TW// Violence, PTSD, Panic attack, trauma
Nick had come in the room to untie him. When Tivon asked why, he just said it was Captain's orders and that he wasn't a threat to them. Nick closed the door behind him, but he didn't lock them.
Tivon just sat there. There was nothing he could do. Elias and the rest of the crew had forgotten him. How could they forget him? How could Nick forget their nightly plays of Elphaty? How could Filp forget teaching Tivon how to tie the right knots for the main mast? How could Theo forget the hours Tivon spent with him cooking? How could Ed forget Tivon taught him how to sew?
How?
He didn't exist for them. He didn't know if he should run away or stay and hope. Hope for… He didn't know what.
Tivon hugged his knees to his chest. He was fidgeting his black ring between his fingers. Elias didn't wear the ring. Tivon told him everything and he didn't recognize him. Elias was there and he didn't recognize him. Elias was talking to him, and he didn't recognize him. Elias was there.
Elias.
Elias.
Elias.
Tivon griped the ring in his palm and buried his head between his knees. He couldn't get him out of his head. How could he forget someone so quickly, after him being such an important part of your life? Tivon wanted to rip his head apart. He couldn't do this anymore.
Sure, he had Rea, Ivan, and Cornelis and they meant a world to him, but without Elias… It hurt to even think about it.
Tivon tried to sleep, but it quickly became less of an option, because when he was asleep, he saw them, and he didn't want that, but if he was awake all he could think about was Elias. His head started to hurt and the room around him started spinning. I need fresh air. He put the ring back on his finger and headed outside.
It was night, and the moon was shining down on the black wood. No one was on deck, except Nick, standing behind the helm. Tivon walked to the railing and leaned on it, looking down at the sea. He took out the Ohli from his pocket and breathed in the fresh air. I need to clear my head. I need to think of something else.
But every time he thought about anything, he thought about him. He tried again and again to push him out, to not imagine seeing him, to not imagine hearing him, but he kept showing up again and again.
"What's that?"
Tivon looked up to see Elias. He wore no mask, his blue eyes shining in the moons light. Tivon hadn't seen those blue eyes in a year. He wanted to run to him, to hug him and to… He just desperately wanted Elias to recognize him.
Tivon took his eyes off him. "It's an Ohli. You made it."
"I don't carve wood."
He walked to him and leaned on the railing.
Please go away.
Tivon shut his eyes.
Stay.
He wanted to throw himself overboard. Tivon couldn't just be there, not with this stranger standing next to him. Tivon couldn't even look at him.
"Why is that everyone that sees me runs away from me, terrified. But you," Tivon felt his eyes on him. "you keep going towards me. You seek me. Why is that?"
Tivon didn't answer. He couldn't. He already answered him a million times.
Because he knows him.
Because he loves him.
Tivon stayed silent, his eyes fixed on the water beneath him. "Why didn't you lock me this time?" Tivon's voice was weak and quiet.
"It was a test to see if you would be stupid enough to stay. We wanted you to run away." He stood up and started walking towards his cabin. "You failed."
Elias closed the door behind him, and Tivon let out his tears. He buried his head in his hands. Tivon wanted this to stop. He wanted to wake up from this dreadful nightmare. He just wanted things to get back to how they were.
Tivon wished to be with Rea and Ivan, even Cornelis. They would know what to do. It always seemed that they knew the solution to every situation. What would they do? Rea had lost her aunt, but that never stopped her from becoming a strong woman. Ivan had lost his lover, but he never gave up and look at him now – a General of the royal army. He continued living, fighting for what was right. And Cornelis, she had lost Sabur and she was still standing strong.
But Tivon was not Rea, he was not Ivan or Cornelis. He wasn't… them.
He was just Tivon.
A burden.
Tivon looked at the ring on his finger, through teary eyes. He hastily removed it from his finger and held it above the water. He could just move on, forget about Elias, like he forgot about him. He could start anew.
His hand was shaking.
He could forget about the past. He could block all the memories of him. He could do it. He could…
Tivon pushed his hand to his chest and crumbled down to the ground.
He couldn't.
There was no simple way to forget him. Tivon leaned his head on the wood and looked down at the ring in his palm. He might not make Elias remember him, but he could at least try to make him remember. Or make him fall in love with him again.
However, Tivon could never force him to fall in love.
But maybe, just maybe, Elias would.
Tivon sat in the same spot, as The Rose Sparrow sailed into a storm. The crew was running around the deck, preparing the ship, and shouting orders at each other. The wind was getting more severe, each wave, that crashed into the ship, bigger. The night air was cold and filled with the smell of upcoming rain.
Tivon ignored the shivers moving down his body. He should've gone inside, still he couldn't seem to get himself to move. Even as the rain started pouring down on him, he didn't move. His head was still leaning against the railing. He flinched as thunder struck near them.
I really should get inside. He sighed and looked up, hand reaching to the railing. Tivon noticed something on the horizon. He quickly went to his feet and looked closely. Despite the dark night and heavy rain, he could see something moving towards them.
"Nick!" He shouted and looked at him. To his surprise, he actually looked at Tivon. "There is something moving towards us."
"Don't be stupid, no one sails these seas."
He turned back to the helm.
"I'm serious Nick! There is s- "
And then in a spur of the moment a cannonball hit the ship, the impact of it sending everyone to the ground.
Elias stormed out of his cabin, his mask on, a sword already in his hand. "What was that?!"
Tivon opened his mouth to speak when someone shouted. "We've been attacked! The ship is approaching us."
Elias looked at Filp, who was standing beside Nick. "Whose ship is it?"
Filp moved the spyglass to his eye. "It's one of the royal army ships."
"Which kingdom?"
"The Kingdom of Naydawin."
"What?!" Screamed Tivon.
What are they doing here? Well, he knew that they were searching for both him and The Rose Sparrow, but why were they attacking them?
"Sail towards them." Elias said to Nick. "Prepare the cannons!"
Nick held the helm firmly and turned the ship sharply. Tivon slammed into the ship's railing.
"Wait, no." Tivon pulled himself away from the railing and ran to Elias. "You can't attack them. We are allies. Let me just talk to them."
Elias pushed him away. "Get out of my way!"
"Listen to me!" Elias stopped. "Let me talk to them. They know me." They were getting closer to the royal ship. "Please!"
Elias pulled out his other sword. "When I tell you, fire!"
"Elias!"
"Fire!"
Cannons started blasting from both sides. Tivon hid behind the mast. When the smoke disposed, both parties started jumping on each other ships. The sound of thunder and rain was quickly disturbed by screaming, pistols and blades slashing at each other. No. No. This was all wrong. This shouldn't be happening. They weren't supposed to attack each other.
Tivon took a knife in his hand and moved away from the mast. In a second, he came face to face with one of the commander of the kingdom's ships.
"Tivon?" Tivon opened his mouth to speak when the commander came to him and grabbed his shoulder. "Thank God you're alive."
Tivon pushed his hands off him. "Of course, I'm alive. Tell your man to stop attacking."
"What? No." He gripped his sword tighter. "Tivon, they kidnapped you. We should've never trusted The Rose Sparrow from the beginning. They were lying to us from the start."
"No, that's not true." Tivon was getting desperate. "I don't know how to explain, but they can't remember me."
"That makes no sense."
"I know. I ju- "
Tivon spotted Elias up on the Quarterdeck fighting off two men. One was approaching him from behind.
"Elias."
Tivon pushed the commander away and started running up the stairs. The ships were moving fast, and with the huge waves crashing into them, Tivon struggled to keep his balance. He didn't think when he got to them, he just slammed his body into Elias, knocking both to the ground, just as the man behind him drew his sword. They stopped attacking as soon as they recognized Tivon. Elias turned to him.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
"Saving your life!"
"I don't need your help!" He stood up, hand reaching for his pistol. They were quicker. Before Elias could grip his pistol, one of the royal guards crushed into him, pushing him into the sea.
"Elias!"
The other two reached their hands to Tivon, to help him get up. He pushed them away and ran to the railing. He couldn't see him through the massive waves.
"Elias!" He screamed through the rain.
The man reached his hand towards him. "Tivon."
"Get away from me!"
They took a step back. Tivon turned back to the railing. He should jump. He needed to save Elias. He looked down at the water, his heart slamming against his chest. He could feel every inch of his chest scar. The smell of gunpowder became more defined. The pressure on his chest increasing, making his heart race even more. His body started to shake. He gripped the railing, digging his nails into the wood. Tivon was aware of every inch of his body, the aching of his scar the most unbearable.
Suddenly the cannon hit the back of the ship, the force of it sending Tivon over the rail.
Time slowed down for him as he fell towards the water.
He stopped breathing.
His heart stopped beating.
And then as his back slammed against the water, spreading pain through his body, a familiar cold embrace hugged his body. A wave swallowing him, pushing him down the deep sea. It felt too familiar.
The coldness, the pressure, the water slowly entering his lungs.
And as the water pushed him deeper and deeper, the corners of his visions started to darken. As he let one final breath filled with salty water, his whole vision turned black, and he was no more.