I had only left San Diego for only three days when Martins called me.
"B.. Bella.." he stammered.
I got scared immediately.
"Martins what is it?"
" Uhm.. what happened between you and Grey?"
He asked again still tensed.
I then began to think that Grey had met with his dad and talked to him about our breakup.
Honestly In as much as I wanted us apart, I felt torn apart realizing he actually wanted to let me go.
"Why are you asking what's wrong?"
"Bella..." He called.
"Martins what is it you're freaking me out!!"
"Where are you?"
"I'm in San Francisco...why are you asking??"
"Can you please come back today?"
I started becoming scared...why the sudden worry in his voice.
"It's Grey...he's...."
His voice trailed off.
My heart started pounding.
What happened to him???
"Martins what the fuck happen to Grey!!!!!!" I screamed making even Suzie panic.
"I don't know... he's not talking to me... he's not telling me anything!!! He's in a very bad state right now ok??
He locked himself up..he hasn't been to work for days now...he refused to pick his phone..
The only thing he has said so far was your name!!!!"
My head started aching...I couldn't even speak...I was confused...
Suzie grabbed the phone from me.
"Martins is this some kinda prank??" She asked.
" Prank Suzie seriously??? Oh my God you have got to be kidding me. Look just text me your location I'm sending a plane to come pick you up" he said.
"What the fuck is wrong with Grey?? Bella has a meeting by 10:30am and it's already nine o'clock." Suzie said.
"Susan please I'm begging you to cancel all the goddamn appointments and get back to San Diego... please" he said.
She looked at me...I was lost in thoughts and confusion.
I could only nod.
And even until about an hour later when a vehicle arrived to convey us to the airport and till we got to San Diego, I didn't know.
Suzie was trying to ask me questions to know if I did anything to him, but I couldn't speak...
I was far from this universe wondering what the hell was going on.
About few minutes past 3, we pulled into the house.
I opened the door and my mouth dropped in shock.
I looked around the house trying to understand what was going on.
Suzie followed me inside and shrieked" what the fuck happened here!!!???"
That was when Martins and Kaybee Walked in front the hallway.
My mouth was still hanging.
I couldn't talk.
"He hasn't been to work since three days ago" Martins started explaining.
"I thought at first that maybe he just needed a day off but then he didn't show up yesterday, today he had an important meeting by 6am he knew he needed to attend and he didn't show up.
That's when I came to the house to find out what happened and I met him here in the living room drunk with the house like this..."
He pointed around the house... broken glasses were everywhere.
Everything was broken... the paintings on the wall ... the chandeliers ... the fancy lamps.
Martins continued," it's not the first time something like this was happening...he usually does this when he was depressed and needed to vent out his anger on someone"
"When last did something like this happen" Suzie asked.
" The first time it happened regularly was 5 years ago when his mother..." He paused and continued..
" Since then he'd been fine and all...until he married Bella they started having issues.
Every time you disappeared without telling him he would get depressed and all worked out and then this would happen.
The last time it happened he Burt down his BMW and I had to stop him before he could burn down the house"
That was when I started noticing that I hadn't seen his BMW of recent and that Everytime I came back the chandeliers and lamps would be different.
And then I remembered the picture I drew for him and remembered that it was cracked up.
"So I don't understand...why does he act this way when he doesn't like Bella?? When she's back why does he pretend like she's invincible or irrelevant??" Suzie asked again.
"He...he..." Martins sighed and found a place in the couch to sit down.
He was frustrated as I was.
"Grey doesn't hate Bella"was the only thing he said.
"Where is he" was the only thing I was able to say.
Infact that the first and only thing I had said since the phone call.
"In the jacuzzi lodge, he has refused to open to any one, we've been trying all day .
I walked passed them and headed straight for the jacuzzi.
I knock on the door,no answer.
I knocked again, still no answer.
"Grey?"I called.
Silence
"Grey it's me, it's Bella, just open up please".
After about five seconds, I heard the door beep and it snapped open.
I exhaled and was about to open it when Martins held me.
"Take it easy on him... please" he said concerned.
I nodded and pushed the door opened and slammed it shut behind me locking us inside.
The song from his phone filled the air..
..."she say she wanna read my mind...
She really wanna read my mind..
But I promise her that all she'll find...
Is a lost soul rich and blind.
She say she wanna read my mind....
Do you really wanna read my mind...
But I tell you that all you'll find..is a lost soul rich and blind..."
~Rich and blind- Juice Wrld~
I stared down on Grey as I watched his sitting beside the hut tub his face to the ground and in-between his knee.
There was a bottle of alcohol in his hand and other empty bottles scattered on the floor.
I had never seen Grey this way, infact there were different aspects of Grey that I had never seen before.
The song on his phone changed.
....sometimes I feel like I can't die, cuz I never was alive...
Everyday feels like someone who died talking news is alive..
This is my version of watching you cry talking news is alive...
This is my version of watching you die, taking me by surprise....
The silence was killing me, he didn't say anything...I didn't say anything... we were both in thoughts...I to be very specific because I had no idea what was going on.
He took his head up from his knee and took a sip of his drink.
"What do you want?" He said, his voice being very slow .
I knew he was drunk..I had never seen him drunk before...sure I had seen him take different types of alcohol and cocktails, but I had never seen him drink himself till stupor.
"Doesn't it hurt your pure innocent soul to be sitting beside one as devilish as mine" he grumbled.
"Grey... what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing... there's nothing wrong with me"
"There is, this isn't how you are"
"Of course it is...I'm.always like this... I've been like this for up to five years... you've just never met me in this mood before. " He said sluggishly.
It was hard talking to drunk Grey than normal Grey.
"Grey...I was in San Francisco this morning and Martins told me that you're not okay and that you were calling my name...I had to come to today to see you what's wrong with you?"
He didn't even seemed moved by what I said.
He gave a short broken laugh.
"So you care about me so much? Such an irony that I don't even care about you isn't it Britney?"
Didn't Martins just say that he called my name few hours ago??
I sighed... this conversation wasn't going anywhere...I needed to talk to him in his sane mind .
He put his head down between his knees again and the song changed.
..."she told me put my heart, in a bag, and nobody gets hurt....
Now I'm running from her love...
I'm not fast, and I'm making it worse, now I'm digging up a grave....
From my past..I'm a whole different person...
It's a gift and a curse and I cannot reverse it..
I can't reverse it...
It was a gift and a curse...
And I cannot reverse it..."
" Grey " I called out as I noticed he started mumbling the lyrics of the song to himself but loud enough for me to hear.
"Grey" I shook him.
"What is it ?!"
"What's wrong with you?"I asked.
"Everything!!! Fuck can't you see I'm a mess.. and mean the hell you flew all the way from San Diego to meet me because you heard I was going through my fucking shit... would I ever do that for you? Why would you do that for me? After every thing I've done to you, you still care about my fucken ass" he stressed.
Honestly...I don't know why I came... obviously I was worried the way Martins was talking on phone...I just felt like he needed my help and I had to come.
"I was confused and afraid..I. Don't know I was just worried"I shrugged.
"Would I do that for you? Tell me would I?"
"I don't don't treat people based on how they treat me Grey, I treat them based on how everyone should be treated." I said.
"Fuck why are you so nice to me even after knowing I've been a asshole to you? Why?"
"Grey... you're drunk" was the only thing I could say because honestly, I didn't even know what to say.
He sighed and buried his Head in his knees again enveloping up in silence with just the music at the background playing.
....Can't take back the love that I gave you...
It's to the point where I love and I hate you...
And I cannot change you so I must replace you oh...."
He started singing along to the song again.
..." Easy when said than done, I thought you were the one.. listening to my GODDAMN FATHER INSTEAD OF MY STUPID HEAD " he screamed this time throwing his hands in frustration making me flunch.
"Fuck why did I listen to that scum bag in the first place" he groaned.
My mind began to roam . Was he talking about listening to his father about marrying me? Or was it something else.
I remember Martins telling me that it wasn't what it looks like.
"I don't hate you I swear I don't" he suddenly said in a very sober tone.
" So then what?" I asked.
He bowed his head down to his knee again," I don't know" he muttered.
I can't talk to Grey like this, I need him fully himself and not drunk.
" Just go away get away from me you're driving me nuts...fuck!!" He said rudely this time.
I sighed. He's insane.
I got up slowly and picked up the remote control to the door and opened it..
I slowly opened the door and left.
I entered the living room and all eyes were on me.
" How did it go? What happened?" Martins asked immediately.
" Uhhhhmmm..." I said scratching my head.
"I think you guys should just leave... he's very drunk right now and I can't talk to him like that.
Everything will be fine hopefully... just go home... it'll be ok by tomorrow" I sounded like I was trying to convince myself that.
"Are you sure about that" kaybee asked.
I nodded," I'm sure".
You're lying to yourself stupid!!!
Suzie came to me and hugged me.
" It's gonna be fine okay?" She assured.
"Hopefully" I mumbled.
"If you need anything...if anything happens...call me okay?" Martins said.
I nodded.
"I'll call the home service to come clean up the house" he added.
"No it's okay...I can handle it" I protested.
"No way you can't clean this mess all by yourself" kaybee said
If only he knew the kind of messes I use to clean back then when I was even younger.
" Trust me...I can handle it" I assured them and walked them to the door.
Martins turned back to me.
" Bella, what ever he says to you... believe him, he's not lying" I could see concern in his face. This was a true friend.
I nodded. " I will"
Then I turned back to face the house.
This is gonna take a while...
•∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆•
Grey's Pov
I slowly opened my eyes again and my head started throbbing. Shittt.
I shouldn't have taken so much alcohol.
I sat up from the floor and looked around myself.
How the fuck did I even get here.
Then in a flash all my memories restored.
Wait... she was here..!!!
She was here and I fucken drove her away.
Why am I always like this.
I got up slowly and picked up my phone.
It was 10:27pm . I passed out that long??
I headed towards the door and opened it.
I went through the hallway and entered the living room...the house was clean...as in sparkling clean, way different than how I had left it earlier.
I needed to take control of my temperament.
You can't even take control of your own life
Martins must have called home service to clean it up.
Then I looked through the window and saw her ....her!!
She was dumping bags of trash into the trash can outside.
Did she clean this?? She cleaned up this house?! All by herself??
At this point I was too guilty..too guilty to even look her in the face.
I walked up the stairs quickly and into my room when I started seeing her heading back to the house.
I threw my clothes over my body and hit the shower.
I stood there under the cold water for more than 20 minutes doing nothing...lost in thoughts.
I finally got out and changed into some clean clothes and left the room and walked out to the balcony.
I sat on the bare floor with my chin touching my knees.
Why am I like this... why do I keep messing people's lives.
I picked up by phone and began to listen to music again... that was the only thing that kept me mentally stable.
My music life was very personal to me...it was all to me.
I started hearing soft footsteps from behind me and then it stopped.
Her scent filled the air.
I was too afraid to look up to her, I was too guilty to look her in the face. I just couldn't.
I prayed she would just leave so that the guilt burden would reduce, but instead she sat down beside me quietly.
We both sat in silence and the only thing that was heard was the music coming from my phone.
"Why do you enjoy listening to sad depressing songs" she asked.
My heart beat increased rapidly and I swallowed hard.
I raised my face up but dared not to look at her face.
"Most of the songs are realistic and portray my life" I said calmly.
She seemed to have loosed up realizing I wasn't drunk again.
..life isn't real, loves make belief....
The song at the background said.
She smiled," so you think your life isn't real and then love is make belief?"
I shrugged," sometimes I wish whole life isn't real and was all a dream" I said almost in a whisper.
"And why?"
"Because it's fucked up"
She gave a short laugh, God I loved her laugh. I loved everything about her.
" Everyone's life is fucked up Grey" ...and he way she said my name... fuckkkkkkk.
We didn't say anything again...we were silent for minutes.
"I don't hate you Bella.." was all I could say.
She seemed slightly shocked, I had never said her name before.
But hell these days that's the only thing I've been able to say.
"I'm sorry I had to drag you into all this...me... you should have been in San Francisco by now living your life peaceful away from my bullshits..."
"Well I'm hear now... there's nothing I can do about that now right..? She asked.
I knew what she was saying, she wanted me to tell her what happened.
But I can't tell her everything... she'll leave me...she'll run away from me... she'll hate me for the rest of her life... even more than she hates me already.
" I...I got a call from my dad... again..." Then I paused.
"You're not the only one being controlled Bella. Even I am" I continued.
I took a deep breath in and out and then started talking.
" When I was younger...I was a nerd... Asin weak pathetic nerd.
I couldn't do anything on my own, I was weak... very weak..so weak that kids younger than me could pick up on me and I would start to cry.
My mother..." My voice trailed off as I said her name.
..."my mother use to try to make me strong and bold and whatsoever, but I was too gullible.
But then I couldn't do anything about it.
My father snapped at my attitudes when I turned 12 and sent me to a military highschool... boarding school...he said he wanted to to be a better man..." I chuckled pained.
..." He said it was for the best and even my mother tried to stop him but, he insisted I go, he said his only son must be strong and brave and powerful and feared. we
At a point, he stopped me from using glasses and started forcing me to wear contact lenses at the age of 8.
When I went to military highschool, it did make me the man he wanted, but it also made me a shadow of myself.
It made me brave and ruthless sure enough, but it also made me develop insecurities that people would only respect me if I'm feared, influential and powerful.
I came back to from the holidays and would remain in total silence not talking to anyone.
My father said that real men didn't talk carelessly and only spoke when needed, but the reality was that I couldn't speak because I was breaking inside.
Breaking from the pressure...the force ... everything.
They used coercion to impose laws on students .
If you don't make it...if you're not their star student, you're gonna be underrated, no one will Care about you...
They separate star students from the other ones, even in hostel, so everyone struggled to be the best even if it made you loose your self in the process....I lost my self, I was so insecure of being defeated I had to loose my identity and change completely.
We were able 126 that were admitted in our first year, and by the time we graduated, we were only 15 ...the others...most couldn't take it...most went to psychiatrist for mental help and some even died mysteriously...
My dad promised me that nothing will make me drop out and that I would finish till the end.
I changed completely when I was at home..I began to develop hatred for everyone around me because I blamed them for my insecurities.
I zoned out from my mother... Mrs Benson... every one that ever cared for me.
One day, when I was home for the holiday, I saw my mother leaving the house... she didn't tell me where she was going even when I asked her, she just got up one morning and disappeared.
For months...we kept looking for her but we didn't find her, then one day , news reached to us that they found her body washed up in the shore of a river bank... dead.
My father blamed me...he said it was my fault...he said I let her disappear...he said I could have known where she wanted to go to but I chose not to ask.
Life never remained the same again in my home.
I
was always worried about you when you disappear Bella, I swear , I hate myself every time I push you away and you always leave.
That's why i always tell you to tell me where you're going to before you disappear....
Because.... because I don't want to loose another person in my life..." I bent my head down in pain.
She didn't say anything...I know I was confusing her, I know that what I was saying wasn't making any sense to her so I continued.
"Ever since then, my father regained full control over my life because he said I couldn't take sensible decisions by myself...
Everything I did, every person I associated with, he had to approve, we were both forced into this marriage Bella, there was no room for negotiation.
When you were talking to my aunt that day and you said the reason I couldn't accept you at first was because I didn't want to drag you into my mess of a life, I got scared because that was the truth...I thought you could see through me.
I thought I was that transparent that you could read me that easily.
Bella I'm scared of hurting you... hurting more than I already have, believe me this is just the icing on the real part of me.
I'm fucked up, my emotions are fucked up.
I don't want any Disney story that I'll find a woman that I'll fall in love with to fix me because I'm fucken broken.
I didn't mean to..I didn't mean to hurt you...I didn't mean to push you away over and over and over again...I didn't mean to hurt you...I didn't mean to put you into so much stress.
You're so nice Bella, you're so sweet and caring...I don't want you to like me because you're still going to hate you Me in the end .
I don't want to waste your time...I just wanted you to hate from the start so that there will be no room for love.
Hate is easier to let go than love...I just wanted you to hate me so much so that you wouldn't even think about liking me and then we would split up and you'll be able to be free from me.
I was depressed because I don't like the way I'm treating you, what you said that day,it broke me from inside out, it only made me hate myself more than I already do.
About my birthday, I am so fucken sorry...
Since I was born, no one has ever done anything so thoughtful like that for me, it still breaks me inside till today when I think of it because fuck me for what I did.
I've hurt you so many fucken times and you still come back to me over and over and over again... who does that Bella??
Why did you have to be stuck with me?? Why didn't you pure and gentle soul end up with someone like Martins or Harry or someone nicer than me?? Why me?? "
I paused and I swallowed hard," I can't keep doing this to you Bella so I'm going to give you a chance...
You can leave... you can Walk out of my life today and try to focus on yours...
I'll find a way and explain to your father...but I can't keep hurting you over and over again...
So here's the chance Bella, will you go?"
A/N:
My Godddd 😭😭 this chapter is so emotional 😭😭... What a sad Story, and all this while I thought Grey was being a jerk 😞
But do you think Grey is telling her everything... do you think Grey is telling her the whole truth?
Let's talk in the comment section.
Don't forget to share and recommend.
also,I need more power stones, please could you help me with that 🙏
Love, Ceejhay ❤️