I want to do something that means something to someone, anyone, Cadence Harris thought as she stared at her reflection. Pushing her shoulder length brown hair back into a ponytail, tucking her hair behind her ears, she saw how striking her green eyes were when she looked straight at them. Looking at herself, she didn't see someone who was beautiful, but plain, unless she thought about her eyes. There were many ways to downplay that though. She could always wear contact lenses that changed the color of her eyes, or at the very least hid them. Previously she stood out in the wrong ways and she hoped that would never happen again. All she wanted to be was someone who didn't stand out, but simply was. To simply exist without being seen, talked about or ridiculed, that was the dream. But the biggest thing she saw when she looked at her reflection was the disappointment of her life. You are such a big, fat loser, she thought.
Her textbooks stacked neatly on her desk could be the perfect cover. Before she had longed to fit in, have fun, stay young, but now all she wanted was to focus on her schoolwork, get good grades, move as far away as possible and never, ever look back, but more than likely she would never leave. Luck was never exactly on her side. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her mind, to not dwell on her lack of purpose, even though the evidence for that thought seemed overwhelming. Her geometry homework sat unfinished. Ugh, I'll have to get that done before first period, she thought.The school day began at 7:20. Looking at the clock, Cadence felt she had enough time to get to school early enough so she could meet up with Ms. Flynch, her geometry teacher, and attempt to get some one-on-one tutoring. Math was the only subject she didn't excel in, but with enough push, she could pass the class with a little extra attention and direction from her teacher. A quick glance at the clock told her it was 6:03. Slipping her book bag around her shoulder, she quickly put her books in, only zipping it closed 2/3rds of the way as she rushed down the stairs hoping she could avoid her mother for another early morning check-in.
Too late. Her mother sat at the dining room table sipping a cup of tea. Her mother had a brand-new pixie cut and kept touching the back of her head, rubbing the newly short hair. She only did that when she was nervous about bringing it up. If only I hadn't opened up my mouth, she wouldn't be here, silently suffering from the daily playback, Cadence thought.
"Is it today?" her mother asked.
"What?" Cadence asked even though she heard her the first time. Sometimes she just started talking before she gave her brain time to process what was said. By the time she spoke, she already knew what was asked.
"The new club, is it today?" her mother clarified.
"Yeah, actually," Cadence said without emotion.
"What, darling?" she paused. "Are you not excited about it or something?"
"No, it has nothing to do with whether I'm excited or not. It's just too early in the morning, that's all, I swear."
"Please don't hold back from me," she pleaded. "Are you, uh, hearing things again or berating yourself in the mirror?"
"It's nothing like that!" Cadence yelled. Hanging her head in shame, she quieted her voice. "I'm sorry," she said glistening with tears.
"We can call in today, if we need to."
"No!" Cadence defiantly replied. "I've got that club, you know that."
"Ok," her mother whispered.
"I have to go," Cadence mouthed the words, yet no vocalization followed.
"I love you, Cadence," her mother said as Cadence began to walk away. "Please don't forget that."
Cadence turned around forcing a smile and said, "Yeah, I love you, too." The moment she had her back to her mother, the smile faded quickly. All she had to do was get through the school day and then she could forget.
The bus pulled up on the end of the street. She felt the urge to run, bursting into a sprint, even though the bus was only a house over. The bus was 5 minutes earlier than usual, or she was 5 minutes later, she couldn't tell. Her brain wasn't exactly functioning correctly today.
Stepping on, she hoped it was just going to be another normal day. She saw him again. Sitting in the very back of the bus sleeping in his letterman jacket, as usual, was the most athletic boy in her class. Athletics were big at Oak Stream High. Weren't they everywhere? Kerass Coscarelli was only a freshman, but his strength and size brought people in droves to see freshman football games. More people watched the freshmen games than the varsity games. He bore a crew cut, which only increased his intimidation factor on the field. He seemed to reserve the kindness in his eyes for off the field, but his eyes were certainly striking. If he glanced at you, you couldn't help but get drawn into his eyes. No, that was impossible. He didn't even know who she was, of that she was certain. He seemed a million miles away from Cadence and that was how she liked it. He was definitely hot, but he also brought attention to himself everywhere he went. Of course, he was arrogant, too. How could he not be when everyone around him praised him relentlessly? What must it be like to be that known? To be expected to perform at such a high level and maintain your very essence? No wonder so many crushed under the pressure.
The bus pulled into Oak Stream's parking lot. Cadence immediately began walking from point A, the bus, to point C, the geometry classroom. There was no time for point B. Point B did not exist. Point B was reserved for talking to friends, but after transferring to Oak Stream a quarter of the way through her freshman year, she had yet to gain any and honestly, she preferred it that way. A month and a half had gone by since she transferred and she felt like she had barely been noticed. No one stopped her in the hall as she made her way to the geometry room and sat down at 7:00. Oak Stream felt like another world entirely, one she had only observed the societal rules of without partaking in it.