I've been sitting in the back seat of the car my dad borrowed from my uncle— he's the one who's the most successful among my dad's siblings. I sat holding my backpack and Salbutamol inhaler because I had been sandwiched by luggage, boxes, and bags that my mom forced me to pack and fit inside the small car. I've been stuck here as we hit the road for ten hours, moving from the countryside to a traffic-infested city.

My mom was sitting in the front passenger seat, and my dad was busy honking the car horns thinking his temper will convince the cars before us to move. Aside from that noise, we've been relatively quiet all the way. I don't know if it was my asthma or because I could barely move or breathe in my position at the back, but I felt so suffocated.

My life in the countryside was not remarkable, but it was peaceful. It was a small town, and everyone knew each other so much that almost everyone still remembered the names of our second cousins' great-great-great grandparents. On the brighter side, that small village had fresh air, and I didn't need to stay in the hospital much for some pump of extra oxygen. I used to have a good relationship with my classmates and relatives for a while, although I never really liked most of them.

"Kai-kai, we're here," mom woke me up, and it took a while before I could move out of the car. I looked at the tall building in front of me and the number of things we had brought. I heard we'd live on the fifteenth floor- it's not the highest floor but it still felt bothersome to climb.

"Sky, move your ass and help your dad," mom ordered with her usual bossy tone.

Give me a break.

"But I'm tired…." I inhaled some puffs and pretended to be sick and feeble.

"Can you stop with this nonsense? Do you think I can't see through your excuses? Move and help carry these boxes!" Mom angrily shouted, but I didn't care.

"It's okay, honey. Kai-Kai must be tired. I can move these alone," I heard dad behind, unloading other luggage in the trunk.

They had no choice but to let me carry my weary soul alone as we walked to our new house.

Dad even smiled when I looked back at him. "Go on! I'll catch up later!" He said. My mom nodded while I rolled my eyes.

We walked through the hallway and stopped as we read the sign in front of the elevator— "Temporarily unavailable." "Well deserved," I thought, knowing that dad would have to carry all those things to the fifteenth floor.

"Help your dad later," Mom strongly urged me to help as she moved on and walked through the stairs first.

"Why would I? He said he'd do it himself."

"Kai-kai!" She stopped climbing and looked down at me. "Can you stop with this kind of attitude?"

I knew she'd nag endlessly at this point, so I walked ahead while she continued giving me that self-righteous lecture. "We're starting over again. We've been doing everything to restart our life, and can't you see that your dad is trying his hardest to fix his mistakes? Can't you just give him a chance to prove himself to you? I know it has been hard for you, but it has been way harder for me! Yet, did you see me act terribly as you do? I'm getting tired of—"

"I feel sick. I think I'm going to hyperventilate," I lazily reasoned out.

She walked after me, "Sky Lee, can't you just cooperate at least once? You're not a kid anymore! I'm just asking you to understand our situation. You can't be like this to us forever just because of that one single mistake!"

My mom nagged more until we finally reached the fifteenth floor. Maybe it was because that climb was too tiresome, but I did jinx myself and hyperventilate. I inhaled the puffs from my inhaler, I could feel the airway in my chest expanding, but my heart felt constricted. The more I wanted to breathe, the more I felt suffocated. I sat on the floor and leaned on the hallway wall, mom took the brown paper bag in my backpack, and I slowly calmed down as I breathed in through it.

"Okay. I won't insist on making you carry our luggage. Get inside and rest." She patted my shoulder twice and went downstairs to help dad.

When I was a kid, she also did the same. She'd pat my head and leave for work again just because the doctors were there to treat me. Time passed by, and I got better. They knew the drill when it was hard for me to breathe— after applying first aid and patting me on the shoulder, she'd run away and do the things that matter more to her. Although breathing through a paper bag couldn't even be called first aid, I've grown to believe in it more than her.

As she said, I'm not a kid anymore. I couldn't dwell on that and complain. When I regained my composure, I went ahead inside the apartment. Technically, it wasn't our house; it was my estranged grandparents'... on my mother's side's property. All for the sake of starting over again in this new city, mom swallowed her pride and reconnected with them. It was so absurd— I never thought she'd do that. However, we had a desperate situation, and she's even more desperate to keep that failing marriage.

The movers had already brought some of our fixtures and furniture; now, dad's the only one who has to work hard and carry the extra baggage downstairs. A good son would have helped him... sadly, I wasn't born like that. Besides, he deserved it. After all, dad needed to earn everything he lost when he chose to betray our trust.

Compared to our old house, with a homely and traditional ambiance, this house was chic and modern. Most of our old furniture is stacked in one room, and the kitchen looks new. I guess we're kinda rich now because of my grandparents. Pfft*... Whom am I kidding? Dad is a poor teacher whose license was almost revoked, and mom worked so hard as a public attorney who could barely get her salary on time. There's no way we've become rich just because we moved into this house.

I checked all the rooms available, and it seems that my new room is upstairs. Just staring at these steps makes me pant already. Upstairs, there were two rooms. One would be mine, while the other is the room my dad would sleep in when they fight. I chose the one room with its own bathroom. It was twice as big as my previous room, which I doubt would help me breathe anyway. After carrying my computer desk, study table, easel, and drawing table from the living room to this room, I lay down. I enjoyed the stiffness of this new foam. I knew I still had to move more things, but I was so tired and fell asleep while I stared at the blurry city lights through my window.

The scenery before me took me back to the countryside. Unlike the city, it was quiet and peaceful. I traced the landscape displayed before me on the paper, adding some cross-hatching here and there to give the piece more depth. I was satisfied with the sketch and this place, I guess. But the harsh wind blew the paper on my hand away, and before I knew it, a familiar figure stood before me.

"It was your fault!" he screamed…

"Hah… hah… ahh…" I woke up panting and sweating so hard after that nightmare. I lifted my head and saw skyscrapers through the curtainless window. I'm a stranger to this background, but I was oddly thankful I saw it despite hating the whole idea of moving into this city.

Knock* knock* knock*

My dad opened the door; he was wearing that old pink apron and holding onto that wooden ladle. "Get up, Kai-kai. You're going to your new school today."

I ignored him as usual, treating his words as annoying as flies. I went into the bathroom and prepared. "Come down and eat when you're done, okay?" I could even hear his fake smile as loud as the clicking of the doorknob.

I washed my face and felt sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong… I know I'm being a brat, unfilial, and mean. I could see it through my reflection in the mirror! Yet, I slapped my cheeks as I pumped myself up and hoped I could start over with my family. It's hypocritical of me to say this, but I do hope we'd become a normal family again.

I walked down the stairs and saw them having breakfast. My mom was dressed up for her new work in a private firm, and my dad was still wearing that ugly apron. I sat with them and ate. Dad's cooking was excellent, as usual, but I only ate up to five bites.

Dad drove us, and they dropped me to my new school first. "Take the subway when you go home later," mom briefly reminded me after rolling down the car windows. "Have a good day, son," dad cheerfully said and waved his hand. I nodded and watched them take off. Like how fast they disappeared on the highway, I guess they're really stepping forward from their starting point.

I stood in front of this school, and I suppose this is where I go back to zero… but I doubt I'd move on any time soon. There's no way it's that easy.