You know, in this world, there is no such thing as a lawyer. I mean, why would there be? With a magic item that can detect the truth, there's no need for something like the lawyer. The accused are simply defended by their friends and attacked by their enemies and the prosecutor.
Megumin and I decided to go with Paradox's plan. That is, fight tooth and nail to not be branded as a traitor. But let Alderp try and execute me under the charges of sexual harassment, Physical Abuse, thievery, and attempted homicide.
Now, in a million other scenario, the biggest threat is of course the prosecutor. But in this scenario, written by the hands of Eris and Paradox themselves, the biggest threat came from the one who sought hardest for my freedom.
Her name? Aqua.
I looked at my beloved girlfriend. She's basically the single most important person in this court. We had a lengthy briefing in our dream after the uhh, you know. Now her job is to keep Aqua's mouth shut during the charges of treason and terrorism and that she will be my right hand during this entire debacle.
"I'm counting on you Megumin. Break her kneecaps if you have too, just keep her mouth shut… I am not going down as a terrorist," I spoke to her telepathically. The girl just gave me thumb up in response.
…
A middle aged man that appeared to be the judge rapped the table with a mallet.
"Order in the court! We'll now begin the trial for Satou Kazuma for subversion of the nation! The plaintiff is Alexei Barnes Alderp!"
On the cue of the judge, a fat man stood up. He was tall and bulky, his balding head shiny. A middle-aged man full of body hair. So that's the landlord who's suing me.
Landlord Alderp glared at me, as if he was judging my worth. He then used his lecherous eyes to look at my party members standing behind me.
After looking at every inch of Aqua's and Megumin's body, he turned his sights on Darkness
And he stood stiffly there with a look of surprise.
Okay, he recognizes Darkness. Fuck, if I had known this, I wouldn't have used her as a tentacle plant monster seedbed. Fuck, I'm so dead, I am so fucking dead. Deep breath, calm, Kazuma, it's okay, it's fine… I
I turned on all my evil sensing spells and looked around. There's ill intent coming from Alderp, obviously, then there's a suspicious amount of dark magic being directed at Sena. Fucking knew it, I knew her hatred was unnatural…
Okay, she's no longer my friend, phew, feels like a chess with Megumin…
"Megumin, Alderp uses evil power of some sort to control the prosecutor's mind. However, I already implanted a powerful suggestion inside her subconscious that she will give me a fair trial. Which is a problem because getting caught planting suggestion with magic is one way ticket to the chopping block, you know what I mean?"
"Both you and Alderp are playing dirty. Should we bust him?"
"No, that might get Alderp arrested, we have to lose remember?"
"Got it,"
"Prosecutor, step forth! We have a magic item here, so any lie will be exposed in this court. Remember this when you speak."
Sena stepped forward with a piece of paper in her hands. She turned to all the audience and started reading one of the charges.
"I'll now read out one of the charges… The accused, Satou Kazuma, took part with other adventurers in the battle against the Mobile Fortress Destroyer when it attacked. He gave the order during the battle to send the Coronatite, which was going to explode, away via teleportation. The Coronatite that was teleported exploded after appearing in the mansion of the plaintiff. The mansion of the plaintiff, Alderp, disappeared. Right now, Lord Alderp is forced to live in an inn within this town."
"Say, Megumin, what do you think is the worst crime I've ever committed?" I asked my girlfriend out of sheer boredom.
"Selling a noble's daughter virginity to Tentacle Plant Monsters?"
"Aside from that…"
"Stealing panties from innocent girls and using them as face masks?"
"Okay, that's the worst you can think of, let's see what the court have to say."
"...Hence, the prosecution requests for the accused to be found guilty of subversion of the state!"
A smacking sound and a burst of killing intent happened right after Sena finished reading the charges. She turned towards my beloved party members and found one of them standing stiff as statue.
"Good call Megumin,"
"Thanks,"
"That's all I have to say. In short, we're asking for Satou Kazuma to be found guilty of subversion of the nation…"
After Sena finished and returned to her seat, the Judge said:
"Next, I grant permission for the accused and his defense to speak. You may plead your case!"
I stood up and put on my best confident smile. "Ladies and Gentleman, my name is Satou Kazuma and congratulations! Your home is not destroyed by the Mobile Fortress Destroyer thanks to yours truly," I bowed a little. "However, I also need to give my heartfelt apology to the plaintiff for destroying your mansion in hopes of saving the other houses."
"Now, the destruction of the Landlord mansion is an ACCIDENT in an attempt to save the City of Axel!" I put an emphasis on the last part. "I have no intention to hurt the Landlord of the Mansion and I have no intention to destroy the mansion. I am NOT a terrorist and I am NOT part of a demon king army!"
Keep it clear and short. Your words can and will be used against you. The more details I put in this thing the more they can find ways to fuck me up.
"The defendant has told his piece. Prosecutor, please present the evidence showing why the accused should be found guilty of subversion of the nation."
Sena straightened her glasses. "The Defendant has claimed that he is acquainted on a friendly basis with a Demon King General."
The bell didn't ring. Heck, the bell hasn't ring not even once in this court. Which is quite impressive in my opinion.
"Does the defendant has any explanation to this claim?"
I took a deep breath and looked around. "Yes, I am well acquainted with a General of a Demon King Army, however the person in question works for me, I mean, has cut all ties with the Demon King. They are not dangerous, have no intention to harm humans, and is actually quite popular as a nice and helpful person."
Whispering and mutterings came from all over the court. To think that general of the demon king army is living in disguise all this while.
"Unthinkable!" The Plaintiff exclaimed. "Reveal the name! Who's the demon living among us!?"
I shook my head in response. "I am not revealing that info because their identity has no correlation with my charges. They have saved a lot of people, they helped a lot of people," I turned to the prosecutor. "Is this evidence enough, Ms. Prosecutor?"
Sena who's been brainwashed, I mean, suggested by me to give me a fair trial simply nodded. "The accused has made a compelling argument, there is no reason to pursue this matter anymore," she said.
The Judge nodded in agreement. "I hereby declare that Satou Kazuma is not guilty of treason against the nation and terrorism," he slammed his mallet to finalize his conduct.
"YES! WE DID IT!!!" Aqua yelled followed the cheers of the crowds all around us.
"Alright Megumin, you have permission to release the mad goddess."
"Copy that!"
However, it's not over yet…
"Order in the court! We'll now begin the trial for Satou Kazuma for charges of Sexual Harassment, Public Noise Disturbance, Attempted Homicide, Thievery, Physical Abuse, and Property Damage! The plaintiff is Alexei Barnes Alderp!"
Well then, how am I supposed to lose this one?
"Prosecutor, step forth!"
Sena nodded and once again, she began reading my charges.
"I'll now read the charges. The accused Satou Kazuma is known to use the skill Steal to stole girl's underwear in public. He and his party is also known to throw explosion spell outside the town, disturbing the townsfolk, for now particular reason. He and his party also attempted to use a lethal force during a bar fight, almost killing an adventurer in the process. He also stole the Cursed Sword Gram from Mitsurugi Kyoya, forcing him to pay ransom before returning it. We also have reports that the accused would beat up and severely injure one of his party members in a daily basis. The accused has also destroyed the Mansion of Lord Alexei, seven Enchanted Adamantite Handcuffs, and severely damaged an Enchanted Reinforced Adamantite Cage."
"OBJECTION!!!"
Aqua who was standing beside me moved in front, raising one arm as she shouted.
The Judge and everyone else turned towards her.
"It's not time for the defendant to speak. Seek permission before you say anything… Well, this is your first time in court, so I'll give you a pass this time… The defense may speak."
The judge prompts Aqua, but she simply shook her head with a look of satisfaction.
"I just wanted to try saying 'Objection', it's okay."
"The defense may only speak when defending the accused!"
As expected of our mad Archpriest…
"And that's all I have to say, in short, we're asking for Satou Kazuma to be found guilty of Sexual Harassment, Public Noise Disturbance, Attempted Homicide, Thievery, Physical Abuse, and Property Damage!"
After Sena finished and returned to her seat, the Judge said:
"Next, I grant permission for the accused and his defense to speak. You may plead your case!"
I stood up from my position and smiled at everyone else sheepishly.
"You, you guys are really thorough in this matter huh? Look, the panties thing are just practical jokes. The public noise disturbance are… my girlfriend there thinks Explosions are romantic. The Attempted Homicide was just a scuffle and no one gets hurt, physically. Thievery is simply because I wanted to talk to Kyoya and the ransom isn't for the sword but for something else entirely. Physical Abuse thing is… it's training for our crusader. Property damage… I guess no getting out of that one so I'll pay for it?"
"Enough… Enough, I understand what the defendant is trying to say. Moving on, prosecutor. Please present the evidence showing why the accused should be found guilty of all those charges."
With the instruction of Sena, the knight brought the witnesses into the court. They were mostly adventurers.
It's Chris, the first victim and the first girl to be branded as a pervert by everyone in the guild. She looked around with a sheepish look on her face.
"Ahaha… I was summoned," the she waved at me. "Hello Kazuma kun!"
"Hello Chris,"
Sena stepped forward.
"The witness is Chris, a thief from Axel City. She is the first of many girls to fall victim of Kazuma's sexual harassment. She was stripped in public shortly after she taught Kazuma the skill Steal,"
Chris just chuckled a little at that. "Well, that is true but the Skill Steal steals object at random. I was just a little bit unfortunate back then,"
Ring
"I-I mean, Kazuma just had a very high luck stat, not that I was unfortunate back then,"
"You just need to confirm this is true, thank you for your testimony."
"Hmm? Wait! It was just a little accident! I'm not bothered by that incident anymore…!"
Sena concluded the questioning in a hurry and chased Chris out of the court. Then she summoned the next witness.
It is one of the city guard that's usually stationed outside the city. A brown haired dude wearing metal plates and a slightly sleepy look on his face.
"The witness is Alan, a city guard of Axel City. He was the one who filed a report about a loud noise that came from cliff nearby."
The guard shook his head. "It wasn't like that. The report came in from a group of adventurers who was just a bit spooked by the explosion. After I explained it to them, they weren't bothered by it or anything. Most of the townsfolk couldn't hear it from inside the city."
"But is it true that Kazuma and his party members use explosion for no particular reason?"
"Yes, but…"
"You just need to confirm this is true, thank you for your testimony."
"Wait! I'm not finished, wait, hands off me you!"
The city guard was taken away by the knights before he could finish his testimony.
So much for fair trial…
The next witness is Dust. The guy that provoked our party the other day and got himself some divine retribution from a goddess, an explosion loli, and a crusader.
"The witness is Dust, an adventurer who was assaulted by Satou Kazuma and his teammates."
Dust looked at me for a moment and gave me a thumb up.
"That is not true, prosecutor."
"Did Satou Kazuma ever endanger your life?"
"With all due respect, he saved my life."
"Did Satou Kazuma ever attacked you in some way?"
"Yes, during a light spar or a practice. All of which without any intention of kil- endangering my continued existence,"
Sena nodded a little. "Thank you for the testimony. I deem Satou Kazuma not guilty of Attempted Homicide."
The crowds clapped their hands at Dust's performance. Right now, it's a matter of choosing words directly since the truth itself will get me arrested. The other witnesses seems to start talking to one another about what to say.
The next witness is none other than Mitsurugi Kyoya.
"Mitsurugi-san. I heard your magic sword was stolen and put into ransom by the accused. You were also assaulted by a member of Kazuma's party. Is this true?"
"It is not true," Kyoya replied.
"Was your sword stolen and put into ransom?"
"No,"
"Were you assaulted by a member of Kazuma's party?"
"Yes, but not by Kazuma himself and not by the instruction of Kazuma."
Sena nodded. "Satou Kazuma is not guilty of robbery."
The crowds clapped their hands at Kyoya's performance. I gave the guy a thumb up and he smiled back at me.
The next witness is Taylor, one of Darkness's disciples. He looked between me and the prosecutor before sighing a little. "To think they would use her lectures against you, they must really hates you huh Kazuma san?"
"I think she's just tired."
"Silence you two," Sena straightened her glasses. "The next witness is Taylor, the student of a crusader of Kazuma's party. In one of the lessons, the Crusader claims that Kazuma would use lethal force on her to make her hurt more than any enemy could ever done to her. Is it true?"
There was a moment of silence before Taylor finally answers. "I believe there is nothing wrong with that. She is willing to do so, the person is right here, ready to make her testimony if you will. Her role as a crusader put her on the shoes of someone who would take a lot of damage and pain tolerance is a type of practice for her."
Sena turned towards Darkness before back to Taylor. "Did Satou Kazuma violently use lethal force on his party member?"
Taylor glared at her before answering. "Yes."
"Thank you for your testimony."
Taylor was taken away without another words.
"Lastly, The accused has also destroyed the Mansion of Lord Alexei, seven Enchanted Adamantite Handcuffs, and severely damaged an Enchanted Reinforced Adamantite Cage. The accused has also confirmed that he's guilty of it and willing to pay the price."
With that, came the final of my criminal charges. The judge slammed his mallet and the court became quiet.
"Satou Kazuma, from the provided evidence, we found you guilty of Sexual Harassment, Noise Disturbance, Physical Abuse, and Property Damage. However, since the victims of this charges aren't holding any ill will, your punishment will be reduced to…"
During this decisive moment when the judge was passing his sentence.
"I'll say this again. That guy's affiliated with the Demon King's army, he's one of their minions. Sentence him to death."
The landlord who was still standing said that.
In response, Sena said:
"No… No one was hurt for this incident. It should not lead to the death penalty…"
When she said that to the landlord, he just stared at her.
"… No, you're right. The death sentence is the most appropriate… Right?"
Huh, looks like Alderp here is quite adept of mind magic himself.
"I feel like Aqua is about to say something. She might just win this court,"
"Let her, I don't think truth matters anymore at this point."
Aqua suddenly pointed at the judge, Sena, and the landlord and said:
"I feel an evil presence! Someone among this group is attempting to twist the facts with evil powers!"
Aqua's unexpected speech made the court fall into silence. Her position as a powerful archpriest of the Fantastic Dreamer made her words more convincing, which made the expression of the judge change.
"Powers of evil… So, you are saying someone is using underhanded means to influence this sacred trial?"
"Yes, that's correct. My eyes are more accurate than that magic item! I am a god, I mean, an archpriest after all!" she exclaimed.
The magic bell doesn't ring. Alderp's face turned pale as he looked at Aqua.
"And who was using this underhanded means?" the judge asked.
"Obviously it was the Plaintiff."
"Oh shit, she's winning the case, I underestimated her…" I said to Megumin
"Well? What do we do?"
"Don't worry, I think I get it, but first we'll see just how powerful Alderp's mind control is…"
"No-Nonsense!!!" Alderp yelled in panic. "You claim that your eyes is better than the magic item, I think it is arrogance!" he turned towards the judge. "Don't you think it's suspicious? Don't you think it's natural for the archpriest to twist the fact to defend her teammate?"
"There! There it is again!!!" Aqua held out her hands. "Sacred Break-ow!" a knight suddenly appeared behind her. "W-wait! Stop! I'm just undoing the evil magic!"
Sena stepped in front of her. "Usage of spells are strictly prohibited within the courts! It might interfere with the lie detection magic device!" Sena yelled. "Guards, take her away!"
"W-wait! Please no! Kazuma!!!"
"Looks like we don't need to do anything…" I said
"I feel bad for Aqua, she's really, really scared…"
"Order in court! Order in court!… Defendant Satou Kazuma. Considering your inhumane actions and your disruption of the peace and order to society…" He started saying something that tells that he is being mind controlled.
"I find the sentence motioned by the plaintiff to be adequate. The accused is found guilty and sentenced to death."
The crowd goes wild and they started to break the railings. Knights came rushing in, trying to control the crowds. It seems that everyone in the court has been controlled by Alderp.
"Welp, Megumin, Plan B!"
The loli raised her staff and pointed it to the sky. "O Void heed my call of Destruction!" her words booms louder than even the crowds. "Let-"
"WAIT!!!"
Darkness who's been silent all this time suddenly shouted. Her voice somehow stopped both the crowds and Megumin from continuing her spell. "Wait, Kazuma, Megumin, there's… there's a better way to solve this…" she said.
"– Your Honor, please look at this." Darkness took out something out of her chest and showed it to the judge, prosecutor, and the plaintiff.
"Th-That's… Y-You're…" The judge stood up in surprise, staring wide eyed at the pendant.
Under the stares of everyone present, Darkness said softly. "Pardon me, could you suspend the trial for me? I don't mean to get the prosecutor to throw the case out. I just need time to prove that this man is not a minion of the Demon King's army, and is innocent. At the same time, I'll ask him to compensate the landlord for the mansion."
Sena and the judge stood stiffly as they stared at the insignia presented by Darkness. I recognize that insignia and I felt like drop kicking her to an acid lake.
Under such a circumstance, only the landlord managed to protest weakly.
"This… But, even if you request for this…!"
"Alderp. As the victim in all this, you could count this as me owing you a favor. If it's within my means, I can do anything for you. I'm not asking you to withdraw the charges, I just hope you can wait a while longer."
Hearing what Darkness said, the landlord stood where he was and gulped.
"Anything?! An… Anything…!"
"That's right, anything."
Of course, I didn't say how grateful I am of her. Opting to instead say, "way to keep yourself useful after your contribution in the fight against the Destroyer huh?".
"Ka-Kazuma, this is not the time and place…"