"Ted?' groaned Trizel. The giant lifted his head from the table, and his cheek stuck to the wood. It stretched and with the sound of a paper bag ripping, he freed his flesh from the table. Though the various grains and marks from the table had left their imprint firmly on his reddened face.
"Ugh," Ted just responded with a pained groan as he lied sprawled out on his back on the floor. His eyes were tightly shut as the world around him seemed to be assaulting all of his senses.
"That alcohol last night."
"Ugh ugh?"
"It was some of the absolute worst tasting stuff I've ever had."
"Ugh Hugh."
There was a creaking as Trizel leaned over in his chair until he finally fell to the ground with a loud THUD! He groaned lightly as he pushed himself over onto his back. With a sigh he added, "But that was way more alcoholic than any beer in all of Kynon."
The two of them lied on the floor in pain. Hoping the hangover would lessen as time went on, but both secretly knowing that was not the case. Still, they spent what felt like hours hoping it was.
"Was this chicken always here?" asked Trizel as he leaned against the kitchen counter and watched Ted wash their mugs and plates.
Ted slid past Trizel and looked out the kitchen window to see a chicken strutting around outside the window.
"Huh. Guess maybe we should've explored a little more."
Trizel nodded. "I must admit, unseasoned fried flour isn't the most appetizing dish."
Ted shrugged. It had turned out much better than he thought, but two days of only flour-based food was getting tiring. Though if there was only one chicken, he'd probably have to add flour to the eggs to stretch those out anyway.
Trizel slapped Ted's back. "Come on, leave those dishes to soak, and let us go explore." With a mischievous smile he looked down at Ted and added, "Who knows, we might even find a grand orchard you could use to make some cider instead of your alcoholic water."
"Probably should've named it something..."
"May I suggest sewer water?"
"Well, you are the one who drinks most of it."
Trizel let out a loud laugh before he finally managed to get Ted to abandon the dishes. The two of them walked outside where the chicken was pecking at the ground. It bobbed around searching for food but seemed very much alone. There was something unsettling about it though. Ted took a step towards the bird, but Trizel's hand flew up and stopped him.
"Wait. This is no ordinary beast."
"Why do you say that?"
Trizel pointed towards the ground by the chicken. "It isn't searching for anything. It merely thrusts its beak against the ground. More unnerving though is that its eye has had us in its sights since we arrived in its view." He took in a slow breath as a smile spread across his lips. "What I mean to say is that this beast is pretending. It shows no fear, just a readiness only seen in seasoned warriors."
"But it's a chicken."
"Which makes it all the more curious, doesn't it?"
Ted sighed. "I think you're just used to living on a violent planet. Not everyone is training every day to be able to fight. Especially not a chicken."
"Then by all means, grab the beast. It would be a great boon for us after all."
Ted considered arguing with him, but his stomach hijacked his mind at the thought of eggs and meat. Trizel was right. They needed this chicken. Slowly he took one step after another towards the chicken. As he approached the bird kept doing what it had been doing. Pecking at the ground now and then while its head was sideways towards Ted, with its eye, unblinking, staring directly at him. As he got within two arm's lengths the chicken stopped moving. Its head slowly rose up and it stood completely still, staring at Ted who kept creeping closer. All while Trizel tried to hold in his laughter at the scene.
Finally, he had gotten close enough to grab it. The chicken hadn't moved, but his stomach's screaming desire for eggs and poultry didn't let Ted question it. He slowly put his hands on either side of the hen and lifted her up. She stayed completely still and didn't struggle one bit. With a surge of dopamine from his victory, Ted turned to Trizel to show off his prize.
"See, that wasn't so..."
The chicken pulled her head back and thrust her beak forward, striking a clean blow against Ted's forehead. A bright red mark was proof of her accuracy as Ted cried out in pain and surprise. His hands instinctively letting go of the chicken and going to soothe his head. As the bird fell, she flapped her wings to slow her fall, and then sent another strike of her beak towards Ted's foot. The pain went through his shoe, and he swung his foot back. Then she struck at his other foot. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. She had now fallen into a rhythm of silent pecking at Ted as he struggled to get out of the way. Eventually he just started running and went past Trizel who was doubled over in laughter at the display. But, as Ted ran past him, the chicken seemed to take offense at him somehow and released her fury on him. With a flutter of her wings, she jumped up towards his lowered head and sent a mighty blow to his temple. He let out a surprised yelp, but she had already sent a second attack for the back of his hand.
"What happened to being a mighty warrior king?"
"What happened to that just being a chicken?"
"BAKAW!"
"Uh oh..."
"Run!"
So, Ted and Trizel both fled with the chicken chasing just behind them. They ended up running into the field of thick bushes, but it slowed them down considerably.
"It's going to definitely catch us in here." groaned Ted as he struggled to force his way through the shrubbery.
"No, this will be even tougher for that beast. It is much smaller than us after all!" reasoned Trizel.
The two of them had run so far that the one building was out of sight. All they could see was an endless sea of green. The lightning above them silently illuminated their surroundings as the bushes danced in the slight breeze, almost like seismic waves rippling through them.
"Do you think we lost the chicken?" panted Ted as he tried to catch his breath.
Trizel was silent. His eyes scanned the horizon for any unnatural movement. All he could see was the wind shaking the bushes. Nothing else. No movement against the grain. But that just made him more nervous. "I think..."
"AAAHHH!!!"
Trizel turned just in time to see Ted being pulled under the bushes. His eyes searched desperately as he heard Ted's howls of pain move further and further away. Then he saw it, a line of bushes parting the way. He tried to leap to action, but then felt a tug on his foot. "Oh noooooo!!!!" he cried as he also disappeared under the cover of bushes and let out a serious of screams.
The fireplace had a roaring fire as Ted and Trizel sat bandaged near the fire. Both had slightly sour looks on their faces. Behind them, on a table was the chicken. With a plate full of fried dough, a bowl of alcohol next to it, and a single candle to set the mood. She was happily eating the food without a regard to Ted or Trizel.
"Hey, at least she's sticking around, right?" Ted suggested.
Trizel scowled at Ted and then turned back to the fire. After a moment he added, "I think I may prefer roast bird to any eggs now."
Ted turned back to look at her, and as his eyes set upon the chicken, her head rose up and she stared right at him. He turned back around and as he did, she went right back to enjoying her meal.
"Yeah, I think I'm good."
Trizel grumbled as he settled deeper into the wooden armchair that seemed to be just his size. "Any alcohol you can make out of eggs?" he asked trying to change the subject.
"Well, not that I know of besides maybe eggnog, but that'd need rum and I really don't know much else besides it has something to do with rum and eggs mixed together. There's cinnamon too I think?"
"What is rum?"
"It's basically the distilled version of what I made."
"Then why not just do that?"
"Well," Ted fidgeted in his chair as he tried to think of a way to explain it. "Distilling is complicated. I'd need metal pots with airtight lids and pipes too. Copper would be nice. But..." Then Ted remembered his moonshiner uncle. "Wait, applejack!"
"But Ted, we have no apples," sighed Trizel.
"No, it's not that." he said excitedly. "I could distill what we have now."
"Oh? You remembered where this place has all that equipment?"
"Nope, but it does have a freezer. It'll just be slower and...well, it'll probably give out even worse hangovers."
"This suddenly sounds like a very bad idea."
Ted shook away Trizel's worries and stood up. "Come on into the kitchen. I'll show you what I'm thinking."
Trizel sighed, but with a small groan from standing he followed. As they both got up, the chicken stared at them from her table.
Ted paused a moment as he looked back at the chicken. "She's going to need a name."
"How about the beast of a thousand stings?"
"I was thinking of something more pun-centric."
"Oh, like angel then? Since the foul creature is anything but!" sneered Trizel as he looked back at the chicken who had kept them in her sight but had moved back to eating again.
"That's not bad. I was thinking more along the lines of Nugget."
"Hah!" chuckled Trizel. "That is a good one as well."
Ted walked into the kitchen as he shook his head. "Come on, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner."
Ted opened a thick wooden door to reveal a walk-in fridge with a wooden barrel full of the brown sugar wash. He already had to make a second batch with how much they had been drinking, and they had both agreed it was more tolerable cold. He took a mug and filled it with the alcohol. Next, he walked over to a large wooden door with a round handle in the center, like you'd see on a submarine. He spun the handle round and round. After a series of clicks the door swung open with a groan and a burst of cold air crept out as the icy room inside was allowed to breath. He set the mug down on the ground and with another creaking groan, he closed the door and spun the handle shut.
"Okay, so let me explain something about alcohol."
"If there's one thing I have now," shrugged Trizel, "it is time. So, go ahead and explain."
"Right. Anyway, alcohol evaporates before water does. That's sort of the idea behind distillation. Get it hot enough to evaporate the alcohol, but not the water, and then cool that steam down and you've got concentrated alcohol."
"Well, how will a freezer turn liquid to steam?"
"Sorry, guess the heating part isn't as important. But like how they evaporate at different temperatures, alcohol freezes at a lower temperature than water. So, the idea is we freeze this, and then once it is all frozen, we take it out and let it melt. The concentrated alcohol will melt first and leave behind clear ice. And you could do that a bunch of times and try to focus it until it won't freeze which should be about..." Ted struggled to remember the numbers. The sugar wash was likely around ten percent alcohol by volume because the yeast was likely baker's yeast. He tried to remember his uncle's words. "I think thirty five percent alcohol by volume was when a normal freezer couldn't do it anymore."
"Ah! Then we would have to drink less to feel the effects, yes?"
"Well, there is one problem with distilling alcohol this way."
"Yes?"
"It concentrates everything that has to do with the alcohol. So, the stuff that gives you the hangover? Yeah, that gets amplified along with the alcohol content. Same with the more poisonous parts of alcohol."
"Then it becomes more of a poison?"
Ted struggled to find the right way to describe it. "I mean no. It's like...say we took that entire barrel and distilled it in a freezer until it ended up into a single mug. If we could do that, then drinking that one mug would have all the effects on you as if you had drunk that entire barrel. But it wouldn't feel like it at first because it's so concentrated. The danger isn't that it gets worse stuff in it, but that it's easier to drink too much at once."
"Hmm, and the steam one does this as well?"
"Oh! No, not at all. Because the worst parts of all that have a slightly lower temperature, they turn to steam at than good alcohol, so as long as you throw away the first part, or the heads, you remove a lot of the worst toxins making a much cleaner drink."
Trizel crossed his arms and nodded. Then with a smile slapped Ted on the back. "You sure do know a lot about this Ted! It is quite impressive."
Ted blushed at the compliment and stammered to find words to reply. "I don't...I mean...it's just...without...well..."
"BAKAW!"
The two of them turned in surprise as they saw the chicken standing on the counter. She had dropped her plate and bowl in the sink. While they were distracted, she must have picked up her dishes and brought them into the kitchen in a couple trips. As they looked at her, she bowed her head slightly before hopping off of the counter and strutting back out into the main room.
They stood shocked for a moment until Trizel broke the silence. "I think she was complimenting the chef."
Both of them laughed, more out of nervousness than anything else.
"I think she likes you innkeeper Ted! But why do you not put more of this batch into the freezer to do this process? or why not the entire barrel? It is not like making more of it is that difficult."
"Well, I sort of thought I should test it first..." Ted mumbled.
Trizel shook his head. "Then as a dead king, I am making an executive decision to move the full barrel."
"That'll take a while to freeze though."
Trizel simply shrugged as he easily grabbed and lifted the full barrel. "Then keep your small mug and that can be tried as we wait for the rest to finish."
"It'll also expand when freezing, so maybe such a full barrel isn't the best..."
The two of them went back and forth over the details of how much to freeze, in what container, whether they should just drink enough that it wouldn't overflow, and so on. Meanwhile, the chicken had enjoyed her meal. She felt content and just needed somewhere to rest. She went up the stairs to the second story and found an ajar door. Inside was a massive king-sized bed with straw pillows scattered about the room. She flapped up to the bed and after shoving the blanket around to make a small wall around her, she settled in for the night. Yes, this place would do just fine.