"What are you up to this time?" I say as my voice is filled with quietness and full of wonder. He takes his hands closer to my back and hugs me. The warmth of the hug almost forces me to forget about all the pain that rushes through my adrenaline. Was I craving this warm sensation that I never got? The touch of his chest almost stimulates my heart. When he hugs me softly & he feels my heart, which doesn't stop but keeps beating fast & it continues to increase its velocity until I sigh and gather out simple words, forming and catching the air as I start talking with him. But he doesn't respond.
All he does is stop me from speaking and try to make me happy as If he understands what I'm going through, and it softens my heart most beautifully.
"Sheesh, Don't talk," Tasin whispers in my ears and I get goosebumps as if he was aware of the fact that I would speak. That hug doesn't last long as he looks at me to see if I'm alright & then releases me while he connects his eyes with mine and stops for a while before he would talk.
"Are you okay now?"
"I'm Okay," my voice is as soft as the clouds crushing and trying to break out through the wide-open sky, but they actually can't.
"W-why did you hug me?" I roll my eyes as I say the word hug.
"I don't know why," his voice seems to be misinterpreted by my gaze.
"What do you mean that you don't know?" I raised my eyebrow and waited for him to respond.
"I just felt like doing it. I had to because something inside me told me to," he says but stops at the last word, maybe he is just asking himself if he said something weird or not. He, himself is not even aware of what he was doing before. But the question is what was I doing? I let him to hug me.
"My mom always used to hug me like this whenever I cried. So I always used to feel so happy and free after she hugged me, so I think I made you happy too. Did I?" He says as pinches my cheeks with a smiley face & it sparkles up my entire face as I look at his smile & would probably guess that his mom is a nice person and adores him a lot. I also want to have a family like him, a hardworking dad, and a caring mom with a warm hug.Not just me,there are millions of Imon's are out there ,wanting to be loved and adored,seeking a warm hug from their parents that they never get.Everyone wants a happy family where we can only find people with smiling faces.
"I was happy but right now your face makes me want to puke," I said with a ridiculous tone which spoils his entire mood but then pouts.
"Why do always say such things? Do I always make you puke?! Don't lie about my handsome face. It's extremely prettier than a crybaby like you," he says mockingly, and it made me laugh, but I continued to debate with him as we gathered our stuff while putting it in bags and left the classroom. When we reached our room, we realized how messy it was and that we had to fix it, so we made a plan and started cleaning our room.
"You go & clean the Toilet. I'll do the rest," Tasin says & looking at me twice a time & noticing me getting mad at him so he changed his mind & asked me, "So do you want me to clean the Toilet? Like seriously?! I can't, I'll do anything but not that. It's disgusting,Man."
"Your such a spoiled brat, I see. Didn't your mom teach you how to clean Toilets? Come I'll help ya.... Don't worry, you just go & wash the dishes & clean the bed as well as mope the floor, okay? Now don't tell me that you can't even do that or else I'll break your neck. No one gonna let you sit here & just eat peacefully. You gotta do something.Aishh this idiot...What do I do with this newcomer coming every year to spoil my mood."
I kept lecturing him continuously as I started working, putting the garbage in the dustbin and cleaning my table. Meanwhile, he was just sitting on the sofa as he was texting someone and just smiling. I knew it was his girlfriend. I could guess it.
"You can talk with your girlfriend later. No one gonna stops you so please stop annoying me."
"I don't understand."
"What do you mean by that?" I said as I raised my eyebrows but my hands are still busy washing the dishes.
"Me talking with my girlfriend, then how does that make you annoyed?"
Practically, I can't see his reaction, but I find myself getting confused about the question he asked. What does he even think of himself? I'm not annoyed because he is talking with his girlfriend. After all, I don't fucking care whatever this weirdo does.It's his wish,but he should concentrate on work at first.
"What the fuck! You're not helping me at all. That's why I said you irritate me. Come here right now and just wash the dishes. I can't wash it alone. If you don't come, then you will be the one cleaning the toilet. " I couldn't just stop myself but laugh at the end, hearing the footsteps of him coming faster towards the kitchen when he heard the word toilet.
"It looks like you're scared because you will be the one cleaning toilets, right?" I said as I gave him a deadly stare.
"Do you think that would make me scared? You have to say it nicely at first then I'll help. Is this how someone talks? Be polite and nice with me or else I won't help," his voice louder than before as he is standing beside me and watching me clean the plates while he just grabs an apple from the fridge and stuffs it in his mouth & takes a bite slowly while he smirks.
"Then how should I say it? Now, you're going to teach me how to be polite?" I said as I rolled my eyes & saw that ugly smirk on his face.
"Not just being polite but I'm quite good at teaching a lot of dirty things," he says with a devilish smirk that almost creeps me but then he says, "Can you help me with cleaning the dishes, please Tasin? This is how you should say it."
"Never, only in your dreams, Stupid."
"You choose. Wash it by yourself or leave your ego & be polite to me. You need to learn manners," he laughs loudly & I was pretty much annoyed but I can't help but just give up and agree with him.
I start with, "A stupid like you talking about manners, huh? What do you know about manners? Why are you even so fucking stubborn?"
"I don't know."
"What do you exactly know? You don't know anything. Whenever I ask you something you would say that you don't know. What a narcissist!! I can't even stay with you in the same room for a single day then how am I supposed to stay here for 6 more years with a stupid like you?Oh God, HELP!!"
"Your situation is complicated but funny. It'll be so fun to irritate you," his voice tone changes & now he is being too much mischievous with his words when he lifts his cheeks a bit upwards at the right but I ignore him and start mopping the floor quickly as I need to study for the exam so if I have to start studying then I have to ask for his help but I can't even do that because it'll be embarrassing.Anyways,we already had a argument some minutes ago.But I'll do it anyways cause I need him at this moment.
When I need someone badly,I can even put a dog on my head at that time.That's what we humans prefer to do for benefits.
So it takes me a lot to say it but still, I gathered my courage in front of him as I said, "Can you please help me with fixing the wardrobe?"
"Imon, is that you? Wahahaha...I'm surprised. Finally, you learned it from me. That's what I called being polite. Slowly I'll teach you a lot of new things. Good boy," Tasin says, his eyes satisfied at seeing me getting lost by him. I rolled my eyes and walked towards my table where I grabbed a pen and a copy as I put my butt on the chair comfortably while I take a look at Tasin to clarify that he is doing his job properly.
Before I could begin reading, Tasin grabbed the blankets and asked, "Was your room always this messy?" with a confused expression on his face.
"No, I mean, yes. Then what?"
"Nothing; I was solely wondering. Why are you panicking? It's not like I was going to punch you up or something. Why have you been yelling at me nonstop since I arrived? Do I annoy you?" He expressed great delight as well as guilt in his deep voice since he had been able, to be honest, and open with me. One thing is certain: I was erroneous, and he was right.
"I had a question for you. Why don't you immediately respond to me? Instead of that, all you ever do is argue with me, which irritates me.So it's you,who's annoying,not me. Every time you treat me rudely, it makes me angry. It aches, " he stops ranting, probably because he's exhausted of telling me that we have to get along since we have to share this dingy hostel for nearly six years. He's also sick of hearing from me that he just can't take it when I get angry with him for ridiculous reasons when I shouldn't. Tasin appears to have a tremendous amount of patience. Even though I am consistently harsh with him, he would never be upset with me. I put my book down, set it aside, and stood up.
I approached Tasin and tried to slowly persuade him by holding his hand, but he jerked it and looked away while his eyebrows were joined, suggesting that he was somewhat upset, and his lips remained pouty. I tried to hold his hand again and tell him to stop, but he continued to ignore me.
I let him know that "Okay, feel free to ask whatever you want. From this moment on, I wouldn't be angry with you and we wouldn't fight either. "
When I grin at him while holding hands with him and feeling his fingers on mine like blankets encircling the entire world, I notice a small upward lift in my cheeks. He smiled, and that is all that matters. Why is it so important to me? When did I begin to care about this stranger? Why do I get so fired up when he's sad? What is it that makes me feel so bad? I have so many questions but I can't ask anyone. I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now.
This feeling, the happiness, his hands, fingers, smile, and all the small details appear to be very important to me right now. He takes another step forward, so close that our noses will be touched if he falls by mistake, and I hate this illusion I'm having right now because it feels so wrong, but I snap out of it as he asks, while our hands are still held tightly, "If we don't fight anymore, what does that mean?"
"It means.....What?" My voice almost hesitates and breaks at the last sentence.
"Then it means," he says as he draws closer to my ear, and my ear turns pink as I get flustered because I could probably feel his every breath beneath my neck falling and disappearing in the air and that's when he says, "It means we are friends now, right?"
This is not what I was expecting. I'm not sure why I'm getting the impression that he wanted to say something else, or that it was me that wanted him to say something else. Perhaps it was both of us that want something different, but we did exactly the opposite. His eyes sparkle as he waits for my response while urgently shaking my hand like a 10 years old kid, and I can't gather the words that are going through my thoughts like a blowing gust of wind, and I'm bewildered, but I adore this bewilderment.
"Yeah, I guess."
"What do mean your just guessing?" Tasin raises his eyebrows giving me a weird reaction.
"I was just kidding, you stupid. We are friends from now on, happy?"
"Very happy!!" He said as he pinches my cheeks and I give him a dry smile.
"Promise me, Imon?"
"Now you acting like a nursery kid. Fine, I promise that we wouldn't argue anymore and be friendly toward one another. Now, what else? If you want let's sign a contract. How bout' that?!" I say mockingly.
"Stop that!! Are you making fun of me?Okay then,very funny," he laughs at me teasingly and actually starts sulking again but that's cute.We suddenly stop laughing when we hear a knock at the door.
"Who's there?Come on in."
We look at the guy who looks hurried with his voice and face full of joy.Someone in our campus just entered the room and said, "Where are you guys still here? We're having a mini party in our canteen.Wanna join?"
"Of course,we are coming in a few minutes."
So when we arrived at our canteen, everything was fine; I noticed that the other students were quite friendly and socializing with me. I was tasting the pastry and started communicating with them as well.I love pastries so much that I had more than three slices and it was all over my mouth.Tasin was smiling at me so much because of the way I was eating and all the girls were literally whispering to one another, and I could tell they were gossiping about the texture of his beauty that I didn't notice.
I noticed Iffat sitting in front of me with a sandwich in her hand, chewing something as she meets my gaze and smiles, so I smile back and pass her the glass of water, just to help her.
On the other hand, I notice Tasin sitting next to me, closer, with his hands on the table, as a girl cracks a joke about what her mother does in the morning to wake her up, and after hearing it patiently, I notice Tasin laughed so hard that a tiny tear glitters in his eyes after a few seconds, and he slaps the table so hard with his left hand and looks at me to see my reaction as if he wants me to join him in laughing but I don't, while I just nodded out of courtesy.
I don't seem to like it, what I mean is that I don't like it when that girl keeps saying stupid things that sound so damn funny to Tasin that he won't stop laughing and I get bored by their conversation so I just grabbed a slice of pizza and when I slowly took a bite I felt cheese in my mouth and I hate cheese so I threw it on the plate and said, "Gross, this is disgusting," loudly without noticing anyone and that was the moment when I knew that I fucked up.
Everyone around me realized me becoming irritated, especially that girl who was cracking stupid jokes just stopped talking and stared at me for a few moments because she must have thought I said that because of her, but quickly I changed my reaction and gave them a forced smile to look perfect, and then they began their chaotic conversation again, which I seem to avoid.
"What happened?" Tasin asks me,he doesn't stares at me or leaves me like others does.Rather he would ask me the reason of what I did and why I did that so that there won't be any misunderstanding between us.He understands me,that's what I feel or perhaps he made me feel that way.
"I'm sorry.I didn't mean to say it actually...."
Before I would say something more I just found others getting busy with their phones as if they don't actually care,maybe it's my fault.I interrupted them.I'm just a laughing parasite.
"Hey, don't move," my internal thoughts disintegrate as I hear Tasin's voice. Tasin swiftly changed his position as he reaches me, and he catches the tissue and gently wipes the pastry cream from my cheeks while feeling the touch of his soft fingers against my rough skin, and I don't move, but the other students in the canteen don't really notices the two wildflowers blooming since all they hear is the noises of unnecessary conversations.And it's good in a way that they don't see the exact things that I see.They are blind people.The wildflowers wouldn't get a chance to bloom if they keeps their eyes on it so it's good that they don't know.
"Is everything all right now?"
"Hmm, you look great.But you look so cute with the cream on your face,Haha." I hear him saying that and just gave him a expressionless reaction.But he laughs and later makes him busy with chewing the pizza on his hand.I was feeling drowsy at the time because I hadn't slept properly for two days due to studying at night, and looking in the mirror concerns me because all I see is black circles around my eyes. I finished my meals briskly without wasting time socializing with the other students or Tasin.
So, as I walked straight, Tasin watched me and perhaps followed me since I seemed so sleepy that I would pass out at any minute, so he walks with me to my room while I just threw my body on the bed and closed my eyes for a bit.His eyes are full of wonder as he enters the room, sits on the bed, and lies down his head slowly and waits for a while before he suddenly turned his head to the left to see me, to make sure I'm okay, and looking further and further above my forehead.Is he copying me?!
His gentle fingertips wavering in the air, crushes my thoughts as he moves his right-hand forward and touches my forehead softly with the back of his four fingers, and I close my eyes tightly, keeping them shut, but he keeps the direction of his dark brown eyes on me,catch sight of my eyes and I sensed it.When I open my eyes to see him, he has a delicate expression on his face. As he draws nearer and lowers his fingers under my eyes to grab that one tiny eyelash that bothers me and keeps itching, I glanced away.
"I guess you are ill today. You should take a break, " Tasin spoke with a heavy shake of his voice, midway between comfort and anxiety.I did nothing but just nodded & continued to stare at him in an attempt to better understand the misinterpretation of his eyes.
His eyes never spoke, and they never will because his mouth does it all the time. He continues to blabber, but something about him stands out from the rest. It's just that he sees things, he sees what I see, and he feels what I feel because no one ever asked me why I usually act strange or weird and what's the cause of it. What's the reason I've always been like this? Despite the fact that we've only known each other for a few days, he seems to get things as if he can read my mind.He has a lot of questions about me.He is curious to know me more and I felt that the first day when I meet him.
He's probably made a friendly communication with my brain so that it keeps deceiving me and ends up interacting with him. Or what if it's not what I think?! What if I'm not talking about that brain?
It might be the heart. There is pain, suffering, bitterness, naivety, and broken promises at the heart.So I was completely right in one respect. He was striving to reach out, to cross the line of formality and extend his hand for the heart.
"You don't look good!!" Tasin says drowning into my eyes even from a distance where he can't reach me no matter what but his eyes flick at the word 'good'.He seems a little embarrassed when he breaks his voice at the last word which made me realize my heart was beating faster than usual, and he noticed me breathing heavily, which could be because I was sick, or it could be the only excuse I could give him because, I, myself, don't know why I'm getting so excited all of a sudden when I'm lying in a bed where a stranger boy would just be concerned about me all the time. What is this emotion?!
"I think you should go."
"You want me to leave you like this? Even when I know that you're sick?! Do I look like a selfish jerk to you?"
"Yes, I want you to leave me like this. Please go."
"Isn't that what friends are for?"
"I said, Leave...." My voice breaks suddenly as I start coughing with a swollen face and Tasin seems to get mad at me but It was easy to ignore him because he was leaving.
"Fine,I'll leave," he walks to the door,opens it and then slams it so hard with his arrogance that it made a massive sound and I shieverd.I take the pillow and place it under my head, pushing myself to think about why I forced him to leave, why my heart won't listen to me and will just keep thumbing for a random stranger, and why this new stranger cares about me.
I managed to open the window glass of my room after a struggle, and the sun-kissed my skin smoothing, and it feels so warm that I feel light, less than myself, but comfortable, so I close my eyes within a few minutes.
That was the moment when my eyes were closed and I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone opening the door slightly and coming inside with slow steps, and then the sound of the footsteps stopped behind me so I bite my lower lips with my upper two teeth expressing nervousness. Tasin could be standing behind me, but why doesn't he talk perhaps he must be thinking that I'm asleep, and why did he come when I just told him to leave?
He walks near my legs, sits on the bed, takes my right leg over his thighs & slowly removes my shoes one by one so that I don't wake up, and I pretend to sleep as he suddenly stands up and goes towards the cupboard and opens it. I hear the sound of him searching for something quickly and the way his hands were moving making noise, I could say that he's hurried. Finally, he picks up something and closes the cabinet, and I have to pretend that I'm asleep again, so I immediately closed my eyes and he puts the blanket on me to keep me warm because it's winter.
After that, he landed his palm on my head, his hand freezing but sweaty. Then he leaves the room again and returns after a while with a wet small towel in his hand, folds it, removing my hair off my forehead gently with his fingers and carefully places it over my forehead.
I can't bring myself to hate him since he takes care of me even when I'm being disrespectful.I'm not sure why he's so concerned about me.But I like it. I enjoy it whenever someone gives me the attention that I never experienced from my family. I honestly feel guilty for all the times I've been harsh to him for so-called reasons and continue to consider him as a stranger freak when he gives me the most of his attention and treats me like a friend. Friend? Is it only about being a buddy, or is it more? Why does he keep perplexing me? Something about him and I is more than just being good friends and what can it be? But I enjoy the chaos and want to be sucked into it. I have friends, but none of them compare to him.
He's a completely different person from another planet where only beauty exists, not the external kind. It has something to do with his inside attractiveness being so pure and tranquil.