The solid sound of Hameed's shoes echoed
through the chaotic morning hallway as he made his way to Dr.Amir Al-ameen office. His slender long fingers knocked firmly on the door.
"Come in"came the nasal voice of Dr.Amir
Hameed opened the door and went in.
"What a surprise visit Dr.Hameed!" Exclaimed Dr.Amir with a wide smile as he turned back and forth in his office chair.
Closing the door behind ,Hameed made his way to one of the chairs in front of the desk.
"SalamuAlaikum" replied Hameed
"Waalaikum salam"
"I want to discuss something with you
regarding this file"stated Hameed heading straight to the point,taking one of seats he put out the red file on the desk in front of Dr.Amir.
"Whose file is this?"Dr.Amir asked making his chair stable, taking the file in his hand.
"Dissociative psychogenic disorder,the girl you've been having therapy sessions with "explained Hameed with a bored look.
"Oh that dull lady,I couldn't stand her behavior,that's why I've been postponing her appointments , I was even close to file her as an emergency patient ,that girl really need to visit psychiatric" he kept ranting oblivious about the disgust and anger that clouded Hammed's face.
"You a psychologist Amir" uttered Hameed with fury clenching his hands trying to suppress his anger
"Yes a prominent one at that😏" he proudly said that with a smug face
"And as a qualified psychologist you know what those people with any kind of brain disorder are going through, you know that more than anyone ,they are turning lifeless each passing second Amir and that girl she is in dire need of attention before her situation escalate and here you are postponing her appointments ,not holding any therapy session with her and then you complain about her being a living doll do you even have such right to say so"busted Hameed as his handsome face turned red due to excessive anger.
Dr.Amir sat there with his squinted hollowed eyes.
"Okay,look Hameed you have no right to question my work,I do what pleased me and if you think I am not doing enough for that so called lady then you're free to take over her case I have no objection,but don't come here trying to judge me inside my damn office okay!!?" He said with no bit of shame in his voice.
Seeing that if he continued ranting him about his mistakes it will not turn out well without any exchange of blows .Hameed calmed himself down as he passed a file forward.
"Sign this, it is a file about you transferring the case to me"explained Hameed ,without uttering any word of protest Dr.Amir picked the file and signed over it.
Picking up the files Hameed made his way out of the office but before saying
"Don't think that you will not be judged for your wrong doings even if not here,hereafter exists" with that he exited the office.
'Darkness ,real darkness was more than just
a lack of light'
Asma ponder over the sentence as she closed the book titled 'Beautiful creatures by Kami Garcia' and put it back into her bag.
"We waited for at least two hours here and I haven't seen even the shadow of this doctor, are they really playing a game of chicken with us humph" harrumphed Fateema as usual
"Be patient Fateema,it's not only our appointment that he is going to attend he has many things on his plate too"Ahmad said softly.
"Even though,That's not acceptable" She continued to complain
"Fateema"Ahmad mumbled out helplessly
She's about to talk back when a scrawny voice cut her off.
"Excuse me please,Ahmad Muhammad Zaeem,Asma Muhammad Zaeem's guardian please have your way in, the doctor want to have a talk with you before consulting the patient" the ever clumsiest assistant London explained to them as he pointed towards Doctor Hameed's office.
"Take care of yourselves,and don't cause any unnecessary problem" Ahmad said as he made his way to the office.
Hmm Fateema nodded to no one.
"SalamuAlaikum"voiced out Ahmad as he made his way into the office.
"Waalaikum salam please have a seat"gestured Hameed making his way back to his seat with two mugs of coffee.
"Coffee"stated Hameed sliding the mug in front of Ahmad.
"Thank you"replied back Ahmad not touching the mug.
Taking a sip of his coffee Hameed looked at Ahmad's eyes when a certain hazel eyes zapped through his mind like some flashlight 'why am I attached to them,why are they suddenly flashing through my mind,they almost caused me sleepless night yesterday,just who are you? ,why are you hunting me?'
"Uhmm Doctor please I want to know what's actually wrong with my sister , I couldn't point out what Dr.Amir explained to me last time about her situation he mentioned something about disorder" started Ahmad snapping Hameed out of his thoughts. Dropping his mug he cleared his throat.
" I also want to know everything from the beginning ,what caused her to be this way and since when it has started but before you answer this let me explain her situation to you, your sister is suffering from a brain disorder called Dissociative/psychogenic amnesia: a mental disorder where you experience amnesia after a significant trauma,you block out both personal information and the traumatic incident from your memory it can also be called selective amnesia where you choose to or force yourself to forget certain incident or memory whether traumatic or unpleasant. Dissociative amnesia has been linked to overwhelming stress,which may be caused by traumatic events such as war,abuse,accident or disaster, the person may have suffered the trauma or witnessed it and I wonder which one your sister experienced" Hameed said the last part looking at Ahmad with a questioning gaze.
Ahmad sat there with a blank face, his eyes held a look of regret as his mind quickly traveled back to the past to a certain incident that up to day he causes himself about it though he knew that as a Muslim he should belief in destiny(good and bad) and everything that happened it happens because that's what Allah has destined it to be.
"Mr.Zaeem" Hameed called out when he noticed the dazed look on his face.
"Call me Ahmad please" Ahmad replied as he snapped out from his thoughts
" Okay ,Ahmad is everything okay?"Hameed asked with a concerned look
"Yes nothing,please continue"he shook his head as he replied back, taking another sip of his coffee Hameed continued
"And from what I analyzed,through this dissociative amnesia she developed a side effect "schizoid personality disorder" is one of many personality disorder it causes individuals to seem distant and emotionless,rarely engaging in social situations or pursuing relationships with others. And from the MRI results that I went through I found out that she also suffers from Alexithymia disorder: the condition may also be a result of brain damage to the insula. This part of the brain is known for it's role in social skill,empathy,and emotions.
"Alexithymia is when a person has difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and it is linked to 'schizoid personality disorder'"
Ya Allah all this happened to her because I wasn't so protective of her, I couldn't protect her ,and now she's suffering so much and I couldn't do anything for her, what a worthless brother I am.
"You're not worthless Ahmad, what happened to her have been destined by Allah all you have to do is pray for her shifa ,have tawakkal please nothing is impossible to Allah"Comforted Hameed.
"H..how.. did you.."started Ahmad with a confused look. Hameed lightly chuckled
"The expression of your face gave you away, and I am a psychologist you know,you blame yourself for what happened to her right,don't you?"
With out waiting for him to reply he continued
"She can be cured,she can go back to how she used to be though there's no specific medication for this but there are certain things that we can do to help her such as 'therapy' we have different kinds of therapy like psychotherapy(talk therapy), cognitive behavioral therapy,meditation,clinical hypnosis,creative therapies and lastly family therapy. These all therapies can help her or even cure her back to normal but the major thing is that it can take so much time ,a year,more than a year or even a life time."
"All we have to do is to be patient Ahmad I will do everything I can do in my domain to help her insha Allah ,continue to pray and leave the rest to Allah He's indeed the best Planer."
Ahmad sat there in silence processing Hameed's explanation.
"I understood doctor Insha Allah we will keep praying and hoping for her to get well, but doctor I am confused"
"Tell me about it" Hameed interest peaked up as he intersected his fingers on his desk.
" You talked about Alexithymia ,difficulty in identifying emotions right? But Asma usually use certain words that express emotions such as like, hate,want and all others but how could she do that"
"Okay here's the thing, Alexithymia isn't well understood up-till date,yes she can use such words but like now if you asked her what does she like ,her face won't show that expression when someone like something would normally show,like I explained earlier the insula is not responsive in Alexithymia case,so to express that emotion out is a great difficulty ,that
certain damaged insula deprived her her right of emotions, but the great thing here is that she not fully an Alexithymia patient because if someone is fully an Alexithymia patient words that are linked with emotions won't be her concern she won't use them in her sentences,so she can definitely be cured if she is exposed to different kind of emotions daily. Don't worry Ahmad her candle hasn't blown out yet!!" He concluded with a smile.
"Regarding what caused her dissociative psychogenic amnesia did she perhaps suffered the trauma or witnessed it I want to know"
"Suffered it" voiced out Ahmad with so much difficulty.
"Don't take it too hard I won't dwell into it that much I just want to know what kind of therapy will suit her regarding this okay?"
mmm nodded Ahmad
"At what age did she experienced it?"
"14 to 15"
"Okay and when did she developed this disorder I mean when did you discover about her condition"
"Right after she woke up,after we rescued her, we asked her about what happened to her and she coldly answered she didn't know,she couldn't recall.." stated Ahmad clenching his hands so hard that turned his knuckles white.
"And when did you started her therapy
session"
"She usually refuses , so she attended only two therapies over those 6 years held by Dr.Amir which was even not successful as he claimed that she's not cooperative"
"Six years" Hameed mumbled out slowly, we have a long journey ahead of us.
"Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing,cognitive behavioral therapy these can really help, we can do this if you want her to recover those memories that she lost within the age of 14 and 15 but sometimes remembering those memories can be painful because she chose to forget them due to the pain they caused her."
"We have to be very careful if not we can mistakenly install false memories into her brain, so hypnosis can also work ,where we will hypnotize her or drug her with certain drugs like barbiturates and question her ,this is mostly the successful and the easiest one." Concluded Hameed as he leaned back to his seat.
"Okay doctor let's start with the treatment of Alexithymia because we don't want her to cocooned herself again when she remembers those memories,let her discover her emotions back first before those memories".
"That's really a good and marvelous idea Ahmad let's do this ,Insha Allah everything will go smoothly" praised Hameed with a smile.
Ahmad smiled bitterly still shocked from the discovery of Asma's dreadful condition and the ways she has to go through before she recovers. no not that one ,she might not even recover,and if that happens she won't get married, no one will marry my sister the way she is, she won't experience the feeling of falling in love,she will die lastly without anything just like she is dying inside now'
no..no don't go this far Ahmad Allah is always around He is always watching and hearing so He won't leave you just like that ,have faith,shaytan is just trying to mess with you.
Hameed sat there looking at Ahmad as different kind of emotions come and pass through his face.
'He's surely having difficulty bottling up his emotions' thought Hameed. Deciding to break him out of his conflict.
"Okay now let's start with the therapy(psychotherapy)I am going to have a word with her" he stood up from his seat adjusting his scrub,Ahmad also stood up giving his hand out for a shake
"Thank you so much Doctor Hameed"
"Hameed, just Hameed" Hameed stated out firmly shaking his hand.
"Okay Hameed"
"Uhmm. London will lead you guys to the glass room I will tail behind, I just got to gather some items" nodding his head Ahmad made his way out of the office .
"Aghhh finally!!,we're really close to being fried here can you believe this ,we waited for two hours ,two hours (she re-emphasized) for you guys to finish ,so what now?" Fateema the impatient one ranted as Ahmad stood beside Asma.
"London gonnah lead you to the glass room where the therapy is going to hold" Ahmad explained looking at London who stood by the other side waiting for them. Looking back at Asma he said to her
"Please be cooperative Asma okay?" After saying that he started to walk away heading to the exit.
"Hey why are you heading out?are we not all going to the glass room" Fateema called out with a questioning look.
"I will be right back Insha Allah" the sweetest forced smile flashed across his face as he walked out. He really needs some fresh
air.
Getting everything arranged ,London instructed Asma to have a seat opposite an empty chair reserved for the therapist while Fateema found her seat outside the glass room hearing and observing things from outside.they sat there for about one minute in silence when the 'creak' sound of shoes were heard.
'So the so called great doctor finally decided to grace us with his appearance' As Usual Fateema snorted in her mind raising her head to look at him as he passed by her into the glass room.
'Huh?' the sound that escaped Fateema's mouth,Oh my God, what a grace? such a handsome young doctor. I really thought it might be some old geezer. She sat there stocked in her own thoughts.
Closing the door behind him with a salam Hameed made his way to the desk and dropped his things. Turning around, 'clashed!!! 💥 Boom!!' His emerald green orbs encountered themselves with the ever so familiar hazel eyes that hunted him all night.
His wide open eyes squinted in recognition as he deeply looked into her soulless set of eyes, his usual emerald green eyes turned into jade green due to extreme delightedness. 'I found her' that's what all his mind was screaming.
Composing himself he cleared his throat while muttering astagafurullah, he found his way to the seat opposite Asma who was already lost in her own world analyzing the emerald green eyes she just met.
'They did turn jade green'
'I saw it'
'Is that even possible' she asked herself
'They're emerald green before right?'
Deafening silence crept all over the floor and up to all four conners of the glass walls. Tension rose between them. One pair of eyes blazing with curiosity and thrill and the other as calm as a tranquil lake at night that held only blankness.
'Ehhh' Fateema shivered as she witnessed the tension between those two.
"Is this some thriller movie,why are they building suspense, I am shivering from excitement for what's coming next, you too right ?"asked Fateema in a hush tune looking to her side at London who also stood there anticipating what will happen next too.
"Asma Muhammad Zaeema"came the husky voice of Hameed as his face held the softest smile ever. She raised her eyes looking at him dully, tilting her head to the side waiting for his next sentence.
"Who are you?" He asked with all seriousness. Adjusting the edge of her olive green hijabi her voice came out,
"Then,who are you?"she questioned back
With a smirk he replied
"I am Hameed the guy with the emerald green orbs that certain hazel eyes found interesting"
"I was not looking at you" she replied back not meeting his eyes
"I wasn't referring to you"he pushed back.
Looking around the room Asma didn't find anyone
"But I was referring to those" he pointed towards a certain wall, turning around looking at the glass wall where he pointed her hazel eyes reflected back.
She silently looked away not saying anything.
"What's in your mind ?" He eagerly questioned wanting to know what's going on inside her pretty little head.
"I don't know"she replied her dull eyes not looking back. Some seconds passed without any of them saying anything.
"Darkness?"the incoherent voice of Asma questioned.
"Darkness,real darkness,was more than just a lack of light" stated Hameed with a thoughtful look wondering why she asked that.
As the words finished processing in Asma's head her eyes quickly looked up to his. 'Beautiful creatures Kami Garcia' he knows that? He read it?. She questioned in her mind as one of the strings of heart thugs slightly.
"And if what your mind held is real darkness,then Is it just the lack of light?or there is something else?" Questioned Hameed as he lightly looked at the blankness her face held and for a second he swore he saw the look of questioning swiftly zapped through face before it returned to blank.
When he saws that ,Hameed decided to stop there as he knew that definitely she is going to ponder over his question for days,he trusted his ability as a prominent psychologist.
The end of the 'psychotherapy'.
As they made their way to the car after Ahmad thanked Hameed and exchanged numbers with him promising to inform him of the next therapy session. Asma walked to the car in daze as she indeed ponder over Hameed's question. Never in her life after those six years that someone would made her to question herself like this.
"What am I?"she asked herself inaudibly
'Am I really lacking something?,
did I really missed something?'
"Does the real darknesses held something more than just the absence of light?' .