As soon as my legs enters the study room, i can see him the black jean guy sitting towards the back. Unconsciously my legs are moving, am going towards him. What will i say? I can just sit near him, he will surely talk to me, my beauty will surely attract him.
Suddenly, he stands up, will he approach me? will he try to seduce me? the answer is no, he changed his sitting position. he is now sitting near an unclassified girl. Within half a second my heart stopped beating, a mixture of confusion and disappointment filled me. My legs continue to the nearest seat. Why did he choose that nobody than my perfection ? Why ? Did she seduce him? i must be over thinking there must be another reason. My eyes rotate to the guy and he is smiling to her, smiling to that nobody whereas he never smiled to me, am feeling a pierce inside, the pain is hard. Why is he smiling? Are there flirting? Or worst is she his girlfriend ? Why am i in pain? Surely because of my pride, how can a boy ignore my presence and prefer a girl i don't even know.
Time decided to punish me, each second passed as an hour and inside myself the pains were multiplying, i couldn't look at him because his smile for that girl was persistent in my mind. It can not finish like that, i turn my head towards him few seconds later our eyes meet. Paralysed i can neither turn my head nor smile but as nothing infront of him he looked around and continued his discussion. That was infact the hardest pierce, my eyes are full of water but i can't cry, it makes no sense. Breathing in breathing out i calm down but the pain is intact.
Finally sleeping becomes my escape way. The ring of end of present course wakes me up an hour later. I can now get out of this hell, moving fast i regain my class. Arriving inside my class i can feel the welcoming odour of earth but this feeling is not sufficient to heal all the wounds inside, i regain my place.
Celia: What happen at the study room?
Me: How...
Celia: You went super happy and you come back sad, so what happen
Me: (looking downward) Guess
Celia: The guy you don't love is for something ?
Me: He has a girlfriend
Celia: You don't love him right?
Me: I...i don't...my pride, my pride must be hurt
Celia: How is it related?
Me: He didn't fall for me, my pride is hurt
Celia: If he has a girlfriend....
Me: You can't understand...please leave me alone and concentrate in the lesson
Celia: Elvy...
Celia is surely worried about me but...but now am hurt. Time was less long than the one in the study room and as soon as it was time to go home, i went home.
On the way home, the sorroundings seems white on black, the colours of life has dissappeared. At home, i automatically move to my bed. Why am i like this ? I am not perfect? Do i need something ? Perhaps am i in...i suddenly come out of my mind and in a hurry i take my phone to review Dr Tamukum Jerry conference about love.
[ Dr Tamukum is sitting down and starts speaking.
A hand in the audience is up and the guy is permitted to speak.
Dr Tamukum : What do like on her?
The guy: I just love her
Dr Tamukum : Let me formulate it in another way, what makes her different from the rest of the girls?
The guy: humm she's attentive, she's cute, comprehensif,...
Dr Tamukum : That's exactly what you love, those traits not her. So for me love should be defined as the attraction you have on someone because of what he has that you think you need been it physical or not. For loving a guy b'cos his rich is the same as loving a guy because of some character traits because in both side if the love reason dissapears, separation come in place.
Another guy: Dr are you encouraging materialistic women? Their love is fake!
Dr Tamukum : Fake love doesn't exist, love appears when there is a need, no need no love. Don't tell me you don't need anything, you need something but you are not aware, not aware until the person appears. Materialistic as you say love and if not of a bigger love or a lost of love reason, they will be there.
A miss: Dr Tamukum, so pure love doesn't exist ?
Dr Tamukum : Pure love exists but it's a sickness, because with pure love the love reason is the person himself. The patient can easily kill, comitt suicide and other horrors in the name of love which is different from the common passionate crime. Pure love exists but is not normal.
Another miss: Dr what about love at first sight? Do the person even have time to know the person at first sight? Or will you ignore this phenomenon.
Dr Tamukum : Firstly, when you need something you search for it and when you have the will to search it, your mind, your subconscious start's searching it, your brain search non-stop.
Secondly, more clear is what you search more easily it can be found.
First sight love is the combination of these two facts, first sight love occurs when the simple image of what you think you need is seen on someone, i insist on the simple image. If the love persists then love reasons have been found, if the love persists whereas you haven't yet met after a certain period of time it is curiosity. if the love stops then there was no valid loving reason.
Another guy: Excuse me but in your explanation you mentioned, you think you need and valid loving reason can you explain?
Dr Tamukum : (smile) The fact is that you don't always need what you think you need, what you think you need is influenced by your background and sorroundings while what you actually need depends on more concrete factors like health. Valid loving reason, not all loving reason are valid, the valid one is formed when it can make you ignore the person's flaws.
A lady: Dr Tamukum, if i may ask do you love your wife?
Dr Tamukum : (smiling) Yes i love my woman, i have valid love reasons that i will not mention.]
Even after this video am confuse, am i sick or do i love him for another reason i ignore. Something is sure it is not pride that hurt me when i saw ...