I had a lot of questions running through my head, and mostly it was 'Whys'
"Why are you doing this to me?" I mumbled while staring at the fallen dried leaves beneath my feet.
"Eh? Oh, come on... Don't overreact, he didn't lay a hand on you, right?" He jokingly responded.
I picked up the food containers and felt bad for all the food wasted because of their drama. "You can still eat what I left in the clinic," he said as if he was doing me a big favor. It took me a while to pick up the pieces and get up, but as soon as I recovered, I tried my best to speak up about my thoughts.
"You! I don't need your pity! I'm sure you already knew the fact that I have a huge-ass connection— so don't ever bother me!" That's what I said. I'm pretty sure that was a warning. I even admitted that I am here because I am connected with the headmaster. It's pathetic, huh…
I went back to the clinic not knowing Rainier Seo followed me all the way.
"Why are you here?" I asked and watched him trudge inside and open the doughnut pack and punctured the yogurt milk with the plastic straw attached to the little box. "Eat," he offered. Well, I don't know if I can call it that way, he more like imposed me to drink it by handing them to me abruptly.
"Why did you follow me here?!!"
"Hire me," he answered and crashed on that bed.
Maybe my heart was beating so hard that my brain got muddled up so much with a bag of BS... But with so much time, I tried to think about why he was bothering me so much. Why did he kiss me that night? Why the fuck was he even in a gay club? I couldn't think of any rational answer aside from this. So I asked if just like me... "Be honest, are you doing this because you fell in love with me at first sight?"
He immediately got up from the bed and laughed, filling the whole place with the kind of laugh that sounded like a car engine that wouldn't start. His laugh was funny, but since he was laughing at me, it rather felt very insulting. His reaction was sarcastic. So, I regretted asking that silly question... I just embarrassed myself, didn't I?
"You know what... just say no if you don't! You didn't have to laugh at me like that!" I was so angry I threw the doughnut and the yogurt milk at his head. I was petty but he deserved it!
"What the hell..." Unfortunately, the milk spilled on the bed, not his head. He pushed strands of his hair back and revealed a reddish bump on his forehead... he was hot when he did that.
Shit! No. No, no, no. This is not looking good for me.
"Oh. I didn't laugh at you, you know" He picked up the yogurt milk and placed them on the side table. "And I did kiss you, but it was to calm you down… there's no other intended meaning for that," he explained.
I was stunned. I know I have been avoiding this person since then, but how can I not raise my hopes when we met in that kind of club? Furthermore, we did kiss… with the tongue! But I guess, even gay men other than me have standards. So his explanation simply means he didn't like me. And it was understandable. Who am I to be liked by someone as impressive as him? He's smart, and I'm dumb... he's very attractive, so he probably has a lot of attractive people lining up for him.
"Is that so?" I tried to hide how embarrassed I was for my wrong assumption. "Then… Stop bothering me." I left and returned to the classroom.
…
I endured people's stares at me throughout the whole day. But maybe I did such a heinous crime in my previous life, that's why the headmaster's car stopped me by the school's gate and he ordered me to get inside the car after he rolled the car windows in front of other students.
"Sky Lee, please get in. I'm sending you home," he said with a smile as he pushed his gold-rimmed glasses upward.
I was exhausted, but I still have more energy to put on a fake face so I don't embarrass my mother more than I do for being an idiot. I sat at the back of his luxury car; it smelled of mild lavender scent and money. He looked like the total opposite of my father: successful.
The car moved on and compared to my expectation, he was quiet. It was probably disrespectful of me to think he was like a taxi driver who sidelines as a talk show host. He did not send me home immediately, he brought me to one cram school. I followed him closely and his tall and lean handsome driver or assistant (I'm not sure) tailed us along the way. All the staff bowed to him and accommodated him like an important person, but after reading the brochure, it all made sense because he owned the entire building and the school itself.
I followed him and the person who introduced himself as the head administrator of the institution. He gave us a tour of their building, the classrooms where the tutors give one on one lectures to the students, their canteen, the lobby, their music classroom, and the teacher's office where each of them introduced their name, what they teach, and their credentials.
We stopped at the café in front of the cram school, the class representative was also there studying books and drinking coffee. Warren Kang greeted the headmaster as soon as he saw him and the headmaster gracefully asked him to stay away. That snake smiled, but I knew he was again peering at me with judgment.
We sat down in their private room, just him and me while his tail was watching outside.
"So, what did you think of the school?" Dr. Ki finally asked when he settled down.
I took out the brochure I got from the reception counter earlier and placed it on the table. Before I could speak, the door opened and the staff brought a tray of dessert and coffee— a latte for me, and a cup of plain coffee for the headmaster. When the staff left, I resumed and unfold the brochure, then pointed to the tuition fee written.
"There's no way we can afford that, headmaster," I said, emphasizing his position and how we could only be related to one another.
"You're a kid. You didn't have to worry about that," he chuckled and sipped a cup of his coffee. Then he started talking, imparting his opinion of me. "I have seen countless kids in my years as an educator. And just like your mother, I know you are smart for sure… it's just that I heard you've been sickly and your parents failed to give an emphasis on your learning. You just missed a lot of foundation knowledge, it's not that bad, but because of that, it's hard for you to catch up to the lessons taught in Rosevale."
"Headmaster, you don't have to sugarcoat it. Just say that I'm dumb, that's why I need to study and learn the basics first," I blurted out while looking at the fancy leaf design of my latte. I was rudely straightforward, I know… It's one of the perks of being a spoiled child.
"I didn't say that; certainly, you aren't dumb Sky," he coughed for a bit. "I just want to help. I second-guessed that you wouldn't want to be taught by your classmate, so I recommend this school for your own good instead."
I held the spoon and stirred the coffee, ruining the fancy leaf shape on top of the foam. "You just want to impress my mom."
He became stiff and laughed awkwardly for a while but he got his composure back as soon as he drank all his coffee.
"It's not like that, Kai-kai," he defended and called me by my nickname. That was the worse answer he could respond to me.
"Is that so? Then how about the tuition fee for this cram school and Rosevale? Why did you admit me to your school? I know I don't live up to your school's standards. Aside from that, I'm aware of my family's financial status, my mom did not save that much to afford the cost of this school." I kept going until I asked, "So, what's the catch, headmaster? What are you getting from my mother by giving all these favors?"
The room was uncomfortable after I spoke about my disrespectful and suggestive speculations. He sat more comfortably and calmly responded, "Please don't misunderstand your mother, I'm just paying back some of my debts. That's all."
I drank the latte. It was really good, not too sweet even though it was creamy, yet there's still that distinct bitterness and comforting aroma of coffee. I already knew this man was lying, so I just sat back and enjoyed the free food in front of me. "If you want to please my mom, I'd appreciate it if you don't use me." I sincerely gave him that advice, because it wouldn't be useful anyway… more so because my mom didn't care about me.
"Can I go home now?"
They drove me to our apartment. "Please don't overthink my intention. Come to my office anytime you want," he reminded me with a sly smile.
"Yeah, sure," I replied and slammed the door in his face.
When I got home, my dad was on the phone. He was in a good mood after. He was cheerful, "I got the job!" He informed me. Then he went to the kitchen and wore the apron again, "What do you want for dinner?" He asked.
Somehow, it was nostalgic. It felt like it was only yesterday that I felt guilty toward mom because I was hiding what dad was doing when she was away. Now, I'm feeling the same thing looking at dad. At the back of my mind, a part of me wants to believe it's his karma and he deserved it… but mom was determined to start over, right? They're trying to fix our family, isn't that why we moved here?
I don't really understand my parents. They say one thing but do another.
"Anything will do," I responded.
"Then, I'm cooking your favorite!"
My mom had another overtime that night, and I ate dinner with dad. I swallowed the light soup along with guilt lumping in my throat. Among other trivial things, my dad had a nice way of torturing me: he left a gift on my study table— a new set of graphite sticks and drawing pencils. "When studying is hard and boring, take a break and have fun! :)," dad wrote in the neon green post-it note but it was useless. I looked at the pile of art materials they bought me as a consolation gift… and the artworks I made for many years, which were almost nonexistent.
I sighed. Sleeping on the bed instead of reading books. I refused to spend any effort pleasing mom or dad just because I've been so tired. I'm really, very tired…