I swirl the glass in my hand, the brown liquid hypnotizing me, pulling me under its spell. My head gently moves in the same direction as the liquid. My thoughts swirling together, creating a whirlpool. I let my head go under. Drowning in my thoughts.
I bring the glass up to my lips, gulping down the liquid. The lightness of the empty glass makes me think of being empty. Reminds me of the emptiness, the hole in my heart. The emptiness overpowers me. It makes its presence known and reminds me she is no longer with me and she will never come back into my life. I feel like I have lost a limb. My entire world ending when she had taken her last breath.
The moment she had taken her shuddering final breath, she took my heart with her. Her death shattered my heart it into millions of irreplaceable pieces that will never fit together perfectly again. No matter how hard I tried, my heart would be broken forever.
She was the only thing in my life that gave me the feeling of accomplishment. Now she is gone from this world, and with it my lineage, my name, and my late father's approval.
I bring the glass up to my lips, tilting my head back as I close my eyes. Waiting to welcome the familiar burn as the whiskey flows down my throat. Instead, I am met with nothing. My hands pull the glass back, groaning as another wave of disappointment courses through me. Unable to ease the emotional pain my broken heart has caused.
I signal the bartender, knowing I will end tonight, the way I've ended all my evenings since the bond with Gisele was severed. A beeping catches my attention. While having the bartender's attention, I mouth one more and reach into my pocket. It is a message from Derek.
Before I read the message, I stare at my lock screen. The picture of her laughing pierces my heart as I realize I will never be able to hear her sweet voice again. I will never be able to see her blue eyes light up as she smiles, to gaze into them as I tell her how much I love her. To touch her hair as she hugs me. Hear her breathy moans and gasps as I kiss her neck. Or feel her in my arms as I bring her closer and closer to her brink.
I shake my head. The feeling of disgust washes over me as I think of her. I shouldn't be thinking of Gisele like that, not now.
I open Derek's message. "Bro, where are you?" it says. The text causes me to roll my eyes.
A loud sigh behind me causes me to groan.
"Dude, I know you didn't just roll your eyes at my text," Derek says, a grim smile gracing his lips as I turn around to face him.
I stand up to greet him, his arms wrap around me help, to ease the pressure off my shoulders, as I let him bare part of my burden, even if it is temporary.
"I definitely did," I reply, admitting to it. I know Derek won't take offence to it. "What do you want?" I ask, exasperated by his presence.
"I came to check up on you. I'm worried about my Alpha, like everybody else in the pack," he says.
His words send a pang of guilt through my body. I know my pack needs me right now and I can't afford to be this selfish as their Alpha. I know I need to be strong and be the Alpha my father needed- no, wanted me to be, that everyone needs me to be.
"I'm fine," I say, but my words fall flat as Derek just stares at me in disbelief.
His hand comes up to squeeze my shoulder as he sees the struggle in my eyes, the pain I feel fighting with the need to be strong.
"You know you shouldn't be beating yourself up about it," he says.
I blankly stare at him for a minute before I speak. "Oh? So, what should I do about my severed mate bond? There is no chance for me to continue the Knoon lineage? Carrying on with my life as intended. I'm sure my late father is rolling in his grave because he raised a useless Alpha."
The words come out of my mouth in a cruel manner, filled with spite.
Derek flinches at my words, his face flashing with hurt as he steps back from me.
"I know it's fucking hard, but that doesn't mean you can take it out on me," he growls at me, annoyed by the way I snapped at him. His words cause me to hang my head. Shame feels me at the realization of what I had done.
"Look Derek, I'm sorry, I'm trying to be the Alpha everyone needs, but right now, all I feel is pain and anger. I'm angry with Anastasia for causing all of this. I've lost so many people, and I don't know how to cope with losing Gisele. Everything I do is a constant reminder she isn't here anymore," I say.
"Do you even know how that feels? To lose the only person who understands your soul better than you do? The only person who, without a second thought, knows your movements, your mannerisms, your needs before you know them and expects them to happen? My person, my rock, was ripped away from me in seconds and the pain of it all is excruciating," I ask Derek with contempt in my voice.
I trail off, bringing the glass to my lips as I down the liquid. Derek just stares at me for a few minutes, as he thinks my words over. I can see in his eyes he is trying to be the Beta I need at the moment, but he is at a loss. Like all the others.
How do you help console someone if you have never experienced a pain close to it? How do you help if you don't understand the full extent of the pain? So, instead, I let Derek sit there with me in silence. He is trying to help me in the only way he can.
"Jacob, I'm not gonna sit here and say I get it when I don't. But I'm not gonna let you drink yourself into a stupor every night. Instead, I'm going to do what's best for the pack, and that's get their Alpha back," he says. As he places his hand around the drink, the bartender placed in front of him.
"Look, it took me hours to track you down, and usually I'll let you do what you need, but this time I can't. I know something that will help ease your pain," Derek says.
His words cause me to look up at him for the first time since he got here. I raise an eyebrow, curiosity getting the better of me.
"The scouts found something; they know the whereabouts of the rogue that killed your father," Derek says.
"And?" I ask, my Alpha persona in place as I focus on what is expected from me.
"They have set up camp just past our borders. According to the scout's, the camp is in no-man's-land. Below one of the cliff faces, there is an alcove where they have set up," his hand swirling the glass as he tells me.
Thinking his words over, I ask, "So, if we plan this right and strike at the right time, is it possible for us to have them cornered?"
"Yes, however, we need to act with haste. I have sent a scout out to watch over the camp. They are not sure when the camp will move," Derek says.
His words causing me to think of the best time for the attack to ensure the rogue that killed my father was the first to die
"Is he there?" I ask, needing to know this isn't a random attack on a bunch of rogues.
"The scouts saw him and followed him back to the camp. Their primary focus is on his movements," Derek says.
"Kimon, is ensuring the scouts provide us with constant updates," Derek continues
His words impress me. My Beta stepped up in my time of need and did the work expected of me as an Alpha. I replaced my guilt with pride over my Beta's actions.
I know Derek senses it as he sits up straighter and puffs his chest out a bit. I have a small smile on my face, as I continue thinking of how to get revenge.
The reckless side of me wants to go out and get revenge immediately. Caution is an afterthought at the idea of avenging my father and focusing on something other than the pain coursing through my body.
However, the Alpha in me is telling me to focus and to think. To look at it as if it were a game of chess. I am the only piece standing at the moment; they have killed my queen and bishop. I have my knight and my warriors by my side, while they still have their bishop and their warriors outnumber ours at the moment. And they have a king focused on the now and not stuck in the past dealing with the pain of losing a mate.
I turn to Derek, sensing he will back me no matter the decision I make, but I can see the fear in his eyes from the idea of running headfirst into battle.
We need a foolproof plan that will allow me to get revenge in a well thought out and precise manner.
Revenge is all I can think about at the moment. I have something I can focus on. Ensuring that by the end of this, I have gotten what I need and with it I become the Alpha my pack needs.
"Derek, I'm going to be honest bud, why the hell didn't you fucking say that in the first place?" I say.
I see panic in his eyes at my words, but it slowly subsides when he sees the smile on my face, and he returns the smile as he realizes how invested I am in getting revenge.
I pay for our drinks, get up and start planning the next steps ahead.
Before I leave the bar and Derek, I ask him to do one last thing for me. "Get Kimon and get him to set up a meeting with the warriors."
Slipping my denim jacket over my black t-shirt, I walk out into the night, breathing in the fresh air. The calming smell of sea salt helps me to relax as I focus on something else other than her for the first time in a long while.