"They say there are five stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And it is scary how I already feel depressed. Am I even ready for acceptance, yet? Each of these visions told me a story… Surprisingly, all of them were my stories. I could feel it. Feel the energy in the visions telling me that it was me and no one else. But can this even be possible? Were all these really a coincidence? Or is it time to get to the truth of Hestia?"
I wrote the final line and closed my diary. This entry almost felt like the plot of a thriller novel that I was about to write, except that I didn't know anything about the actual details of the story. I sighed and sat up on the bed. It was nighttime. Everyone was probably asleep by now and here I was, struggling to fall asleep yet again.
"Stop it, Moon… stop making it a big deal, please! For God's sake!"
I forced myself to try and sleep as I pulled the blanket over my head. But still, I couldn't sleep. The harder I'd push, the harder it was to sleep.
"F- this trip. F- HESTIA! I WANNA GO HOME!" I shouted, feeling desperate and lonely. I felt like a child who was left at a daycare center where she didn't wanna be at. But was I really a brat for that? I wanted to cry so much, because of how stressful all this felt. I had to cope with everything because of the happiness of my family but did they even care about MY mental health?
I got up from the bed and sat down at the dressing table and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
"What do you want? What do you want from me? Why do you keep making me suffer?" I jabbed a finger at my reflection as if it was someone else that I was blaming. I was crying restlessly, not even knowing why. Just a few days back I was having fun with my friends and family back in the U.S., and now, I'm stuck here in a maze where I constantly see shadows moving around, visions and dreams that make no sense and-
"Is that so? Nothing makes sense?"
The female voice I heard sent shivers down my spine. Not because it was random, but because it was my voice. I hurriedly looked at the mirror and caught the reflection. It was me, but not how I'd imagine myself to be. Brownish-golden locks fell on her shoulder. Her dark brown eyes were almost glowing. She wore a tiara on her head and shining ornaments, and even her dress was Royal. Among everything, her emerald necklace was glowing the most, almost radiating its glow on my face. I looked at the reflection for a long while, while my heart and brain continued to fight to figure out if I was hallucinating, or if this really was…
"Dione…"
The words almost slipped out of my mouth instinctively in a whisper, but her lips curled up in a satisfied smile.
"It's just the beginning, Moon. You're just getting started. The war hasn't begun yet. But it will, soon. And you can keep denying your fate, but just like ripples in the water, your darkest fears will reach you. You will be on the brink of death, and all that you love will seem to fade in the catastrophe while you can only watch. Your fleeting love will burn in front of you, and you'll scream in pain, but only he… will relish it. On your pain, your helplessness while you beg him for life."
"No…" My whole existence denied her words. I could feel something in me that was bubbling to make this reflection fade away. "This cannot be me… This… cannot be Dione…"
The reflection cackled at my naïvety while all I could do was sit like a paralyzed being and hear her, while tears rolled down my cheeks continuously. I could feel my body burning with the desire to break the mirror into a thousand pieces and let her rot in non-existence, but was Dione really the one to blame?
"Aww, look at you! You're paralyzed with fear. Your mind and heart are at a war already and soon, the war will manifest into reality right in front of your eyes. You will have nothing to do but beg for mercy. Beg him until he decides to have you, relishing your body like a hungry madman. He will be the one to live. ONLY HIM!" Her cackles grew louder and more ominous and I couldn't bear to hear her for even another second, but she didn't stop.
"When the Moon turns red and all forms of life seem to sway on the verge of death, he will feast on your screams. He will feast on the ones you love and strip you of your dignity. He will replicate the red of the moon with your blood, and become invincible. What happened once, will happen again, but with renewed vigor, with renewed power and energy, and when darkness swallows every bit of your existence, you will find your eternal peace. Tell me, Moon, aren't you going to oblige?"
Her reflection walked closer to me and stretched her hand out. Her smile and words made my soul shudder, but almost mechanically, I raised my hand to hold hers, but I couldn't. Before I could do that, a piercing pain ran through my solar plexus and I winced, closing my eyes. Although I averted my eyes for only a split second, her reflection screamed and leaped out to get a hold of me, but it was too late.
"SHAHASTRAR-MIVINA! AA-TURKH-MI-VISTRAL! ZACAM YA ADI!"
A green light emanated from my body that filled the room, while the reflection tried its best to keep its image. It screeched in an inhuman voice and almost seemed to burn, and for a split second, I thought I caught someone else's face in the mirror, but before I could see clearly, the reflection vanished. As if an earthquake had taken place, almost everything in my room shook. But I was still in the trance, breathing heavily. My gaze wasn't mine anymore. In the mirror, I could see myself- glowing eyes, hair flying in every direction, as if I had been possessed by someone else.
"Shaanti-statra-undrux. Shaanti-statra-undrux. Shaanti-statra-undrux."
Astra with her feeble hands almost forced me to sit down, as she put her thumb on my forehead and chanted continuously until the convulsions in my body stopped and I fell limp in her arms. My breathing was still heavy and slow, but this time, I was quick to regain consciousness without any visions. Astra was hunched over me worried, not sure if I was okay or not, but on seeing me wake up, she was visibly relieved.
"Oh, Eternia!" She said and hugged me tightly. For a long moment, she didn't let go, and even I felt comfort in her embrace.
"I'm okay, Astra. Thank you." I said and pulled away. I looked over her shoulders and checked, but no one was around.
"How did you… find me?" I asked.
"I stayed here with Misaii, and I was sleeping with her. But- she suddenly seemed a bit restless, so I got up to get some water for her. On my way to the kitchen, I heard noises coming from your bedroom. I… didn't wanna be intrusive, but I was concerned. So I knocked on the door a few times, but you didn't answer. When I pushed the door a little, it opened up, and I… I found you in a trance, speaking to… to something in the mirror."
"Did you… see it too?"
Astra was silent for a moment, but then looked at me and said, "It cannot be Dione. She… it- whatever it was… it wasn't her. It was something dark. Something persuasive."
Her eyes moved around the room as if sensing the energy, but every now and then, she would turn around to look out of the door. Every inch of my body ached, but I couldn't hold myself back any longer. I held Astra by her shoulders and turned her towards me. I looked her in the eyes and said, "Who is Dione, Astra? Why do I keep seeing her? What is her connection with Hestia and me?"
My words were demanding, but my voice was imploring. Astra almost squirmed and shuffled uncomfortably, but I didn't let her go.
"Please, Astra. I need to know… Please."
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't look away from me. Finally, she sighed and spoke in a low voice.
"Dione was-"
'CLANG!'
The sharp sound of something startled both of us. Then, Misaii walked into the room, coughing violently. Apparently, she had knocked something on the way here.
"Astra, Moon, what are… you doing so late?" She coughed again. Astra got up and went up to her.
"I'm so sorry, I-I was about to get you some water, but Moon was-"
"A-Arguing. On the phone. A-Anya's phone, cuz, you know… mine's broken." I awkwardly laughed it off as Astra looked at me confused. However, she played along.
My heart wasn't ready to believe anyone anymore. I didn't know why exactly I hid the information of what happened from Misaii, but something in me told me that it was the right thing to do.
"Astra, it's uh- getting pretty late. I think you should go." I said, going back to bed as if nothing ever happened. Astra nodded and led Misaii out, but I could feel Misaii's gaze upon me for a long time.
…
Clouds rumbled in the distance. It was almost about to rain. The wet smell of the ground felt intoxicating as I walked through the broken road. It was surprising how my feet were able to take me a long way without tripping. As I neared the clearance, almost like a haze moving away from my mind, I took in my surroundings.
"What the-"
A loud thunder almost made me scream as the downpour started. I ran haywire trying to find a shelter, and almost instinctively ran towards the first hut I saw in the distance, not even realizing who's place it actually was. The realization, however, didn't take long to hit me, as I looked around the familiar surroundings. Crystals and vials filled the entire table in one corner, and there was one bed in the middle of the room. A lantern lit up the room dimly, which swayed dangerously in the wind. It was Vic's room. But he was nowhere around. My conscience told me to leave, but the rain outside stopped me from doing so. However, I felt guilty for intruding in someone's house without permission, so I stood on the front porch.
My mind was not in a haze anymore, but everything around me seemed surreal, as if under a spell. I was unable to comprehend why I was not at home at the moment and was at Vic's house. Was this even real? Or a dream?
Amidst the raging storm and my raging thoughts, nothing felt impossible anymore. Maybe I really was moving fast towards acceptance.
As the clouds continued to rumble, someone's voice caught my attention- an angelic voice that was singing a Sufi song.
"Vic…?"
His tall shadow became visible as I tried hard to peer through the darkness and rain. His voice almost tore down the effect of the rain and brought warmth to the heart, just like a cold cat that warms up to her master. I hugged myself to shake off the cold, while Vic kept singing, standing outside in the rain. His voice never faltered with the sound of thunder or the heavy rain. He sang as if the song was being written in his heart and he was narrating the story of love, through the song. Even though I couldn't understand a single word, I stood there feeling mesmerized. His voice soothed my soul and refreshed my mind. By the time he finished singing, I was already humming the tune of the song. But Vic kept silent, trembling a little in the rain. My feet moved forward before I could think rationally and in no time, I was right behind Vic, getting drenched in the rain. His muscles were tense and his fists were balled up. Was he… crying?
"Vic…" I whispered his name, but he heard me and turned around as if he had seen a ghost.
"Di-" He gulped, and then reconsidered his words.
"Moon?" The pain in his voice pierced my heart. It was as if I knew he wanted to call me something else, but couldn't. Some age-old mystery stopped him from doing so, even though he wanted to call me by some other name.
I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I was not in my room and was there with him, in the dead of the night, getting wet in the rain. Vic didn't break the silence either. He turned away and looked into the distance. The moon was only a tiny curve now, covered by dark clouds. It was evident that the new moon was in a few days.
"Who am I, Vic?"
The question seemed almost too rhetorical to answer, but when my reality was so blurred, I couldn't help but ask this question. It wasn't like I didn't ask this question to myself earlier, but asking Vic seemed to be the best thing to do. Maybe that was why I was there instead of sleeping in my room?
Vic turned his entire body to face me.
"What?" His face appeared almost like a pixelated image in the rain.
"Who am I, Vic? What is my identity?" I asked again. As if he could understand my concerns, smiled a little.
"Who do you think you are, Moon?" He asked. I flinched.
"Vic, I am in no mood for answering your questions. Just- just please tell me- who am I? What is my identity? Who are you? Why do I keep seeing you in my visions? And… and who is Dione? Why is my reality merging with some other reality that is not even in front of me?! WHY??"
I held his shoulders and shook him multiple times as I spoke, not breaking eye contact with him. But every word I spoke reminded me that I was on the verge of losing myself in this chaos. It made me tear up and cry in front of this stranger, who was strangely related to me and my visions. His involvement with me, my visions, and my actions made me act vulnerable in front of him, but he didn't act sympathetic toward me, even for a bit. Instead, he was empathetic. His face showed emotions that I had never seen in Caleb- so gentle and careful, concerned about me, concerned about how pained I was. This made me cry out even more. The one person whom I had wanted to be with, didn't even care about me, but this man- whom I despised with my whole being, hated his guts, was in front of me, almost as if sharing my pain.
He didn't hold back. He came closer and hugged me and although I was shocked for a second, my continuous sobs made it hard for me to not hold on to him and let it all out. He held me tight as I cried on his chest. I could hear every heartbeat of his, loud and clear, and I could feel the warmth emanating from it, covering me up carefully. Just like when Dione had hugged Vic.
"We're on the same boat, Dione. We both have no one else to lean on, but each other. Life isn't always how you perceive it to be. Even the most beautiful dream can be shattered in a minute if we're not cautious."
His words were a mixture of hopeful and ominous and I couldn't figure out which side to lean towards. But for the moment, I wanted to get lost in the hug and not think of anything else. For a long moment, I held on to Vic, and he hugged me back, not moving even for a second. We stood there in silence as the rain slowed down.
"Why were you standing in the rain?" I sniffled and spoke in a squeak, shivering now and then in his arms. His embrace grew tighter around me making me cozy up to him. It didn't even feel like I was hugging a stranger, but someone whom I knew for ages. Someone who truly cared about me without any expectations.
Vic remained silent for a long moment and then said, "Rain calms me down, Moon. It… It makes me feel like… I'm washing away the sins of eternity. It makes me feel human, devoid of all powers and susceptible to nature and its mysteries. And well, nobody can know if you cry in the rain, right? So that's a win-win." He almost added his last sentences with a laugh, making me giggle. I finally pulled away and looked at him.
"Yeah…"
His blue-green eyes were barely visible in the rain, but I could feel him looking at me intently. His gaze wandered all over my body, and I could feel myself getting warm. I looked away from him naïvely and closed my eyes.
"You never answered my question, Vic." I said, avoiding eye contact. It was evident he didn't want to speak about it, but I wasn't the one to let go either.
"You should… you should get changed… you'll catch a cold." He said, turning away and walking toward his hut. I almost gasped at him. He was ignoring my question for the second time.
"Wait, I- Vic!" I shouted, running after him. But as luck would have it, I slipped in the mud and fell right at his feet. Dirt and mud covered my gown and half of my face.
"WHAT THE F- VICTOR!!"
Vic turned to look at me surprised, and then, to my surprise, began laughing like a maniac. His velvety voice rang through the woods, making my heart beat even faster. It was the first time I was hearing him laugh. It wasn't like a teen's laugh- carefree, or reckless, but it was a beautiful laugh. My anger almost faded away at his gesture, but my ego caught up with the rest of my emotions, making me burst out at him yet again.
"VICTOR STOP LAUGHING! I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU- YOU'RE DEAD IF YOU LAUGH AT ME AGAIN! GOSH, THIS STUPID MUD-" I kicked the ground and behaved like a brat, but soon enough, I realized I couldn't get up.
"COME HELP ME, YOU- YOU-"
I couldn't find the right words to insult him, but he came up to me laughing and almost in an instant, swooped me up in his arms. My eyes widened at his gestures, and I hit him in the chest for him to get me down. Vic, however, was too strong for me to tackle down, so he simply kept walking towards his hut. My anger kept bubbling in me, and I felt like a little brat in his arms.
"PUT ME DOWN OR ELSE, I-"
"Or else?" He stopped to look me in the eyes. I was surprised by how I didn't have an answer to that. He had caught me off-guard.
"I-I- I will… I-" I gulped, trying to get an answer, while he continued walking again.
"Yeah. That's what I thought."
His voice made me angrier. It was like for a moment, I could feel some sort of kindness towards him, but right the next moment, his actions would make me hate his existence.
He gently put me down on a chair as we reached his hut, and leaned closer to my face, making me shy away.
"I might be a monster if you say so, but you were the one who slipped in the mud like a fool."
I glared at him, and he moved away, laughing again. I felt like hitting him, but again, I couldn't make up my mind.
"Here. I- don't have any clothes for women so you have to… wear one of my cloaks." He handed me one of his cloaks.
"A… A cloak?! A-Are you serious? I- How am I supposed to go home wearing a cloak?!" I snapped at him, while he simply sat down on his bed and relaxed as if enjoying a tv show playing in front of him.
"HELLO!! I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!!" I snapped my fingers twice to get his attention. Vic looked at me with the same uninterested gaze and smiled.
"I gave you an option. You could also choose the option to stay just like this, or… go naked."
My eyes widened at his proposal. My cheeks were burning, as I even thought of his words. My heart was racing, but I pushed through to pull myself together. Vic smirked at me as if enjoying my anger. But I didn't give in to his tricks. Though I didn't like any of his options, I finally decided to take a shower, clean up, and wear his cloak.
When I came out, Vic was fixing the lantern.
"It doesn't seem like the rain is going to stop anytime soon." He said. I looked outside. It was still pouring. I sighed and sat down on the chair.
"Did you eat?" He asked me, not looking at me.
"Yes." I said.
His entire body seemed beautiful in the light of the lantern. He was like an art. Too good to be true. His hair fell on his face while he worked, but he was too focused to care about it. It made him even more beautiful.
"Ah… finally." Vic picked up the lantern and placed it on the hook in the corner of the room and looked me up and down.
"Hm. The clothes fit you just fine." He said. I couldn't understand if it was genuine, or a joke, so I didn't reply. Instead, my mind went back to my question. But this time, I didn't have to repeat myself. Vic started narrating the story that I had been dreading for so long. My heart rate was going crazy at the moment in anticipation of the events of the story. He spoke slowly, and I could visualize the story of Dione from Vic's perspective, right before my eyes…
"The year was 1320. Two wretched souls were born to a woman. The woman was dealing with her own wars, so she left them to rot at someone else's doorstep. The couple in that house took to bringing them up but soon realized that it wasn't that easy. While one child was a beacon of light, the other was a harbinger of darkness. They were constantly at war with each other, destroying everything around them. However, the destruction didn't last long. The child with dark energies was taken away by someone unknown, and the child with soul light was kept. But he still grew up without the sense of a family. He was treated like a burden and was forgotten by everyone. He grew up in solitude, away from his own identity, until he met a girl one day."
"Dione…"
"Dione." He continued. "Her morals, her ethics, her kindness, and simplicity grew on the boy, but he was too egoistic to accept that. He truly admired her. The girl was friendly with him too. Following the path of Eternia, she believed in the boy and became close friends. But… the boy was stupid. Driven by emotions. He… blamed the girl for something that she hadn't even done. The whole town broke into two groups. While one fought to execute the boy, the other tried to send the girl away."
"Then…?" I gulped.
"They were both stranded in situations that they didn't want to be in, but they had to push through… Their childhood flew away like a kite, and soon, they grew up to become a beautiful young man and woman. While the boy grew up to be a loner, the girl grew up to be a healer. She came back to town to heal her people, and then, she crossed paths with the unfortunate boy again. The one who had blamed her for his mistake. But he had changed. The separation of two friends had made him sober up, much calmer. But he had still not learned how to manage his animalistic desires. When they finally met after 10 whole years, they hugged each other tight- like it was the last time for them. They understood each other more than ever. They were connected by some soul bond. They soon grew to… to love each other. They loved each other madly. As if a bond made by Eternia herself, they portrayed strength through their love. But…"
"But what, Vic?"
I hadn't noticed how I was tearing up, until now. Vic was standing near the door, looking outside in complete silence. The anticipation of the story and my identity grew stronger in me and I was growing more desperate by the second.
"Vic, please-"
"The rain has stopped, Moon. You should go home."
His voice was cold. It wasn't anything like his voice even a few minutes ago- so compassionate, almost as if living the story himself. But I could feel his feelings and I didn't have the heart to force him anymore.
"Hm." I nodded as I walked out. Vic followed me throughout, not saying a word. I didn't speak as well. It felt difficult to speak after knowing how close Dione and… Vic were.
Upon reaching home, I quickly changed and hit the bed. The whole day felt too surreal to believe and I needed a good rest to survive.