'I think we've come so far and…I think this is all am willing to offer back to you, why can't you take it because I guarantee you there will never be more
In the passing days, I look at Samantha and I feel the shame run all over me every time I catch a glimpse of her.
Her not being in my bed is also a sore reminder of how fucked up that I am.
I think at this pace I could use a little help from people experienced in the field of counseling and providing help and guidance to people in need of mental health support like I do.
Last Sunday keeps playing in my head all over and over again, I always wonder where I left my reasoning and where was my brain.
There are so many ways that could have gone different to prevent from it going like it went.
I snap out of my thoughts as my cell phone rings pulling me out of my daze.
I realize it's Tiffany, my half-sister but also Samantha's home tutor.
"Hello, Mr Royal." I want to only nod my head because I feel like I don't have words to say and she probably seems to catch up on it.
"I hope this is not a bad time at all?"
"No, what is going on? Is everything alright?"
"I hope, it all depends on how you take it." Now am intrigued.
"What is going on?"
"Mrs Adams told me she wants to push her examination days forward. We still needed like two months to cover the curriculum left for her to take her final exams so she could take a winter semester in college but today she just told me we use the two weeks we have to cover the curriculum we still have for her to take up the exams with the other student so she could take a summer semester. I wanted your input on this matter."
Okay, what is Samantha up to now?
I told her that I was not going to take it easy with her education but I knew if I told Tiffany to not fulfill her wishes I didn't even want to know what that would do to us.
"Mr Royal, are you still there?"
"Yes, Uhm listen Tiffany how do you rate her chances of winning given how you have been following her studies?"
"Mrs Adams is a very intelligent smart girl, I know she could not fail but I believe she would pass with straight A's if we kept on with the same plan like we had."
"Do what she asked for," I say without taking a moment when she confirms for me what I already know.
I worry that Samantha is doing this because she does not want to see me anymore, I mean I could not blame her.
I don't think I was even given a reason to want to be in my life and if she was to slip out of my fingertips due to my carelessness I know I have nobody else but me to blame but I would never forgive myself.
"Okay Mr Royal, we will do it like you both want. That's all I wanted to say. Have a good evening." She says and I excuse myself before we hang up.
I know it breaks my heart that Samantha asked this because I know it's probably due to the fight we had last Sunday, and now she wants to leave me. But never in a million years would I ever refuse her something she wanted even if it meant the price for it is to be my bleeding heartbroken heart, I would gladly sacrifice my heart.
My office intercom rings pulling me again out of my thoughts.
"Sir, your mother is here." As my secretary finishes up warning me, my office door is opened and a cheerful Amy Daniels is walking in.
"Well well well, if it wasn't for my favorite son, come and hug Mommy." I released a scoff but I still got on my feet and walked to kiss her on the cheek.
"Hello, mother." She beams.
"If it weren't for the star of Dan's empire." She says making me frown.
"I have been away in New York filming for the past few days but artists here, shareholders, executives would not shut up of the numbers you keep rising in this place. People here are gushing over you that you are making them big cashes that I gave them in months you are doing it in weeks already."
"Well that's because you were always filming and not giving the company your time." She smiles and brings her hands on my shoulders.
"True but lucky me I had a genius son with managing skills that I never knew you had by the way snoop right in and come for mommy's rescue." She says making me fight at every urge to roll my eyes at her words.
"Yeah lucky you mother, so what are you doing here? Are you here to gush over at me like everybody else?" She moves her head from side to side as she says.
"That and another one." I quirk my eyebrows in questioning.
"I made us a reservation I want to go and celebrate you."
"I have work to do," I say to her already turning around and going back in my seat.
"If you want we can invite Samantha, I miss her too." I raise my eyes and narrow them at her.
"Whatever tactics you play with Mother, you leave Samantha out of it."
"What makes you think am always playing, for God's sake Trenton I don't even have her number." She sighs and walks to take a seat in one of the two seats I have in front of my office table.
"Look, I just want to celebrate you, I want me and my son to have dinner to work through our issues. Is that so much for a mother to ask?" I scoff feeling agitated.
Where was this mother when I wanted her?
"I know it's past working hours Trenton, I wouldn't want to interrupt your work. Look I just got off set and flew through five traumatic hours from New York to come here to celebrate you. I will have to fly back tomorrow morning. Please don't make this for nothing?" I sigh annoyedly, for all I know she must be making it up because she is after all a Hollywood star.
"Better make it quick, I have a woman waiting for me at home." She beams at me getting on her feet and walking to me. "As quick as a lightning."
I walk out of my seat and walk with her out of my office. "Better call or text next time you want to pull something like this off."
"Duty noted sir." I turn to shake my head at her.
She has her arm tugged in mine and as we walk out of the office.
I feel annoyed when I realize the commotion mom brought here.
I clench my jaw annoyedly by the paps out there running after us for Amy's attention.
"Send me the location where you want to dine, I will follow you there in my car."
"No, let's go together. I will have someone bring your car to us." I look at the mess and sigh annoyedly as I keep following my mother to her car.
"Amy where are you going with your son?"
"Amy are you having troubles in your marriage because you gave your son your place in the Dan's empire instead of your stepdaughter?"
"How is the filming of Venture going?"
"Is it true you are getting divorced because of your son?"
I find myself relieving a relieved sigh once we make it to the car.
"How do you support a life such as that one?" I ask once we are in her car and one of her bodyguards goes behind the wheel and puts the car on the road.
"Sweetie it's nothing."
I scoff feeling glad inside of me for not choosing to live in such chaos.
"That was nothing, actually it's so harassing." She laughs. "Trenton, you forget that that's a job they are doing, they are striving to put food on their table, clothes on their body, and shelter over their head. They are doing theirs and I am doing mine. Paps are a very huge part of careers such as mine." I nod feeling good for not choosing such a lifestyle.
"What about what they said? Am I causing you troubles in your marriage?" Her look changes and she shifts uncomfortably.
"Mother."
"What? No. You are not causing anything, it's just the paps and stupid reporters stirring things up for clout." I keep my gaze on her wanting to see if either she is lying or if she is telling the truth.
"Why are so uncomfortable then?"
"Trenton, do you want me to share with you my marriage failures on how I think my husband is cheating on me? Or how he never satisfied me in bed since I met him like your father did?" I tense and blink feeling caught off guard.
"Charles is cheating on you?" I only focus on the first part because the latter is something I hate that I even heard. She shakes her head.
"Please, Trenton let's not talk about him. I want this night to be about only us." I nod and drop it.
I think she is right, apart from us not even being close. I know I don't have a right to ask her about her marriage.
She takes us to a restaurant a little far away from the office.
"The owner's daughter is a chef here, she is a very talented cook." I nod my head uncaringly.
"Oh there she is, she is beautiful too."
"Bella."
"Good evening Amy." I watch as she stands up and greets the Bella girl with a hug.
"Hello, darling, long time no see." The woman smiles sheepishly at my mother.
"My bad Amy, I have been so caught up in the restaurant work because we are planning on opening another Silver's restaurant in San Francisco but you also haven't been around much lately?"
"Oh, the business is growing."
"Yes, it seems like we finally have a chance to do so."
"Bella, meet my son by the way." I look at the woman and nod my head at her.
"Trenton, this is Bella Silver, she is the daughter of my friend Alphonso Silver, I do not think you remember him." She says to me then turns to Bella. "This is my son, Trenton Daniels Bella," I roll my eyes hating how she always refers to me by her last name like I am supposed to take it like that.
I get on my feet and raise my hand to Bella just being polite. "Kai Royal, nice meeting you."
I catch my mother frown at me using those names I presume but I don't care.
It hasn't always occurred to me to use Kai as my name but I love it when Samantha calls it to me.
"It's my pleasure."
"Now that the introductions are over, Bella what do you have for me?" I hear my mother ask.
"Trenton, may I take the honor of ordering for you?" I nod my head at my mother.
"Please." She beams at me and then orders her usual for both of us.
"So why the need to celebrate? This has never happened before?" I ask my mother once we've been left alone.
"Trenton can't you just suck it up and try to enjoy a time with a woman you only consider as one that gave birth to you and put everything else on the side." I shake my head fighting against a frown too.
"No, I can't. And I don't even think you have the power to ask that from me given our history. From your side you should know that it's considered hypocrisy."
She lowers her gaze when I say that but am sorry am not going to sit here and pretend all is right with my mother. She knows all is not.
She should know am not going to go through with what she wants because she also was not there when I wanted her most.
The food she ordered for us comes before she's said anything back to me.
It's such a torturous dinner, one you would prefer to have bread and water over it.
The food is good but the tension on the table makes it hard for someone to enjoy it.
We are served desserts but I think I have had enough high sugars for the night.
"Trenton am sorry, I… I feel so disgusted, so ashamed of my acts. What I did to you back then it's unexplainable and I am sorry that I do not also have a good reason to give to you for it, I know you might need one but I have none. Am horrible, am a mess, am a bad mother but I am selfishly asking for a second chance to prove you right?" I feel taken back by her confession because I really thought we were done with the talking and the dinner was way messed up for redemption.
"Please say something."
"I have nothing to say to you, Mother. The mess it's been made, it's…it's so deep still so fresh please don't make this harder for me than it already was." She nods her head but I don't think she gets it.
"I know it was not going to be easy but since you are here, I want to let you know that I won't stop fighting to be the mother you've always wanted. Am glad you are because am going to keep trying Trenton, am going to try and win you back son." I snort silently.
I look at her and run my fingers in my hair feeling agitated.
"What can't you just let it be like it is mother, I think we've come so far and…I think this is all am willing to offer back to you, why can't you take it because I guarantee you there will never be more." I hold her gaze wanting her to digest it but she shakes hers stubbornly.
"What I didn't do back then am going to do it now, am going to fight for you Trenton." I sigh knowing whatever it is nothing is going to take away the mess already made.
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