It's been a week since the therapy took place and Hameed's question has instilled restlessness in Asma's mind as she created a great mess in her room spreading books all over the floor as she went through the giant shelf at the end of her room.She didn't know why she's so adamant at finding the answer,why does it bother her, he made her to question her choice of words. For as far as she knows she aways know her way with words,the answer to her every thought. She surfed the internet like crazy trying to have a hint but to no avail she couldn't come up with anything, she reread the book so many times trying to point out what the author meant but no!all in vain!.
She felt a prickle of something but she couldn't point it out,it is making her desperate wanting to know the answer.
This made her to think that may be,just maybe she is indeed not a normal person like many people termed her ,before it didn't bother her because she doesn't feel anything amiss with her,because her mind held nothing but darkness with the absence of light but Hameed's question made her to think that her darkness is not only the lack of light but something more, that "something more" that's trying to mess with her.
Deciding to give up Asma started to pack up the books that she scattered back to their shelter. After that she sat by her balcony having conflicting thoughts while wondering when her next therapy session will commence, the therapy session that she once didn't believe in ,she cannot wait to find out the answer from the emerald green guy.
A string was snapped off as she started to show some minor emotions that she herself isn't even aware of .....
So like Asma was restless Hameed heart was in chaos trying to gather his emotions as certain hazel orbs kept hunting him.
Throughout the week his mind was either thinking about her or remembering her eyes,he was so close to losing it, he's so frustrated that as a psychologist ,one who could point out one's emotions with just a look but couldn't point out his own for a week,a whole week!!!.
Asma why are you messing with my heart ehm? He questioned himself as he dragged his pajamas self to the dining hall on a Sunday morning. He sluggishly sat down at one of the dining chairs releasing a sigh of relief as he closed his eyes.
"Hameed!!" A sudden voice called that made him to fling his eyes wide open. His eyes directly look into another pair of emerald green eyes opposite him.
"You almost gave me an heart attack, what are you still doing in your pajamas" the person that questioned him was none other than his mom Aisha Adam,holding many plates in her hands,without waiting for him to reply she added
"Oh lord!you look haggard and your eyes dull, you have eyes bags what's wrong with you?"she asked arranging the plates.releasing another sign he answered "I don't know ".
"May be you're sick,should I perhaps bring my scalpel to check your brain" putting the last plate she looked up with a creepy smile.
"Noo..no!!! Maama even if am sick it can't be my brain,so please don't bring your scalpel here" he hurriedly answered adjusting his sitting position to a proper one.
'Aisha Adam' a renowned neurosurgeon,she liked using her scalpel to threaten Hameed and his sister Maryam since when they're children to stop them from messing around,so the fear existed till date. "
Okay if you don't want that,tell me what's wrong with you right this instant" she asked again leaning her upper body to the dining table.
He reluctantly answered with
"It's just some lack of sleep,I couldn't sleep properly pass this week"
"What caused that?" she narrowed her eyes
"You're really sounding like a psychologist right now not a neurosurgeon"
"Well my son is one" she said proudly
"Maama!!!I am tired"he nagged
"Hameed Adam spit it out" she warned with squinted eyes. When he saw that his mom won't let him free he cleared his throat and started.
"Maama there's a girl that .."
"Wait!"she cut him off
"Did you just said a 'girl'"
Releasing another sigh he parted his lips to answer when another voice cut him off again.
"Maama I also heard it he did said 'a girl'!!"
Maryam the ever so chirpiest girl chirped in as she made her way to the dining area joining her Mom in interrogating Hameed. Oh Lord!! Hameed groaned internally as he looked at the mother and daughter duo.
"Ahki tell me about my sister in law"Maryam enthusiastically asked with joy dancing in her amber eyes. His mom nodded her head in agreement.
"She is not your sister in law"
"Yes she is not,YET" she emphasized the 'yet' flipping her straight black hair to the side.
"She's my client and she's suffering so much, that's why I couldn't stop thinking about her and ways to cure her" he said a fib trying to shake his mom and sister away from asking too much questions.
"So?.."they asked in unison
Seeing that they won't let him just like that he continued.
"She is suffering from Alexithymia and dissociative psychogenic amnesia..." after he finished narrating her condition to them.His mom sympathetically said
"Such a poor child".Maryam been the dumbest of the family sat there with a sheepish grin as she didn't understand a bit of his explanation.
"I just know that regardless of anything I will accept her and treat her without any disdain as my big sister" Maryam said with determination.
"Yes if she accepted you,we will definitely accept her and treat her as one of us with love and care" His mom added.
Hameed blushed furiously and started stammering "i...i didn't say I will m..marry her".
"Keep deceiving yourself that you don't like her, make it the right way Hameed, time is ticking , I will talk to your Baba"His mom seriously added.
His emerald green eyes widen themselves as he quickly said
"no..no Maama not now I have to talk to her brother first"
"What is it that you going to inform me about?" Abdallah Adam made his way to the dining table clad in a suit with his beab and wig in his hands . Abdallah Adam a professional judge at the Supreme Court of the country. He has amber eyes just like Maryam.kissing the forehead of his queen and princess he found his seat.
"It is about Hameed" Aisha stated as she started serving the breakfast to his plate.
Hameed was silently throwing signals to his mom not to voice it out but Aisha didn't pay-heed to him and continued, she narrated everything to him,including Asma's condition.
"I see, whenever you're ready talk to me I will talk to your uncles about it, we will accept her regardless of her condition " his father encouraged.
"Okay Baba"Hameed replied fighting back a smile .
Asma you just wait I am gonnah swipe you up your feet.
'I've been smiling for almost an hour now, thank God I have the best understanding family ever,all I have to do now is for her family to accept me,I have to do my best .Asma insha Allah you're going to be mine. I've never experienced this kind of feeling,feeling of wanting to spend the rest of my life with her,feeling of wanting to hear her voice all the time,feeling of wanting to admire her hazel eyes without any restrictions,feeling of wanting to be the source of her happiness,feeling of wanting to be her light in the dark, I want to be the one to make her smile again,to make her fall in love,to make her experience different kind of feelings,I want to be with her at every step as she find her old self back. Asma be my damsel in distress I will be your savior.'
Hameed sat there in his balcony after breakfast still in his pajamas widely smiling as different thoughts about Asma come and pass in his head.
"Why is the groom all by himself and still in his pajamas" a voice came from behind him.
"Who told you I am getting married
Mubeen"
Hameed said turning to look at his best friend who made his way to one of chairs in the patio.
"Oh I knew it, that little princess with the amber eyes told you right?"
"Yeah she did, such a great sister that cared to tell me not someone I called best friend"
Mubeen sarcastically said as he look at Hameed with a questioning gaze.
"That's not it Mubeen, I still have to talk to her brother before I finalize things .they might not even accept me so am not getting my hopes high and I still feel something is off"Hameed explained releasing a sigh at the end.
"Okay I will let it go 'For you not informing me ', so tell what are up to,tell me everything' Hameed cleared his throat and narrated everything to him.
"Are you sure you want to do this Hameed" asked Mubeen with a concerned look.
"Yes" answered Hameed without hesitation
"Okay, but you should pray istikhara ask for Allah's guidance first before consulting her brother with this talk, make your heart determined with what you want,no matter what don't back down okay because big brothers are scary sometimes"Mubeen added the last part with a wink that made Hameed to laugh out loudly
. "Thanks man I really appreciate" said Hameed with a smile.
"Anytime" Mubeen replied back.
They sat there chatting about anything and everything recalling memories about their childhood,talks about work and family when Hameed voiced out his inner thoughts about something he's been thinking of.
"Won't this be referred to as countertransference" Hameed dazedly said.
'The psychologist himself is having difficulty processing his own feelings , i am just a mere engineer here how can he ask me ,how can I help him' thought Mubeen with a sheepish smile.
"What's that"Mubeen asked. Shaking his thoughts away.
"Countertransference is a redirection of psychotherapist's feelings towards a client or more generally as therapists emotional entanglement with a client like developing strong romantic feelings towards a client,countertransference can be detrimental to the process of therapy .." Mubeen sat there listening to Hameed's explanation while secretly browsing about it.
"Won't it be like me engaging in countertransference by trying to marry her and transferring my personal thoughts and feelings onto her , I am putting my personal emotion into my work" keeping his phone aside, Mubeen looked at the troubled face of Hameed.
"Okay Hameed I not a psychologist or therapist as you know but from what I read about countertransference just now the views of countertransference have changed overtime and although countertransference can be still detrimental to the process of therapy, it can also have benefits. You're a great and talented psychologist Hameed work with your countertransference and help her out, by you marrying her you can study her all you want,know more about her without any boundaries, you liking her and making her to like you is not a crime Hameed it can be a blessing for it can help her to find her emotions back. Maybe she even started to feel some changes after your first therapy I trusted your ability,you have the knack of making the merest trifles seem amusing,your question will definitely make her restless trust me"
Hameed sat there flabbergasted about his bestfriend who's a man of few words but has just made a long talk worth 200 words.
"You surely have your way with psychology"
Praised Hameed with a smile .Mubeen lightly chuckled
"Noo I am better at my field, should I bring my chisel and pliers to check out your brain, for you to stop questioning yourself" he smirked.
"You just sounded as scary as Maama with her scalpel,please spare this brain of mine" Hameed quickly said as his hand went through his black curls. Mubeen laughed loudly.
They sat there for about 30 minutes when they heard the Adhan calling asr prayer.
"Man go get your self cleaned it is time for prayer and you're smelling bad FYI"stated Mubeen getting up from his seat.
"Really?"Hameed questioned raising the collar of his grey pajamas to his nose.
"Mubeen!!!" He called out.
"Just kidding mate" he voiced out heading outside the room.
Hameed sat down at his office chair holding his phone to his chest deciding whether to text or call Ahmad about their meeting.
'I prayed istikhara prayer yesterday night and made Dua to Allah the Merciful to choose the best for me and to ease for me my decision.after that I felt lightheaded as if something was lifted off my heart and I dreamt about me being married to Asma, so this should be a good sign right? We've been exchanging salams and I've been enlightening him about Asma's condition, we've talked about random things so this shouldn't be a problem right?' Hameed battled in his mind as he moved side to side in his office chair.
Remembering his mother's usual quote "Nothing can stop the determined heart and resolved will of a man"
"I should just call him" he mumbled out slowly and dialed his number.Within the third ring he picked up.
"SalamuAlaikum"came Ahmad's voice through the phone.
"Waalaikum salam Ahmad how are doing?" Hameed asked trying so hard not to stammer.
"Good Alhamdulilah, how about you?"He asked back
"I am fine alhamdulilah"replied Hameed and kept quiet after that not knowing where to start.
"It is about the next therapy session? have you fixed the date?" Ahmad innocently asked.
"No it's not about that"
"Okay?" He asked again,
not knowing what to say without getting nervous.
"Let's just meet we will talk then" he suggested
"Okay text me the address"
"Insha Allah, Allah hafiz"
" Allah Hafiz"replied back Ahmad cutting off the call.
Releasing a long sigh Hameed cleared the beads of sweat that formed on his forehead and quickly sent the address of a certain cafe to Ahmad.
Ahh such a short phone call yet the scariest .
Calling out London he informed him that he's taking the day off so he should sign him off. After that he picked his car key and made his way out.
Arriving at the cafe Hameed found a table of two at the extreme near a glass widow. He sat there nervously waiting for Ahmad not obvious of the few glances that were casted upon him because of his striking emerald green orbs. as they're observing the emerald green guy another hunk with light hazel eyes made way to the emerald green guy's table. 'OMG'some ladies voiced out ,are they trying to give us an heart attack,two handsome men!!.
"SalamuAlaikum Hameed" said Ahmad shaking hands with him. They both sat back as Hameed replied back with
"Waalaikum salam" then they both ordered Iced americano as it's still summer.
"Hope it is not something urgent"asked Ahmad sipping his drink.
"No no at all"uttered Hameed shaking his head lightly, 'uhm'Ahmad signaled him to continue.
Hameed clenched and unclenched him hands due to extreme nervousness.
"Actually it is about Asma" he started and kept quiet.
"What about Asma?" Ahmad pushed back channeling all his attention to Hameed which made it even harder for him to continue. Lastly he gulped hard and said
"I want to marry her"
An unnerving silence surrounded them upon having those words leaving Hameed's lips. Hameed sat there with tensed shoulders waiting for Ahmad's response. After the words finished processing in Ahmad's head he coldly replied
"No"
Hameed hurriedly asked
"Why?"
"Look ,Hameed. You're a good guy, but you met her once, you don't know anything about her,her past,her personality ,how to control her,her everything ,you just know her condition"
"Yes I know that, I will manage her the way she is right now and with time I will get to know her, Ahmad I promise you I will take care of her,I won't harm her in anyway,I will provide her with everything, and I will help her to get back to the way she used to be, I will cure her bi'izinillah.Trust me" Hameed muttered with pleading eyes.
"Trust?" Ahmad snorted with a sad laugh
"Because I trusted someone with her, she turned this way, because of that person she shut everyone out from her life, she became this way because I trusted him with her, he hurt her,he assaulted her, he abused her and I couldn't do anything, I just sat there looking at her as her emotions,her life,her feelings slipped away, and you tell me to trust you, you're just a psychologist Hameed that will help her with Allah's guidance to get back to usual self,but you can't marry her"
Hameed froze in his seat with the new revelation, his heart burned within him.
Gathering his emotions he looked up to Ahmad whose head was bowed down trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall.
"Ahmad I know you and mom are traumatized by what happened to Asma but that doesn't mean you should all cocooned yourself from reality, not all melons are the same some are sour ,some are bitter,some are sweet. Know that Whomsoever Allah guides,none can misguide and whomsoever Allah leaves to stray non can guide.we are all different people so not all of us are trustworthy, Ahmad I can swear by Allah I am not doing this with any ill intention, I want to marry Asma for the sake of Allah. Allah azza wa jal says in ayah(verse) number 21 of Surah Rum, And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them;and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for people that give thought. The man and woman were created for each other. Then who are we to question Allah's judgment. Ahmad, Asma needs a partner in her life and that's by marrying her off, don't say she won't get married. Marriage is sunnah, sunnah of our beloved prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. So please reconsider your decision" Concluded Hameed taking the first sip of his drink.
Looking at Hameed Ahmad felt something have been lifted off from his shoulders, a load that's been bothering him for a long time.
"What if she never changes back after marrying her off,do you think that anyone will tolerate her for such a long time" asked Ahmad,
'hmmm you're indeed not a contented person,last week you're busy worrying about who will marry your sister the way she's, but now Allah gave her one and you're trying to chase him away humph'Ahmad's subconscious mocked.
"I will tolerate her Ahmad I promise you"Hameed said with determination.
"Thank you Hameed" He finally voiced out. Pushing his drink to the side.
Hameed enthusiastically asked
"Does that means you accepted me"
Ahmad lightly chuckled at Hameed's eyes that shined with anticipation.
"I have to think about it and consult our mom"
" Ask Asma first please"
"Are you that sure she will accept you?"questioned Ahmad, with a light shrug Hameed replied back "I don't know, just ask her please"
"Okay I will get going" Ahmad uttered standing to his feet.
"And thank you once again,and also for the drink" he gestured his towards his half cup shaking hands with Hameed.
"Never mind". Saying his salam Ahmad made his way out of the café.
Slamming back to his seat Hameed released a sigh of relief Alhamdulilah . I was so close to loose her.
Dropping his keys into the key bowl by the door Ahmad silently started to walk away to his room, but before he turned the doorknob to his room a voice called out.
"Ahmad, you're back?" Questioned his mom who sat in front of numerous booklets at the dining table, her spectacles at the rim of her nose marking the booklets. Khadijah Zaeema a lecturer at one of the universities ,faculty of engineering.
"Yes I am back" he said making his way to dining area and sat at one of the chairs.
"Where is Asma?" He asked
"She's taking a nap back in her room,you went out? What was it about?" She asked checking another booklet.
"A proposal came for Asma" he mumbled out slowly, she quickly raised her head from the booklet.
"Huh?"the sound that left her mouth....