The unconscious state that we drift into when we sleep is something I have loathed all my life. The complete feeling of helplessness where you cannot control what happens to you has always been scary to me. You could be killed while you sleep and you wouldn't even know. I was petrified of feeling that helpless. It always amazed me when I see people taking a nap. To me it felt like they didn't care about themselves, they didn't care about their safety. Anything could happen while you sleep and you wouldn't know.
I never slept in the afternoon. Because I'll be damned if I allowed myself to sleep more than once a day, therefore allowing myself to slip into that unconscious state called "dreaming". And the crazy part was that I could always tell when I was dreaming. Bonnie found it weird and maybe she was right. I have never heard of someone who could consciously tell when they were dreaming. She once suggested that I go see a therapist. According to her, 'I was mental'. But I didn't see the point of it, and besides, a therapist was a luxury that my parent's budget could not afford.
When I found myself drowning in a river, I was totally shattered. I knew it was a dream but it still didn't stop my mind from running wild and wishing for it to end.
"Help!" I screamed as I felt myself drowning. I surfaced every few minutes to scream again, "help". Why I couldn't swim, I had no idea. And this is why I hate dreaming.
I felt my limbs giving up on me and my strength sipping out of my body. I finally gave in to the water. I was drowning but I was still alive. It was a surreal feeling. One that made me want to throw up.
In the next few minutes, I felt a hard surface beneath me. My strength came back to me and I finally stood up. I looked around and all the water had dried up.
I started walking on what looked like an abandoned pirate ship. It had flags that had been cut. The wood that once held it together had holes in them and grasses had started to grow on it.
I couldn't see anyone in sight. I felt my legs begin to move and I looked around the ship hoping that I would see anyone. Suddenly, my voice came out and I heard myself scream out. "Hello, is anyone there?" I felt completely stupid. I was in a dream, all I had to do was wake up. But the fact that I knew I was dreaming, was something I always thought to be oddly strange.
Just then, I could heard footsteps and I search frantically for whose's it was. I picked up a stick that was lying on the floor as a way to protect myself.
I held it close to my chest and screamed "I have a weapon and I am not afraid to use it". I heard a burst of laughter and I turned around to find Becky's brother, Jeff, standing right in front of me.
We looked at each other for a few minutes and then he smiled and with a deep thunderous voice, he said "I am the villain of the story."
I stood there confused. "What story? What do you mean? What are you going to do?" But before I could voice out my questions, I felt myself drowning again.
I woke up to find that I was drenched in sweat and I couldn't shake off the feeling of fear that gripped me.
That night, I couldn't sleep again. I wondered if this is how the universe planned on helping me understand what I was to do. But mostly, I stayed up wondering what exactly Jeffrey was planning to do. Could it be that he would be the cause of the calamity? But then he is Becky's brother, how horrible could he actually be?
I didn't get any idea as to why he would do something like this and before I knew it morning came and I had to deal with Becky's family again. I prayed for the strength to keep a happy and smiling face. Somehow, I knew that I won't be able to do it. I did not get that much sleep during the night and of course, I would be very grumpy during the day. I couldn't let them notice it though, I could not answer any questions concerning the events that led to my grumpiness.
After I had my bath and did my morning business, I settled down and waited for the nurse to bring my breakfast to me. I couldn't go get my own food, that's because the doctor had advised me against it after he noticed that I was eating a lot of junk food whenever I went out to eat.
Dr Llyod also insisted that I get as much bed rest as possible and Becky's parents couldn't agree more. I sighed when he said it because I knew that I was just going to be pampered throughout my stay with them. I hated it because pampering involves being too clingy and at this point in my life, I really needed the space to think.
After I had the horrible food I was served, I wondered why I couldn't just eat homemade food. After all, the doctor just said that I should stop eating outside, he didn't say anything about homemade food. I made a quick note to myself to ask the doctor that when next he comes to administer my regular check-up.
The nurse that came to clear my table had nice short blonde hair and it immediately reminded me of Amanda. I quickly put a call through to her. She didn't pick up at first but then I called again and she picked on the third ring.
"What?" she sounded very bitter and I knew that this had something to do with yesterday's incident. I honestly thought she would get over it by now.
"Well, good morning to you too Amanda," I said with a cheery voice.
"Girl, ain't nothing good about this morning." For a white girl, she sure sounded a lot like a black one.
"Why ever will you say something like that?" I was still maintaining my cherry voice.
"Well I don't know how to comprehend the fact that my best friend has a vintage necklace that has only been in my family or better still, I don't know if I should start thinking that my mother lied to me about this necklace. Or maybe it's because I don't get how that guy got to be in possession of the necklace and gave it to you just like that. I don't know what to believe anymore Rebecca and that's why I am not having a good morning!"
"Okay I get it, you don't need to yell." I could hear her take a deep breath at that point, I knew I had to reassure her that her family does not consist of a bunch of liars.
"Amanda, this is probably a fake. Your mother has the original one and this guy probably duplicated it and when he couldn't sell it, he just gave it out. Look whatever the case, your mother did not lie to you. I mean, did you hear the story she told us? You can't just make that up."
"I guess you are probably right. But still, it bugs me you know."
I signed and said, "I can stop wearing the necklace if it will help."
She gasped "You would do that for me?"
I had to ask myself the same question. Could I really put aside the only connection I had to my mother and my former life, away just so that I could hang out with Amanda?
She is a very sweet girl, with lots of energy and it's obvious that she is very passionate about her family and friends. And for the few days that I have been here, she is the only person that I like.
And there was that fact that my mother did not hesitate to send me into this world. So I knew what my answer was and I did not regret it when I said "yes, yes I will."
"Awwn" she squeaked with excitement "thanks, darling. You are getting discharged today right? I'll come to help you pack."
I wanted to tell her that there isn't much to pack but when I thought of being alone with Becky's family for a long time, I knew I needed someone that I liked to be there to help me get through it.
"Okay, I'll see you soon then." I ended the call. It was nice having her around. It's not just because I was related to her or anything, but I really liked her for her outgoing spirit.
Just then, Dr Llyod came in. "How are you doing today Becky?"
He looked radiant today and I just had to compliment him on it. "I am fine doctor, you are looking particularly handsome today. Pray to tell, what's the reason?"
He smiled and went about conducting tests. "Well, am glad that you are in a good mood today. Could this have to do with you getting discharged today?"
"Well yes. I am very excited about that. I love it here but I hate the food. Which reminds me, Dr Llyod, why couldn't I eat homemade food?"
"Cause your mother wanted you to eat that when you got back home. Well, everything looks good here. I can fully say that you are now free to go. Your family's outside. I'll just tell them to come to get you."
"Thanks, doctor". A few minutes after he left, mom came in.
"Hey sweetie, how are you?" She came closer to my bed and hugged me.
"I'm good. Is Amanda here yet?"
"Not yet. But I'm sure she will soon be here."
"Okay, can you help me change into normal clothes?"
"Of course darling, I even picked out an outfit for you". She had picked out a lovely outfit, unfortunately, it wasn't the type of clothes I would normally wear. She picked out a pink skirt and a yellow chevron top. It was cute. I couldn't help but just smile and leave for the bathroom to change.
When I came back out, Amanda was already there. When she saw my outfit and she burst into laughter. She finally stopped to say "mom, you really don't like your daughter's wardrobe, do you? You know I could help you out with that if you want. All I need you to do is hand me your credit card and whisper into my ears what the pin is and watch as I transform your daughter into a baby doll."
Mom rolled her eyes and my father came in to tell us that the car is ready and he has already cleared the bill meaning that I was free to go.
We moved towards the car and I took a last glance at the first walls I saw when I was reincarnated. I was sure I wouldn't miss it. And I hoped I wouldn't come back to it.
We all hopped into the car and the drive there was peaceful. I caught Amanda trying to steal glances at my neck and I turned to her to give her a better view. I know she wanted to check if I was still wearing the necklace, and the look of happiness on her face when she noticed that I was not, was enough to convince me.
As we were getting close to the house, the streets looked awfully familiar. I remembered running down this same street crying when I saw the little girl with her parents and was reminded of my mother's death.
I didn't want to believe that my thoughts were correct. But when Becky's father pulled into the same driveway as the one my father never used because his drunk ass never bought a car, I was shocked.
Not only did they send me back in time and made Becky's best friend my great-grandmother. They also put me in the same house as the death trap my father bought in New Orleans when my mother died.
The building only brought back terrible memories and I wondered how I would survive there.