A sleepless night was the best thing I had hoped for because I was still traumatized from my mother's death. It was perfectly normal for a kid my age to be worn out after witnessing her mother's death but my friend back home,Bonnie, did not agree. For some reason she was really angry when I told her that I could not stop crying.
Most people didn't really understand her, unfortunately I was among them. She always kept her feelings locked in. I tried telling her that it wasn't the best way to live because when those walls are opened and the feelings start rushing out,she will be a mess. But no matter how hard I tried,she just never listened to me so I eventually had to leave her to her fate. I just hope she will have a shoulder to cry on when it happens because now, all thanks to my father, I will not be around.
She did sound friendly when I told her about Derek. Oh,just the thought of him makes me smile. We did not get to talk for a long time but I truly believed that we are going to be very good friends. And Bonnie seemed to agree with me on that. She even told me that if I don't take him,she will. You can call me a bit of a character,but I always over hype normal situations. I have an attitude of making a mountain out of a molehill.
Mom always said that it was a terrible habit. I remember her shouting at me whenever I did that. "Amelia, you cannot continue like this. No normal child should be thinking so much, do you want to develop hypertension at such a young age? Well, you may want to but I will not allow you to die before me." Thinking about my mother was starting to bring tears to my eyes,so I shoke off the memories and got out of bed. I woke up feeling grumpy. I couldn't sleep in my room or on the couch seeing as both places made my skin crawl at the moment. So I decided to take the floor.
Dad was able to get the fireplace running. The cold sipping out of the floor was met with the warmth coming out from the fireplace and the mixture of both gave a warm breezy feeling that made me fall asleep within seconds.
I went about my business packing up my blankets and I headed to the bathroom to get ready for school. Dad had informed me the night before that I would be going to the prestigious Lusher Charter school. One hour later,I was all set to get to school and Dad had to take a taxi to get us there because he didn't actually get a car yet.
The view of the school was spectacular. "Lusher school" was boldly inscribed on the gate. Like most high schools,it has a long staircase leading to the main hallway.
Dad stopped at the entrance of the school and I stepped out of the car. "Amelia", I turned upon hearing him call me, "be careful out there." I nodded my head and continued moving inside. Why he made it sound as if I was walking into a dead trap, I would never know.
I know that we were both mourning my mother but a little "how are you feeling baby girl?" once in a while won't hurt. I ignored the overwhelming feeling I had to cry and I continued with my slow but steady steps into the new world that is "Lusher Charter" school.
I walked into the hallway and I was immediately confused. I slowly dawned on me that I did not know anybody there and I could slowly start to feel the walls closing in on me. I held my backpack close to me and tried to put on my brave face as I moved pass the crowd, trying to find my way to the guidance counselor office because I needed to get my locker space and my time table. And that was when I bumped into Sandra.
"I am so sorry" feeling anxious that she would get mad at the sight of her books lying on the ground,I immediately apologized.
"Here,let me help you with that". I got on my knees and started picking up the books.
"No,it's okay. I should be the one apologizing. I'm too much in a haste to get to my class that I didn't look at where I was going". She had the sweetest voice I have ever heard. It sounded like a melody the humming bird normally sings.
"Thank you for not getting angry. See, I'm new here and I think I'm kinda lost. I'm looking for the counselor office."
"Oh,then sweetheart you really are lost. The counselor office is all the way on the other side. Let me take you there."
"You don't have to,you can just point me in the right direction."
"It's not a bother. You won't find it by yourself anyway."
"But didn't you say that you were late for class?"
"To be honest with you,I am not. I just want to go there early so I can watch Derek Hammer as he walks into class."
I laughed. I could not believe that she was rushing just for a boy. But if it is the same Derek I met last night,then I could totally understand. And suddenly the thought of her having a crush on Derek made me angry. It was totally unlike me. I never really cared before if someone was crushing on a guy I liked but with Derek,it was totally different. I had to call myself to order. I don't even know the guy that much and I was already throwing a fist over a small issue like this. I didn't know what came over me but I blamed it on New Orleans.
We walked to the counselor's office together and in the process,Sandra and I became friends.
She told me about her mother who is a nurse and how she works two shifts to take care of herself and her daughter. She also mentioned that she had twins brothers but they died few weeks after they were born. It threw the mom over the edge. She started drinking and keeping late nights and Sandra had to get one of their family member to talk to her. After a series of therapy,she was finally back to normal. She realized that she might have lost two babies but she still had one to take care of and she had to be strong for her. So she took on two jobs to keep herself busy and be able to provide for Sandra. She didn't make enough time for her daughter but Sandra said that she will pick this version of her mother to the alcoholic any day.
Sandra dropped me at the door to the counselor's office and I was so grateful for that. We exchanged numbers and she left for her class. She didn't say anything about her father and I decided to not over step my boundaries. She has already shared more than a what two people who just met each other would. I guess she is just free with her words and emotions than I am cause I could not see myself telling a stranger about the death of my mother. It hurts too much to even think about it. I couldn't imagine the pain it will cause me to talk about it.
The counselor was a woman in her thirties who had a nack for bitting her pencil all the time. I introduced myself and asked her for my locker space and my time table. She gave me a tour guide and a slip to show to a Mrs. Rebecca for going late to her class.
After the tour,I decided to just skip the class since my time table said it was already time for lunch break. I headed off to the cafeteria and waited outside for the doors to be open. Five minutes later,it was opened and I walked in. I didn't bother going to the counter to get my meal. I just walked to a table, took out my breakfast and had it for lunch.
The rest of the day was uneventful. I went back home with Sandra. Her mother couldn't come to pick us,so we had to take a taxi and then walk down to our different houses. It turns out,we live on the same block. So I had a friend in school and in my street. I was pretty excited about that. I got back home to realize that dad wasn't there. I took some cash out of my piggy bank and went down to the store to get some cleaning materials.
Two hours later,my room finally looked habitable and I expressed my joy at that by taking a quick nap on my bed.
I woke up to the sound of the pot falling. I rushed to the kitchen to see my father in the dark and the stench of alcohol when he shouted was enough to tell me that he has been drinking all day. "It's all your fault." He walked angrily towards me while saying those heartbreaking words.
"Dad,you need rest. I have cleaned my room,you can stay there." I tried to ignore the fact that my heart was breaking but it was obvious that he was telling me what I dreaded most to hear. Immediately, he took the flower vase and threw it at me. "How can you stand there and try to be nice to me when you took away the only person I have ever loved? If you had told your mother to make the lasagna like I asked you to,she won't have made something else and I won't have gotten angry with her. I would have seen the bus coming and she won't be dead by now!" he shouted.
It finally hit me like a train. I was responsible for my mother's death and then the feeling of rage washed over me and I yelled back. "How can you say something like that. I wasn't the one behind the wheels. I am not the one with anger issues. I am not the one who didn't listen when I screamed that a bus was headed towards us. No father, that was you. I didn't kill my mother,you did. Be a man and own up to your mistakes for once in your pathetic life!"
A resounding slap was what I got for speaking out of turn. The spirit of anger left my body with it and I was very much aware of my father pulling me by the hair to the bathroom while screaming. "How dare you talk back at me? You think your mother is here to defend you like she always does? You will learn some manners young lady and I will be the one to teach them to you!!!" I want to believe that he didn't hear me pleading, telling him profoundly that I am sorry for being rude. I could feel my body tearing as he dragged me up the stairs. I screamed so loudly, part of the walls started cracking. Screaming and thrashing only increased the pains I felt, but at that point it was all I could do and somehow, I couldn't feel the pain from being dragged up the stairs anymore. The only pain I felt was at the realization that my father hated me.
My pleading fell on deaf ears because he put my head through the toilet seat and held my head down to the toilet water as I tried to break free. He pulled me up after few minutes and screamed "You will learn to obey me,you bitch" and pushed me down back into the water. When he saw that I was near death,he pulled me up and threw me to the ground.
"Clean up this mess and when you are done,fix me something to eat." And he left, I sat on the ground, pulled my legs close to my body and cried. Hot silent tears that went down my cheeks.The bruises,scars and the blood dripping down my body was something I considered as being minor when compared to the way my heart was shattering. I felt numb. I felt devastated,broken and frustrated. I took my mother's necklace,kissed it and took it close to my heart.
"I'm sorry mom,I couldn't take care of myself and dad like I promised" and I cried the more. I was sure if my mother saw me now,she would be shaking her head and would be very disappointed in me for losing my temper and speaking out of turn. And the thought of it made me tremble with grief.