Busay
"Shan! I'm sorry please kausapin mo naman ako!" Tristan said following me as I was walking out of the hospital. I stopped before entering the car and looked at him. "Wag ngayon, tristan. Please wag ngayon." I said as tears slowly fell. I looked away fast and got inside the car leaving him behind.
Ang sakit, yung tipo ng sakit na hindi mo ma explain? yung sakit na tagos na tagos. Sa lahat ng panahon, ngayon mo pa talaga napiling saktan ako tristan? dumagdag ka pa sa iniisip ko.
When I got home I immediately took a shower and I couldn't help it. My tears would not stop falling. I am tired. It's 3 in the morning at ang dami ko pang iniisip.
"Ughhhh!"
I yelled as tears kept falling and I couldn't stop thinking about my lola. I feel bad, guilty to be exact. I have so many regrets. I should have spent time with her more, took care of her more. Sana nabantayan ko sya. She loved me very much. She always took care of me at sya, at si Tristan nalang ang nagpapahalaga sakin. I love her so much and I feel bad, ang dami dami ko'ng pag-kukulang sa kanya.
I put on some clothes, a plain black shirt and skinny jeans. I wore my converse and went out. I don't want to sleep, pupuntahan ko pa si lola sa funeral homes to do some arrangements. "Shan, you should sleep. San ka pupunta?" Si manang na nag kakape sa madilim na dirty kitchen namin. I shooked my head and looked at her. I sat across her and sighed.
"Manang, hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kaya na wala si lola." I said as I cried hard in front of her and I heard her sigh before she stood up to hug me tight.
From: Tristan ❤️
Babe, I know you are not in good shape right now. I understand. I know you hate me right now but I'm here for you okay? I'm on my way there sa lamay ni lola. Condolence baby. Always know that I love you so much.
I don't know why pero mas nagalit ako, eh. Concerned ka ba talaga? I deleted his text and did not bother replying.
It's 12 noon now and tapos na ang arrangement ni lola, marami narin ang nakiramay kanina. Dumating na din si daddy pero wala akong masabi sa kanya, hindi naman talaga kami close, daddy ko lang sya. I sat alone in the front row nag babantay kay lola. I want to be alone, ayoko madisturbo.
"Shan! Pumunta agad ako dito the moment I knew. Condolence." Irene said sitting beside me and hugging me. I just nodded ang hugged her back not saying anything. Tahimik lang kaming nakaupo. No one bothered to talk until she asked something.
"Um, asan si Tristan? Hindi ba sa lahat ng tao sya ang dapat nandito?" She sounded annoyed.
"Gago talaga"
She murmured but I heard it clearly.
"Why?" I replied now looking at her and she looked hesitant at first.
"Hay, it's not really a big deal but you can check on his facebook. But not now, hindi yan importante." She replied side hugging me.
Kahit sinabi nyang wag ngayon I took out my phone anyway. Something is really bothering me about Tristan. I logged in on my account and checked his profile and my heart sank.
He was tagged in so many photos. This was yesterday. While I was waiting for him, he was having fun with his friends. His new found college friends. They were in busay, (A hang out place in Cebu City wherein it is overlooking the whole city), drinking and clearly just having fun. In all the photos that he was tagged in, he was seated beside a girl.
Someone I don't know and looks like he was really having so much fun.
My heart broke even more. I don't mind if he went out with his friends but the fact that he forgot about me while I was waiting for him? and with my lola dying? that shit hurt a lot. I wiped away a tear that fell and turned off my phone and ignored it.
Irene left and she promised to come back but it's really fine I want to be alone anyway.
It was 3 in the afternoon when Tristan arrived. Kanina pa ang text nya na papunta na sya dito pero ngayon lang sya dumating. Galing.
He talked to my dad and my other relatives before settling beside me. "Babe" He said and kissed me but I pulled away holding back my tears.
How dare he?
"Please let me explain. I'm really sorry. Something came up yesterday, we had to finish our research and my phone died."
And now he lies.. I nodded not saying anything again.
I didn't talk to him the whole time and he let me be. He just sat beside me trying to comfort me, giving me food, trying to feed me but I don't have the energy to even look at him. I don't want to argue with him and seeing him right now hurts.
I felt betrayed. I feel like I'm no longer important to him.
It was already 9 in the evening when I decided to go home and rest at home and come back tomorrow, it is also what my dad wanted me to do considering I haven't slept at all since lola died.
I got up and tristan immediately trailed behind me as I was walking to my car. I stopped and turned to him. "Go home." I said looking at him in the eye.
"No. I'm staying with you tonight shan. I know you need me."
I chuckled at his reply, it was obvious that my chuckle shocked him. "Look, I said I'm sorry okay? baby please we really had to finish our rese-"
"Yeah baby, I know. You had to finish your research in busay right? So ganyan pala sa college noh? Research in busay while drinking? Wow, sounds fun." I cut him off sarcastically.
"Leave me the fuck alone, " I added and got inside the car leaving him behind.