I do not know where I am or how long it's been since they have taken me into this dark vile place. They have deprived me of food and sleep. They would question me at any given time.
Asking me questions about witchcraft and if anyone has recruited me. The only answer I could give them is that I am not a witch. I just wish they would believe me.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I ask, as the man interrogating me circles around me like a predator. My eyes are so heavy, my stomach is growling in hunger and I'm scared of what it will do to my unborn child.
"You have been suspected of witchcraft. The evidence is as follows: you have been seen writing in your left hand; you have been scouring manuscripts about the heretics, and possibly manipulation with magic on Giuliano de Medici."
My arms feel tired even when I'm barely doing anything. I cannot focus much on his words but enough to hear my accusations. "I'm from England, knowing the history of my country is not a crime," I said weakly.
"What about your manipulation of Giuliano de Medici?"
"I did no such thing, please let me go." I pleaded, voice still cracking from lack of water and hunger.
"Ah, excuses. Do you not have any other for the first accusation?"
My Aunt Simona has warned me of this. However, I could not recall any events where I was caught writing in my left hand. Not even Giuliano knows that. Suddenly, I remember a moment when I did write discreetly in public. It was when Lorenzo asked me to go to Venice.
I wrote a note to Semiramide as discreetly as I can and if someone would catch a glimpse of it, it would be none other than Lucrezia. Especially the way she studies me whenever I'm around her."I do not write in my left hand." I lied.
"Prove it then."
He places a quill, ink, and paper in front of me. The darkroom is only lit by one candle in the middle of this dark room and looking at the items in front of me, I feel that my doom may come upon me. "I am weak, Messer. I cannot bring myself to write nor use my hand as normally as I would. I'm too hungry and sleep-deprived."
"Do it now!" He exclaims, his voice echoing throughout the room, making me flinch as my ears ring.
Not seeing any choice, I try my best to write using my right hand. It's too shaky but I try my best to write as well as I can. When it was finished, he left me in the room.
Despite how dreary the situation is, I'm still thankful that I am not living at a time when torturing devices are used in interrogation. As I lean on the cold hard wall, I gently caress my baby and whisper. "Forgive me, my child. Please hold on. Stay strong."
I feel too weak. Laying on the cold floor, I find myself no longer caring about the dirt or how chilly it is despite only wearing my camicia. I am dozing off when I heard the doors squeak open.
A man came toward me. I expected him to bring me up to a chair and interrogate me, instead, I found myself being carried by a strong man. I'm too weak to see clearly but for some reason, I feel relief.
"How dare you!" An angry voice suddenly brings me back to consciousness. When I open my eyes, it's Giuliano talking to his brother. "How can you let this happen to my fiancé? She's carrying my child!"
"I did not know! I did no such thing!" Lorenzo whispers harshly.
"The inquisitors mention you by name, brother." He hissed.
"I do not know what you're talking about, but I assure you it is not me. I would do nothing to harm her." Looking at Lorenzo's eyes, I can tell that he is telling the truth. I know he would not have the heart to do such a thing unprompted. His eyes then noticed me, then makes his brother turn towards me.
Giuliano's eyes are still hot with anger but soon soften upon seeing me. "Antonia." He whispers as he walks toward me. He kneeled by the bed and take my hand to his lips. "How are you feeling?"
"F-fine," I said, voice still cracked from my ordeal.
Giuliano caresses my cheeks before speaking. "Do you need some water?"
I nodded weakly. He then proceeded in lifting me gently, as he arranges the pillow behind me. Now leaning back on the pillow, Giuliano brings a glass of water to my lips. After finishing the whole glass, I suddenly felt a little elated. My eyes are still tired but I manage to smile at him. "Thank you."
He brings the glass to the nightstand and smiles back. "I'll leave you two," Lorenzo said, smiling at me. "I'm happy you're awake, Antonia." He said before leaving the room.
Giuliano watches his brother leave. When we were finally alone, he kisses my hands and held them tight. "How long was I...?" I trailed, unable to finish my sentence.
Even then, Giuliano answered gently. "You were kept in the tower for a week. You have been sleeping for 3 days." Giuliano then lowers his head to my belly as he cups it. "Forgive me. It took me a while to know what was happening. I was in Milan when they took you."
I interlace my fingers along with his long dark hair. "It's alright. I'm here with you now. We're safe."
After another 3 days of recovering, I was able to stand on my own. Giuliano insisted that I stay in their palazzo to better guard me against any harm. He has been especially protective since that fateful day.
I was permitted to go around their studios where great paintings and sculptures are kept. On my way there, I heard people talking in a room. I wouldn't have cared if it weren't for the mention of my name. I stopped as soon as I heard it.
"That woman. I cannot seem to get rid of her." Lucrezia hissed.
"Mother, you have endangered the life of your grandchild." Without having to see the person, I can already tell it's Lorenzo. "Why would you do that?"
"I have told you many times already, that the union of Giuliano and Semiramade is crucial. It needs to happen!"
"Please be straight with me, why does it matter?"
"Because I will be making Iaccopo a captain of the Neopolitan Army."
Not wanting to hear more, I decided to head to the studio. No wonder why she's so adamant about getting rid of me. She's already put her plans in motion and I am in her way.
Inside, despite the massive collections of work, I couldn't sway my mind into thinking something else but Lucrezia and everything that has happened to me. At least until I saw Botticelli working on a panel.
It's been a while since I saw him work. His focus and intensity are fairly the same. Watching him work is unbelievably distracting. I try not to make a sound, but as he switches with a different paintbrush, he began to notice me. He looked at me with relief in his eyes as he smiles. "Hello."
"Hello, Botticelli." I walk toward him and look at the painting he's working on. It's Giuliano's portrait. "You are good at capturing people's images into art," I said as I lock my eyes on the panel, admiring his work.
I felt him smile next to me. "I heard about what happened." He said, completely diverting the conversation. "You do not deserve what happened to you. I hope you're doing okay."
"I'm good now," I said plainly.
"Pardon me. I know it must have been a topic you'd rather not talk about." He said as he continues painting.
"I would very much like to talk about something else."
Nodding, he said, "Alright. Giuliano insisted that I make another portrait of you."
I look at him in confusion. "He does? He's never mentioned anything."
"He wanted me to tell you. He'll be back tomorrow. Perhaps he can tell you more about it then." Then we were silent. For a while, I was dazed by how he worked. It's so magnetic and calming. "Our time is getting shorter. How do you propose we keep Giuliano safe?" He whispers.
"I need to prevent him from going to the mass. It's the only way I could think of."
"What if it fails?"
"Then help me keep him away from the Pazzis." I pleaded. Botticelli only nodded in response.
As I'm laying down on my bed, reading a book, the door opened. It soon reveals Lucrezia. "Nice to see you being comfortable in my home."
I immediately bring the book down and sat up. "It was not my idea to stay."
She scoffs. "You enjoy it nonetheless." I know she's playing games with me. Not playing with it is the only option I have, especially now that I have to think of ways to keep Giuliano safe. I remained silent, which only aggravates her more. "How is it that no matter how much I try to keep you away from my son, you end up being closer than ever." She said, now walking closer to me.
"I have never forced myself on your son if that's what you mean."
She proceeded in pacing around the room before speaking. "I have to admit, my son is quite better so long as he has you around. I agreed that he may take you as a mistress, not as a fiancé!" Despite her anger, I try not to speak. "I may have failed in convicting you of witchcraft, but this is far from over."
When she left the room, I felt bitterness and utter disbelief. I may have given her too much of my faith. I thought her maternal instincts will overpower her judgments of me. It appears that despite carrying her grandchild, the fact of the matter is I am still of no use to their family.
Despite having a dowry, no amount of advantage I could give her than for me to simply disappear from her life.
I miss my home, where my relatives surround me with love and care. All I ever experience here is the threat and indifference from Lucrezia. As I head towards the door, Lorenzo stopped me.
"Antonia, wait!" I stop to wait for him. When he reached me, he continues to talk. "Please, don't go. Giuliano insisted that you stay here for your safety."
"I cannot thank you enough for your kindness and generosity but it appears I have overstayed my welcome. I needed to be home with my family."
"You are very welcome in this household, Antonia. Please do not think otherwise."
Smiling bitterly, I shake my head no. "I need to go, Lorenzo. Thank you." With that, I left.
Upon opening the door, I was greeted with warm hugs from my Aunt Simona, Semiramide, and Franzia as the other chambermaids and Botticelli watched us reunite.
"Thank goodness, you're okay." Aunt Simona whispers as she hugs me tightly.
"We miss you!" Semiramide said.
"As much as I love hugs, please give me a little room to breathe," I said while laughing.
That night, Semiramide chose to sleep next to me. She has greatly feared for my safety and she wishes to be with me whenever she can. I still don't know how I will be able to keep Giuliano from the mass.
Perhaps I can use my pregnancy as an excuse to keep him but there is no guarantee. Especially when it's Easter.
Walking on the street, I suddenly noticed Giuliano running toward me. He immediately hugs me tight and buries his face in my neck. "I was so worried when I did not see you in the palazzo." He said, his voice muffled.
I hug him back with a smile. "I'm sorry I left without a word. I just thought that perhaps it's better to surround myself with my relatives is all." I said.
Now that I'm going to be a mother soon, I understand Lucrezia better than before. She may act a bit harsh and cruel but she's only doing everything for her family, especially for her youngest son.
I have a feeling that despite Giuliano's rebellious nature at times, he is Lucrezia's favorite child. Even after what she did to me, I wouldn't worsen the relationship she has with her son.
When he let go, he decided to walk with me with our arms linked to one another. "If that's what you wish."
When we reach the bridge, I stop to look at the river, remembering that it won't be long until Easter. "I was thinking that perhaps we can go somewhere." I began.
"Where do you wish to go?"
I turn to face him with pleading eyes and say, "Anywhere but here. Please?"
He was silent for a while, deep in thought, then held my hands before speaking. "Lent is upon us, my love. I must stay."
"Please, Giuliano?"
He looks deeply into my eyes, searching for any doubt or reason with my insistence. If he found any or not, he decided to not say. "I cannot give you a certain answer right now but be patient with me. We Will go wherever you want whenever you want."
It wasn't the answer I was expecting but the thought of him considering my proposal gives me hope. Hopefully, we'll be able to be away from Florence before Easter.