TW// PTSD, Panick attack, trauma, mention of ED
Tivon stared down at the water in a big circular bath, steam coming out of it. He sighed and carefully stepped into the bath. The water was pleasantly warm, but it still felt like the water was creeping into his skin. Tivon thought about the journey here - the figure he saw in the woods. He knew that it wasn't just a bird. It couldn't have been. But Elias hadn't seen anything. Maybe he was just imagining it.
He tried to calm down his breathing. In and out. He let the warm air fill his lungs and then he slowly let it out, repeating the process again. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and dunked his head underwater.
The water deafened the sound around him. He could only hear his heartbeat, beating through the water. His chest scar started to ache, and it felt like someone was tearing his skin apart with a knife. The pressure on his chest and ears increased, making his heart race even more. And even though he was holding his breath, he could smell the bittering smell of gunpowder.
Tivon yanked his head out of the water, his heart pounding in his ears. His body started to shake. Calm down. He breathed in. Nothing happened. He breathed out. You're safe. In. You're alive. Out.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the edge of the bath.
Tivon felt a gentle kiss on the cheek. He opened his eyes to see Elias. "Lost in thoughts?" He dropped in the water beside him. Tivon smiled as his face heated up. Elias relaxed his body, leaning back.
"Well, we're finally alone."
"What do you mean alone? We were alone yesterday."
Elias glanced at Tivon. "Cornelis was there."
Tivon moved closer. "And now, the whole kingdom is here." He brushed his fingers over his collarbone, down his dark skin, leaning closer, their noses touching.
"Yes, but we're alone..."
Tivon brushed his lips against his. "Mhmmm?"
"Here."
It was barely a whisper when Elias pressed his lips to Tivon's. He reached down at his waist and pulled him into his lap. Tivon cupped his face and pulled him deeper onto his lips. Elias' hands travelled smoothly down Tivon's back, down his hips, down his thigh.
"I think the bedroom would be much more fitting than water."
Elias chuckled under his breath. "Dorea wouldn't be happy to hear this."
Tivon smirked, turned around and leaned on Elias' chest. "What did you talk about with Ivan?"
He leaned his head on his shoulder while Elias wrapped his hands around him. "Nothing important. I just need to take care of one ship later."
"I want to come with you."
Elias brushed his nose against Tivon's neck. "I know. I want you with me. But if I kidnap you, Cornelis will murder me."
"You want to kidnap me?"
"Might give me more time with you, before Cornelis finds out."
"She would definitely murder you." Laughed Tivon.
"Leave the room for the holy spirit!" Tivon and Elias jumped apart as Rea sat down in the water between them, her long hair falling down her chest. "The holy spirit, of course, being me."
"Don't you know how to knock!?" Shouted Elias.
Tivon giggled as he saw Elias' whole face turn bright red. He wasn't used to Rea sabotaging one's personal space. Rea smiled and put her hands round Elias and Tivon's shoulders, pulling them into a hug. "No. I didn't want to disturb your conversation."
"Mhmmm? Didn't want to disturb our conversation? How thoughtful of you."
"Yes." She said proudly. "So, how's life?"
"Mine is quite-"
Started Elias, but Rea cut him off. "Not you. I see you almost every week and you constantly talk about yourself." She looked at Tivon. He could see her satisfied smile as she just cut off Elias.
"Me?"
"Yes Tivon, you. How is your life going? How is Cornelis?"
"Good." Said Tivon awkwardly.
"Just good?"
Tivon nodded. "What about you?"
"Me?" Her cheeks turned pink as she looked away. Tivon could see that she was avoiding his look. "It's been great. You know, being almost a Queen of two big, really big kingdoms." The silence fell heavy on them. Rea sighed. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you two." Her voice was quiet, apologetic. "I know you get so little time for yourself..." She hugged her knees to her chest. "Maybe I'm just a little jealous."
Tivon and Elias looked at each other. Tivon sat closer to her and took her hand. "You'll find the right one." He smiled.
"You know, it took me twenty-one years to find Tiv." Said Elias.
She looked at him. "That's a long time."
"Worth the wait." Tivon smiled as Elias looked at him. He then leaned back on the edge. "You'll find the one who will seduce you, don't worry."
Tivon's face heated up so much that he thought it was going to burn off.
"Seduce me?" Asked Rea, her smirk getting bigger.
"Like Tivon did." They looked at him and he wanted nothing more than just drown himself in the water. "He's very good at it."
"Okay." Tivon stood up and exited the bath, wrapping himself in a towel. "Didn't you say there will be dinner?"
Rea looked at Elias and they burst out laughing.
"Okay. I'll meet you in the dining room." Said Tivon storming out of the bathing room.
"Ivan is not joining us?" He looked at the table filled with various foods and only three plates. Rea sat down, pouring herself a glass of wine. "He had to sail off to Leeside. I was supposed to go, but he offered to go instead of me."
She offered the wine to Elias, but he just nodded off. Instead, she filled Tivon's cup. "So where are you and Cornelis staying?"
"Close to Aramore. There's a wooden house by the cliffs."
"Sounds nice."
"Yeah." He sighed. "I'm just glad we're not staying on her island. That island is literally in the middle of nowhere."
"She has her own island?" Asked Elias.
"Well, it's not hers, but if you'd try to take it away from her, she wouldn't hesitate to stop your heart."
"She does not mess around, does she?"
Tivon laughed. "Yeah." He looked at his glass. "But she's not all that bad."
He knew she rejected the world just as the world rejected her. Still if you let her be, you could see that she was not that bad. There was good in her and Tivon knew he wouldn't be here without her. He owed her a lot. For his life and his pain.
"When is your coronation?"
Rea almost choked on her food. "Umm, other countries and kingdoms need to recognize me as one first. And I need to do some work before that."
"I have no doubt they won't mind you being Queen." Said Tivon.
"Yeah..."
Elias broke the silence. "What about your bow?"
"My bow?"
"Have you practised like I told you?"
"You don't tell me when I should practice." She waved a fork towards him. "And besides, there is too much work. I hadn't got the time."
Tivon couldn't help but noticed how little Rea had eaten off her plate and how pale she looked. "Rea?" She looked up. "Is everything okay?"
She quickly put on a smile. "Yes. Of course, it is. Why?"
"Nothing. Just asking." He looked outside the window. It was already dark, and it had to be passed midnight already. "We should head to bed." Elias and Tivon sat up. "Are you not going?"
"I still have work to do. You two can sleep in my bedroom." Said Rea. "The bed in your room is too small. It can't handle both of you."
"Excuse me?!" Said Elias baffled.
Tivon took his hand. "Rea, it's okay. My bedroom will be enough."
She took the glass of wine in her hand. "Fine, but if the bed breaks, it's not my fault."
Tivon pulled Elias outside the room, before he could say anything back to Rea. When he closed the door Elias asked. "Was she body shaming us?"
"What? No, Elias. She didn't mean it in that way."
"Then what-" Tivon saw the realization hit his face. "Oh...Oh!" Eliass grin widened as Tivon dragged him up the stairs.
His room brought up so many memories. Good and bad ones. He couldn't help himself, but to feel nostalgic. This room was always his safe space, even after the accident. Regardless of all the nights he would wake up in pain, his body shaking from shock, he still felt safe.
Elias removed his shirt and bandana, letting down his hair and laying on the bed. He looked at Tivon, still standing by the door. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." He quickly moved towards him and sat beside him. "Just a lot of memories."
He noticed some dry Hyssopy flowers in a vase on the bedside table. He could feel his heart quickened. Elias reached for his hand. "Are you sure?"
Tivon smiled and nodded. He laid beside Elias and looked up at the ceiling. Elias was brushing his fingers against Tivon's hand as he tried to calm down his heart and failing. Elias laid on the side to look at him. "Do you want to hear a story?"
Tivon looked at him. "Your stories never make sense."
"If you don't want to hear it, tell me."
"Go on."
Elias propped his head on his arm. "Once there lived this girl that nobody liked."
"And why is that?"
"Shhhh. Don't interrupt me." Tivon smiled and looked back up at the ceiling. "Nobody liked her because she was so smart. She knew everything. The town didn't like her, because she knew more than them, so they banished her to a lonely island. Nobody came to visit or rescue her in years. Until someday a boy was washed up on the shore. He was wounded and barely alive. She helped him and they lived together on that island for the rest of their lives."
"That's it?" He looked at Elias. "That's the story? What was the point of it?"
"To calm you down."
Tivon didn't even notice that his heartbeat had slowed down. He sighed and closed his eyes. "And what did they do on that island?"
"Hmmm, that I could only show you." He leaned over him into a kiss.
"Oh, you poor, desperate being." Tivon closed his eyes and surrendered to the kiss. Elias always made him feel so safe. He made him feel like nothing could happen to him if he stayed in his embrace. He felt a slight tic in his left eye. Elias parted away and Tivon opened his eyes to look at Elias eyes.
But he didn't see the familiar deep set blue. No, the eyes were light blue almost white. Blond hair fell over her shoulder and her bright red lips curled up into a smile, blood spilling out of the corner of it. "Hello Tivon." Said Alieana.
Tivon screamed and pushed her off him. His body started to shake uncontrollably, and his breathing became uneven.
"Tiv?"
Tivon looked to where Alieana was, but there was only Elias. Tears started to gather in Tivon's eyes. "Elias?"
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't steady his shaking body. Elias slowly reached his hands towards him. "Tivon, it's me."
Tears poured down Tivon's face. "Elias, I-I..." He tried to catch his breath, clear his mind, but there was only fear and panic. Elias put his hand on his.
"It's okay Tivon. It's just me."
Tivon tried to focus on Elias' worried eyes. "I... I'm s-sorry." He jumped into his arm, burying his head into his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Elias hugged him closer. "Shhhh, Tivon. It's okay. Everything is okay."
"N-no, it's not." Sobbed Tivon. "I saw h-her. I saw Alieana."
Tears wouldn't stop pouring out of him. Elias caressed his hands over Tivon's shoulder in slow circles. "It's okay Tivon. It's just me. She's not here. You're okay. Just breath with me." Tivon tried to focus on Elias' steady breathing. Elias continued gently stroking his back. "There you go, like that. Everything is fine."
Tivon swallowed down his tears. "This has never happened to me." He breathed in. "I sometimes see them in my dreams, but why-" The tears came back. "Elias, I'm so sorry."
Elias hugged him tighter. "It's not your fault Tivon. You don't have to be sorry for anything."
"But I p-pushed you away. I saw her in y-you… Oh God, not in you."
"That wasn't your fault." Elias leaned against the wall, letting Tivon lay on his chest, still holding him tightly. He brushed his fingers down his arm.
"I have nightmares too." Said Elias quietly. "I see you on that ship, the knife in your heart." He hugged him tighter. He lowered his voice, so it was barely a whisper. "I can't get the image of the knife going through your chest out of my head. It keeps me awake all night. And when we're apart it's even harder, because sometimes the dreams feel so real that I think you really are dead and I can't make sure if you are alive, because you're not there."
Tivon never thought about how hard it must be for Elias. He thought about himself being the only one with nightmares. Tivon hugged him tighter. He just wanted for both of them to be okay. Tivon slid his hand on Elias back, but as soon as he felt the first scar, he quickly took his hand away.
"It's okay Tivon." He took his hand and placed it back on his back. "It doesn't bother me." Tivon still couldn't. He knew that Elias trusted him, but it still felt too violating to touch his back.
"It does. I can see it. The breeze going through your hair, when you lean against a wall, when someone bumps into your back. I see it."
Elias paused for a moment and then let out a shaky breath. "I thought you wouldn't notice it. It's just- It's just the thought that she's still alive."
"You know we can't kill her. We mustn't."
"I know." He whispered. "I know. But I don't think I'll ever be okay till she's dead. And even then..." He held Tivon closer. "The wound is too deep."
Tivon reached for his hand and held it in his. "You'll be okay." He brushed his fingers through a black ring on Elias' finger. "We'll both be. Some day." He pressed his lips to it and whispered. "I promise."