I always used to think that he's alive somewhere else, quietly surviving like me. Doing the things I do, but better. He was always better at things than me. I at least hoped that he saved his younger sister and was living busy somewhere taking care of her. If I hoped that was the case then I would stop expecting him to come find me. But by the looks of it, it was not like how I imagined. His clothes looked clean with less blood stains. That means he's kind of a brand new zombie who turned only recently, maybe over one or 2 months ago.
John looks skinny with clean clothes. Maybe he hadn't had that much meal since he turned. Zombie body doesn't need much nourishment at first because it can feed on itself. Newly turned zombies are much faster compared to the starved ones since they can still function the muscle tissues for a few months. Looks like his movement is very slow because he fed on his own body. I would place him at the lowest place for a zombie hierarchy, if there was any. There were crafty ones I've encountered so far that I have serious trauma of. But one thing every zombie has in common is that when they die, their bodies release some sort of energy wave. And the other zombies would feel and gather at that energy almost as an instinct. So it gets kind of tricky to kill them even when they're alone. I don't know if it's a cry for help, or letting others know "it's okay to eat my corpse since I'm 100 percent dead now", or maybe it's "fuck you to hell, you'll die now. I'll call my friends now to feast on you" to their killer. Either way it's a bad call to shoot my ex-boyfriend in his head right in the middle of the street that's swarming full of other zombies.
I seriously thought that "I" would not survive even the first month. I'm clumsy and stubborn, which does not go well together. Meaning even if I die I will not admit to my wrong doings or blame something random for my misfortune. Secret to my survival was hiding like I didn't even exist and not killing any zombies. This virus was funny in that sense. If you don't mess with them or kill them, then they actually leave you alone. At first it was a fucking chaos and the zombies were everywhere. It was common sense passed down to us from movies to kill zombies on sight, and when every zombie is dead then human society will flourish once again and be better. So people were killing zombies all the time, and what will happen is that other nearby zombies swarm to that location and eat the unlucky human bastards.
So here I am, checking how my zombie ex-boyfriend got through my thoroughly set traps and alarms after over one year of not coming into contact with any zombie fuckers. I usually set up a perimeter with cans over it to make noises and notify. Also 2 pitfall traps camouflaged in the back, few snare traps out in the front, and this house has fucking closed fences surrounding it. Also I haven't killed or encountered any, I mean ANY zombies out here in 2 weeks. I'm not that dumb when it comes to laying low, and avoiding conflict. I'm dumb when there is a conflict. Like just now. I just remembered i had a knife strapped to my belt, I could've stabbed the fucker in the eye and ended this ongoing torment once and for all. Instead I had to kick him and try to run away. What if that didn't succeed? What if I got bitten or scratched? Well that means one of my dying wishes gets fulfilled.
I have thought of a few ideal ways to die and a few bucket lists to do before that happens. I've been surviving this god forsaken violent world for 2 years, so obviously I thought of how I'll die in so many various ways and decided on what would be my favorite way to get X-ed from existence. I like to think about them when I get so depressed about continuing living on and what awaits me in my future. Reminds me that I have at least one thing to look forward to. For example, if I get bitten, it will take about 2 days for me to fully transform, so during that time I'll try using drugs for the first time ever. I have a few small bottles of morphine and a brand new syringe that I keep in my backpack just in case any zombie fuckers get me. Those 2 days will be so full of bliss and in the end I will try using more and more, hopefully I'll OD. Bleak isn't it?
"That's the amount of hope I have in my life", I laugh as I think about it.