It all started with one letter. It all started with the letter that he had sent as a joke.
The letter was lying around on top of the kitchen table. On the surface, an unknown script neatly spelled out, "Satomi Kouichi-sama". Kouichi flipped over the envelope, a piece of bread left over from the morning's breakfast dangling from his mouth. He couldn't find the sender's name. Thinking that it was a suspicious DM(Direct Mail), he carelessly ripped the letter open.
< Greetings,
Pardon me. Thank you for your letter. >
Kouichi cocked his head curiously. For the last few years, he had written nothing but seasonal greetings and get-well-soon letters.
< I'd like to meet you. >
He couldn't tear his eyes away. It was as if his gaze was nailed to the spot. Confused, he ran up to his room on the second floor, tightly clutching the letter in his hands.
"Stop running in the house; it's noisy!"
His mother's angry voice, which was louder than his stompings, rang throughout the house. He locked his room's door and spread the letter open, the tips of his fingers trembling.
< I will wait for you this week Sunday, 2 PM at coffee shop "Malrene", located at 2nd floor of Haruka building, next to Kase Station's main street. >
The corners of his mouth loosened up and his face became a bright red. He was sick and tired of hearing about other guys who received "love letters", but Kouichi himself never received a love confession, much less a love letter, even though he was already a high school sophomore.
This was the first time in his life. He read up to the last line (meanwhile, Kouichi's mind quickly went through the faces of all the girls he have met up til now, concentrating on the cute ones) and then he thought something was wrong with his eyes.
< Itou Hirokazu >
No matter how many times he stared at it, it didn't change from "Itou Hirokazu". There was a slight problem... actually, a huge problem with it being a girl's name.
He started to read the letter all over again.
< I like you. I'd like to meet you. >
Words that made him happy to the verge of tears were written there.
But it's Itou Hirokazu.
"Hey, that's not even funny..."
His masculine pride that had bloated up sank down to the ground in a matter of seconds. Of course, he knew himself better than anyone else did. He was nearly 180 centimeters and his face was okay, but somehow girls didn't really like him. It may be because of his relaxed personality. He wasn't popular at all.
"Something is different about Satomi. Like, he doesn't push a girl to the edge... He's boring."
Girls seemed to think that guys' hearts are made out of steel. The carelessly tossed comment hurted Kouichi's feelings deeply.
Thanks to the letter, he was reminded of his short-comings. He was beyond getting pissed off. It was at a point where he became depressed, so he harshly wrinkled up the letter.
*
The sun sets quickly in winter. After school, while he was being lectured by his homeroom teacher Iwamoto, the surroundings became completely dark. Kouichi returned to his classroom to retrieve his coat and bookbag. Seeing the cold classroom devoid of all other students, he sighed heavily.
Why the hell did mathematics exist? He knew there was no point in continuing to angst about it, but... Since he was little, Kouichi and math totally didn't get along. But they had always been careful around each other and up til now their relationship wasn't that bad, but with yesterday's pop quiz, they completely broke up. At his score that was way below the passing grade, his homeroom teacher clutched his head, too upset to even get mad.
Not only was he not into math to start with, but he didn't feel like studying at all that day. It was the day that he received the letter.
"Hey, there you are, Satomi."
His classmate, Endou Minori, suddenly popped her head in at the other end of the exit door.
"What were you doing all this time?"
He uneasily laughed and changed the topic. He was too embarrassed to admit that he had to see the teacher because his quiz grade was so horrible.
Endou walked up to Kouichi's desk and looked up at her classmate, who was at least a head taller than her, with huge eyes.
Her long hair was neatly braided into two braids. Her small and thin body looked good in their school uniform, which was checkered coat. Her face, rather than being beautiful, was cute. More than anything else, she had pretty eyes.
But she was called the weird girl by their classmates. She liked reptiles, so it seemed that she had lots of pets of that sort.
"So, I heard a letter came?"
Who the hell went around, babbling that?! He shuddered at the question he heard again and again since yesterday and answered.
"Yeah, it came."
"Then let me see."
With her eyes full of interest, she held out a hand.
"No way."
"Can't you at least give me a little peak?"
She puffed up her cheeks.
"I threw it away."
"Huh? No way! Why?"
"I talked it over with Kakimoto and decided. We were just having some fun, but that other guy was probably for real. You can't mess around with other people's feelings."
"I know that, but... You didn't really throw it way, did you?"
She looked at Kouichi, looking like she couldn't just let it go. Come to think of it, the reason why he got the love letter from a man was because of "Endou". Kouichi lightly sighed so that the little devil wouldn't notice.
A month ago, Tanaka brought a homosexual magazine to their school. At that time homosexualism was the hottest issue both in TV shows and newspapers, so everyone had fun with the magazine that Tanaka said he picked up from the train station.
The book contained photos of half-naked macho man in different poses. To a healthy male high school student, it was just about as helpful to his life as a health textbook. Endou was mixed in with the boys, reading the book with them.
What really cracked them up was the pen pal section.
-Wanted: Sweet Older Man-
-I'm looking for a ○○ who can really show my cute ★★ a good time-
The obviously seductive lines like those were so funny that they laughed their asses off.
"Guys, do you want to try writing a letter?"
Endou was the one who spoke up.
"We can't do long distances. He won't write back if we're not close enough."
"This guy's close to us. He's right next town."
"But he's just normal. He's not funny."
『I am a 27-year-old office worker. I'm looking for a hard-working, kind person. My hobby is reading, so I will be happy if we can discuss books together. -Itou- 』
They wrote the letter while laughing. They wrote all kinds of crap, like I'm a 22-year-old college student, I love reading, if you're interested in someone like me I'd like to go out with you, etc.
On the way back home, Endou asked for Kouichi's address.
"Can I send it using Satomi's address?"
"Sure, whatever."
That's what he sid, but he had completely forgotten about it.
He never thought in a million years that Endou would really send the letter, not to mention the guy would actually answer back to him.
"No way, no way, totally no way."
Her prettily-shaped eyebrows became wrinkled, which made her look a little angry.
"I already said you can't."
"But I'm the one who sent the letter."
Kouichi glanced down at Endou.
"I have no problems showing it to you, but I know you're going to ask to go see him next."
"I've never seen a real gay guy before, so I want to go see him."
"Well, I don't."
"Oh, boo hoo."
When Endou clung to Kouichi's arm, it felt like he brushed against the swelling of her breasts, so he didn't know what to do. His heart started to beat rapidly.
"Pretty please? Let me see just once."
She gazed at him with her huge eyes. When she asked if she could send the letter under his name, Endou was looking at him just like this. So without thinking about it, he told her to do whatever she wanted. Kouichi loudly sighed.
"...You can't tell the other guys."
Endou's face brightened right away.
"I mean it."
She tightly grabbed Kouichi's hand. Her hand was small and cold.
"I'll take you out to go see him. But just for a little while, and from far away."
"Okay."
"You can't tell other people."
"I get it."
"I'm supposed to meet him at two at a coffee shop, so let's meet up somewhere else before that."
"Okay."
Endou smiled. He was doing great. He was going to say carelessly, "Let's go home together", but she looked at her watch and gave a small cry.
"I made Miyuki wait at the entrance and I completely forgot about her..."
Before he had a chance to call her back, she left the classroom.
At the door she turned back and waved, so Kouichi hurriedly raised his right hand. Endou was a weird girl. She liked reptiles and wanted to see gays. But Kouichi was growing quite fond of that weird girl.
*
He wore T-shirt and jeans, and over that he wore a corduroy jacket. His shoes were Converse. He had been waiting for Endou in front of the Kase Station for the last thirty minutes. Just when he started to suspect that she was standing him up after all that fuss about wanting to go see, he saw Endou at the train platform.
Endou, who was looking this way and that, finally found Kouichi and ran over to him. She was wearing water-colored sweater that tightly fitted her body and a white skirt beneath that. The same colored over-jacket was tied around her waist.
"I'm sorry for being late."
Her straight hair silkily rustled. Her lips were glazed with pink. Kouichi stared at her, unable to say anything. Endou tilted her head this way and that, looking confused with his look. He finally snapped back to the real world, nervously noticing her look.
"Should we go?"
"Okay."
They walked side by side. He suddenly wondered how others were seeing them. He lowered his head a little and walked, looking at Endou's profile. Would other people think that they were going out?
His tender feelings couldn't be described, happiness and embarrassment all mixed together.
As if throwing cold water on his light-heartedness, Kakimoto's face flashed across his mind. Kakimoto was the first person he talked to in regards to the strange letter. Kakimoto and he were friends even before they were out of their diapers. They attended junior high and high school together. They were completely unseparatable friends.
He was the valedictorian, being the owner of an impressive brain. His face was well-shaped and his words were harsh. He said, "Throw that way."
"There's nothing we can do about a letter that already came, but we can't do anything about his waiting for us, either. Not only is it a horrible hobby to go see him and having fun at his expense, it's terrible manners."
Kouichi thought like Endou that it would be okay to just have a look at him, but at Kakimoto's words, he couldn't say, "I want to go see him."
Kakimoto was always right. He almost pissed him off at how he was always right. But when Endou begged him, more than his regards for what is proper, his curiosity got the better of him.
To be honest, he wanted to become closer to Endou, using the "man" as an excuse.
I threw the letter way. I'm not going to go see that guy.
That's what he told Kakimoto and everyone else. So now he felt guilty about secretly coming to see the man. So even if he saw the man who sent the letter to him at the restaurant, he won't tell Endou. He was just going to keep it to himself.
They had a little trouble because it was hard to find the entrance to the promised location. Ten minutes after 2 PM, the two of them pushed open the door of 「Marlene」.
It wasn't a big shop, but it didn't feel narrow and cluttered, perhaps because the tables were spaced quite widely. The sephia-themed interior of the place felt comfortable, and jazz flowed throughout the store at a sound level that didn't get on one's nerves.
It somehow felt like it was a 「Store For Adults Only」, so the two of them quickly settled at a seat near the cash register. Kouichi carelessly observed the window seats that the man had mentioned. All seats next to the windows were taken. The right side was taken by a middle-aged office worker, and left seat was taken by a couple. They were out of the question.
In the middle there was a sophisticated man clad in black. He looked uneasy like a pimp, and he looked like he would be annoying. He looked about mid-twenties. He was certain that that was the man who sent the letter. But his image didn't match with what he had imagined from the letters. He had written that he enjoyed reading, so he was thinking of someone more quiet.
Weird, he thought, while continuing to observe the man. In the letter, the man had said that he would place a scheduler on top of the table to indicate himself. On the man's table, he only had a package of cigarettes and a lighter.
"So, do you see him?"
Unable to wait for Kouichi's words, she tugged at the end of his shirt with her fingers. He hadn't told Endou that the man would be sitting by the window, nor did he tell her that he was supposed to place a scheduler on his table.
"I don't think he's here."
"Is he supposed to be at the window seat? Isn't it that handsome guy over there?"
She asked as if she followed Kouichi's gaze. His heart sunk at her sharp observation.
Without answering her, he glanced around the shop. There was no one who had placed a scheduler in sight. Kouichi felt better.
"Hey, it's that guy in black, isn't it?"
"He doesn't have the indicator, so he's not. I don't think he came. Maybe something came up so he couldn't make it."
"You're lying, right? That sucks."
Endou sipped at her cream soda. Lifting her eyes, she looked at Kouichi.
"He's really not here?"
"Yeah."
Kouichi also took a sip of his coke.
"He's not here, so it's just too bad. Do you want to go back?"
Endou stood a little on her toes, as if upset, and glanced at her right side. She suddenly made a small noise.
"It's Takahashi-sensei."
He turned to look. At the end of Endou's pointing finger, a slender man in his mid-twenties sat. He was wearing eyeglasses. Kouichi had never seen him before.
"We had someone like that?"
"He's Takahashi-sensei, teaching modern Japanese literature. You don't know him?"
"I never had him."
"Well, yeah, our school has tons of teachers and students, so. He's teaching freshmen right now, so he's not dealing with us sophomores. He's nice, so he's pretty popular among the girls."
He turned to look at him again. The house plant leaves got in his way, so he couldn't really see his face. After they finished their coke and soda, they stood up. Kouichi picked up the tap as if it was his duty.
"We didn't get to see him, so I'll pay for you."
"Arigatou."
Endou gave him a smile and left the shop first. While he was paying the bill, the window seat guy who got on his nerves passed him buy. He looked like a steady customer, since he friendly told the cashier, "Put it on my tab."
Before he left, Kouichi looked around the room once more. Where it should have been empty, a man was sitting. Even from far away, he could see the scheduler on top of the table.
"It's him."
His heart jumped. He stared at the man's face. A small face encased by eyeglasses. Kouichi's eyes opened wider. It's him. The modern Japanese literature teacher that Endou was talking about. "Takahashi".
"No way."
He mumbled to himself. He realized that the cashier was giving him strange looks, so he rushed out of the store.
"Do you want to hang out?"
Endou, who was waiting for him outside, smiled and asked him, but his rapidly beating heart couldn't be calmed. Endou kept talking to him, but he was preoccupied. He turned back to look after walking a little. He was able to see neither the man by the window nor the store itself any longer.
"Um... The guy we were talking about before. Is he really a teacher at Touzai High?"
"Definitely."
"What's his full name?"
"Takahashi... Hiro... Hirokazu, or something like that... Why?"
Endou cocked her head. He was the one who wanted to ask, "Why?" He had no idea what the heck was going on. Kouichi received a letter from an office worker named "Itou Hirokazu". But the man over there was his school's teacher, "Takahashi". Was it a mere coincidence that he had left a scheduler on top of his table? Or... His head was getting muddled up.
"Hey, do you want to check out that store over there?"
Endou held his hand. He should have been happy at this situation, but because of the unanswered questions, he couldn't be excited at all. As if she was dragging him along, Kouichi walked by Endou's side.
*
After watching a movie and hanging out at the arcade and having hamburgers together at the park, the sun started to set. They backtracked the road they had taken and headed back to the station.
When they reached the coffee shop in question, Kouichi lifted his lowered head without thinking.
In the middle seat, he could see shadow of a person. He saw eyeglasses. It was the man. He nervously ducked his head.
He bought a train ticket at the station. It was only a piece of paper, but it was strangely heavy.
"I'm sorry. I forgot to buy something. I'm going to quickly run and get it, so go on ahead."
Endou lowered her head slightly.
"Really? Then I'm gonna go. See you tomorrow."
After seeing her off to the platform, he ran to where he could see the coffee shop again. The man was sitting by the window. He looked at his watch. He had made him wait nearly four hours.
He felt really uncomfortable. Why won't he hurry and go already? Kouichi's thoughts couldn't reach the man and he seemed to have no intention of leaving, either.
Just how long is he going to wait?
Kouichi was upset over even the thirty minutes that Endou had made him wait. Even if he went into the store and met up with the man, the only thing he could say was, "I have no intention of going out with you." If he said that after making the man wait for so long, of course the guy was going to be majorly pissed off.
"I shouldn't have came."
He softly muttered to himself. If he hadn't came, he wouldn't have saw the waiting man. He wouldn't have felt this guilty...
"I'm sure he's going to give up and leave soon."
He said as if reassuring himself and turned around. After he took three steps, he turned back. The image of the man who kept waiting wouldn't leave his mind. He couldn't make up his mind whether he was going to meet him or not, but his legs slowly took him to the coffee shop. He stopped in front of the store. He decided that no matter what, he had to meet the man and apologize to him for being late because something came up, and he had to tell him clearly that he had no intention of going out with him. He tugged on the door.
At the same time, someone pushed the door open from the other side. Kouichi was stronger, so the person at the other side got dragged to the outside, holding on to the door handle. The man looked startled at the door that was suddenly pulled open. When his eyes met Kouichi's, he lowered his head and apologized.
"I'm sorry."
He couldn't speak. It was the man.
He was the man that he forced to wait like there is no tomorrow. He looked confused when Kouichi stood like a statue, unable to move.
"I'd like to go outside. Pardon me, but..."
"Oh! My bad."
He quickly stood aside. The man passed Kouichi and slowly descended the stairs. He suddenly stopped in the middle. His gaze that looked back and Kouichi's gaze that had been staring at his back crashed together.
"Please forgive me if I am mistaken, but could you possibly be Satomi-san?"
His voice was low and gentle.
"...Yes."
He couldn't lie. The man awkwardly laughed, using only corners of his lips.
"Nice to meet you. I am Itou. I thought you were unable to make it, so I was just about to leave. I am so glad that we did not pass each other by."
"Ah, um... I'm sorry for being late."
"If it is all right with you, shall we go somewhere else?"
There was no way that Kouichi was able to say that he wanted to leave.
*
The place that the man went to was a coffee shop right across the street. They sat together at the corner seat. On top of the hard wooden seat, Kouichi was very nervous.
The man asked while pushing the menu towards Kouichi,
"Would you like to eat anything?"
"I, I'm okay. I'm not that hungry."
He didn't feel like eating, and he didn't want to stay for a long time, either.
"Would coffee be all right with you?"
"Yes."
Kouichi lowered his head, doing his best not to meet his eyes with the man. He felt so uncomfortable that he felt like his waist was itching.
To tell the truth, he wanted to run away and go home right now. The man didn't say anything. He looked like he had no intention of speaking, either. He felt like they were not going to go anywhere if he didn't speak up, so he determinely opened his lips.
"Um... Uh..."
"But..."
They spoke at the same time. They stared at each other, their mouths half-opened.
"Go ahead, Satomi-san."
"No, uh, you first, Itou-san."
They tried to let each other speak first, and they ended up being silent again. Kouichi wanted to cry. Just why did he have to sit down and stare a gay guy in the face like this, drinking tea with him? He regretted feeling strangely sorry for him and wished that he just went home.
The waitress brought two cups of coffee... As if he had been waiting for it, Kouichi took a sip. Of course the glass of water that he had initially received was empty. He kept being thirsty.
"Ah, um, I..."
At Kouichi's voice, the man's hand which had been stirring the coffee jumped up. The knock-back caused the spoon to fall on top of the saucer.
Crash!!
The noise rang loudly, so the man suddenly blushed.
"I'm sorry. Please continue."
The man tried to feign casualness, his head lowered. But his fingers were clutching so tightly so that the tips became white, and he was trembling a little. For the first time he realized that the man was also nervous.
"...I'm sorry for being late."
At Kouichi's words the man lifted his face. His slender oval face looked a little anal, but it didn't have any special features. He looked like he would be a quiet, weakly man. If he had a class with him, he wouldn't have hated him, but he wasn't someone Kouichi would have gotten close to.
"I came late, also, so I did not wait for a long time. And I just decided upon the date and hour without considering your schedule, so I'm sorry. Aren't you busy?"
The man uneasily smiled. Not only did he not get angry about being forced to wait, but he quickly lied so that he wouldn't be troubled. His kindness pressed heavil upon Kouichi, so he became quiet again.
"You said you were in your fourth year of university, right, Satomi-san?"
The man continued to talk to him.
"At first I hesitated in speaking to you, because you seemed like a high school student."
"Eh, aah... I hear that often."
As if not noticing how he trailed off his words like he was avoiding the topic, the man continued.
"What is your major at the university?"
He felt cold sweat running down his back. Major? What major? Nothing came up in his mind.
"Um... Japanese literature. I like Natsume Soseki, so."
Kakimoto was the one who said he enjoyed Soseki. Kouichi only knew the first part of the 「I Am a Cat」that he learned in class.
"I also like Soseki."
He'll dig himself into a deep hole if they continued talking about liteature. He shouldn't give the man an opportunity to talk.
Forcibly cutting off the man who continued to say something, he threw him a question.
"What kind of work do you do, Itou-san?"
The man lowered his head a little and avoided Kouichi's gaze.
"I am in the Sales Department."
He lied in a small voice.
"That's impressive."
"Not at all. The place where I work at gives more slack compared to other places. How is school? Isn't your graduation thesis difficult?"
"Not really..."
It was like a fox and raccoon tricking each other. Why did he have to keep up with these painful lies and talk about things that were so transparent? He started to become anxious. They were the same. As if reassuring themselves, they bore with endless conversation saturated with lies.
But it became more and more annoying to talk. The man talked as if he was checking Kouichi's reaction to everything, and his weak personality got on his nerves even more.
"This is stupid."
When Kouichi softly muttered as if annoyed, the lips stopped moving as if he had been paused.
The man suddenly stopped speaking.
"It's boring talking to me, right?"
He asked as if tossing the question. He was being rude. The man's answer was so small that he couldn't quite catch it.
"What did you say?"
He finally heard the voice that barely reached his ears.
"That's not true."
They both became silent. A glance at his watch told him that it was just a little after 8 PM.
"May I leave now?"
"Ah, go ahead. I'm sorry for holding you up until such late hours."
Before Kouichi stood up, the man hurriedly grabbed the check.
"I'll pay for what I drank, so..."
The man shook his head to Kouichi's words.
"I've forced you to come, so I will pay."
At his stubborn voice he thought it would be annoying to argue with him, so he let the man pay.
"Thank you for the drink."
"I'm the one who troubled you."
The man apologized to Kouichi. He bowed his head so much that Kouichi wondered just why he had to apologize to him.
"Then. Bye."
He felt like he had pretty much done his duty, so he felt more relieved and he started for the station.
"I want to meet you again."
He turned back. At Kouichi's surprised face the man nervously dropped his gaze.
"If it's not too much trouble for you."
He must have known from his attitude that he had no chance. But he still says he wanted to meet again. Was he a dense person after all? Or did he already know, but he was just pretending to be ignorant to his feelings?
Now was the time to say that it was just a joke, that this was a one-time thing. As far as feelings were concerned, Kouichi had the upperhand.
"Ah, but I..."
The man's head was lowered, and the ends of his shoulders were shaking. His unnaturally tight-fisted hands were white at the tips. He realized just now that the man was serious. If he refused, he'd get hurt. When he realized that, he couldn't continue his words. Kouichi remembered the girl who laughed and said, "You're joking, right?" when he confessed to her with all his heart. He couldn't tell her that he was being serious, so he just ended it like a joke, but for a while, everytime he saw her his heart would ache painfully.
The man lifted his face. The edges of his lips were pushed up to resemble a smile, but his eyes were strangely clouded.
"I'm sorry for asking you something so troublesome. Thank you for staying with me today."
"Do you want to meet up one more time?"
He couldn't take back the words that he had blurted out. The man looked at Kouichi with widened eyes, and then slowly dropped his gaze.
"You don't have to care about my feelings."
He knew that Kouichi wanted to say that this was the first and last time. He knew that Kouichi was saying this only because he was feeling sorry for him. But he couldn't just grab this chance and go, "Then goodbye", either.
"Let me know your phone number."
That was more to be social than anything else. The man who was staring at him dazedly hurriedly took out his scheduler and wrote his phone number, and then handed it to Kouichi. Kouichi grabbed it. Just like that, they said goodbye to each other and parted.
And Kouichi realized on his way back. The man didn't ask for Kouichi's phone number. Of course he wanted to know. He said himself to Kouichi that he wanted to meet him again.
If Kouichi had no intention of meeting him again, they would never meet again. On the train heading back home, Kouchi really, really felt bad towards the man who considered Kouichi's feelings above all others.