"Just do what you have to do," he monotonously said and lay down again on his desk.
I understand that he gave me his consent to copy his answers but… for god's sake, what the hell am I exactly looking at?!!!
With the confidence that this guy was the guy I was making out with last Saturday night and not some bully's friend, I tapped his shoulder lightly. No, I tapped him with all the excitement I had just to get his attention.
While he looked half asleep, he responded and asked me, "What?"
"I can't understand it. Can you teach me what you just wrote?" I asked, whispering to his ear as if we were close friends… Well, haven't we progressed farther than that stage? I was kissed by him with his tongue! Pardon my shamelessness, but I'm desperate to put some answers on my paper!
"Are you that clingy just because something like that has happened?" He mumbled and went back to sleep.
I was wearing his jacket, which comforted me greatly after he left. But somehow, clinging to this piece of fabric and the little kindness he had shown really woke me out of my delusions.
I secretly took my inhaler and put it in my pocket, then carried the blank sheet of paper marked with my name alone and went to the front table to pass my paper. The teacher looked at me and my answer; she scoffed but never said anything. Thankfully, she just nodded when I asked to be in the clinic.
I threw the jacket away on a monoblock chair and lay on the nursery bed. My chest hurts. Like a natural reflex, I typed a long string of messages to Cig again. But I ended up deleting those and just sent him the summary of what I'm feeling right now, "My mom was right, I'm an embarrassment."
After sleeping in the clinic, I woke up seeing a familiar face I never bothered to care about, one of our classmates who sat beside that bitchy class president. He was sitting on that chair, inspecting the jacket meticulously.
"This is quite familiar," he smilingly said as soon as he noticed I was looking at him. He looked good as well. He's dressed in the same uniform as me. However, he wore it with so much class— not so nerdy and not so unkempt. He didn't look so proper, but still good as the last buttons on his collar was not kept together. His necktie was slightly loose, and his school varsity jacket draped on his shoulder softened his sharp broad shoulders.
I was scared for a bit. Of course, it was familiar to him too. Thankfully, I could lie without batting an eye because I'm a liar just like my dad, if I may quote what my mom said.
"Well, of course, it is. You can buy it anywhere, after all."
"Really?" He chuckled and handed it to me. He settled down and sat closer beside me. It scared me even though he was smiling and trying to be friendly… the more he came nearer to me, the more he appeared creepy to my point of view.
"Sky Lee," He called my name with that deep airy voice and gave me goosebumps all over, fearing I'd get caught lying. "Do you want me to help you with your studies?'
"Huh?" I got confused.
"Our homeroom teacher asked Warren to help you catch up, but he's already busy with the student council and press club. So, I volunteered to give you exclusive tutoring," He explained with the same smile he's been giving me before.
"Why?"
"Can't it be just because I care about a classmate?" He reasoned out, but it was still suspicious.
A hard lump formed in my throat. My ego probably made me feel hurt, knowing my idiosyncrasies were too excessive, causing others to take action for my sake. I am not sure about the genuineness of his intention. Either way, whether he meant good or not, I stubbornly do not want to depend on anyone again.
"You don't have to waste your time on me. It's not like I'd die if I don't survive this school's standard."
"Even if you have connections, you will certainly fail if you don't do anything, you know," he reminded me of an obvious fact.
This is too bothersome.
Perhaps, my emotions were too exposed. He rubbed my back, meaning to empathize with me. "Most students here take extra courses outside the school. Everyone here is having a hard time studying here, so relax. You can definitely catch up as long as you do the same. It's not too late, I swear."
I was even more bothered by that unsolicited advice. Relax because everyone's in deep shit as I am? I am aware that I am not the most unfortunate soul in the universe. Some must be having a harder life: I know. I am perfectly aware that everyone is dealing with their own shit, but what does this bastard know about my problem? How could he easily advise me with a brilliant message of "just relax and catch up"... Such an all-knowing bastard, how could he have that audacity?
I got up from the bed, holding tightly onto this jacket. I looked down at him who has been wearing that smug smirk on his face.
With enough sarcasm, I fakely said, "Thank you for your kind concern. But, since everyone here is having a hard time, as you have said, you might as well prioritize yourself first."
"Come to me anytime if you change your mind," he said before I got to leave the clinic.
I raised my middle finger, "Just mind your own business!"
If my mom heard I refused his help, I'm sure she'd be hysterical again.
If the stress I had from refusing an insistent classmate who did not even introduce himself before prying into my life annoyed me to my core, what I confronted in the classroom was even more humiliating. I wanted to get my things before leaving. However, my seatmate was still there, leaning by the window, puffing a cigarette openly like other typical school bullies.
The air outside blew against the exhaust of his smoke—dissolving the mist and revealing a seemingly mature aura of a teenager in his rebellious phase as the sunset pin light glowed in the backdrop.
He looked so cool. His visuals will make anyone understand why young girls fantasize about bad boys.
"Hey, your name is Sky Lee, is that right?" Rainier Seo asked as he pinched the cigarette butt against the base of the window where ashes and some cigarette butts clustered like an improvised ashtray. He then walked and picked up a paper on my desk— it was my blank worksheet on the Chemistry quiz. "Yeah, it says here you are."
I reflexively ran toward him and pulled the sheet roughly. It was so embarrassing.
"Did you like my jacket?" I brusquely threw it on his chest at the mention of his jacket. Before I realized how bad my manners were, I already did it. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked.
"Sorry." I was so scared and ashamed. "B-believe me, I didn't mean to be like that—Sorry."
"Then what's wrong with that paper? I let you copy it, but you passed a blank sheet. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"
He chuckled lightly. I know he just found it funny— I get it. But he spoke some words again, which I couldn't take lightly as he does.
"Do you have to prioritize your ego when you're having a hard time? It's not that hard to swallow your pride and copy, right?"
I was speechless and couldn't stop tears from falling from my eye sockets.
"Hey…"
"For your information— your penmanship is worse than a doctor's prescription!!!" I crazily ran off my mouth with whatever I could think to insult him. Despite not being creative enough in shit-talking, it was all I could say at that moment. I did not have a face to show Rainier Seo, so I took my things and ran away from him as fast as possible.