It's a bright sunny day in Tokyo, Japan.
The birds chirped in the distance.
I stood silently with my hands in my pocket, simply staring at your memorial stone.
"Did you ever succeed on your journey?" I ask, knowing you wouldn't answer.
A slight breeze picks up, and the April Cherry tree leaves begin dancing in the wind.
This wasn't me grieving. I just wanted to have another chat with you.
"I don't know if you found what you were looking for... But I know one thing..."
"This world..."
"I still can't feel anything for it."
"No fulfillment, no happiness nor pain..." I look towards the sky.
"Just disappointment."
The sun beat down on me with its warm touch.
My hair flowed in the wind.
The leaves being torn away from their branches
I take a deep breath and look back at your stone.
"It's been a month since your passing, and time continued to move at the same pace."
"I've been away from home long enough. So I'll be heading back to my country today."
"I'm heading home with nothing but memories and defeat. Maybe you found contentment wherever you ended up. If so, I envy you."
"I'm still stuck here and just as lost as before."
"If I were any more wrong in the head, I probably would've taken my life somewhere down the road."
"But suicide is such a boring way to go out, don't you think?"
A dark memory flashes for a split second.
...
"Well, that's enough talk. I'm probably boring you now."
I look at my watch.
"My flight leaves in another 2 hours, and I have quite a walk to get there."
I pick my bag up from the ground.
"Farewell, Akimitsu."
...
Not looking back, I walk out of the cemetery and down the street, making my way to the airport.
With no fruit born from this journey, I was beginning to lose all hope in finding what I was looking for.
As a matter of fact...
"What was I even looking for again?..."
"Oh yes, that's right. A way to make my soul whole again."
"Well... it didn't happen... I'm sorry, Nick."
I've decided to stop traveling and stay in North America permanently until my time is up.
I've seen enough of this Earth.
A few days ago, I resigned from my job at the cafe, and needless to say, Haru was a little devastated.
"MR. OSRED, DON'T GO!!!! Who will I talk to about anime now!?!"
"It was a boring job, but that dork made being here more entertaining, at least. Although, Haru better hope whoever starts working with him is just as laid back as I was."
I continued down the streets of Tokyo, passing people with stories and scars of their own.
...
I have now reached the airport I first walked out of, with my bag and my leather jacket being the only things that remained the same.
"Oh yeah, I better text mom that I'm getting on my flight now."
The flight attendant greets me, verifies my ticket, then points me down the aisle.
I store my bag, sit down and stare out the window until takeoff.
Hopefully, I can get myself a house or an apartment quickly.
And I'll get a normal job too. I don't feel like dealing with the stock market again.
Lise and Adrin are probably dying to see me again. How should I greet them when I arrive?... Should I force a smile and hug them?
I remember they said they wanted some souvenirs. I still have some in my bag. I have at least one souvenir per country I visited.
They can have all of them.
While I was lost in thought, a lady with long dark hair dressed in travel clothes sat in the seat next to me.
Someone was on vacation.
She was breathing kind of funny, whilst her eyes darted around the plane.
Must be a nervous flyer as well.
I looked at her for another second, then back out the window.
Maybe I can try out a relationship again too.
Find a woman who I can die with, even if there's a chance I still can't feel anything.
While waiting for the plane to take off, I think about that dream again.
A short time passes, and everyone is finally on board and seated.
The plane begins preparations for taking off.
...
It's now 3 hours into the flight, and we've entered an intense storm that wasn't in the forecast.
The plane began to shake from the high winds and thunder, and the passengers started to look visibly nervous.
I wasn't amused by the storm in the slightest. I was too busy having a small crisis of my own.
Why can't I find it? I there anything in this world that's for me? What should I do? What shouldn't I do? Why am I being forced to live like this? This path my life is on no longer makes sense to me.
...
I place my head on the headrest and close my eyes.
If my life were a canvas... What kind of picture is being painted right now?
I can't tell.
There are too many brush strokes to depict a clear picture.
Where did it all go wrong?
BOOM!
My thoughts are cut off as a lightning strike hits the plane.
The plane begins to shake more violently than before.
I looked around to see the passengers begin to panic. The flight attendant was at the door of the cockpit, trying to talk to the captain.
I glance back out the window to see a busted engine.
Lightning shouldn't have caused that. Could it?
A lightning bolt shoots down near the plane that I could see this time. It only appeared for a split second, but I noticed.
The bolt looked to have a purple color to it. Unless my eyes are playing tricks on me, It almost looked like there was a hint of darkness inside of it too.
I could tell this lightning wasn't ordinary.
I look towards the front of the plane to see the flight attendant strapping herself in her designated seat.
Shouldn't you be trying to calm the situation? Well, it's not like it would do anything. This bird is definitely going down.
And we're in the middle of the ocean, so an emergency landing isn't an option, and we're continuing to lose altitude at an alarming rate...
Well... I guess it's my time.
"Huh?"
While I was too busy lost in my thoughts, I didn't even realize the woman next to me was holding onto my arm for dear life.
How unfortunate. This must be a nightmare for her.
Her eyes were completely shut as she muttered to herself that she didn't want to die.
I wonder what that must feel like?...
...
To want to live.
The plane shakes violently with every lightning strike.
This emptiness inside me. The void that I can't seem to get rid of...
Passengers beginning to pray
It makes me feel nothing, even in a situation such as this one...
The screams get louder.
Death indeed awaits me, but here I am. Sitting here blankly staring at this woman who so desperately wants to live.
The second and final engine explodes.
If being afraid of death is part of what it means to be alive...
The plane nears the ocean surface in a full nosedive.
...Then, was I ever really alive in the first place?