I set a small camp and lit up the fire. I gathered enough wood to fire until morning. There's only 2 canned bean soup in the bag, so I open up one of them with my pocket knife. The other is for tomorrow morning. Man, I would kill for some bread right now. Meal time is always quiet. Even my brain becomes silent without a thought focused on the meal I consume. It's been like this everyday for 2 years now. Nothing to play in the background, nothing to look at except the dancing fire. I know I'm slowly losing my mind by wanting at least a person to converse with. Or worse, I'm losing my mind because I got used to it. Either way I need to socialize even with animals or else I'll go crazy.
Even though I'm super duper tired, I can't always fall asleep. I've had insomnia for the last year. My sleep schedule is so irregular sometimes I don't sleep at all. The theory is that if my body experiences danger in anyway, my brain just keeps on working without resting, keeping me awake. So I'm just lying awake lying face up towards the sky, looking at the trees swaying with the wind. I could see the stars so clear, with no clouds in the sky. Millions of light flickering from the distance, much brighter than it ever was.
It was cold and dark. Trying to keep warm always feels pathetic and I feel sorry for myself all the time it happens. Hugging my knees. Covering my head with the blanket. In worst case scenario, crying. It relieves stress, fixes my insomnia, warms my body. But gives me puffy eyes in the morning. Do you know what's equal or even better than crying is? Masturbating! When my brain starts to circulate depressing thoughts such as unfair life and crying, one method I use is to start thinking about sex. Oh how my mind loves imagining lewd stuff, it completely distracts me from everything. So I put my vibrator close to my pillow and started imagining.
Thought's of hotness and warmth fill my head. I squirm inside my blanket to find a comfortable position. My hands go down as my legs spread open. I cup my breast as start to remember how John used to kiss every corner of my chest. My sensitive nipples would perk up with the brush of thinnest fabric when I'm excited. He loved to play with them. While his mouth was sucking and biting one, his hand would pinch and pull my other nipple. I pinch my nipple softly as I remember how he used to do it. Even though it's not the same sensation my breasts are still desperate for attention no matter who.
Then his mouth would start to go down after being satisfied with the taste of my chest. Kissing every inch of my stomach. My hand start to go down slowly as if to imitate my memory. I remember the look he gives me all the time right before he starts to pleasure me with his mouth. That sharp, aggressive look almost saying "you are mine!". My hand reached its destination slowly. I touch myself gently while feeling my own warmth. I imagine my fingers as John's tongue, licking and penetrating my pussy. I keep squishing my breast and pinching my nipples as I mostly focus on the action below. I feel my body warming up as my exhales turn into moans.
I grab the vibrator and start holding it against my sensitive spot. Then I put it inside while the vibration numbly pleasuring me. I focus again on my now turned very hard nipples. I pinch my nipples and plays with them while pushing and pulling in circular motion. The vibration is getting faster as I start to tighten up. I know I'm getting closer as my hand movements got faster. Without stopping for a beat my one hand heads towards my clitoris. With just a few strokes to my clitoris I feel the sweet release.
My body warm and my breaths deep. "It really was a much needed stress relief" I think, as my mind gives into the sleep.