Forgiveness
When I got home hindi parin ako makatulog. Naka hega lang ako sa kama. Ang dami ng iniisip ko until my phone rang. I picked up my phone and saw it was my mom calling.
"Hello," I answered with no emotions at all. "Shan, I'm sorry about your lola." She replied, see? Ganyan lang sya. I nodded as a tear fell again. Ewan ko ang sakit sakit talaga ng nararamdaman ko.
You know that feeling when you have everything but a family that you can really call yours.
"I'm sorry also because I can't go home right now. Shan, I'm pregnant. Me and Brent are going to have a family." She added and my heart sank even more. "Okay, mom. That's really great. I'm happy for you." I replied holding back my tears. "Okay, thank you. You take care okay? Bye." She replied and the line went dead.
I covered my face with my pillow and cried my heart out. I punched my chest as hard as I could because I wanted to feel the pain physically. I don't know how to handle the pain I feel in my heart, it's tearing me apart.
"Shan! Ano bah! Stop hurting yourself!!" before I could protest Tristan was already hugging me tight and I let it be. I only have him now. S'ya nalang ang nag mamahal ng totoo sa akin and I can't let him slip away.
Kaya ko naman s'yang patawarin sa nagawa nya eh, maliit na bagay lang naman yun.
At least he did not cheat on me.
Alam ko naman eh, mahal na mahal ako ni Tristan. Sino ako para hindi sya patawarin?
I need him so bad right now.
"Please forgive me. Hindi ko sinasadya. I'm so sorry." Tristan cried hugging me tighter and I gave up.
I hugged him back and cried on his chest.
I find peace in him.
He is my home.
I will let this pass. Hindi ko na kaya problemahin pa lahat ng to baka sumunod ako kaagad kay lola.
After a couple of days nilibing na namin si lola. Ayaw kasi ni daddy ng masyadong matagal dahil may business trip pa s'ya sa Singapore.
Nawalan ako ng malay sa libing ni lola dahil sa kakaiyak, hindi ko kinaya until I felt numb. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. Okay na kami ni Tristan pero hindi ko pa s'ya gaanong nabibigyan ng attensyon dahil hindi ko parin matanggap na wala na si lola and I always want to be alone.
Hindi ako halos kumakain but Tristan have been very patient with me, inaalagaan nya parin ako.
We're having breakfast right now sa garden, kami lang ni daddy. Tristan's at home. Walang nag sasalita samin ni daddy. He's just reading newspaper while sipping his coffee and I was just playing with my food.
"dad?" I called out his attention. "Hmmm?" He replied not even looking at me. I don't know anymore, kakapalan ko na ang mukha ko at itatanong ko na ang isang bagay na naisip ko nung namatay si lola.
"Paano na ako ngayon dad?"
That caught his attention.
He placed the newspaper on the table and stared at me like I'm crazy.
"What? What do you mean?" He asked laughing a bit.
Why is he laughing?
"Paano ako ngayon na wala na si Lola, dad? Anong plano mo para sakin? Obviously, mom don't care about me, especially now that she's pregnant!" I replied now annoyed because of his response.
"Well, shan. Malaki kana! I suppose you have your own plans now! You stay here, susuportahan parin kita, of course! Ikaw'ng bata ka, ang daming anak jan hoping their parents will let them live independently then here you are asking me about that? Alam mo naman na busy ako diba?" He replied now kinda annoyed too.
"Ayaw mo ba dito? This is your house. This whole property is yours walang ibang magmamana nito. At kahit sa lahat ng negosyo at ari arian nating mga Sy sayo lang yan lahat. What else could you possibly ask for?"
And ngayon ko lang mas na realize kung gaano ka walang hiya ang mga magulang ko.
Ganyan lang? Puro pera? Wala talaga silang plano noh? Aside from me being their only heiress!
I held back my tears dahil marami pa akong gustong sabihin.
"Dad, ano bah?! Ang laki laki ng mansyon at ako nalang mag isa dito?" I asked my voice breaking. "Anak, I'll just visit you from time to time okay? I'm sorry, shan. Sobrang busy lang talaga ni daddy. Just relax here, enjoy, go shopping or travel with Tristan. You don't have to worry about your finances. " He replied and I just gave up.
Wala na akong masabi. Hurot akong bilib sakong ginikanan. (I give up on my parents)
"Of course, dad. Excuse me." I said and stood up quickly and left.
I went back to my room and grabbed my purse. It's Monday morning but I'm not going to school. Wala akong gana sa kahit ano ngayon. "Manang, yung sasakyan. Aalis ako." Tumango lang si manang at sinunod na ang utos ko.
From: Tristan ❤️
Tristan, why aren't you answering my calls? Nasa school na ako, ikaw? Please reply.
I sighed reading his text, ayaw nya na mag skip ako ng class but I'll tell him anyway. I really don't have anywhere to go lalo na dahil may pasok si Tristan.
Oh, now I know where to go. I'll just buy lunch for Tristan at dadalhin ko sa school nya! Surprise visit na rin. I told manong to bring me to Tristan's favorite vegan restaurant. I'll order his food there.
Naexcite ako bigla na isusurprise ko si Tristan, lalo na lately may pagkukulang ako sa kanya dahil sa nangyari kay lola. I've been selfish pero nandyan parin s'ya para sakin.
Pag dating ko sa restaurant, nag order na ako kaagad para saming dalawa and I just sat there waiting at it's still 11. I'll leave going to his school around 11:30 para sakto ng vacant nya ang dating ko. I didn't bother replying to his text dahil isusurprise ko naman s'ya. My phone rang and it's Irene calling.
"Hello?" I answered sipping on my juice. "Where the hell are you?!"
Aray!
Kung maka sigaw tong babae'ng to. "I'm on my way to visit Tristan. I don't feel like going to school." I replied calmly. "Naku, shan. Sinasabi ko sayu ha, umayos ka! I know you're going through something but please don't Isolate yourself mas maloloka ka!" she replied and I can imagine her rolling her eyes right now.
"I am not okay? Kaya nga I'll visit Tristan today. I miss him, kahit na palagi kaming magkasama, eh wala naman ako sa mood palagi. Hindi ko s'ya pinapansin. Gusto ko lang maka bawi somehow." I replied and thoughts about my Tristan flooded my mind. I just really love him so much and I feel bad because I know he feels neglected since lola died.
"Ewan ko sayu, mabuti pa nga puntahan mo nalang yun pareho naman kayong baliw na baliw sa isa't isa. Sige na nga bye!" She replied and before I could say anything she hung up.
I got bored waiting in the restaurant kaya umalis na ako papunta sa school ni Tristan. Bigla ako naging excited dahil alam ko na ma susurprise talaga si Tristan nito and first time ko pumunta sa school nya.
"Ano po ang kailan nyo dito ma'am?" The guard in the front gate asked pagdating namin sa school ni Tristan. Mabuti nalang hindi ako naka school uniform para hindi masyadong obvious. "Uhm, I'll just inquire something inside po, manong."I replied smiling at him and he just nodded and opened the gates. I waved at him and smiled at pumasok na ang sasakyan ko sa loob.
It's almost 12 anytime now lalabas na si Tristan.
"Dito ka lang manong, pupuntahan ko muna si Tristan. " I said getting out of the car and walked to the school lobby dun ata ako dapat mag hintay. I stood there patiently while holding my take outs. Hindi nag tagal may nag silabasan na nga'ng mga studyante and Tristan was right, lalaki halos lahat at lahos sila lahat tinitignan ako habang dumadaan sila to have lunch. "Hi miss" "Uy ang gandang babae, tol!" I heard guys murmur as they walk past me and I just ignored them while waiting for tristan. Hindi nag tagal lumabas na nga si Tristan at first he didn't see me because he was talking to his friends. Sila Benji. I smiled big and ran towards him.
"Surprise!!"
I greeted smiling at him and his eyes widened so did his smile. "Babe! What are you doing here?" He replied laughing and grabbed me for a tight hug. "Wala, I just wanted to surprise you. I missed you." I replied hugging him tight and I felt him kiss my forehead. "Ehem, nandito pa kami guys." Natatawang sabi ni Benji as we pulled away and laughed. I showed him my take out lunch for the both of us.
"I got you your favorite!" I said and he smiled widen and nodded. "Tara, kain tayo babe. Tamang tama nagutom ako sa exam namin." He added and pulled me by the waist.
"Guys, kita nalang tayo mamaya kain lang kami ni Shan-"
"Tristan! Benji! Tara kain na tayo!" Tristan was cut off when this girl arrived and came over to where we were.
Oh, the girl on the picture. She's wearing the same uniform like Tristan's. Her smile faded when she saw me and I smiled big to her.
Who are you?