'The problem of pain is that I can not feel my father's and he can not feel mine. This, I suppose is also the essential mercy of pain.
Eula bliss.
JEALOUS IN MY SISTER'S EYES.
Sometimes we feel the happiness and joy for those people around us, when they win it's like it's our win, but what happens when some happiness is for only them and not for us to be happy. Instead of making us happy, they tear down what made us happy.
Barney Adams is a politician and his family has been nothing more than being so supportive of his work.
He is an American diplomat and he loves his work and so does his family.
He is always been an ambitious man who knew when it was time to work and when to prioritize his family, his work has never bothered his family or ever crossed paths to ever bother one another until now.
It was almost the end of the summer break when all it took was one announcement for Barney Adams to change his post of a diplomat to another post of being an ambassador in an American embassy.
The news wasn't taken badly when everyone in the family heard of it. Everybody, friends, families, and neighbors were all celebrating the news because it was a huge step and a big role he was taking.
But that happiness was not long-lived because the next day the man's family got to learn that Barney Adams was replacing the former ambassador of the embassy of America in Rwanda, as the former one was no longer breathing the breath of life.
It's then that you realize that those happy moments that were around you weren't yours because they suddenly turned into bittersweet.
Samantha Lily Adams.
"Dad, you can't do this to us?" He ignores me and keeps on going through his files, writing and signing where it is needed, as if am not standing in front of him at all.
"Lily Samantha leave your father to work in peace." My mother walks into the home office of my father behind me saying that and I don't turn around to see if Savannah is behind her too because her perfume already answers that for me to know that she is there too.
"Not when he can't come back to his senses ma!" I protest like a spoiled brat that I know I am which earns me a warning look from my mother.
But at this point I don't care about crossing boundaries anymore.
I am seeking attention from my parents so much, I just want them to hear me and understand me, am in that state of mind when you feel the desperateness overcrowding all your other senses of reasoning.
It was yesterday that we were celebrating my dad's win and I was so happy for him but I don't think I can keep being happy when no one is getting my concerns too.
I know he loves his job so much and it always inspired me too, I also wanted to grow up and get a job that I loved as my father does and be perfect at it like him but not now, not now when he is forgetting about his kids. I mean does he not love us anymore?
I turn to my mother to keep on my protest at her as she is the only one giving me what I want now.
"Mom listen to me! I need you guys to call your thinking cells back to your brains and understand what I am telling you. Mom, I am so happy for the achievements of my father and those that you guys made together but so is my life ma!?
I am proud of my life and I don't want to follow you guys to that sick continent or whatever it is but don't get me wrong Mom, because am not a racist or anything. Am all over with the #black lives matter because they do, they are like us and they deserve nothing but to be respected but Mom...!?" I choke in between my words out of frustration, God am desperate, why can't I be heard, what changed really?
Something like this has never happened in our household before. I need to get a grip of myself, am a mess but it's all because of my parents and if I run mad or insane, gosh better write it down on their bodies.
I sigh as I turn around to see if I have my dad's attention but no, I don't even have his attention still. It's like we are not in his office at all and he has been like this ever since he got that post.
I am not seeing the same old dad that I grew up seeing.
I turn back to my mother and she is looking at me with pity and sadness in her eyes and it makes me wonder if she is feeling me or if it's just motherly support.
I turn to stare at my twin sister and she is standing there chewing on her gum like she came in here to watch a movie or more like supervise a show.
I walk up to her and shake her by her shoulders a little.
"I mean Sav please say something. Talk sense with me to them, we are only seventeen, and next year it will be our last year in high school,
So if they are dying to go to that continent so be it, they can go and we can stay here and look after ourselves, it is only for a year anyway before we go to college."
"Shut up." I flinch at the sound which comes with a bang of my father's hand slamming on the table and so do Savannah and my mother.
I turn around to look at him only to find him standing, not sitting anymore.
I watch as he slowly leans forward supporting his weight on his palms that are on the edge of his office table that he is working on.
We all look at him and am not going to lie because he looks intimidating but I can't give in just yet, not when I am getting what I wanted after all, instead I feel like smirking to myself.
By the look he is sending my way I know I should feel terrified but me being me I don't go where others want, I go where I want and that's why I know my inner self is jumping up in excitement that we finally have his attention.
"Enough is enough! Lily Samantha I don't want to hear another word from your mouth, you have no say or choice in this, and remember that I am still your father. Whatever I say you do, Y-O-U- D-O you hear me?" He quirks his eyebrows at me and I know that he is making sure that I am getting what he is saying very loud and clear which I just roll my eyes at it.
But I guess that happens to make him angrier than he already is because he slams his hand over the table again.
"And I am not allowing this kind of behavior of yours. In two days we are leaving for Rwanda,
Go pack your bags or don't it's up to you because we are leaving either way but for now, you are grounded till I say you are not anymore, your phone, and laptop here, and even more you are not allowed to say bye to your friends. Now out?" I scoff loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Tears start pouring out of my eyes like a river flowing down in a lake.
With a last glance at my father, I storm out of his office crying myself out,
Never in my life did I ever picture my father and I fighting like this.
All of this is new to me and I so fucking hate it and it kills me to remember that it's all still in the beginning.
I have 365 days to overcome ahead of me, am going to leave everything behind for a year.
Seriously what does this year have in store for me?
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