[Trigger Warning: Suicide Ideation, Attempted Rape, Drugs]
My uniform arrived on Friday evening, which means I dragged my ass wearing those violet slacks for a week. I didn't need to tell you how horrible my week was, right? Just imagine a newbie clown with the most hilarious costume but was still getting familiar with all the tricks, except I was the type who doesn't have enough brain cells to learn.
All my teachers now learned that I'm stupid but they walk on eggshells fearing that I have great connections. Of course, not all of them were cowardly; some made me feel more stupid, asking me questions they knew I couldn't answer and telling me to work hard and study like the rest.
I thought it'd hurt me, but I knew I would not stay here long anyway. So, I let those words enter my right ear and leave the left side as if nothing had happened. After all, I've already decided: I'm gonna get laid and die. Now, who cares about how bad I was at doing math?
When I got home, aside from my clothes, I never really thought of unpacking other stuff. I lay down and chose which of these guys chatting with me I would give my V-card to. It's not really that hard- I just picked the most good-looking guy among them. I may be pretty desperate, but I don't want this to be regrettable.
Prince Gin_69: I'm excited about tomorrow. Let's meet here.
His username is funny, I know. Who the hell has the audacity to call himself a prince? And why the hell did he have to put 69 after that cringey nickname? But I stalked his profile enough; he's a third-generation rich kid who uses luxury cars to seduce men. How did I know that? Well, he's very open about his social media accounts. So, to answer the question about the mystery of his username, that's just because he's a narcissist.
I clicked the location link he sent me. It was a member-only club at the business center of the city. I need to take the subway to go there, but it's still pretty close.
Prince Gin_69: Tell them you're with me, and you should be good to enter. And don't worry, it's my treat, baby!
In contrast to how I imagined it, I'm not that excited for my first time. It could be because it has become the only thing I had on my bucket list before leaving this petty life without regret. I used to imagine spending my first time with someone I would love and spend the rest of my life with. But I wasn't born with that luxury. Let's be honest... How much time could I give that nonexistent man when I'm about to die soon?
I was crying while I was replying to this jerk's message. I didn't even notice how much I was tearing up.
Candy: Sure, I can't wait to see you :)
After that, it didn't feel good to chat with him any longer. My dad is still waiting for calls after a bunch of interviews, and my mom came home late after doing another overtime at work. I ate outside for dinner; my dad's cooking is better, actually. But I was afraid that I'd get indigestion.
"Reheat the food if you're hungry," he said while watching the TV. I nodded just to be polite for the last time. But I holed up in my room after.
The next day, I followed everything I read on the internet. I knew I'd be bottoming for the first time, so I did the preparations specified in the articles I found online. I did not eat and cleared my bowels. I spent an awkward amount of time loosening up my rear. And I tried so hard to dress up and hide that I was a minor.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror one last time before leaving my room. I smelled great and looked quite good in my black polo-sleeve and denim jeans. I also researched what to wear, so this should be enough. And lastly, if they ask why I look young, blaming it all on my skincare routine should be enough, right?
Actually, who am I kidding? The last thing I should thank my parents for is their genes for my height and face. If I wasn't dumb, I would have been popular at Rosevale. Well, ironically, that's what made me infamous too.
I wore the watch my uncle gave me before I left my room. I first saw my dad in the kitchen; he was cooking again. My mom was in the living room reading some files and reviewing past cases for work. My dad was the first to notice me, smiling for the first time in a while immediately. He stopped chopping vegetables and asked, "Are you going out?"
My mom also turned her head and asked, "Who are you hanging out with? How about your studies?"
"Honey, our son is also at that age now. Just let him go and have fun once in a while," Dad must think I'm going on a date with a girl. But it was nice of him to stop mom from talking about studying.
I hurried and put my shoes on in the hallway. I already had a good look at my parents, that's enough.
I took the elevator to leave, but my dad ran after me and stopped the elevator doors at the last minute with his foot. At the other side of the door, he handed me my inhaler and gave me some pocket money. "Have fun, okay?" He was panting and still wearing that silly apron while holding a kitchen knife.
"I might come home late. So you don't have to cook me dinner…," I said, and the elevator closed before he could hear me call him dad for the last time.
I took the subway and threw my inhaler in the garbage bin, thinking I'll never have to use it in the afterlife. I followed the route on the online map and got there by six in the evening. It was still closed then, so I spent the rest of my time in the nearby café drinking hot Americano for the first time. I wasn't allowed to drink coffee, carbonated drinks, and other beverages that might be bad for my health. And I never thought this kind of coffee would cost that much.
I sat in the café fiddling on my phone to pass the time, and somehow I got a complimentary cheesecake. A girl also asked for my number, but I shut her down by telling the truth that I was gay. It felt nice, actually… drinking coffee and coming out for the first time should have been the ones on my bucket list first.
It was nine when that jerk finally contacted me. I suddenly got nervous when the video call invitation interface popped on my screen. But I toughened it up and answered it anyway.
As soon as I saw his face on the phone, even with harsh lighting, he still looked the same as in the photos he sent me. Despite using a sketchy dating app, I felt relieved that I wasn't catfished. He was holding a glass of golden-colored liquor and a circular ice cube, and he smiled as soon as he saw me. In the background, I can see that he's sitting on a red chesterfield sofa and has other companions.
"Wow," he smirked, biting his lips. "You looked perfect. I didn't expect that. Where are you now?"
"I'll be there," I said.
"Hurry up. I'll wait for you outside." He excitedly got up and talked about how surprised he was at how I looked while walking.
I started walking there, too, and I immediately saw him among a bunch of men hanging around the area. He ended the call as soon as he saw me. I was taller than him; the only flaw his photo did not reveal was that average height. I forced myself to say hi and smile even though I felt hesitant.
With more light around our surroundings, I saw his face up close. He had dark brown hair, and his eyes had perfect double eyelids. Everything on his face was put together, you can smell the money on him with the way he wears his designer suits, and you'll quickly know he's an active player in the area.
"You didn't need to pick me up here, you know. I sort of wanted to tell them I'm with Prince Gin_69," I joked, implying his username sucks.
But he laughed and blushed as if he was flattered. He put his arm around my waist and started leading me inside. "I forgot to tell you my name, didn't I? I'm Jared Park. And you? How do you want me to call you?"
"Klint, just call me by my first name," I quickly spoke my former best friend's name. Oh wait… he's no longer my best friend!
"Klint? Even your name sounds cool," He flattered me and showed me out to people we passed by. Inside that fancy bar entrance, the technicolor lights and neon signs, along with the loud music, made me realize that I have just pervaded a world for adults. On the stage were poles, and men wearing sexy lingerie were dancing and letting men touch them all over their private parts.
We continued walking, walked through a glass spiral staircase, and entered one of the private rooms where the loud noise outside was blocked entirely. Four men were wearing formal suits, just like Jared Park. They look around in their late twenties, and they all have two or more boys wearing only lingerie on their sides. In the middle was a center table filled with different alcohols and random kinds of seafood like sashimi and sushi.
I completely underestimated this place, but it's too late to back out now.
"Guys, this is Klint!" He introduced me and let me sit beside him in the middle of the sofa. The guys also introduced themselves. I was too nervous to remember them and uncomfortable because Jared Park's hands were now caressing my legs.
One of them poured some alcohol from a fancy bottle into a glass and gave it to me. I never drank alcohol, but since I was going to waste my life anyway, I forced myself to drink.
However, I underestimated my tolerance for alcohol. I had no choice but to retract the glass away from my mouth as soon as I tasted it.
"Do you not drink?" Jared Park whispered in my ear, tickling me with his hot breath.
"I'm a lightweight," I said to cover up the truth that I'd never touched any alcohol my entire life.
They exchanged looks with each other, and they became pushier at making me drink. That should have been the sign for me to leave. But instead, I asked for a lighter beverage like juice, and one of them went out to get some. He gave me the juice as soon as he returned, and they made a toast, so everyone felt comfortable drinking. It was my first time drinking juice too, and it was sweet.
It made me feel like it wasn't so bad coming here after all. But that illusion was broken as soon as they started making out before me. I knew city people were wild, but I never thought they would be this promiscuous!
The worst is I felt so hot, and I'm getting so dizzy. Jared Park's hand was now grabbing my legs, and he began pushing me down so hard. "You're really sexy, Klint," He said while looking at me like prey. As soon as he tried to kiss me, I blocked his face with all my strength, but it made him more violent as he pinned my hands on the cushion and began shoving his face into mine. I turned my face away, so he targeted my chest instead after ripping the shirt buttons harshly.
"Quit acting hard to get when you get off by seducing men on the app with these pink nipples of yours!!! You must like this kind of play— don't act like you don't like it!" He said and kissed me on my chest, nibbling and pinching my nipples so hard.
I thought I'd regret not getting laid before I die, but I regret trying to sleep with this asshole more.
Before I was overtaken with these weird urges in my body because of that drink they gave me, I pushed this jerk as hard as possible and tried to run away from them. As soon as I got off that room, I ran the same way we passed when we came here, but there were so many people around that it was so hard to get away. I saw a door nearer than the one at the entrance, so I ran and passed through there and found that I was in the back alley and saw random men making out. I thought I'd be okay, but before I could ask for help, that bastard and his friends had already caught up and ganged up on me.
"Where do you think you're going, you little slut?!" That jerk scorned me and threw a punch at my solar plexus. It was so painful I fell to the ground and coughed up rusty-tasting blood. I was so scared for my life even though I was adamant about throwing it away earlier.
I was ready to take more blows from them, but someone came to my aid and kicked one of them. I was so dizzy to see how they fought, but before I knew it, that guy grabbed me by my hand and took me away.
I don't know how many turns and how far we had gone, but as soon as we stopped, I still found breathing so hard. I looked for my inhaler in my pockets, but I realized that I already threw it away. I was hyperventilating and didn't know what was going on.
Then suddenly, that man who smelled like the thing I hated the most grabbed my shoulders and said, "Hey, I'm only doing this to calm you down."
I tried my best to breathe with my mouth even though it felt like there was no air around for someone like me when he stuffed it with his lips. I didn't know what to do, but soon he exhaled air into me while looking into my eyes directly.
I don't know how long, but he kept doing that even until I was already breathing just fine. The heat in my body also got worse, and for some reason, I wrapped my hands over his neck and turned that life-saving act into my first deep kisses. It tasted bitter and rusty, like a mix of blood and the aftertaste of a cigarette.
It felt euphoric and good until something hot in my pants came out. We shared a few more kisses until I realized what I was doing. A sliver of our mixed saliva tried to hold us connected as our tongues parted to hold our breath. But no matter how slimy it was, it still broke as soon as I got a clear view of this man's face.
He was handsome as hell. He was so good-looking it felt like having my first kiss with him was worth all the trouble I'd gone through today.