I know someone might say that I'm stalling. Trying to look for excuses not to leave. To be honest, that's true.
We could just take a DNA test and leave but LA has grown on me.
I walk to my car to find Ryan playing with Abby rock, papers and scissors. A game they've always played since Ryan could.
I slightly smile at their usual bantering as I get closer. Ryan notices me first and smiles at me as Abby gets up from her kneeling position.
"Don't forget to visit Ry." Abby says hugging him. "We'll miss you and don't forget that we love you." She continues before releasing him.
"I'll miss everyone too. You, Conner, Anna and mostly Cate."
"Cate will be the most devastated." Abby says in a fake sadness as Ryan looks up at me.
"Mummy, can we take Cate too. I'll share my room with her." He says and I give him a small smile.
"We can't. But I'll take you to see her from time to time. Okay?" He nods happily and I turn to Abby. "So this is goodbye."
"Yeah. I'll miss you Jada. You have to call me when you're there." She says and I hug her.
"I'll call you whenever I can." I say before moving away from here. I make sure Ryan is comfortable before going to my seat. I start the car before looking at Ryan's excited face as he looks around.
Maybe I'm just desperate and I want to call Ryan my own. But I've always trusted my guts and they tell me that I should take the taste. If he's not of my blood, I'll still love him like I do right now and nothing will change.
I start driving to my apartment. It's almost seven am. There few people walking and some doing their morning runs.
"Do you like Abby mummy?" Ryan asks out of the blue. I look at him for a second before looking at the road.
"Why do you ask Baby?"
"Because you kissed her and she was crying when I found her next to your car." He says innocently.
"Abby is a good person. I like her as a friend." I try to explain. I don't even know what to tell him.
When we were at the orphanage, conversations with Ryan were easy but know I see him as my son and suddenly I don't know what to say to him.
I mean, what do mothers say to their children if they kissed someone who they don't have those kinds of feelings for.
"I knew I should have kissed Cate." He whines making me hit my brakes suddenly. I turn to him and find him looking at me with wide eyes.
"Did you know girls have cooties?" I ask and he starts laughing.
"I was just joking, mum." He says as he laughs and I join him.
"God, Ryan" I say as I start driving again. We arrive at my apartment ten minutes later making Ryan run out.
We walk hand in hand to my apartment and I show him around. I show him the guest room that he'll sleep in for the next few days.
I show him the door to my room and he asks if he can sleep on my bed but I quickly deny. I know Jayden's still asleep for the next two or less hours.
"Do you want me to stay until you sleep?" I ask Ryan and he nods. I lie next to him and sing his favorite song just as we always do at the orphanage but he doesn't sleep this time by the time I'm done.
"I'm so happy Jada. I love you." He says trying not to shut his eyes.
"I love you too Ryan. I woke you up early. Sleep." I kiss his forehead and shut my eyes too.
I wake up to the smell of something burning. I jump from the bed where Ryan is till asleep and ran to my kitchen to find Jayden hissing and cussing.
He takes out a burnt pancake from the pan and throws it away.
I continue watching him as he washes the pan.
"Why did you do it Jada." He asks still washing the pan. I walk closer to where he is and stand next to him.
"You'd have followed me or talked me out of it." I say calmly making him scoff.
"Didn't know I have an effe..."
"You don't. I just didn't want any inconveniences." I say and he smirks. When he's done with the pan, he puts it away and turns to me looking at me quizzically.
"Then why are you here?" He asks and I sigh. How do I even start telling him.
"Unfinished business. In a few days we'll be gone." I say. He moves even closer and stands in front of me. He puts his hands on the counter trapping me in.
"What makes you think I won't follow you now? Or even convince you how its a bad idea leaving." He says his voice low.
"I want you here Jada." He says moving his arms around my waist. I look up at him.
"Why?" I ask with the same low voice.
"You may have not realized but we're more alike than you know.
I want to know more about you. I want to break these walls that you've put up. Yesterday I saw you.
I saw Candice Martins." He says and for the first time my heart beats with panic. I try pushing him away but he still holds me unaffected.
"Jayden." I call not knowing what to say next.
"I want to be with you Jada. I know you want me too Jada."
"No." I say making him stop. "No Jayden. We're not alike. You think letting you into my apartment means that I want to be with you?
That's where you're mistaken." I say pushing him with all my strength. He moves back and I move away from the counter.
"I don't need you or anyone else. I have Ryan who I'm ready to fight for and be there for him."
"Why? What makes Ryan so special? Because he's your long lost son? You push every..."
"Who told you about a lost child?" I ask my hand shaking. He only gives me a blank look as I move closer to him and fist his t-shirt. "How. Did. You. Know. About. My. Child. Jayden?" I ask looking into his eyes.
"Amelia. She said that your son wasn't killed. Bianca left him in random home." He say making me release him.
"Wh.. When was that?" I ask my voice shaking. It was a boy. My baby was a boy. I had a son who might still be alive.
"Jada." Jayden brings his hand near my arm.
"Don't touch me."
"I told them that they have to find him." He says and I shake my head.
"I told you not to get involved. Why did you?"
"How could I not? I care about you." He says trying to move closer to me again.
"Don't move closer." I say moving away as I release a sob. This is too much..
"Get out." I say but he doesn't move. "GET OUT!" I shout making him let out a breath. He nods and moves out of my kitchen.
A few seconds later, my front door opens before shutting.
"Mummy?" I hear Ryan's voice and I look towards him. I try smiling.
"Hey, sit. I'll prepare your breakfast." I say and he obeys silently. I take out the apple juice from the fridge and take two of the many perfect pancakes Jayden made.
Then what happened to the last one? I place the food in front of Ryan making him let out an excited grin.
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