It is said 'people don't fear heights, they fear falling'. Yet, no matter how convinced we are that we are in no danger of falling, we feel something when looking down from a high place. For me, it feels like my hands and feet have lost their grip – as if they were covered in lubricant.
In the same sense, I don't fear death. Mine or anyone else's.
When we found out that our father died, my sister cried for a long time. I didn't understand why. Night after night she would cry and beg me not to leave her alone. Was she crying for father? Maybe; since my sister believed in the afterlife.
What I though was more likely to be the reality, however, is that she mourns the present that we could have had.
But something like that never existed.
There is only ever one present, and that is the one that we're living in right now.
"Hitoshi~"
"Please don't do that while I'm cooking big sister."
My sister, Himiko, grabbed me from behind as I cooked some bacon an eggs for breakfast.
"So, it's okay when you're not cooking?~"
She pushed her cheek against my face and sniffed.
"Smells really good!"
"B-big sister."
"I was talking about the food~"
There was no winning with her.
"Anyway, I made you a boxed lunch."
"No, way~"
You are being really loud big sister.
"Make sure you eat it at the right time. And text me if you don't feel well, okay?"
"Geese~ I'm not a baby, you know."
After we had lunch, big sister got ready for work and I put on my high school uniform for the first time. There is a bad taste in my mouth as I did so.
"Are you going to school now, Hitoshi?"
My sister watched as I put on my shoes with none of the energy she had a few minutes ago.
"Make lots of friends, okay? I want you to tell me all about it when you get back."
"See, you soon, big sister."
As I stepped out of our house, big sister hugged me from behind.
"Love you, Hitoshi."
"I love you too, big sister, but that's nothing to cry over."
"But you're crying too, idiot~"
That cold autumn morning was set ablaze by the sound of our laughter.