Do you really even deserve the title of my father?
Do you genuinely believe that after leaving, after making me lose hope in everything I ever believed in, making me see everything a normal child shouldn't see or go through, you deserve to show up again and taunt me for becoming who I am?
Is it my fault for believing that everyone I meet now leaves because of how much of a burden I've become? How do you think it made me feel being the mother and father to a sister who didn't even know how to spell her own name?
How do you think it made me feel not being able to sleep at night thinking if their mother would be alive the next day?
And then you show up and change everything. Stating that you've done nothing wrong. But you have, father of mine. The day you left I lost all my respect for you and all the admiration I ever had for you.
Where were you when I needed you?
when I needed a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, where were you when I needed someone to call a father?
Time and time again I believed in the best parts of you, the naive little girl who would rush to hug your legs whenever you came home from work. The little girl who drew cards for you every time you'd have to go away on business trips for weeks. The little girl who thought her father could take on the world for her. little did she know he'd be the very reason why she cries herself to sleep for years ahead of her.
Like a child being told the tooth fairy isn't real, reality slapped me across the face, exposing my heart to your bubble of lies. I believed in you so much. so much it physically hurt to see you leave.
Are you happy now?
For all the love I had towards you. for all the patience and hurt I kept to myself to protect you. was it worth it? was losing me worth it? Do you even care? My pride wouldn't let me believe you'd let me down, defending you when nobody else did, playing the responsible older sister, the eldest daughter's role like a soldier in battle.
I hope you're happy with the decisions you've made.
I'll never forgive you.