said goodbye by hanging up.
Alex listened to the dial tone as his mother's words echoed over it. He didn't know which was the more unpleasant sound. He put the phone back on the hook but both sounds kept ringing in his ears. He heard the low tone and his mother callously saying 'incident' over and over as his vision blurred with tears and red and blonde.