Before I fully pass the kitchen, I hear Mom's voice call out to me. I join her in the kitchen, passing Nat on her way out. Nat doesn't acknowledge me, and It's all I could ever ask for. I greet mom in the kitchen, and she passes me an apron. I put it on, and mom passes me some fruit to cut. Everything else is done. "Tell me, how have you been doing?" I'm surprised she isn't talking to me about the Nat situation. If she is not going to bring it up, I won't either.
"Everything is roughly the same. Nothing new is happening in my life." Mom hums as she cuts the carrots. "I didn't know you and Jason were close," I glance in her direction before I go back to cutting the pineapple. "It's a recent thing. He's a lot different from what I originally imagined him to be. Working with him gave me a bad first impression of him. In truth, I don't completely like him yet, but he's growing on me,"
Mom smiles sweetly. "That's good. I was afraid you weren't making friends,"
"Mom, this isn't high school. Having friends or lack thereof isn't important and certainly won't get me anywhere." Mom shakes her head. "Baby, we don't want you to be alone. That's what Nat was trying to say in her own way," I snort out a laugh. That old bag being concerned about me? I wouldn't live to see the day. "She was saying if you're not going to contact us, at least have some people in your corner, you know?" I squeeze my hand around the knife. "So you're going to disregard everything she's said about Dad over the years. Everything she's said about you? Her intention doesn't mean anything if her words and actions do more harm than good."
Mom sets her knife down and puts her hand over mine. I too set my knife down. "Honey, why do you still care for your father? He never did a single thing for us,"
I lean against the counter and cross my arms. "He was a lousy husband and a lousy dad, but he was not a bad person. He never hurt us like everybody claims he did, and he didn't abandon us. We abandoned him. I'm not trying to justify or be compliant with his drinking habits, but I'm not going to let people smear or lie on his name. You weren't always a good mom, and I've never held that against you. I'm only extending the same courtesy to him. I'm not going to use dad as a source to vent my anger or blame for my life getting hard. That man tried hard. Harder than I can say this family ever has. He fought for me. You left me."
Mom hangs her head and grips her arm. "I'm sorry. I saw you fading, our bond fading, and I did nothing. I was set on getting a new life that I wanted to throw my old one away,"
"And I was in the way of that. I know you saw me as a burden at some point in your life. I felt it. The moment you put me on the back burner, things were never the same. You had newborns, a new man, a new house, and a new life. The only thing holding you back from erasing dad and the old you was me. I don't hate you for it, but I can't completely love you because of it. Whenever this family preaches about sticking together, it makes me sick. I took the easy way out and left. I'm sure it was easier for you too. I have no intentions of ever loving this family to the point that I would do anything for them. They're not my family, and for a long time, you weren't either."
I can hear mom sniffle. "I'm so sorry," mom looks me in the eyes with tears rolling down her face. I don't feel bad or regretful. This is how life is. "With all due respect, you can be sorry as much as you want Mom, but the damage is done. So please don't force this." I wrap my arms around my mom and kiss her cheek. She fiercely grips me, trying to cling to whatever part of me. She clears her throat and wipes her eyes.
"Well, it's time to set the table," I look at mom's eyes and don't see smears of makeup. "Waterproof mascara, smart," Mom grins and takes a pot. "I figured I'd be doing a lot of crying. It happens every time I see my grandbabies." My smirk falls, and I'm glad I haven't picked up a pan because that would've fallen too. "I'm sorry, grandbabies?" Which one of my brothers impregnated a girl? And why is the word plural?
Shit, I've missed a lot. As if on cue, the moment the table has all the food on it, the doorbell rings. Dylan goes to open the door, and a rush of noise greets my ears. "Hey, pumpkin!" Dylan yells. A little girl squeals at immeasurable volumes. I hate kids. I tune out the rest of the noise and wait to see my brothers. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen them since high school. The twins should be graduating college by now, but our youngest brother should still have a year or so left. If my math is correct, the twins should be 22, and our youngest brother should be 20.
I grab a few napkins and go into the dining area. The room is filled with women, my brothers, and a child. My eyes bulge. They're so... grown. Yes, that's what happens with age. I repeat my earlier words and roll my eyes at myself. Once Damien, the older twin, spots me, his eyes replicate mine from a moment ago. Still staring at me in bewilderment, he taps his twin's shoulder, Brandon. When Brandon spots me, his jaw practically unhinges. It's Brandon's turn to tap our youngest brother's shoulder, Aaron. I stare at the woman beside Aaron. Her belly is swollen, and I tilt my head, jutting my neck in bewilderment. My youngest brother has knocked a girl up? By the looks of it, she's bound to pop any minute.
Once I stare too long, the girl uncomfortably shifts, and Aaron steps in front of her protectively. He frowns then proceeds to ask, "Would you stop looking? You're making her uncomfortable," the girl worriedly shakes her hands. "No, it's fine. I've just never seen you before. You must be Soren,"
"That's my name," The girl has platinum blonde hair and light brown eyes. She is more on the thicker side when it comes to her legs, but it suits her. She's in an all-black dress that shows off her figure and swollen breast.
Understandably, she wears slides instead of heels. Before we get a chance to talk, a little girl with auburn hair comes barreling at my legs. Before she knocks me on my ass, I catch her and am forced to swing her around from her fast-paced momentum. Her head is full of curls.
"I've never seen you before," her hazel eyes replicate mine. She looks to be around five. Wait...five?! If this is one of the twin's babies, that means he got a girl pregnant at 17. "I've been hearing that a lot today. I'm your aunt, I suppose,"
The little girl's eyes shine, "You're my aunt who's always busy with work! Daddy tells me you're really smart." The little girl grins. "Does he now? What's your name?" The girl raises her hands in the air. "I'm Hayley!"
I set the girl down, not really knowing what to do with her. She stares at me expectantly. I awkwardly look at her. "What do you want?" I bluntly ask. "You're supposed to tell me your name, and then we are supposed to have a conversation," she looks at me like I'm an idiot. "You're Damien's child," The twins may look alike and sometimes act alike, but that sass is all Damien.
Damien comes up to me and lifts his daughter. It feels weird to say that. "Hey, Soren. It's been a while." Damien gives me a reminiscent smile. "You too. You already have a family. Who's the lucky girl?" Damien steps aside, and a girl with auburn hair and green eyes emerges. Green eyes? I look back at Hayley, and her eyes are hazel, like mine. "Her eyes are special, I know. She gets them from my grandmother," I wouldn't call her eyes special, but that explains that.
"I'm Diana," the girl comes up to me with a smile, outreaching her hand. "Soren," I connect our hands. "Uncle Jason!" Hayley shrieks. "Hey, little one, " Jason smiles and spins Hayley around. He throws her up and down. I see Saiya looking at Jason with so much love. So this is the side of Jason that Saiya saw before I did. I don't blame them for falling in love. Saiya is a hopeless romantic, and Jason desperately wants a family from what I've gathered. He's impatient and brass when it comes to love.
I'm surprised they made it work with the 11-year age difference. Jason is 32, and Saiya is 21. "I didn't know you were good with children," Jason responds without looking at me. "We don't exactly have many of them at the workplace," I scoff at the statement. "You're shitting me. We have plenty of them at the workplace. The only difference is that they're taller and in suits. Do you even know the people who work under you?"
Jason turns his head to me with a smirk, "Do you notice every ant you step on?" I place my hands on my hips. "Yes, actually. I make a point not to step on them because I wouldn't want to be squished." He stops his actions and stares at me for a moment. I cock an eyebrow. "Well, I just wasn't expecting that answer," I throw my hands in the air. "What did I tell you last time?"
"I believe your words were, 'Wipe that grin off your face you mutt,' " I'm momentarily shocked. "You said that to him?" Saiya enters the conversation. "What's a mutt?" Hayley asks. "A dog that isn't purebred," Diana says. "Why would you call Uncle Jason a dirty dog?" A knowing grin spreads on my face. "You see Hayley, Uncle Jason here is quite the handsome fellow, but his personality isn't as charming. You see, a dog in human terms-" I'm cut off by Diana. "Okay, that's a term for a different time and a different age." Damien is snickering, knowing damn well a was a dog in high school. "Our daughter should know about the scum men on these streets, babe," Diana gives him a stern look. He instantly quiets, but the way he stares at her has pure love and admiration.
"Aww, mommy, you always say I'm too young. I'm halfway to a decade, I'd say I'm old enough," Jason nudges her nose with his hand. "Don't be in a rush to grow up, baby doll. Enjoy your time as a maggot," Hayley starts to gag after hearing the word maggot.
"Anyway, that's not what I was talking about. I believe my other words were somewhere around the lines 'You've got a lot to learn about me,' " I get the conversation back on track.
Jason gives Hayley to Diana. "I'm learning that's the case with you. You're just full of surprises," I grin, "You're one to talk, maggot," I mock him. Jason's grin matches my own. "Cheeky," he playfully glares at me. "I didn't know you two knew each other," Brandon comes into the conversation.
"You have no idea just how close they are," Luke comes in from the crowd and throws his arm around me. "Hey, baby, you left me all alone, and I came all this way just to be here with you." Luke pouts. His actions do not affect me, so I pinch his cheek. "Sorry about that."
"Closer than we think?" Saiya asks. Luke nods his head. "Yep, Jason came to a cafe near the job just to throw Soren into a car. They're like a bunch of kids. It was very fun to watch."
I roll my eyes and cross my hands. "I digress. That really hurt," Jason gives me a questioning look. "You never complained about physical pain?"
"Do you see how you have to separate the physical pain and mental pain I was going through in that sentence alone?"
"If I listen to everything you say, you wouldn't be here right now, and my company wouldn't be as successful as it is," he grins. "Now I'm offended. My familial decisions aren't the best," everybody scoffs at the statement. I glare at them all before continuing, "But we both know that none of my decisions for the company have ever been wrong," I proudly state.
"So, you both work together," Aaron finally joins the conversation. "For two years," Jason states. "You two must be extremely close then. It must be amazing to work with your best friend slash brother-in-law, " Brandon's girl states. I chuckle maniacally. It catches me by surprise when Jason says, "It is,"
Luke makes his thoughts known, "Hey, the title of best friend belongs to me. Back off pretty boy," Jason cocks his brow at him. The pregnant girl talks next, "Are you Soren's boyfriend?"
Mom joins the conversation, "He's even better, he's her best friend," Luke high-fives my mom, and I swear I'm in another universe. "We can talk about this at the dinner table," Mom redirects us to the table, and we all take our seats. Naturally, i'm in between Jason and Luke. "You think we are best friends?" I ask Jason.
"I would assume so," he says calmly. "Why?" Sure, Jason and I have gotten to know each other better, but I'm not going to talk to him about my personal life outside of this family. "After everything we've been through together, you don't? We even Kevin Harted on the couch together," Jason looks genuinely hurt. The twins hold back a laugh, "Don't ever say that again," I tell Jason. It sounds weird.
Jason mulls it over in his head. "I'm Chelsea, and that's Evelyn, by the way," Aaron's girlfriend tells me as she points at Brandon's girl. I nod my head. Good to know. "Do you have a kid, Aunt Soren?" Hayley gleams at me from the other side of the table, in between her parents. "Are you pregnant?" Hayley asks again. Dylan chokes on his food, and Luke starts to laugh uncontrollably.
"Is this your way of calling me fat?" I ask her. Hayley immediately blushes. "Oh, no! I didn't mean it like that! You just seem really moody. Maybe you have your period," This sends the entire table into a fit. Even Jason chuckles a little. Hayley looks around the table with a smile, happy to make everyone laugh.
"You're going to learn your Aunt Soren can be extremely moody, baby doll," I turn to Jason and slap his arm. "See?" he says. This makes the girl giggle more. "If you think I'm moody now, you haven't seen anything, Jason Mathew Madden," I huff. The only response Jason gives me is a lopsided smile that would make any panty melt.
"You two fight like a long-time married couple," The entire table goes silent after Hayley says that. "When Grandpa Dylan sees mom and dad fighting like you two, that's what he says," she completes her sentence and continues to eat, oblivious of the awkward tension she just caused.
Jason and I glance at each other and shrug. "It's always been this way between us, except it was more hateful in the beginning," I say, trying to make the conversation light.
"Why?" Hayley persists, I can tell Damien and Diana want to stop her, but they're also curious. "Because he was a cold-hearted, self-serving, unappreciative jackass," I say with complete and utter confidence. Some voices around the table gasp.
"I wasn't that bad," Jason grumbles as he puts food in his mouth. Forgetting my bad language, Hayley asks, "What changed?"
"He became my future brother-in-law. That's what. As the weeks passed, we got to know each other better. He's still all of the things I mentioned before, but that's not all he is anymore," Hayley is completely engaged in the story. I don't know why, it's not interesting. "What is he then?" she leans against the table in anticipation.
"Kind, to a certain extent, thoughtful, considerate, sincere, honest, loyal, and a lot of other things," I can feel Jason's eyes on me but I refuse to look at him. "How can he be considerate and a jackass?" My eyes slightly widen. I guess she didn't disregard the bad language. Diana is quick to tell Hayley off for the bad use of language. I apologize for saying bad language in front of Hayley.
"Does this mean you love him? Mommy says that when you know somebody's good and bad parts and still decide to be with them, that means you love them." The question is so sudden. I barely know what to say. "Um...love is a very strong word."
"You seem to feel strongly toward him," Hayley says as a matter of factly. I can feel Saiya burning holes in my head, I swear sweat starts to roll down my face.
"I mean, I care for him. I can't say I love the man, but he is going to be my family, so." I try to answer in a way that leaves everybody happy and nobody uncertain. "How do you feel, Uncle Jason?" Damien and Diana look at each other. They're about to stop Hayley, but Jason is already responding.
"I think your aunt is a very amazing woman, and I do care for her. She has accepted a part of me that I thought nobody would or could. She can be quite confusing sometimes, but she means well,"
He says earnestly. I feel my body temperature rise. I nearly have a heart attack after Hayley says, "Then how come you're with Aunt Saiya?" The entire table is shocked into silence. "I think that's enough questions for the day," Diana awkwardly chuckles at Hayley, silently threatening her daughter to shut up.
Hayley doesn't get the memo. "But he hasn't answered my question yet," Hayley pouts. "Finish your food," Damien says softly but doesn't leave room for discussion. Hayley's questions are finished, but the damage is done. Meanwhile, the little girl forgets about everything, getting lost in her food.
Jason hangs his head and has a frown on his face. "Are you okay?" I ask. It takes him a while, but he eventually nods his head. "I'm with Saiya because I love her," he finally responds. Hayley is about to ask another question before I cut her off. "How did you two meet?" I ask Damien and Diana.
"Why do you love her?" The girl doesn't give up. "If Aunt Soren has accepted a part of you that Aunt Saiya hasn't, then why take the lesser option? Mommy always tells me to know my worth. You should be with someone who accepts and loves every part of you."
"But Soren and I don't love each other," Jason fights back. I want to sink into a hole. Meanwhile, my supposed best friend is sucking up all of the drama.
"But you guys can love each other. Uncle Aaron and Aunt Chelsea hated each other when they first met. Now, they're pregnant. Aunt Evelyn had a boyfriend at the time, but she and Uncle Brandon found love through each other. If you have someone you feel obligated to, you miss what's in front of you."
"My love for Saiya isn't an obligation. It's something I want. Saiya is a kind and caring person who loves me completely." Hayley pouts, intent on winning this battle. "So does Soren. If you love Aunt Saiya more, then why doesn't she know or accept the part of you that Aunt Soren does? Clearly, you trust Aunt Soren more, "
I quickly intervene as I can see Jason is sorely losing this battle. "That's not necessarily true. I tell Luke things that I would never tell my lover. It's easier to tell someone things when you're not afraid of what they will think of you afterward. Someone you marry is your safe place, but there are some things even partners don't want to say to each other out of fear. Being afraid to lose someone means you love them more, not less. Your partner doesn't and won't know everything about you at the beginning, but that's why we live and we learn. Friends share secrets that they wouldn't with their partners because their connection is different.
Jason and I don't think of one another romantically. We're just really good friends. Besides, he didn't tell me on purpose. It just happened by accident."
I hope my explanation thwarts Hayley, and for a minute, I think it does. "I guess I've never looked at it that way. But if that's the case, why do you and Jason look at each other like that?"
My efforts are in vain, and I feel myself drowning in my tears. "Like what?" Saiya asks. Her voice is raw and stern. Shit. "Aunt Soren looks at Uncle Jason differently. She seems to smile better. And Uncle Jason also looks really happy. Uncle Jason doesn't seem like he knows that he likes her yet. But that's okay, Uncle Jason has always been a bit detached from his feelings. Dad looked at mom the same way before they got together. Although dad was all swoony and behaved like a good dog."
This girl is too damn perceptive. The first part is complete bullshit, but her noticing Jason isn't properly connected with his emotions is amazing.
"I need to use the bathroom," Saiya immediately stands from her seat and dashes upstairs. Everyone looks at each other and then Jason and I. "You should probably go after her," I tell him. He looks at me for a long and hard time. I sigh, then flick his nose. He snaps out of his trance. "Don't lose your fiancé because of a child's words. You know how you feel. Now go be a good partner and tell Saiya that," he stares at me for a little while longer.
I quickly start to get annoyed with everyone's eyes on us. "Did I stutter?" Jason snaps out of it once again before he chases after Saiya.
I heavily sigh and lean back in my chair. I see mom working up the courage to say something. "What is it?" I ask her. "Well, do you love him?" Ain't that the question of the century. "Mom, I've known him for all of three weeks tops,"
"I knew Dylan for one, and I was with your father at the time. You don't have to spend an eternity with someone to know that you love them," Honestly, I don't know what I feel for Jason, but I definitely can't call it love. Not in the way Saiya does.
"I'm not in love with him, ma." she looks at Dylan, and they seem to exchange some kind of message. "If anything changes, don't wait until it's too late,"
"Nothing is going to change," I hope not.