I locked myself in, I rested my head on the table. I longed to be the Sarah I used to be—the upbeat, not the whiny Sarah.
My mom used to be a shoulder for me to weep on when things were tough. I have nowhere to lean my burden other than inside myself.
Apart from being a mature woman, I had no choice but to be kind and obedient to my in-laws. I never obeyed anyone except my parents.
The rebellious Sarah bowed down to unjustness for the sake of her marriage life! Life drags me down into the black pit.
I reflected on my fate. Unexpectedly, the sky had grown gloomy. I awoke from my thoughts to the sound of my door banging.
I unlatched the door, I found Ruth standing before me.
"Ruth?"
Her eyes were wide open, "Are you okay? You have puffy eyes."
"I'm... I miss my parents", I said.
"What brought you here, Ruth? Is it my mother-in-law?", I asked in my weak tone.
I hope not, enough for today.
She looked left and right before turning to me, saying, "Ma'am, I didn't see you at lunch. Do you want me to bring you some food?"
There are people who still care about me.
"I'm not in the mood", I said.
"I feel you, ma'am. Please don't strain yourself", said Ruth.
I chuckled. "I won't die for not eating a day, Ruth."
"Don't say that, ma'am, there are people who care about you", said Ruth.
"I hope it is true", I said.
"Ruth, was he home for lunch?" I asked.
"Who?", she asked.
"He", I said
"Hah?"
"Luke", I said
"In fact, he doesn't often come home for lunch, much less to dine with his family.", Ruth added.
"How so? They seem to be close". I looked at her puzzled.
"Not as close as you think, you can count on how many times he gets together with his family", said Ruth.
"I don't get it", I said.
"How should I put it, umm..." Ruth
"Ruth! Where are you?", Delores
Delores yelled from downstairs as Ruth racked her brain.
"Ma'am, I'll talk to you later", said Ruth.
"Ruth... wait", I said.
She hurried into the living room.
What does she mean? Does she know something? Whatever it is between Luke and his family, I don't want to get involved in it.
The moon shone in the tranquil night sky behind the wide open window, without his star friend who was always with him. The wind brushed over me as I waited for Luke, who hadn't returned, and the clock struck nine o'clock.
I took a big breath, recognizing I had to face Delores again. I gathered myself, and I walked down to the living room. Here she is, sitting with crossed legs, rattling with her ladies (Reggie, Beth, and Indy).
Indy looked up at me, "What's up?"
"Mom, Luke hasn't home yet. Do you know where he is?" I asked Delores.
With a strict face, Delores replied, "I don't know."
"Sarah, Luke is an adult. You don't need to babysit him; he will return if he wishes." Delores
Luke is her son! She's not supposed to say that! What if something happened to him?
"I'm concerned", I said
Despite his harshness toward me, he is my husband.
Reggie rolled her eyes.
"Are you concerned or trying to curb him?", said Reggie.
"What? Why should I curb him?", I said.
"So that Luke stays with you for 24 hours", said Reggie.
"I would never do something like that, aunt," I said.
"We know you're his wife, with words of "concern", you shouldn't hinder his freedom", said Beth.
My goodness! I simply wanted to know where my husband is!
"We're women too, Sarah. We allow our husbands to have their freedom, let them live their lives.", said Indy.
"Not to hurt your feelings, we want you to understand", said Indy.
My blunder. I shouldn't have gone downstairs, or asked where my husband was! I should see this coming!
"If you are done, please leave this room", said Delores.
Just what I needed! Got kicked out by my mother-in-law.
As I walked away from them, I looked over at her. "Mom, will you ever treat me like your own daughter?"
I sat on the empty couch, gazing at the gate, as the clock kept ticking showing midnight.
I'm eager to call him, hear his voice, know he's fine, but, my eyes are fixed on his name. Get rid of your fear Sarah! I pressed the call button. Out of reach? I called him multiple times, but each time I got the same answer.
Panic surged through me. I paced back and forth.
After a long wait, the sound of an open gate broke the stillness, as the light of the car headlights flashed into my eyes, "Luke...!", I dashed to the yard as Mercedes-Maybach drove in.
"Dad?", the joy on my face faded.
It's Silas, not Luke.
"Sarah?" He approached me along with Scott Abrams (2nd brother of Silas).
"Sarah, what are you doing here? in the middle of the night", asked Scott.
"I'm waiting for Luke", I said.
Silas smiled warmly as his palm caressed my head."Don't worry, Luke will return. Now go back to your room."
"I won't be able to sleep peacefully until I see him," I explained.
"Thank you for looking after him," Silas said. "No fear, maybe he's out with his friends
"Then why is his phone out of reach?" I inquired.
"It means he's with his friends", said Scott.
Silas smiled as he reacted to my blank stare, "It's a typical thing for us, when Luke is with his pals, we're not permitted to reach out to him."
"And Sarah, don't try to reach out to friends, he dislikes it if someone babysits him, which is not our intention", said Scott as he flashed me a broad smile.
"Scott's right. Go back to your room, and get some rest.", said Silas.
I returned to my room. I reclined and shut my eyes. I tossed and turned. Drowsiness didn't seem to hit me, but Luke's face. I got up, I leaned back in Luke's chair, staring out the window at the night sky while my heart murmured,
Where are you, Luke? I can't be as still as your family! Come home! I want to see you back safe and sound.
The door was wide open, Luke walked in with a rumpled shirt. His tousled hair and bloodshot eyes stared at me. He shut the door behind him.
"Where have you been?!", I said.
"None of your business!", he said.
"I'm your wife, Luke! I didn't sleep all night waiting for you. I have a right to know." Sarah
"My wife? You'll never be my F*****' wife! You are the worst decision my family has ever made." exclaimed Luke.
"Back off!", said Luke.
I blocked him before walking past me. "I'm the worst decision?! I'm afraid it's a false statement, Mr. Luke Abrams!"
"I'm trapped inside your F*****' family!" Sarah
"What did you say?!"
He grabbed the back of my hair, with our faces close to each other. His eyes were red with wrath and grief.
"I'm trapped with you for the rest of my life! YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOUR PRESENCE RUINED EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT BELONGS TO ME!", said Luke.
"MY PRESENCE DONE NOTHING! BUT MY LIFE IS RUINED BY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!", I said.
He gritted his teeth and pushed me onto the nightstand. Blood dripped from my forehead. He pulled my hair again, "Listen! You should be proud to be a member of my family. Second, if you want to see yourself alive, you better shut your f*****' mouth!"
He loosened my hair. A deep ache surged into my bones. I put my palm on my forehead, I forced myself to stand as dizziness flooded my head. I leaned against the bed. I ruffled inside the nightstand and grabbed the first aid kit.
I doused a cotton swab with alcohol. I applied pressure to my forehead. I pursed my lips when a chilly liquid touched my wound. I wrapped my wound in bandages. I rested my head on the pillow.
My short-lived married life was riddled with heartache. It never crossed me that my life was at risk. Present or future, I'll end.
Is it a mistake to wish for a harmonious life, to expect love and devotion, much less happiness? All this time, I was in the illusion of my parents' harmonious life. I had entered the realm of reality. The reality where life becomes the first intake in war.
I gave up before I began. I lost before I won. One in a thousand, a frail woman vs devils. My soul was crying in misery. FREE ME SARAH! I can only help her by shedding tears.
I FAILED AT EVERYTHING! I punched the mattress.
WHY?! I wish for light, not darkness. I crave happiness, not agony.
Luke came out of the bathroom. I caught his hand and knelt down in front of him.
"I apologize to you, Luke," I said.
"Is it wrong to seek your attention and affection? Is it wrong to fall for you?" I said.
Silence. His hands curled into fists, as he restrained something that was attempting to control him.
"If my presence bothers you, I'm willing to give my life for you, take my life", I held out my hand, surrendering myself to him.
He jerked his hand out of my grasp. He stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall. The last sound I heard was a motorbike riding away from the palace gates.
(Luke Pov)
I sped away, without paying attention to the vehicles around me. I clenched the handlebars until the veins in my palms sprang out, vented my rage against myself, as I lamented how I had treated her.
I hurt her, I punished an innocent woman, I'm a monster!
My motorbike whisked me away from the city. I drove alone on a deserted road. I came to a halt at the 'past' place that had once been my favorite place to spend my time. A lovely cabin surrounded by vibrant flowers that dance on this bright morning. The cool breeze sent a new scent into my breath, and the sunlight shined through the leaves of the trees, encouraging me to face the new day.
The past is precious, but the past is past. We were apart for a long period. The past mustn't die, it has to live! I mourned the fate of the abandoned cabin, shrouded by big trees blocking the flickering light within. I knelt, my hands stroking the withered petals which had lost their colors. They landed on the ground one by one.
I trod on the scattered rocks. Those beautiful memories flooded my mind as I inched closer. I gingerly brushed the cabin door with the palm of my hand. I let myself through the old, unlocked door. The furniture was old and coated with layers of dust and dirt. The living room was blanketed in cobwebs.
I entered a bedroom where my happiness resides. His fate is the same as mine, he has lost his soul and is plunging into darkness. I plopped down, I lowered my head with my eyes closed. I clenched my teeth as tears streamed copiously to the floor. I lifted my head, let out the screams of my heart, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?! WHY?! TAKE ME WITH YOU!
My body slumped against the wall. My legs were sprawled out in front of me with my head propped up against the small cabinet next to me.
Luke mourns his past scars while Sarah sobs at the cruelty in her life.
You'll never know their pain until you feel it yourself, you'll never see their nightmare behind their cheerful smile, you'll never know the broken mask they donned to spark your life.
People are here to judge, instead of feeling the deepest wounds of others.
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN!