I called Luke to make sure that my car was taken care of since I wound up driving home with Jason.
"You also remind me of myself," he says along the ride. "What?" I ask, confused about what he is talking about. "You asked me what I think when I see you," I groan, too tired to deal with him.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment? I really think you should just stop trying," I tell him honestly. I am tired of being indirectly or directly insulted by this man.
"It wasn't supposed to be a compliment. I was sharing my thoughts. We've both given up a lot for this job." I look at him, not expecting him to reciprocate the action as he is driving.
"If I remind you of me, then why do I remind you of work, misery, and annoyance? Why would you hate the company you built from the ground up?"
Jason sighs and takes one hand off the wheel to put it on his head. "That's how you look when you're working. I get annoyed every time I see you but don't say anything because you do an efficient job. It's annoying when your closest partner doesn't share the same passion as you,"
I scoff and roll my eyes, "Bullshit. I only look miserable because of you! Yes, my job is tough as shit and may not be my favorite thing to do, but the worst part of my day is always you. You're rude, dismissive, unappreciative, and downright emotionless!" I lash out my pent-up frustrations for this man.
I've always had a passion for fashion, and by getting this job, I was able to get a deeper insight into it and the process behind it. It was interesting and almost fun until I got to the nitty gritty.
He burned out my passion. Knowing the man who practically reinvented fashion didn't seem to show a shred of passion for it dimmed my lights.
"But I always enjoyed whenever we would spend late nights together, working. It made me feel less alone, but also sad as it seemed you never wanted to be there. There were times when you genuinely smiled, but they were few and in between. I think the last time I saw you give me a genuine smile was when you first started,"
"Yeah, because that was when I didn't know you like that. You're telling me you've been a complete asshole because I accidentally hurt your feelings? You've got to be shitting me. How the hell did you think I felt about your behavior when I first saw you? You never smiled on the job either! Why did you set expectations for me that you don't meet yourself?"
Jason frowns at my words, "I did smile. I even cut you slack because I saw that spark in your eyes, but it dimmed. I didn't know it was because of me," his eyes turn somber.
"How are you this emotionally unattached to everyone around you? What is your definition of a smile?" I was curious about his growing up because something was done wrong.
"This," his ears raise, and his lips move the slightest bit. It's barely a grin. "You fucking psychopath," much to my surprise, Jason bursts into laughter. The action was so foreign from him to me that I did a double-take.
His laugh is deep and shakes the entire car. His eyes sparkle for the first time since I've met him, aside from his time with Saiya.
I was slack-jaw. "Or maybe you're just judgy?" Jason asks with a grin. I could've come up with a retort for that, but I could only replay his smile in my head.
Confused by my silence, Jason turns his head toward me momentarily and gives me a questioning look. "No witty remark?" His grin widens, proud of his accomplishment. The action snaps me out of my trance.
"Um, no, actually. It's just...this is the first time I've heard you laugh." I blankly stare at him. "Did it sound weird?" He smiles at me. The action is so friendly that I don't believe it's him. "The sound isn't weird. The action is. When it comes from you anyway. I'm so used to stone-cold Jason that I didn't think there was anything more to you. Is this the side you showed Saiya?"
Jason turns his head to the road again. "Would that answer your previous question?" I become confused and try to recall the last question I asked that he never answered.
Sensing my confusion, he says, "You asked what Saiya saw in me," realization floods my brain. I snap my fingers and make an O shape with my mouth. "Yeah, it would." I smile sweetly at him.
He chuckles at the lack of regret in my words. "I was a bit 'icy' to her, as you would put it. Once I found out we had no work ties, I eased up around her.
She is beautiful, a good listener, and smart. She is a refresher in my life. Someone who I can talk to, knowing the information wouldn't be used against me. Someone who listens and tries to understand. She is always the highlight of my day."
I want to feel happy for Saiya. She has finally gotten someone who truly appreciates and cares for her. Jason might not be her dream man, but he sure as hell is close enough.
All Saiya would talk about was her prince charming when she was younger. The only thing that her dreamboat had, and Jason doesn't have is spare time. And yet despite all of this, the only thing I can feel is a pang in my chest.
Why am I feeling this way? Is it jealousy? The fact that Jason seems to appreciate Saiya more in what could've been a week than me in two years?
Is it something more? But why would I feel that way? I don't need Jason's affection or his kindness, although it would've made my life a lot easier.
I shake my head, trying to erase my sinful thoughts. Why have I started to feel this way all of a sudden? If you take away his CEO position, he is like every other decent guy out there. What makes him so special that he can draw this reaction out of me?
Dammit. The only thing I can do is ignore whatever the hell this is. Nothing good will come out of exploring it anyway.
"That's," I pause, trying to find the right words. "...sweet," I decide to say. "Was that a compliment from Ms. Heartfelt herself?" Jason fake gasps and I can't help but chuckle a little.
"Shut up." I roll my eyes. After a moment of silence, I ask, "Now that the air between us is kind of cleared, what's our relationship going to look like from here on out?"
Jason is quiet for a while. "I don't know. Honestly, just talking with you is a new adventure every time. Who knows how the hell you're going to react or what I'm going to say, but I'll try to be more conscious of my actions. As long as you agree to call me out, but keep it professional at the workplace. I don't want us to have bad blood."
We pull up to Saiya's driveway. "Oh wow, look at you using cool words. I didn't think you'd know the definition of bad blood," I mock him. He rolls his eyes and shuts the car off.
"Fuck you," he says without any I'll intent. "He cusses too!" I smile and jump out of the car. He's not far behind me at all. I run to the door but don't have my key out. Knowing I'm in trouble, I sigh and accept my fate.
I turn around, and Jason is closer than I thought. Once again, I'm stuck between him and a hard place. Never mind, that sounds wrong. How about I try not to say things in my head that insinuate Jason and I being even remotely close?
"Someone's going to check that mouth of yours one day," he says, his breath fanning my face. Suddenly, the temperature is hotter than before. "Until that day comes, you get VIP access to this mouth," My smirk falls and I mentally shoot myself in the head. That didn't sound nearly as dirty in my mind as it did out loud.
Jason stares at me for a moment. I find the will to keep eye contact with him. I can't tell what he is thinking. He tilts his head and looks me up and down. "It's a deal then," That was not the reaction I was expecting. What the hell does he mean by that?
He reaches behind me, and right as I think he's going to do something, I hear the door click behind us. He takes his key out of the door, and we maintain eye contact. "You're in the way," he grins. This man knows what just happened, and suddenly, I'm afraid for the future.
I step out of the way and enter first. "We're home!" I yell. It isn't that late, so I expect her to be awake, and her car is parked, so she isn't at work.
"Perfect, I just made dinner," she calls back. We pass by the kitchen, and the smell of food invades my senses. Jason and I give her separate hugs. "It smells great, but I think I'm going to pass on this one." I am exhausted from this week's build-up. This is the only time I can get extra sleep.
"But this is the first time we get to eat as a family," Woah, slow your damn roll. Jason and I aren't family yet, and the thought sends shivers down my spine. "This is also one of the only times I can get a decent rest." Jason turns toward me. "We should do it. Saiya's right. There most likely won't be another time like this,"
I'm not going to let them decide when I slept. This is a rare opportunity. "Jason, we both got no paperwork done today. We're going to be working overtime tomorrow, so if you don't want me to sleep on your ass, then I suggest you both let me hit the hay," I frown, cross my arms, and jut out my hip.
"Of course, this is because of work. Because everyone and everything else is a second priority to you. If we're not a file you need to need to look over, we're not worth glancing at." Saiya rolls her eyes and starts to make a plate for two.
"That's not fair, I'm here, aren't I?" Saiya doesn't bother to look at me when she speaks. "But are you? We're all busy, but you seem to be the only one who is reluctant to squeeze in time for others. If you're at work, then you're at work. Nothing can be done about that. But when you're here, it's like you bring your office with you. You're never actually present."
Here we go again. My entire family knows about my marriage to my work yet can't seem to get over it. "I don't do it for fun. I do it because it's a necessity. If you're so bothered about this, then why are you engaged to a CEO? The man who literally has my work schedule and more?"
Jason looks taken aback by my words and frowns. There's a look in his eyes that I can only define as a betrayal. I didn't ask the question to sabotage their relationship, I asked because Saiya shouldn't be making such a big decision if she's not ready to take on the task.
She whips her body toward mine. "You don't get to judge or question my engagement! Jason may work a lot, but at least he tries to make time for me! Let this situation be an example! I work a lot too, It's nothing new to me. It's when someone doesn't take the time to bat an eyelash at me that hurts."
For some reason, a thought comes to the forefront of my mind. Saiya is feeling the exact same way I felt about Jason. I wasn't purposely ignoring her or trying to make her feel shitty. It came with the job. Scratch that it came with the job and my personality. Jason made me feel disposable and unimportant. Shit, I am the biggest hypocrite yet.
I take a deep breath and sigh. "I'm sorry, trust me, I know how you feel." I glance at Jason. His almost disappointed expression morphs into one of guilt. "I can't promise you this week will be any different from the past couple of years, but I'll give you tonight."
Saiya's eyes water up, but before they can fall, she turns around and grabs a third plate. "I made your favorite," I see the spaghetti on the two previous plates. I smile softly, "I know,"
We set the table and shared a meal. The silence is loud as the only thing that can be heard is the clinking of the utensils. "How is nursing going?" Jason asks Saiya. Her face contorts into something unrecognizable. "The babies are cute, but the parents are ugh. I'd rather not get into it. "
Saiya never brings work to the house. She loves her job but prefers to keep it separate. The silence returns, and it is a wonder how these two are in a relationship. Is it just me, or is the awkwardness thick in the air?
Jason doesn't do enough outside of work to have anything to talk about. Anything Saiya said would be one-sided. Saiya and I have things in common, but we don't talk to each other much.
"Are you interested in anyone?" Saiya asks, trying to salvage this 'family dinner'. My time was better spent in my bed, asleep. "I think we all know the answer to that. But how did you both meet? Tell me the love story," I sarcastically gush. This pathetic excuse for dinner needs to go somewhere.
Saiya's face lights up, and Jason smiles. These two probably had the least amount of compatibility I've seen in a couple yet felt so passionate for one another. I don't get it. How do you build something from nothing? Is it weird because I am here?
"It's a funny story, really. I met him looking for you." I cock my eyebrow. "We haven't spoken in months, much less have seen each other in the past year."
"I was going to one of the fashion shows that Jason hosted. I went intending to meet you. If I couldn't meet you outside of work, I figured I might as well go to you. I got lost and met Jason. I didn't know who he was, but we hit it off fairly quickly." She blushes at the memory. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. God, when did I turn into such a salty bitch?
"You went there in search of me, yet us being siblings was never brought up?" Jason shakes his head, putting in his two cents. "All Saiya said was that her sister was here. I thought you were a guest in the crowd or a model. You two look nothing alike, so I dismissed you as being a possibility." Right. People always thought we were friends and never related.
Of course, Saiya got more attention. I didn't mind, though. Saiya's life looked exhausting. Keeping up with all the drama, partying, being a people pleaser, having fake friends, and all while trying to keep up with school. Don't even get me started on the boy problems.
Her problems were enough for both of us. "Since then, we've tried to meet every other Saturday," Jason finishes. Well, that solves that. "How were you two like growing up? You two are night and day," Jason asks. This is not the topic I want to talk about.
"If we're going into this, I'm going to need some wine," I comment. Saiya rolls her eyes. "Oh please, aside from your heavy load of school work, your life was a breeze." I freeze. Suddenly, my appetite is gone, replaced with a wave of burning anger.
"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Saiya lifts both her eyebrows. "Am I wrong?" I bitterly laugh. "I'm too tired for this shit. I'm going to go to bed before I tear you a new one." This is complete bullshit.
Not only did I have to deal with our mom's affair, but I also had to deal with my dad, Saiya's dad, Saiya, and our three brothers who were thrown in the mix. I try my best not to communicate with any of them.
It was a fuck fest. Guess who ended up with the responsibilities of four new children? Yeah, me. Guess who got the sloppy seconds? Also, me. Who had to work their ass off for anything they wanted while their siblings got everything handed to them? Who was the fucking therapist every time mom screwed up? Who took care of the house? Who has been giving up their life for everyone else around them? Who was the one treated as if they were inferior, as I was the only kid who had a different dad? I fucking forget the answer sometimes.
I'm not pitying myself because it made me strong and independent, but fuck anyone who says it was easy. Including the perfect princess who has never had to scramble for anything in her life.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start a fight," Jason apologizes. I stand up from my chair and look ahead of me. "For once, you're not the problem here," I respond to Jason. "You don't get to be mad. I had to deal with our entire family and be the perfect daughter because you could never step up to the occasion. I was stuck with all the chores because you were never home,"
This bitch must be out of her goddamn mind. I smile menacingly. "Saiya, I'm warning you right now, don't start something you can't finish,"
She gives a fake smile of her own, "Here we go again, you acting as if you're better than everyone." I am about to snap this bitch. For one second and one second alone, I forget she's my sister and see red. Jason must catch this as he quickly tries to de-escalate the situation.
"I think we're all tired and should get some sleep,"
"The only thing I'm tired of is her selfish ways!" Saiya exclaims, and it's the final straw. I. Fucking. Snap!