Chereads / I BECAME THE VILLAIN OF A NOVEL / Chapter 29 - Losing myself is more than hell.

Chapter 29 - Losing myself is more than hell.

"One, two, haah, three, haah, haah…"

Currently, I'm doing push ups but there's a twist. 

"Lass, we're only starting and yet you're already breathing hard, come on, put more spirit into this," said Alexandra.

"It's impossible, professor," I said, complaining.

"Stop complaining and just do it, lass," said the red haired woman behind me.

My brows creased as I glanced over my shoulders behind me. "Haah, this would be much easier if you weren't sitting on my back, professor," I said then I continued to push myself up and down.

"Don't be ridiculous, lass, I'm helping you build up your core," Alexandra stated. "Come on, continue counting."

My mouth twitched as I pushed myself up. "Remind me again why am I doing this?" I said.

I glanced over my shoulder again as I looked at Alexandra. The red haired woman grinned as she continued to sit pretty at my back with Pula flopped down beside her.

"Naturally, to build up your core, so your body will not burst out and explode when you finally use mana, and additionally, one of your attributes is earth," Alexandra answered.

"And how is my earth attribute related to doing push-ups?" I said, puzzled and skeptical.

"What comes into your mind when you say earth?" Alexandra asked instead.

My brows furrowed with her question. "Well, earth is soil, ground, uhm, mud…?" I said unsurely as my furrowed brows deepened in confusion. 

"You're not wrong, but it's also not correct," said the red haired woman.

"What is it then?" I said confusedly.

"Earth is heavy, solid, and strong," Alexandra stated.

"Alright…?" I said. "How is this related to what I'm doing then?"

"Lass, you're a slow dense person, aren't you?"

My brows knitted as I opened my mouth to complain, but Alexandra started talking again, so I closed my lips to listen.

"Didn't I say to you that I will make you familiarise yourself with your attributes in one week?" Alexandra said.

"Yes," I replied.

"This is it," Alexandra said. "If you want to know which is which when you're finally using mana, you have to know how your attribute feels like, you know, some people even went on trying to taste their own attribute in order for them to get the sense of it," the red haired woman explained.

I took a deep sigh as I retracted my gaze. "Right," I said.

"Don't forget that mana is a mysterious form of energy, it is not something easy to be controlled or used, using mana doesn't only require the user to have a high mental focus, every magic user needs to have good physique and a solid foundation lest they want to explode in mana-overload," Alexandra stated as she added. 

"Got it," I replied as I gritted my teeth, moving my arms to push my body up and down.

"Good," Alexandra mumbled behind me.

Sweats dripped on my nose, dropping to the ground. I breathed heavily as I panted, pushing my body up and down. Both of my arms wobbled weakly as I tried to complete the task that Alexandra gave me. 

This went on until I completed 100 push-ups.

"Ninety-eight, haah, haah, ninety-nine, one, haaah…hundred, haah…"

My body flopped to the ground, and I felt my back becoming light as Alexandra stood up from sitting behind me.

I smiled to myself, feeling happy with my little achievement. I thought I couldn't do it since this body felt so weak, and I have never done this even in my original world. Yet, here I am, done with it.

"Great, now stand up for the next step," Alexandra said beside me, offering her hand. 

I groaned as I took Alexandra's hand and weakly stood up. 

What came next is another hurdle for me to overcome. The red haired woman made me run for an hour or so with tied heavy stones on my arms, legs, and waist. 

She made me do sit-ups. Made me lift heavy stones. Made me climb up and down trees. Made me crawl and roll on the mud. Made me taste soil like eww, but Alexandra insisted and I resisted the urge to just give up everything. 

Afterwards, the sky slowly grew dark and Alexandra made me take a quick break. There was already a small bonfire, so I sat near it, leaning my back on the trunk of a tree.

I blinked as drowsiness came to my body, feeling exhausted and tired. Pula came to my lap, nuzzling near me. I smiled as I rubbed its red furs.

My stomach growled, and I glanced at Alexandra. I don't know when she started cooking that meat or where she got that meat from, but it's making me more hungry. 

I gulped and found my throat feeling thirsty.

I watched as the red haired woman started eating the grilled meat by herself, and afterwards, she drank some water on her leather water flask then plastered an evil grin at me.

"I'm hungry and thirsty," I blurted.

Alexandra's smile deepened as she said, "your next task is to learn how to hunt."

I frowned and said, "I don't know how."

"Then you'll starve," Alexandra replied indifferently as she continued to eat by herself.

I sighed as I took the small purple carrot that Pula gave me earlier. I hid it inside my coat's pocket just in case Pula got hungry again. I looked down at Pula, and Pula started to drooled. 

With a deep sigh, I gave it to Pula. Pula happily accepted, eating the small purple carrot.

"Why did you give it to that little one?" Alexandra asked, puzzled.

I glanced at her and said, "why not?"

"Aren't you hungry?" Alexandra said, looking at me weirdly.

"I am," I replied as I nodded.

"Then why?" Alexandra asked again.

My brows furrowed at her. "Why what?"

The red haired woman sighed then she shook her head. "Never mind," she said.

I shrug and said, "okay."

After a while, Alexandra stood up and glanced at me. "Come on, I'll teach you how to hunt," said she, beckoning to me.

I smiled and took Pula in my arms as I followed after Alexandra.

"Lass, do you know where to find food and water when in the forest?" Alexandra asked as she led me down the hill. 

"In rivers and streams, I guess?" I answered.

"Correct, and where to find them?" The red haired woman inquired.

My brows furrowed. "I don't know…" I mumbled.

Alexandra stopped as she stood, and I stopped as well with visible puzzlement on my face. The red haired woman stared at me then she sighed once more. I smiled helplessly at her.

"Alright, look here," Alexandra said. 

The red haired woman took her leather water flask, then she tilted her hand, and the water poured out from the flask. 

My eyes widened as I hurriedly said, "professor, why are you wasting water?"

"Lass, water flows down the hill just like what is happening to this water being poured out in the flask, so when I twist my hand back again…"

Alexandra then straightened her hold on the water flask, and the water stopped pouring out then she smiled at me and said, "see now? That's how water works, and the same could be said when we're in the forest. Now I'll ask you again, where do you think you could find water in this area?"

"Uh…downhills…?" I said unsurely.

Alexandra's smile deepened. "Correct," she said, looking proudly at me. "But, there are also other ways," she added.

"Like what?" I said curiously. 

After all, I have to know these things if I want to live a hermit life in a faraway forest. 

"You can just simply head where there are a lot of plants, since plants won't survive without water, so naturally, water should also be there," Alexandra replied. 

I nodded with my mouth in awe as I became enlightened. 

"Alright, off we go," the red haired woman said as she started walking. 

We walked downhills and found a herd of green deers drinking water on a stream. There are also plants around. 

"Halt your steps," Alexandra said as she raised her hand. It's a signal for me to stop moving, so I stop moving my legs and we hide behind the bush, squatting and kneeling the other knee on the drench ground.

Alexandra then turned to me and said, "Do you like deer meat?"

Is she telling me to hunt and kill those deers? 

My brows knitted at the red haired woman. "Are you saying we have to hunt those cute herds of deer?" I asked.

Alexandra clicked her tongue, shaking her head at me. "Lass, you aren't going to last in the forest if you keep this attitude," she said.

"I can eat plants instead," I suggested.

The red haired woman sighed at me as she stood up. "Fine, let's look for edible plants," she said.

Alexandra then told me what plants are edible and what plants are poisonous. Mostly, those that have white stripes, strokes, or dots are poisonous; that was the rule of thumb in avoiding poisonous plants in this world, which is pretty different from my original planet. After all, on earth, poisonous plants often have purplish or perhaps bluish colour on them, making them stand out and appealing. Meanwhile, purple plants or blue in this world are considered something normal to eat; like purple carrot, violet cabbage, and etc.

As Alexandra explained to me the rule of thumbs; I only nodded as I listened attentively. After a while, we gathered a lot of edible plants, fruits, mushrooms, and some vegetables. Pula and I started eating. I drank some water on the stream. 

It looks clear and free from debris, so I think it's safe to drink, but just to be safe; I still boiled the water from the stream before drinking it. I went and washed my face and hand as well since I'm covered with sweat and dirt.

Afterwards, Alexandra made me meditate, and before I knew it, I already fell asleep dreaming of my peaceful life in a faraway forest with Pula.

"Wake up, sleepy head!" 

I jolted awake and found Alexandra squatting beside me. 

"What's up?" I said, blinking around and wiping the saliva on the side of my lips.

The round moon is up while stars glowed as they twinkled on the vast canvast of the night sky. The weather is nice, which makes it a good time to sleep on these woodlands.

"It's still night, why did you wake me up?" I said, complaining to Alexandra.

The red haired woman sighed at me then said, "lass, why do you think we're in the forest?"

"Uhm, to train…?" I answered, tilting my head to the side, wondering my Alexandra asked such a question with an obvious answer. 

"That's right! To train!" Alexandra yelled suddenly.

Both Pula and I flinched; I felt my consciousness awakened at one hundred percent, feeling my heart thump terrified. 

The red haired woman then continued with a calmer voice, "sit up straight," she commanded.

I gulped nervously as I hurriedly sat up straight. While Pula hid behind me.

"Listen up lass, right now, I don't feel like training you anymore, I feel like you're just being forced into this, and that's not what I intend, I don't want to train someone who doesn't feel up for it," Alexandra said solemnly.

My eyes widened and I hurriedly said, "but I did what you told me professor, I…I did…"

"That's not the point," Alexandra interrupted, then she sighed again and stared at me helplessly. "I'm serious when I said I want to train you, and that's why I'm putting my soul into training you to the best of my ability, but it doesn't seem that we're of the same mind," the red haired woman said.

I gulped as I averted my gaze. 

Alexandra was right. I want to train but not as hard core as Alexandra wants. For me, I'm only training because I want to live a hermit life in the forest in the future, and hunting and killing is not included in those. 

"I won't force my ideal training anymore, but don't worry, I'll still train you nonetheless, so tell me, how exactly do you want to be trained?" 

I looked at Alexandra and she stared at me inquiringly. 

"I just want to learn skills that could protect me or someone, and…and…" I gulped hard as I took a deep sigh.

I gaze with a solemn face at Alexandra's inquiring one. "I want to learn how to survive in the forest without killing anything or anyone," I said honestly. "If possible."

"I see," Alexandra said, knitting her brows as she nodded with a complicated face.

I tilted my head to the side as I inquiringly asked, "Is it possible?"

Alexandra sighed as she nodded. "It's possible, I could train you with some skills that won't kill anyone; not even an insect."

Alexandra's brows knitted even more, frowning at me as she continued, "but this kind of living will make you suffer in the long run, and you need to train much harder than you did earlier, is that fine with you? Are you still willing to continue despite knowing that?" 

The red haired woman stared at me with probing dark eyes, glinting dangerously.

"I don't mind," I said as I shook my head lightly.

With unblinking eyes, I look at the red haired woman seriously as I solemnly stated, "as long as your training doesn't include anything that goes against any of my moral values, then I'm willing to undergo any hardships no matter how difficult it is."

Alexandra sighed helplessly once more, then she said, "alright, then be prepared because you'll start living a life of hell."

I held my breath as my heart tightened in my chest. Despite feeling scared, I still nodded affirmative at Alexandra. I have already decided, even if I have to go through hell, I won't change for this world. I rather die than lose who I am and what describes me; the soul inside this unfamiliar body. 

After all, that's all I have left of me after transmigrating in this world. If I go and change into someone else, I would lose what describes who I am. I won't be me anymore, and for me, that's more than hell. 

Losing myself is more than hell. And that scares more than death scares the shit out of me.