Tasin
"Ouch, ahh!!" Imon groans softly.
His voice is quiet, not screaming because he is keeping his voice low so that no one finds out about this catastrophe. He tightens his jaw with pain and his eyes are half closed or perhaps preparing to get closed since it hurts like hell. It was only a precaution as he pushed his hands away from mine, where I pull them back and check for bruises. My eyes enlarge harshly as I glance at him, my brows connected in agitation and he is silent for some reason even if it's for a few minutes but I liked it.
"Darn, this is creepy. The fingernails are sunk so deeply into your skin. Your left arm is bleeding slightly. Pay attention to me..." I say while holding his left arm and cautiously raising his left hand's cloth, and what I saw completely freaked me out.
WHAT
THE
FUCK!!
It was the darkest moment of my life. I don't want it to last too long. I want it to be over as fast as possible because I want him back. I want him to be the Imon I saw the night before. Imon, my friend always smiles and laughs. I need Imon back. It's not him.
It is not him. He wasn't always this depressed. He was flawless.
"I'm taking you with me. Don't ask where got it?" I say as I stand up and grab my bag under the chair and pack my stuff inside it.
"I'm not going to a hospital for this tiny scratch okay?" Imon says with a large exhale of breath.
"You call that a scratch, Goddammit!!" I rolled my eyes in anger, and my face and eyes are turning red, but not because I'm ostracized this time; they were turning red because I'm angry at that Brat who did this to him, or maybe I'm wrong. Deep down, I'm irritated with Imon since it's he who refuses to accept the truth and never fights back. Why is he putting up with such nastiness from his stepfather? He should've told me before leaving that if I could be of any help, I would. It's all his fault now; if he had stopped getting beaten up and tortured since his childhood, this day would not have arisen. This day had the potential to be so much more beautiful.
"I'm not going anywhere and that's final." He says while folding his hands crossly on his chest as his fingers are touching his elbow.
As I took his wrist and pulled, he hesitantly rose and faced me. He fell a little on me because I pulled him to stand up so swiftly that he grew afraid and tumbled over me, but then he presses my shoulders strongly to balance and I let him. When I peek at his hands, which were squeezing my shoulder tightly, he takes a step back steadily. His delicate palms brushed up against my collarbone and it brings chills down my neck which I find somewhat weird. But as he drops his hands and goes backward I frown.
I frown.
I have the impression that I want to travel back in time, back to two minutes ago, or even back to a few seconds ago, just to feel that emotion again even If it lasts for a few seconds I just want it more, and I'm not sure why. My eyes are not searching for his eyes at this moment. It isn't looking at him. It instead looks at his hands. His enchanted hands. Yes, those hands are still magical, and I'm curious why. Why did staying with him for the previous few days made me so unusual? I'm not sure what phrase to use to express how I feel whenever Imon's magical hands touch, brush or run across my skin. It's unusual, and I feel strange.
He appears to be attempting to examine my mind on what I must be thinking about him because he is maybe aware that I am thinking about him. Even when he's not nearby, I do just that. It relieves me differently.
One of his feet takes a step further to the bed as he bends a little and grasps my bag, which he then takes with the other hand, which is not hurting, and it bothers me, even more, to see him like this because his eyes are throwing thousands of emotionless arrows at mine while he packs my bag. What pains me the most is that I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most. I wasn't ready when he needed me. I couldn't have been a better friend at a time when he needed me the most.
"I just don't want to go. But If you insist then I will."
"Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. I will just buy some medicines for you." I say as I run both of my hands on my hair and he blinks twice while he nods and opens the door.
As I hear the door close, I turn and walk out with him, following him because he is heading a little further away from me. Although I should be the one taking him or he should be standing beside me and I will take him to the Pharmacy, it appears that I am the hurt one and now he is the one who is going to take me there, which I find ridiculous, but since it is a serious situation and he will get the wrong impression if he caught me laughing, I bit my lower lip with my upper two teeth to stop myself from laughing. It would be so embarrassing if I laughed.
When I'm with him, I can't control my impulses. He's the one in control of my emotions. It is because of him that I smile, cry, laugh, or feel down. He's the source of every single one of my emotions, and I'm reluctant to admit it because I get too engaged with him at times. His voice might be darker, deep, or unsympathetic at times. I never thought of talking like a sadist but honestly, I think it's super cool when he talks sincerely and yet so maturely while forming his words.
And then suddenly I stop walking as my eyes scroll and pause at someone with a familiar face. Is that the guy I met in the canteen? He looks familiar. And yes, it is him.
I spotted him again after we passed through the Corridor gate. He's the one. I'm not sure what his name is. I don't want to know either. The way he walks towards me as he noticed me, made me think he wants to talk to me as he nearly approached which I managed to avoid. But it was not the time for it, so I instantly avoided staring at him, and he puts his hand in his pocket, takes his phone out, and starts talking on the phone, so it was the best chance I had of escaping with Imon. I watch Imon's legs as they rise and fall one by one at different times, and I mimic his movements. I saw him flipping his hair, it's his habit. He does that all the time. Then I imitate him since that's what I do. I also smile and flip my hair but he didn't notice me doing it.
There is a pharmacy nearby, so it wouldn't take long for us to travel there, but walking with him feels like the longest I've ever walked because the way he walks may take hours. I don't even want to know if it's also his legs that hurt for some dreadful reason that would worry me. My ears are still not prepared to take all those ugly truths, I fear.
I go hurriedly and accelerate the momentum of my walking till I reach him, at which point I lightly grasp his hands in mine and lead him closer to the side of the road known as the footpath, and he seems completely baffled by my actions. He doesn't ask me any questions because he knows my acts will never harm him. And he knows that, which makes me a little happy that he has such a strong level of faith in me.
He is patiently waiting for me to explain. I take a deep breath of fresh air and begin, "I know you're stubborn and you won't listen to me, but could you please listen to me now, just once?" My voice is somewhere between pleading, requesting, or warning. I'm either whispering or yelling at him but by the way, he leans close to me, it appears that I'm just whispering.
"Did you just call me stubborn?" Imon laughs slightly as he exhales. It is the first time he's laughing after that incident and I feel good for making him laugh. I tell him that I want him to grab onto me as we cross the street since it could be deadly if he falls suddenly because he is seriously wounded, and I wouldn't let that happen.
"Do you understand what I'm saying? "
He doesn't respond. He just stares at me. I wish I could read his eyes.
"Please," I tell him again, and finally, he nods. I don't waste any time thinking about what if he changes his mind, so I put my hands forward and look into his eyes for reassurance that he'll just grab onto my arm while he comes closer as he grabs my arms hesitantly, and we're now crossing the road, but we come to a halt in the middle of the road as a car passes so fast, and Imon flinches, which eventually leads me to look at him, and I see him squeezing my arms with fear in his eyes while he looks at the crowded road, the cars, and vehicles moving faster. He wasn't 21, and he looked like a ten-year-old boy who was probably lost. Lost in his efforts, lost in tears, and is now returning to his boyhood with each sound of alarming horns screaming into his and mine ears.
I like the ten-year-old boy trapped inside him by maturity. I even admire the lostness and uncertainty in his eyes because it's the rarest moment I've seen him in my memories.
He flinches again, this time more firmly, and I gulped slowly just when I get the sensation that we should leave since it was getting too crowded and people are mostly barking at him, me, or us for standing in the middle of the road. I can imagine how silly this may appear, but I don't have time to analyze, so I specifically asked him to walk, but he wasn't even looking at me, which makes me wonder why. He's looking everywhere but at me, and it's only his eyes that are crimson now, seeking something, and I'm not sure what's going on.
He's not moving; he's just there next to me, clutching my arm with one hand while the other hand of his was probably shaking on my shoulder and it feels so unreal. He's frozen in time right now. So I fall on my knees on the street and turn as I take two of his hands wrapped around my shoulder and his fingers interlaced near to my neck and I hold him tightly so he doesn't fall when I stand. I cross the road slowly as I feel Imon's breathing on my neck becoming heavier with each of my wide steps, and I turn a bit to see if he's alright, but then I notice that his eyes are closed and his cheeks and ear have grown a little pink as if he has a fever.
He's on my back now, and his chest is gently pressed on my back while his jawline gets rubbed on my shoulder each time I move, and I'm not sure if he fainted or not, but this seems beautiful in a different way as I picture this moment differently seeing him in my back as I carry him, and every second is a beauty and every minute is embarrassing as I felt my heart fluttering when we arrived. It's everything happening at once.
I observed that both of his legs were gently wrapped around my hips from behind, just as his hands were wrapped from my shoulder to neck, and this ended up causing a warming sensation in my groin. And I find this strange, even though I can't resist it. It feels awesome, but am I behaving pervertedly? No, I most likely shouldn't. This is becoming uncomfortable as I feel his body bounce and move back and forth with each step of my foot. This makes me want to put him down or stop walking. But as much as I want to stop, I want to keep walking. This is intriguing, yet my heart is acting erratically. It didn't even beat this fast when I fell into a pool and was possibly dying when I was little.
As we approached the pharmacy, the first thing I had to do was put him down, but I wanted to keep him on my back for a little longer although my back hurts because he was too heavy. Yeah, I know right? To be honest, he was a lot heavy. Since my heart and thoughts begin to battle, Imon gently opens his eyelids and breathes sharply and then he suddenly blows an unexpectedly mild breath beneath my neck, his breath tickling me just there, and I shake my head a bit in embarrassment. That breath flies and runs from my neck to the lower part of my ear softly and this time it's me who flinches...
"Don't do that," I yell with a pout while he is still on my back but he looks calmer than at any other time. He doesn't say anything. I can't look at his face at this moment but I know that he must be staring at my cheeks with innocent looks. Every time he does something weird he would just act innocent and blame things on me. But this time it was different, totally different than any other time.
He is wrapping his arms more tightly around my neck while he becomes more energetic as he speaks, " I will and what are you gonna do about it?"
Before I could say another word or think of anything else other than this he just blows another warm breath on my ear and I wonder why is he acting like a kid while I shudder.
"I surrender. "
What is he even doing?
I can hear him laughing under his breath as his mouth is close to my right ear when he hears the word 'surrender' from me; it gives him a lot of satisfaction. What the fuck was he thinking? He is getting on my nerves. I'm the one who's concerned about his health, while he's just messing with me. I'm still carrying him on my back and he is also holding onto me soothingly yet making me uncomfortable.
"I was only joking. I apologize. Did you mind ?" He whispers those words so lightly that those words already disappear into the speedy wind and it takes a lot of effort for me to interpret and absorb them, but I like it when his voice isn't harsh or deep, and I like it even more when he's polite, and his words whisper and shatter into my ears like dust attached to old paintings of museums.
I still clearly heard what he said, but I don't dare to react because I'm scared that if I speak to him at this time, I'll say something completely inappropriate, so I'd rather stay silent than make a fool of myself. Now I'm not saying anything. I'm playing Imon. I'm not functioning like myself. I sound precisely like him. He would usually never speak exactly what was on his mind to appear calm. I've grown to enjoy him after being with him for a few months.
" Tasin..."
My name sounded so sweet coming out of his mouth. It had never sounded so beautiful until he spoke it. I enjoyed it even more when he addressed me with that attitude.
Sometimes I can't even speak; I just stare, wait, and observe him. Everyone has a hobby that becomes their favorite, and I realized mine was a person. A person will possess numerous mesmerizing qualities. Just when he gives me a lethal gaze or scolds, mocks, or makes me smile. It's all my favorite daily routine.
My favorite.....
My thoughts are evaporating as I hear Imon call my name. Sometimes his voice is as sharp as a knife, as sweet as a newborn baby's touch, hysterical, and adds more than neutral emotions inside me.
"Shut up and sit here. Don't move. I'll be back in a moment, I promise."
My words were calm and steady as I bent down again, and his thigh was accidentally stroked, rubbed, and caressed from my hips to my legs as his feet dropped slowly to the ground. But his hands are still holding me in the same place where they were earlier, firmly on my shoulders, and I turn back and face him, looking directly into his eyes, but all I see is myself being somewhat pulled up into his kaleidoscope realm. I've begun to believe that my feelings are abstracted while I'm with him or when he's with me. In my escapism world, where I can only find Imon, I see the world turning upside down. He is also staring at me, but with a completely neutral expression.
"Sit down?"
Why does it sound like a question? He was just standing beside me when I leaned in and grabbed the chair behind him, pulling it closer as I breathed the fresh air inside me and he lets his breath out as if he was holding it for me because he was nervous and then I pressed slightly on his left shoulder with my right hand and he blinks twice before he sits as I point him to sit.
When I turned around as I was walking straight, I saw Imon rubbing his neck with his hands as if he was nervously waiting for me because I saw him getting uncomfortable just as the people inside this pharmacy were whispering to one another when they saw all the bruises and injuries on his hands, arms, and face. It left me a little disappointed because why are they glaring at him like that? It's none of their concern. They should just let things go and carry on with their business. I don't understand continuously nosy people.
I frantically brought the prescription medicines to the counter and told the counter worker to speed up, and he seemed irritated because I was rushing so much. But as soon as he gave me those medicines, I didn't waste any time and ran, which may sound ridiculous, but I did run or walk a lot faster than I should and when I reached him, he gave me a shocked look, perhaps because he wasn't expecting me to come so late, but as I explained previously, I need to keep my words in order to gain his trust. I promised him I'd be back soon, so here I am.
Realizing that his scars were getting scarier with time, I instantly removed my jacket, remembering what he did for me on the balcony on the moonlit night when I was freezing to death. I needed to repay the favor, but if I say "favor," I'm simply making excuses because I'd do it even if he hadn't done it for me that day. But remembering that night gave me goosebumps. I could feel butterflies in my stomach. Something about that night sticks with us; it was the start of everything. I could tell that was the start of a conundrum. Since that night, I've had a nasty churn in my stomach. My heart hurts so much at times, and I'm trying to figure out what it wants and needs, but I'm still stumped. Something is about to break, and I blame you since you're the one who's screaming out to my heart in escapism.
"All good? You look uncomfortable." I end myself attempting to enhance my lines clumsily since I am completely dissatisfied with my own words.
"I'm O-ok. I guess." His voice was slow and unwilling...
I'm now covering him with my jacket to keep the scars hidden. I'd never let anyone see him like this. Since I was helping him in putting it on, he didn't blink once, and I observed it silently. As I continue wrapping that jacket around him, he remains calm and speechless, and I find myself shamelessly looking at his sharply aligned jawline. We both come to a halt THE-STARING at a point and sign as we look away, and he laughs a little.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you're treating me like a child." Imon laughs loudly but it's so sweet that I join him in whatever he does. I like it when he laughs because it's more beautiful than his smile.
" Was I?" I said shyly, biting my lower lip as he spots that tiny detail in me.
"Totally!!" His two hands pressed on his stomach because he can't help but laugh.
Every moment that we spent together made me happy. I just watched him the entire time he kept laughing and I enjoyed it a lot because it made me laugh. He was the one flawless person in my imperfect life, in my opinion. I'm terrified to find out more. To learn more about how I feel about him. And to realize what I meant to him. What we were for one another.
.
.
.
Friends?