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Life On Edge

🇺🇸JAGuyr_the_Red
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Synopsis
What would you do if you were living on the edge? Literally? Would you wail in despair, hand over your sanity, or would you just keep swimming? I mean climbing... Our protagonist finds himself in a very similar situation after a nameless god set him against its rocky face to toil and despair in equal measure. Comprised of snark and tongue-in-cheek humor, 4th wall-breaking, and just general shenanigans, this can easily be goofy or cerebral.
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Chapter 1 - Vertical Horizon

Tonight the monsters in my head are screaming so damn loud. I can't remember another sound. I can't remember another time. I never have the words to explain this hell. I wish someone could save me. I've spent so long living in this hell. On this... vertical... bull shit...

One step further? HA! Was it ever so simple? I rub the sleep from my eyes as I once more prepare to edge onward. Another night spent clinging to life, only to awaken to more struggle. I unwrap the securing ropes I had fashioned slowly over the years. Years? Yes, it must have been years. Braided from my own hair to at least allow me to rest and 'One's hair does not simply grow overnight'. It takes at least until 5:00 PM. I wish I knew why I found that funny. Something about tiny people with hairy feet. I believe they're called the Fucking French. Could be wrong.

I look out over the vast void with a disheartening chuckle. "Never look down", I was once told. Perhaps if I look long enough, the void will look back at me. At least then I would have company. But I have no time for that. Nobody has time for that. With no longer being secured in place, it was time to climb.

Thinking back on how I got here, even I wouldn't believe me. TL;DR version? I got fucking Isekai'd. Truck-kun'd into a wall. More like onto, really... but oh, what headlights! *cough* I mean... Umm... I wasn't fantasizing about Truck-kun taking me... isekai. Hey, it's been years! I forgot any other headlights but their luminous orbs of Divne Luminosity! Who am I kidding, Truck-kun was probably a manual drive and I would be futanari'd <>. All of that as an aside I was a mostly normal... person. I'd say kid, but hell, I've not been a kid since before some of you were born. And, maybe I lost a few of the 1's and 0's in the... transfer? Isekai-ing? Wait, was that ever a verb? Noun?... Well, it is now. Like the word Fuck, it is now far more versatile. Whatever, when they shoved my ass into this pair of brown pants and I proceeded to make them browner than they were before, from the feedback. Wait. I had a point. Ah, yes! I was normal. I CAN complete a thought! I had a wife, kids... no money... no house... we rented. Normal.

The circumstances of my Isekai-ing into a new world is under the most unusual and mysterious of circumstances! I'm kidding, of course. At least it wasn't actually, Truck-kun. It was his... her? Their! Their cousin, Moped-chan! Ha ha ha! Not really, I choked on some chorizo. My wife purposefully seasoned with the most grating of substances! Cheese. Oh yeah, and arsenic. The cheese was delicious. I'm pretty sure it was the cyanide that actually did the heavy lifting of my tiny hiney. That's right, no if's, and's, or butts! IBS got the better of me and I blew up a few too many times. It was nice of her to do it with arsenic and cyanide. I wonder constantly if she went after the rest of the family and herself afterward, or if it was just me. I mean, males are more statistically likely to be family annihilators than women, so I do have some hope. Do I want to go back? Not really. I mean, it would be better than THIS... SHEER WALL... but it would likely involve a lot more effort than I am realistically capable of focusing upon or... you know... upset the natural balance or something along those lines... Would I like to see them again? Well, not my wife. Guess I messed up on the happy wife, happy life part. But yes, I would. Is it possible? Not realistically. Possible, not probable. Unless they are here, too... and I hope they are not. Or at least, I hope they are not a statistic and in this or some other splinter universe or parallel dimension or some other hyperintelligent physics technobabble into a similar situation like mine. I can tell you one thing. I'm gonna kill him... Her? Them?.. You know, the English language seriously lacks a solid singular neuter gender term. Is it Xe/Xim? We'll go with that. Wait, who am I gonna slaughter? XIM, of course! Stupid crotchgoblin douchenozzle that stuck me ON THIS SHEER FACE OVER NOTHING BUT EMPTY NOTHING! I mentioned the Void, did I not? Reimagine it real quick as I describe, in more granular detail... NOTHING. I have nearly no visibility, I am on a sheer face of... I am assuming by the texture it is stone. It could be wood, or ceramic, or feathers, for all I know. Hooray, alternate universes! Can't assume everything is the same as back home! And Xe stuck me here. A nameless, faceless, genderless god. And I am going to kill Xim.